Can't quit

It's settled. I figured now that i'm more hydrated I'd be more capable of withstanding the urge to masturbate, I was wrong. I don't like to fail. Been afraid of failure all my life ever since I learned my father was a former airman, had to live up to his awesomeness, but this shit is imposssible to beat no matter how hard I try. I see other guys either have girlfriends or hide the fact that they masturbate regularly from everyone.

I don't think it's quitable. Amazingly I look back and realize that I've been masturbating regularly for the past 7 years without much more than a couple days going by when I haven't done it. The longest I've endured being BMT which was nearly 3 months. If there wasn't some fast schedule pushing me through the day, I'd have definitely squeezed off a load in between the shit I was doing. They can fuck me up as much as they want in there, i don't care, this frigging thing is more of a problem than that. Strange, I suppose women are the same way, need to get fucked or they can't go very long without it. Or if they do, they feel down.

Sigh... I think to myself, I'm capable of outsmarting this thing aren't I? It's haarrrd to be smart when your mind is so held back by its primal urges that's for sure. Well at least I've figured out a different method of masturbating, so I don't rub the skin off my dick. I bought a bunch of rubber gloves and just put my dick in it with lotion on it and get to work that way so that I'm all lubricated when it's over rather than cursing myself for once again scarring my penis. It's kind of damaged now because of my original method of masturbating which was to rub my dick on everything, carpet, bedsheets, whatever. I can't do that hand fucking thing I see online so much. It's got to be a certain way.

I think about holly too for some reason. Just every girl I see in porn reminds me of her. There's a lot of similarity between all young women who haven't yet given birth now that I've more mature eyes. Back in hs, girls looks varied from extremely youthful to ripe and ready for child bearing, but now I see girls in their late teens and 20s are all prettymuch the same, primed for birth, and nothing more. They gotta get dick or it's going to be too late... No wonder all they want is the guy with the money.