Education makes your brain grow

I'm studying now for my ASVAB and finding it to be a great pleasure as well as beneficial and empowering too. I've studied on and off for no particular reason but this time the focus and determination is giving me more clarity mentally than I'm used to having. That's good and I hope to grow smarter under the guide of the Airforce, who knows. I always knew education was a valuable thing that works and isn't to be taken lightly. I love it for those reasons. What I don't love is how it isn't all encompassing with regard to what we need to know about ourselves. Online I learned that people actually get sexual education from schools out there. Wow. My school, or schools I should say, didn't teach me a thing. Now that's just stupid. Teach Kids what they need to know, ok. I guess I could end up doing that some day. I don't know. You teach, and it's hell. And the last thing I want to end up doing is being stuck in school for the rest of my life. I don't know yet what to think. I want to be a pilot and that's that at this point.

going back or forth

I don't know which way to turn. If I go back, I do what God told me to do. If I leave, I do the devil's work. My God, show me the way...

Time to die

I'm going to the new world. A place of true freedom. Finally I'm going on with my life after losing so much of myself to that den of wolves full of malice and evil. I'm free. I feel like a prisoner released after a long stay in hopeless valley prison. I hope there's an end to the madness, a continued good life instead of one full of pain and fear. I hope... *cues shawshanks theme*

God, what do I do?

I've tried to do this thing and wow, all it took was one explosion of subtle "get off our board, you suck" to show me that my past will haunt me forever on that forum, forever... In real life, you make mistakes EVERY DAY, that people say "no problem" over and move on from, but not so in the world online. I'm eager to get myself into the military where I'll be too busy to think about all this internet stuff. It's my fault for choosing the wrong path, but it was not completely unreasonable considering how I started as a good honest guy trying to post about batman without a problem, then of course learned quickly that comic book super heros was serious life changing stuff to some people. I'm getting out of that life, since it's honestly not good for one's mental health, and I'm simply tired of it. But you told me to do this mission, God. I know... this one last, thing, you told me to do... I could just pull the plug right now. Or go back and like superman get tar and feathered. It's a psychological warfare tactic. They want to put me in a fight or flight position and are now poised to ban me for any flagrant posts or let me be shamed scarlet letter guy who can't really post normally, har har, because everyone hates him. I was always hated, good poster or not, there were always guys on there who push others around for no reason, but now I'm truly the outside man on both sides, the bullies and the good guys, both want to see me fail and no one's on my side... damn, I felt very bad before, but this is a new level completely. Sympathy, I didn't come back for that. I came back to, yes to say sorry, but also to finish what I promised to do, and if it helps make people a little happier, good. Now it's come to this.