Why I'm not having kids

My mom told me to "find a white girl" before joining the airforce. Though a bunch of racist asshole airmen tried to hint that they didn't want me fucking white girls, some white girls on base flirted with me, and in fact before I even got there a cutie with some nice tits was winking at me. She must have thought I was hispanic, true enough some white people can't tell whether lighter skinned blacks are spanish or not. Or maybe she likes black men, it's great sex, so whatever right.

So my mother's one of those self-hating black women who wants to scoop up as much white genes as she can, not going to hide the truth. She marvels at how freaking light my skin is, says I got lucky.

well I'm first of all, angry that I'm being used like a piece of meat by women who want to breed me off like a dog. Make no fucking mistake, women do not have any sympathy whatsoever towards men. It's still a man's world, but it's the women who are controlling the men, when a man's in love with a girl, watch out baby... you're going to get steam rolled.

I'm attracted to females of all colors as long as they're not fat and they act like girls, not those stupid lesbo butch females. Never really contemplated having a white wife to be honest, grew up surrounded by black kids, it's all I know. My very brief encounters with white women have been awkward really. Some of them are crazy as hell. Having such a high status in society must be burdensome, really they can get ANY man to fuck them, period. That's a big deal.

Anyway I look at them the same way I look at my first grade teacher or my art teacher, all white women who for whatever reason decided to become teachers in black schools, so it's kind of not my thing. I love black girls really, all I've ever known, can't really imagine joining the other side of the force.

But alas, why am I even dwelling on it. I'm not going to have kids because I don't believe in it. I think this world is too corrupt and I feel sorry for all the children who are here today. I know most of them exist simply because their parents forgot to wear a condom that one day. And the worst reason of all being that most parents don't give a crap about taking care of their kids as best as possible, mine did not, all they wanted was to become immortal not do their very best with raising children, I know now that they never grew up. They fucked, got kids, then struggled with us, then decided to treat us like animals, why put children through all that, why...

Never mind that though. I think about who I'm truly meant to be beyond child rearing. And it certainly is not someone who's struggling to raise kids, never has been. My true intentions are at the moment vague, but I see something in the mist, perhaps a great masterpiece. I know I have some, or perhaps an infinite level, of artistic drive within me. The problem is in where to point it and how NOT to get too much attention placed on it. Passion does that. The thing to realize about artists is that we either have it or we don't. There is no faking passion. It's why I regret bashing superman returns. Singer's passion for superman is all over that film whether it borrows heavily from stm or not, yet because of a select few's political beliefs they decided to wrongly bash the film. It's what woke me up harshly to the realities of this world. People can if they so choose abandon good reason and strike out against others based on nothing more than their own corrupt beliefs. In fact, America's doing just that with the war in afghanistan. We want oil, so we're lying to the public. People online want me dead, so they'll gladly say i'm a threat to good order or a 'troll' even though I've done nothing to anyone. What's more, the way some people play it is to frame you for something and then not give a damn when you go to jail and get butt raped. Shockingly my own sister impressed upon me that she doesn't give a damn about me.

She's a good lawyer.

She's tough.

She's always hated men and knew how to get what she wants out of them before dumping us in the trash.

She'll very likely be back in the kitchen in a good 4 to 5 years from now as I predicted.

My father says I'm dangerous. Probably because I'm different. We don't live in that idealized America where people can do whatever the fuck they want. Either you're with the wealthy white elites in this society who want to create a fucking disney world image of america for their children, or die. People like me, people who when pushed will stop at nothing to destroy you, we're quite the problem. Gotta keep us locked up or kill us. I can see through EVERYONE'S biases, predilections, personal political vendettas, more than I ever have in the past. Some people to me seem like empty shells of humanity, I feel nothing towards them. I see death as their only future. This scares me because I know that if I give in to my own dark side, I'll not give a crap about hurting people as much as I want. I'm a god capable of creating new life. it's up to me whether a woman gets to live her childhood over again in another form or not. Fascinating...

But they won't. I will deny them immortality. They don't deserve it.