oh my head

It's the 21st. I go back to work on the 24th. My recruiter said that it would be a month before I knew whether I'd be in or out of the airforce. I'm working on learning spanish in the interim. It'll look great on the resume since so many people don't know how to speak it and of course when you're on the job any extra language is helpful. Just ten days to go... I think truly that i'll get in. It was just the allergy crap. Honestly though, I contemplate suicide every day... My life's just horrible right now. I want to get a car, I have 1000 dollars saved, but my psycopath father's trying to prevent me from getting one because he's afraid I'll get in an accident. I'm 22! This is the worst age to be black. People expect you to have everything figured out because they come from places where people by that age have their shit together, right and I know this. I know I'm not a teenager anymore but I'm still living the lifestyle of one, still thinking like one, all that stuff. It's so embarrassing and of course I have to admit I'm having an identity crisis due to not knowing who the hell I'm supposed to be in this world. Everybody wants to make you into someone you're not, whether it be through subtle racism, or like this asshole at work, wants me to join his ridiculous xbox cult as if he's accomplishing anything great through the internet. It's a jungle out there. You lose your firm footing in some sense of sanity and people will eat you alive.