Getting back to it

Just decided to edit a bit today though I decided I was on vacation from it. It was enlightening, proving to myself that I can look past my OCD and concentrate on the film if I do decide to. It's not OCD, don't think about it like that. I know a smidge about psychology and if you isolate yourself for too long, your mind can kinda become OCD about shit it normally wouldn't dwell on since you'd have so much daily social stimulation to be concerned with. Since I wake up and stare at a damn stupid computer from morning to night, I've developed a condition of obsession that yunno when I go out into the world is gone and doesn't exist anymore so I am conscious of what's going on with me.

I suppose losing my beloved little car and being stranded here in this freezing winter in this house trapped with this ball of garbage I'm forced to tolerate, yeah it's taken its toll on me and I'm going crazy because of it, obsessing over stupid stupid shit.

Began watching sliders again though just to get my nostalgia trip on. Highly recommend revisiting old 90s shows. It's like a feeling of being hopeful and having fun in life again instead of dreading everything.

Having actually sat through sliders a bit after a very long time, damn was that show fast paced as hell. That's tv in the 90s, nothing happened slowly everything was chop chop chop. Gotten so used to today's more slow cinematic tv shows I damn forgot how slap dash 90s shows were back in the day.

Why did we rush so much in the 90s? I mean think about it, life for me back then was rush here, do this, write this, calculate this, bla bla bla bla bla, everything was a rush back then... I never understood that. Not that I'm lazy but I do better at a natural pace...

Fun show, somewhat more self aware than I remember it. There's a sense of frivolity to it as if even the people making it don't buy into its weird concepts much, then it gets dead serious when quinn and autoro go into the actual phsyics of worm holes, that's 90s. We didn't give a f back then if you didn't believe in magic, by God things were going to be thoroughly complicated and over explained.

Totally forgot Parallel universe quinn was the one that solved the quantum physics equation for him. It's like once I saw that bit in the show again, I was like oh yeah I remember how that irked me how it made Quinn look inadequate and stupid that he couldn't finish it. I was concerned with crap like that back then. I tell you I believed in the shows I watched way too hard. When stuff happened to characters it bothered me for real...

But no, the sheer fact that Quinn got the device to work at all is what makes him genius. The thing too is that I believe he'd have had far less trouble if he wasn't so wreckless and foolish in the pilot did further tests on the wormhole thing, oh man... watching the show again, prettymuch everything that goes on is their own fault since they were so damn in a rush. There's nothing pushing them to rush and jump into the wormhole to start the series off except for the goddamn run time of the show and there being no time to dwell on things realistically. I mean that bothered my young brain back then too, but then once you get into the guts of the show, the meat of the characters, you forget how damn stupid they acted in the pilot.

Yeah man, just saying it's fun to go back to the 90s. Honestly I don't want to f'n be here with this modern world of crybabies. Give me my tough gritty 90s life back, great cartoons, star trek, sliders, seinfeld, prime golden age simpsons, goddamn power rangers rockin every saturday, hell saturday being a damn good day to chill and see the best cartoons ever made, hell yeah... give me that, not today...

I was watching the ep and like, I actually chuckled to myself when quinn pulled out an old regular non-smart, non camera filled, non-excess bullshit cell phone. Jesus christ, back when we had to endure without having a mini super computer in our pocket. Oh the horrors!

Slow ass internet. No instagramming your stupid lunch, just life, just living, no internet drama. Jesus christ I'd kill to return to that. Alright, gonna get back to work on the edit tomorrow and try to make more progress, snoochie boochie my little noochies.

thawtz on Sliders

Not something i was thinking I'd get into but I guess it's destiny. Sliders, what to say about this show. Not enough good things. I was the perfect age, the perfect time to be casually watching nbc I believe when its first ad aired. The whole tsunami planet they slid to, instantly hooked after that and I had to keep watching the show. Little did my innocent mind know the show would die a tragic death and become another show that started brilliantly only to sputter and die.

Made a silly tweet to its star Jerry O Connel a person I honest to God have known since I was a small wee child and he responded to it. Sent a shock down my spine to have my childhood hero care at all about my nonsense. He doesn't know what Sliders meant to a generation of nerds like myself. It was awesome to see our personas reflected on screen in a cool way.

That's what sliders was about. It was a heady show. It was NOT about sliding at all. It was about the complex moral dilemmas the characters faced and how they solved them through their intellect. If the sliders weren't half a team of genius physicists, they'd never survive very long.

It worked. I think Jerry does know. It's just that there's a tough rift between him and the show since his exit wasn't on friendly terms. He says he was kicked off, other reports say he wanted to become producer and was denied, others say he and his brother just decided to bounce to get back into films more since that's where he started before becoming a tv star.

All I remember was at the time it was devastating. I was there, I saw the episode where Quinn merged with his double and became a new quinn. It confused me but I accepted it since I was loyal to the show and would roll with whatever nonsense it did. This however was a change I rejected. I lost interest and although we had cable, I could still watch sliders on sci-fi. I didn't bother. Why would I watch a show without my boy Quinn. And they tried to half ass put in there that quinn was inside of the body of the new quinn and some point he'd be brought back. I knew it was bs though and that the show was just on its last legs desperate to keep an audience it could never keep without Jerry.

Does Jerry give a damn about sliders anymore? I don't think anyone dedicates that much time 4 solid years of their life to one thing and not care. He loved it. His passion for it is clear as hell in the first 3 seasons. He loved being Quinn. No one could play that character as well and perfectly as him. It was a good f'n show with limitless potential that could go on forever and ever. And actually could get a revival tomorrow since it's still not ended.

I'd be down for a netflix finale of sorts if Jerry was down to do it. I mean everybody comes back, the whole team. One last final movie to put the series to bed.

I mean full house is still goddamn going. Roseanne coming back and nobody wants that bullcrap... Wow, gotta at least throw us Slider fans a bone here. Alas it won't happen. It's been too damn long, they've all moved on. Similar sci-fi shows have come and gone since sliders. Like when you think about it, Sliders was the original Lost. A group of diverse people struggling to survive together in a group going through weird sci fi happenings. Because Sliders worked, shows like Lost had it easier getting green lit. Suits knew people would watch such a show.

Anyway, I'm here, I'm still here and I remember the innocent time when I sat back relaxed on a winter night in the living room to watch the boob tube and f'n was just floored by this amazing show about a nerdy bastard like myself inventing f'n wormhole cellphone thing that fits in your pocket. I goddamn loved every minute of that time in my life.

hope

all I can do is hope. Honestly I'm not superman. I've been editing but yeah this thing is a mount everest of a project due to my own supidity.

I'm gonna be honest. I have OCD. It's may be no big serious level of it but it's something. I honestly can't concentrate on a thing if I don't get over the ocd issue that's on my plate. I mean shit hits the fan, I can push beyond the OCD but if it's possible to get things in order, I don't want to... how stupid can you get...

I'm ocding over some stupid stuff right now and it's just aggrivating to be unable to dedicate myself to the film because I have to go back and put my mind in order in a way of speaking but it's the truth. I've always had mild ocd and now here I am with it causing a major obstacle in the path of my ideals and such.

Well, anyway. Going to to make it I hope, get passed these issues and stick the landing finish what I started. It's a damn fine film. I watch the clips I put up and I actually legit enjoy them tremendously. All the drama that went into filming them. I curse myself so heavily for not having it ready to go and out as I promised.

Maybe I need a week off and just get away from it for a bit... truth be told that's probably what I'm gonna do. It's not a school assignment. I don't have to rape my brain to get it done on time. I can get it done at my discretion or quit, which I swear I will not be doing. But yes, I'll go at my pace get it done hopefully by Solo's release. That's all.

Well here we are

Was going to post the rough cut that I just put up but actually don't want too much attention on it since it kinda spoils parts of it. If you care, go check it out on the youtube page with the other stuff. If you don't, don't worry about it. It'll be in the final cut. 

Tough edit. It's not fun to do this shit. But we're progressing and now I'm at the game gear part. Definitely my favorite part of the film. I made this thing fun for myself by adding fanboy nonsense here and there. 

The orchestral music really works well with scenes too. I'm trying to make the music work in terms of adding a tone to a scene rather than drive the action of the scene like I usually do. I typically edit to the music. Make all the camera movements and such sync to the score. But I'm finding that the music just setting the mood in the background works well too. 

It's the emotional weight that it gives the footage that I like. 

Music is a key thing in film making, too bad a lot of films neglect it. It's like yeah, visuals are nice, but how can you dance without a beat? 

It's that philosophy that I've always known and yet been baffled by films that kinda don't yield it or ignore how well a score augments films, life. 

Music is the sound of the soul.  

Will be back to work. As far as my Instafart plans go. No go for launch. The car is damaged after all the shit I've put it through and I'm going to sell it off. 

Use the money to buy a moped then go run deliveries full time down in manhattan. I like doing that. The thing is that I don't understand at all how people expect stuff to be delivered by car down there. It's impossible. If I make enough money and can afford a decent car, I mean we'll see. I don't want to abandon instafart at all... but they get orders where they kill you with like tons of crap you can't possibly drive around with a moped. I might be able to engineer baskets and carriage space or even a pull cart to put the groceries in, and that would help some, don't know.... but I can see running groceries on a moped if these idiots wouldn't goddamn purchase mountains of food for some poor bastard to deliver to the 200 floor of a sky scraper, but I was shocked to discover there's A LOT of people who've NEVER lifted a finger for themselves their whole life. They actually don't give one shit about how hard a guy has to work to get things to their door and think a 5 dollar tip makes them feel it was all worth it. Suck a dick. 

Well I'm out, gonna work on the film, get my files organized for the next round of editing and finish the finale. In fact, I like this approach. Edit the end of it FIRST. Then work backwards so you're not angsty about having to do the ending the whole time. I must say it will be easier for me to edit knowing where it's all going to go.

Where I be

Shit.

I guess I'm out of gas. I've been editing, but it's not flowing, don't got the feel of passion and drive, it's not going well. Just barely motivated.

This kinda thing is inevitable when you throw so much of your heart and soul into this stuff, you max out. And here I stand. I don't have the juice I once did.

Watching cool world right now. Good Lord, Pitt would have made a hell of a captain america if Hollywood didn't have its head up its ass. He's ok in it. Not anything a million different actors couldn't have done so he doesn't stand out in the role he's playing. Awesome as fuck film though.

Watched all of Orville today. Fascinating show really. Actual good intelligent writing, not just stupid stuff and action, actual thought put into it. I have to respect it although as others have said it's not really that original. It's galaxy quest meets tripping the rift. Believe me, I've been watching Tripping since it was a demo video floating around kazaa. That show too had its moments of intelligence, few, but the premise that Seth is going for has already kinda been done. I don't know what he plans for this show. It's being held back by being sold as a comedy. It's not. It's a legit good star trek show that tosses in out of place awkward jokes. That's not working. Yunno, it's like half a star trek snl sketch, half actual star trek. I have a hard time liking it because it's so contradictory.

It's like it's one of those shows that has to resort to gimmicks and weird shit once its run  its course and it's ratings are dying. It's like it's already resorting to the gimmicks and crap before it even gets to have a chance at lasting too long like the goddamn simpsons and south park have.

All I'll say in the end is the actors better get out there and audition and audition some more because this approach won't keep the show afloat for long if it keeps jerking the audience around with its tone.

Where am I with my project. Ha ha ha, it's like driving me mad. Yunno. I've done tons of these kinds of things back in high school and such. I was always making movies and vids. Never lost my vision until now. I've lost it. I'm starring at the timeline and don't know what the fuck I'm doing with this thing anymore. I've lost my vision. I know the technical bits, plug in files, add music. But what I've lost is my clear grasp of how I want it to work and feel. It's quite gone. But yunno, so be it. I'll struggle with myself and push it forward and get it done like a robot, but it's like I don't feel as fully devoted to it as I once did. That storm of passion has kinda died down and dwindled. It's cuz I failed to meet the deadline prettymuch. Moving it to SOLO, sure smart move and one I can possibly meet, but still, it kills me that I've been this much of a damn idiot. One thing that hurts me most is being proven to be fool. Indeed.

The Room Thawtz

So I got my instafart card activated. I'll be getting back into that soon. I'll do it mad lazy, just kinda lazy my way through it and not give it everything I got. I'm not going to bust my balls for these ungrateful lazy people who can't be bothered to do their own grocery shopping. Deal with it.

Discovered the Room. What is the Room? It's a bad movie, like the most unbelievably awkward film ever made. And it is. It's truly a hard thing to describe. Both fascinating in its style and awfulness at the same time.

I want to go see it live and support it, but I can't. I'm poor. Maybe some day.

It's a movie that's right up my alley though. I loved bad movies. I mean, that's what I always found fun to watch, movies that were not having their own heads up their asses and were kinda weird and fun.

I loved street fighter the movie back in the old days if that tells you anything. When I rented that movie, I was so happy to finally get a street fighter movie, yaaaaaay. Good LORD.

Other bad movies I liked despite them being garbage, super mario bros movie although I personally think it's genius, Howard the Duck was good if batshit, but biggest bad movie i loved was He-Man. Wow, that one really is a masterpiece of fail. Countless others. My point is I liked the awkward bad stuff that most avoided. And I was all about the old stuff, like anything looney tunes, disney, whatever, ate up the classics, one thing I loved watching too was the little rascals, stooges, I'm telling you that's the only thing good about my childhood my parents kept tons of old vhs tapes of classic classic WEIRD stuff.

 But anyway, lot of the movies I love personally and mean something deep to me are straight up hated online without mercy. Such is the internet. It's a hyperbole fest. I'd hope people don't take it seriously, but then I did exactly that years ago and it had a serious impact on my young brain and life back then. If you're at all wondering why I have an indifferent attitude about online life, that's the reason. I wish I was one of those guys who didn't let shit get to him at all and just bulldozed through his day unconcerned with people's bullshit. That's essential if you want to survive this mess called the internet.

There's a few things that don't exist here on the internet:

Imagination.

Reasonability/Open-mindedness

Sad to realize that's how this beast works. People don't let go of their own biased views and steadfastly reject any notion of a new idea or new perspective. It's the saddest thing. But yeah. If some random douche bag tells you what to think, that's the way it is, it's written in stone and wow, how pathetic do you have to be to wake up in the morning and boot up your computer just to play mini-hitler online even though you're Bob the gas station guy or some shit.

Do. Not.  Let. This. Thing. Get. To. You.

I've been watching tons of reviewers and stuff on youtube. For the most part, I'm siding with their views. They're not too bad. Some of them are retarded and hyperbolic and just out for clicks. It's a clickbait scam, that's what youtube has become. Used to be just upload a vid you think is cool so you can show it off. After monetizing youtube, it's CHECK OUT THIS CRAZY THING! Clickbait fest. Oh fuck, that's bad how it's full of vultures trying to get an e-check.

The net used to be a place where you actually just chilled out and relaxed not worried about f'n getting scammed by masters of the clickbait vid. Sucks how far it's declined.

Anyway my point is that like twice reviewer channels I thought were cool took a shot at superman returns as if it was this abomination of film making. I'm so done with superman returns, yeah, that whole fury and crazyness that happened over that film is long gone and far away from me now, but can't believe some of the animosity towards it lingers and there's still people that are trying to shape history's perception of it as if it was some total failure. Cuz they say it is. Sure it's no Catwoman, that's for sure. Boy that movie kicks superman return's ass. That's the kinda shade the film's getting and it's pathetic shit.

I mean, the movie was just good, a strange ass movie conceptually but there's so much art and majesty and reverence for superman in it. Such PASSION for superman in it. Then you go online and see reviewers shitting on it as if it was complete trash.

You know what's trash. Avengers. All the Marvel Garbage, all of it. Superman Returns is better than all of them combined.

That's what the shitty reviewer channels on youtube do. They cater to popular opinion, not their own personal views.

Only channels that actually have thoughtful unbiased, decent heartfelt meaningful reviews of films are the redlettermedia guys and Ralph the movie maker. Stuckman started as this, then he blew up and went corporate with his channel. I haven't watched him in years and I think I'm over him although he started well. He's become what he used to kinda counter against. How sad.

Overall and to conclude this. There's something called imagination. That's the best word for it I can think of, although there may be others. Maybe when you get older you lose the ability to make a movie work despite itself. Imagine that it's more than what it is on a more reality based level.

Ah I have the word I was looking for now. FAITH. This is what people online don't have, that faith in a film, ability to believe in its story beyond the outside world's influence or people's biased opinions on it.

I'll use batman and Robin as an example. It's actually a great batman comic book come to life. Has anyone EVER read a batman comic? They're batshit, pun meant. If I want to watch a fun ass batman movie, there it goes. Is it missing a lot of what it could have been, sure, but the soul of the batman comic is in tact and perfectly there. Batman's struggle is still there. All the core stuff is still there. I NEVER outright hated the film except for its botching Mr. Freeze. Other than that, it's played straight and works. Go online, and it gets destroyed without anyone giving it a chance. And that's how the net works, just has no common sense or anything.

It's stupid.... oh well. Shit. I forgot this post was about The Room. To put it briefly. I view the Room the same way. It's got a good heart, it's got some merit to it. I'm not blindly looking down on it and I understand why it is a phenomenon to people. I however don't feel like it's MY phenomenon. If I discovered it on tv one lazy day like I did Last Dragon, I'd feel it belonged to me. But I don't. I saw all the little videos on youtube about this thing called "the room" I ignored all of it. It wasn't until I read an article on gizmodo about the disaster artist that I discovered exactly WHY that gif of that guy walking out of the shed was all over ytmnd for years, and it's so cool. I do appreciate what people have been hugely into for so long and want to be a part of it. But I'm not going to get too involved or anything. I guess I'm getting too old. The Room though is something I wish I discovered years earlier, would be a treat to have felt about it like I do Last Dragon and other old weird films I discovered on tv and at the video store.

But overall the point stands, there's movies that are to me getting way too much crap online despite not really being the end of the known universe...

Current status report

Getting sick I guess. I feel ill, don't know what I've been consuming to cause this, but situation is not good right now. I'm struggling, having to suffer every single time the rotting pile of death that is my own father bothers me. I wish my life wasn't the way it was. Oh how I envy people I glimpse online who don't end up living with a person who's content smelling like a subway psycho.

It's like instant pain psychologically when he comes with that shit to my door to drag his drama on my shoulders. Just piss off the planet already. I'm tired of you. There's nothing left to do but leave... Going out with a bang, I must say, a sad commentary on black life. Blacks don't care apparently how they meet their exit in this life, foul smelling, old, fat, useless. That's how this man wants to be remembered. Messes a person up thinking about it.

Honestly never saw this coming. I lived my childhood knowing the future wasn't going to be bright, but not in any way a living hell. I never conceived that. There was a slight hope that I'd have a girlfriend all that stuff, I did hope for that once. Not this scenario where I'm being hunted down and all this utter bullshit. Can't say I saw this coming..

Made progress on my film. That's the only high point on this day. It's going forward. I mean. I'm exhausted and horny and don't want to be bothered with it to be honest. My mind is just constantly full of thoughts of fucking, it's just the way its' been for so long, never ending story goddamn... all the ass in the world around a nig and he can't get none, isn't that funny.

Well the edit I did today though tough came out really spectacular. It's the dream sequence where Static encounters his former self. I don't know why I shot all this crap. It's not even story boarded. It's just something I was thinking would be a fun bit to get and I shot it not really knowing if I could get it to work or fit. It fits. It's exactly as I thought, a really cool little sequence. And yep, totally inspired by Superman 3 junkyard fight. But I'm not and could never pull off a fight....

It's coming along...

In further news. Uh, going to get back into instacart and run groceries some more up here in this area of the bronx and wherever. It's daunting because last time I f'd up on my way to the supermarket since my gps failed me. And lovely world this is, the super market is right next to a toll high way. So if you miss the one single tiny exit going to the super market, you're fucked. I say that harshly because that's how the toll people will treat you and you will be arrested if you don't pay the toll. It's asinine. I was simply lucky that I had tons of cash in the car from all my tips to pay the toll for the full 7 mile trip it took to U turn and get back to the super market. Hole situation was just stupid. If I was the toll guy I'd have given a nig a break and said I understand, go ahead, it's all good, just pay the other side. No, paid twice, such a messed up world this is. Badass supermarket though, so many cute white girls in there when I went in there. White people super markets are so amazing, jesus christ, it's like a mini theme park. They don't play, boy.

Goddamn, well I'm done, gonna struggle some more with this crap.

.