Little update

I am now Captain America.

Good GOD. This lecithin stuff is like the real super soldier serum. I was lifting weights and thinking "this is too easy."

HOLY FUCK.

I'm going to have fun with this.

Lecithin

Holy shit, why don't they tell us about this stuff. So I started reading about how to increase ejaculate, for the purpose of getting a better orgasm and ultimately better sleep out of it. Turns out they recommend taking Zinc and some articles say take Lecithin. It's funny, I take the zinc and lecithin at the same time one day, and i go fucking staright to sleep after that. And I have a weird son of a bitch dream where I grow a crazy beard and I'm obsessed with the fact that the beard is messed up and I don't have a mustache, and I'm just focusing on the negative side of my face, and it's just making no sense. Then I wake up and I feel for the beard I was dreaming about and all I feel is my little stuble, and i come back to my senses. But the fact remains that I got better sleep that night than I had in a long while. So I was over the moon. And I woke up feeling fresh as a daisy. One of those feelings when you feel better than you have in a  while and it seems like you're back to normal that kind of thing.

So I think to myself... it's the zinc that did it. I then take more zinc the next day. No sale pal. It doesn't do shit. I don't sleep well, back to basics ya know, lame brain pain.

Then I for the fuck of it, decide to take zinc and lecithin again, since I had the pills there next to the zinc, and it's a wrap. I'm out again, and have another weird ass dream. This time, I'm on the floor and I'm just spazzing out. Going berserk.

But once again my body is better rested. I feel like I'm back on track. Got some good fucking sleep for once.

Turns out it's the lecithin. That stuff is like a lubricant for the body. And it works. My brain sucked the shit out of my stomach ya know. I could just feel it traveling up to my brain, and it was sweet. All my headaches were damped, not eliminated, but the sharpness of the pain, is gone. I wish I took this stuff back at tsa, cuz I would have not let nothing bother me. This stuff is the cure I was looking for. I'll be damned. I'm going to tell my sister about it, see she heard of it... yeah. But I mean, we'll need to give it more time to work its magic But I'm just overjoyed. Years ago in college, my brain for whatever reasons changed and flipped the switch so that there was no more euphoric sensation from masturbating. I'd do it, get a brief high, then nothing... Now I know. My body for whatever reason, was deprive of lecithin. Which is some kind of brain and body lubricant. It smooths out the body's operation, and relaxes you, kinda like an antidepressant. Which is great, if I can get the same benefits and not have to go down that road of trying experimental drugs from some pharmaceutical company.

I'm back baby. I've never felt more alive. I've been living a half life up until this point. i'm up, I'm motivated. I don't even want to jerk off. I feel like I want to do stuff. Jump around. have fun. Grab some titties. Whatever.

Lecithin. baby... only problem.... like I said, those dreams man. Thing is. Once it gets in your brain and starts lubricating and healing the trauma in there, it connects neurons that were previously dead or whatever, and increases your brain's powers, and that must be why I was fucking tripping out during sleep. My brain was able to push itself harder than it has in a long time. And even now, I feel it in me, giving me power that I didn't have yesterday.

Highly recommened. I mean, I'll have all the crazy dreams I want as long as I can live my life without being burdened by my libido's bullshit.

Gift from God, baby.

Get back to the kitchen

I don't like women working. Period.

Who am I to say that? But I'm thinking about it and stuff while I was naked in the tub, women these days need a reality check. And things would be so much better if they stopped trying to be men.

I just got let go by toys r us, and only reason for it is because it's a female dominated work place. Girls everywhere, and typically it's not the most laborious job so it's easy for a female to do.

I get that. I'm now in a rut again, totally unemployed, low on money, only my wits to save me in the end.

I think maybe to say just fuck it and kill myself, fuck it.... who cares about a nigga, especially me. But then i think about God, and kids, and life and maybe trying to accomplish something good, I don't fucking know man... I just don't know. Ya see, I always considered myself to be like Luke Skywalker or Superman, a good guy, a hero, but then ya got so much people who are like the devil in human form basically trying to bring you into their dark side of life. And I'm like "dude, that's not right. No..." so I'm struggling man... What does it mean to be a hero?

Anyway, yeah, gotta get back on track. Figure I'll try and volunteer at a hospital, possibly get a full time position there. Like I said, health care industry is permanent, and they pay through the nose, so you're good if you get into that. Set fo life.

porn possibilities and perceptions

I'm an avid porn viewer.

As is probably 99% of the world. If there's an industry that will never die it's porn. Some industries are permanent. Transportaion, Food, Construction, health care, what else... well you get the point.

I was just thinking about it... as I was watching this gorgeous angel do her thang... it's just so easy now to get porn.

We had to earn that shit back in the day. Personally I kinda miss it. Specifically the 90s and its many quirks. Tv was a mixed bag back then, but the shows that were good, were fucking good, man. Tv now is horrible. Only thing good is the korra airbender show and that's not even half as good as the best shit from the 90s. So that right there tells you how much tv has declined as of late, and it's not necessarily tv's fault. It's 2 factors at work. The people who made great tv are getting older, and retiring. One can ask themself why there's no more classic looney tunes, well Mel blanc died. And god bless the man, he did bugs bunny up until the day his voice couldn't possibly do it any more. That's great. But the second factor is that the internet has become to many the new TV. It's evolving now, it's becoming a place where people are actually developing programs, sketches, cartoons and trying to take a bite out of tv. It's not bad. It's just it's losing that underground basement quality and becoming the corporate nightmare that is tv these days.

Nevermind that.... Getting back to porn though. I used to have to dig deep for porn. I mean, I literally took 3 years out of my life and drew tons of porn comics that I regret to this day having trashed because I loved what I accomplished. I have plans to redo the whole thing, but it's hard to come to terms with what it all means... what's the point? Have a big pile of porn and do what with it? I don't know whether I should even worry about the future, since I'm not going to be around to care anyway right? Just make the bloody thing and enjoy it while it lasts, thats all we can do...

I mean she deserves it. I designed and created my heart and soul on paper, I'll never just let her die. She'll always be a part of me, forever.

My point is however, the ease at which one can aquire porn is just disappointing to me now. You know how rare it was to find anal porn, or a porn that "looked" like anal from certain angles. You have to really loook back at porn and see that there was rarely any anal or if you got lucky the guy missed the pussy for a second and it went in the ass. Sometimes that happend and it was glorious.

I remember back in high school, that's when I first saw anal. I watched the FUCK out of that video. It was amazing. Now I look back on it and it's no where near the type of ass fucking you can find these days. But that's what I'm saying, there's so much of it now, it's become less special.

I guess things have escalated. Because there's hd right in your face porn of a bunch of girls taking dick in the ass, every porn has to have that now. It's like, "click" wonder what kind of porn this is going to be. Girl bends over and eats a dick with her ass hole. Oh, more anal.

ya know... for years butt sex was really considered extreme porn. Yes, back in the 90s even porn had limits. No beastiality, no anal, none of this extreme crazy shit we have now as the norm. And some porn was even shot like a real movie, so it was even more special  when you actually gave a shit about the person being fucked.

Do I want to go back to that? Yeah sorta. I mean I'm no prude. I have a very flexible open mind. I'm like a really cool laid back dude, not a care in the world. So bring on the titties. Hell if I had it my way, I'd be cool with girls just walking around fucking naked, fuck it man... but you do lose something. If girls were naked all the time, finally getting to see them naked wouldn't be anything special. It's because we attempt to be civilized and shit, that it's so amazing to finally get a glimpse of a girl's naked sensitive body.

But I do believe it's lowering standards. Especially for girls. I can't imagine what girls these days are going through or what they're expected to do with the overwhelming amount of evidence to the contrary of whatever feminist ideals they hold. No woman can ever really take a stand on women being clean innocent princesses anymore. And it's their own fault anyway... *shrugs*

It's like, we're getting way too far of track. It's like, if society were to become like porn, what would actually "be" the porn after that? Just like how every porn started having anal in it, anal's getting boring, so there's now a lot of interracial all over the place, and DP and creampies. What's next?

I hope we get into more cinematic porn myself. Straight up porn is eventually going to get boring. I personally would love to have the next wave of porn being like a real serious movie and then the circumstances lead to porn, instead of there being no reason whatsoever for the girl to get naked and jump around stupidly. Have some kind of reason for it at least. Like how a lot of anime does it. They throw in porn every now and then instead of the porn being the only thing there.

zinc

wow cool. Didn't know zinc makes you sleep better.


nice. Now I can be free of my troubles. Ya see, sleep is probably the most important thing in your life. It's when your body heals and rests itself before the next day etc. When you don't get that shit? You fucked. You gonna feel like you half alive.

Been trying to fix my sleep for a while now. I'll be back with an update on the progress of this shit, see if it's truly working, because right now I'm so well rested and calm and cool in the head, I don't even want to jack off. Haven't felt like that in a long while...

ZINC BITCHES!!!

Difficulties of the rapid minded

shit. I'm in a rut right now. I have mild ocd. I have to conclude that. Because right now my mind is completely obsessed with figuring out what some old tv interview I watched was about. It's so stupid. I know it's stupid. But yet it's killing me that I can't recall the full details of the show. I tell myself to "let it go" but it doesn't happen. i won't let it happen. I have the memory, it's just not coming to me.


That's what I do a lot. I think about stupid insignificant shit.

You all out there are living your lives, raising your children, going to parties, fucking. And I'm worried about remembering spiderman's theme music.

Some things i can't EVER get back, and although it hurts to have to leave those memories behind, I have to just take the bitter pill and move on from them. Like some girl I used to watch on youtube. I get the idea to go back to her channel and see what she's up to, and blasted I forgot the bitches name. Just like that, it's as if she never existed... and I feel terrible for failing to recall it.

I don't even know why. I've NEVER been a super smart guy. But one thing I pride myself on is my brain's speed. If I need to recall something, a feeling, an image, even a word's definition (I'm verbal oriented mind) this fucking thing has never failed me. It's why I can do what I do, be creative, whatever...

Like dr quest said, his excellent memory is both a blessing and a curse.

I remember almost everything in my life with vivid detail. And as much as I recall the good times, I also recall the bad. That's what he meant. Sometimes it's good not to be super smart, and over analyze things.

I'll dare say the good thing about being super smart is being rich. Being some kind of freak of nature genius with a superior iq or photo memory, must be hell if you want to relax yourself and get away from thinking about shit too much.

I say to myself. Forget the past. Think about the boobs and the future, maybe even finally getting laid. Yeah... would be nice. But I like things to be in order. I DO have OCD, just not a severe case of it. I mean, ultimately push comes to shove, I'll ditch the whole thing and move on. yes... but nothing better than a nice clean orderly, smooth, operation. Brings a smile to my face when things fit and work, and go well.

Future of cinema

What the hobbit has done recently is going to change everything. I dare say we've witnessed a revolution in cinema on the same level as color and sound. I don't even want to watch regular movies anymore after seeing this motherfucker. That's how powerful an experience it was. I always wanted to see a movie that blurred the line between reality and fantasy so welll that you'd be hard pressed to figure out what was real or not. Well here it is. God damnit.

It was like being a kid again, like how you have all the time in the world to get lost in a cartoon episode. Or you use your imagination to make the show or movie real. Like how I watch the original ninja turtles movie as a kid. That shit was real to me. The characters, everything. I didn't even consider them puppets or sets or actors. It was TRUTH. Like the bible.

Hobbit's the shit. I want every movie to follow it now. I can't go back, I won't go back to regular frame rate. It's like having a choice between bluray and dvd. Which are you going to go with? Bravo, Peter Jackson.

Kids again

wow, I'm shocked.

So I'm back from work. What an interesting thing, children.

I don't know, honestly. As a kid, I didn't think any of the other kids were even "kids" as in in toddlers...

I felt grown up quite a bit as a kid...

But I'm at work, and this little girl, probably 8 or something, just tells me she's getting her brother an angry birds plushy because he plays the game.

I'm all like "wow, you're real deal little girl." Just telling random people things...

ya know, me, the big goofy guy I am, just told her that she's "the best sister in the world."

I don't know. I'm the youngest in my family line. I've never had to be a big brother. So I don't know shit about that kind of thing. I've only ever really helped raise my niece, and I'm cool with her. ya know... she's really my daughter in a lot of ways. I wiped her ass. I'm there for her. Ya know... that's all it is. She's a bitch now that she's in her teens. And I try to maneuver around her bitchiness as much as possible.

But kids are killing me at work. I'm thinking, damn, that bitch is fine. Then she turns around and she's a child... I'm like whoa...

It's ok though. Ya know... I'll get used to it. I have to be a man about things. And what does that mean? I'll tell you. It means you always care about kids. ya know... All this job, college, war, shit, whatever... all comes down to one thing. Making a kid smile, laugh, be happy. Enjoy their life. Because it's gonna be over, man... And what scares me the most. What kinda pisses me off, is when I can't do enough. I can't help or entertain a little kid. Or I say something stupid or I fail at being impressive... ya know how it is... But I try. I want to give them the life I sorta had. Those moments as a child, when I was really happy, totally content. Whether it was watching cartoons, playing with toys, or like, dancing to music. That's exactly how I think kids should be, all the time. Not just those brief moments after school. But I'm just a little fish in a big pond. And I'm not going to change the world...

But yeah. That's what I try to do. I'll be damned, if I ever harm a kid. That's the bottom line for me.

alright gonna try flippin it

I've been taking a supplement called licorice root because it's supposed to increase your estrogen levels and ultimately lower your testosterone, so I'd stop being a horny fuck all the time. Can't be done. Shit's not possible to stop so what I'm going to do now is increase the testoterone. Get a more satisfying orgasm and maybe get better sleep out of it.

I figure Jerry Seinfeld is right. Maybe you just can't quit jackin it. Though it's so confining. I mean, certain things in life just are, yes. You have to piss, eat, sleep, and shit. There's no avoiding that. And maybe jackin it is part of the package. Who knows Who cares.

Zinc and I'm gonna get me some of those male enhancement pills that hopefully add more force to your semen shot.

Can't live like this. Dreaming of pussy. Not getting a good ass skeet anymore. I now know why people were so cheerful when I was a kid. They were fuckin and fuckin and fuckin and fuckin... yeah... such is life.

Kids

So I'm back from work. God damn what a long day... work sucks but on the flip side, the girls working at a place like toys r us are gorgeous. It's not a bad thing at all to have to be amongst some cuties while doing a shitty job, that's for sure. Thank you whoever decided to let women work. I'm doing my thang, then I get an eye full of a good heap of nice ripe young cleavage bam in my face... Dick Hard.

Some chick named Ruby, typical dumbass young white girl, the kind I met often in my old high school in florida. Yes I said dumbass. Why? Because she's beautiful and those two often go hand in hand if a girl is good looking, she's typically a dumbass. And no surprise, this girl's just a hot dumbass white girl, like Lois lane. Spitting image. I wanted to grab her titties so bad. She's got big titties and a nice plump ass. And she's white. That's fucking impossible.

well anyway. I'm real happy right now. It's so stupid. I sent my bike motor back to Hi powered cycles. Then I'm waiting for the ups tracking to say "delivered" but nope. It says "wrong address, no delivery attempted" or something to that effect... I'm all like "omg" but I read on hi powered website that they moved their warehouse. Well fuck. So I update the shipping and surprise surprise, where they moved their business to is actually closer to the airport where the bike motor arrived. So that made things easier for ups in the long run. Not bad...

But I'm not satisfied. I'm very particular about things. So I directly communicate with them to see if they got the motor, but my true objective is to see if they will fix it in a jiffy or shelf it for later. They say they'll fix it. And even provide me with torque arms to prevent the wire from getting cut up again. God bless them. They may be goddamn scammers with their overpriced fucking bikes, but I'll be damned if they don't put out for their customers. That's good business. That's my business model. I don't want to hurt nobody. I want to do the right thing, provide good quality business. But that's not how any of these big corporations work. They're about building an impenetrable behemoth of an empire. Kings, Knights, Pawns. Chess on a worldwide scale. Big Brain mother fuckers doing what they do. But what about the people, the kids, is there no one who cares about them.

Saw some kids today. Woke me the fuck up. Ya know, i was a kid all my life. Why do I feel so put off by them. They shouldn't scare me, but they kinda do. I guess you have to live with a kid for a while to really not get too startled by them.

I treat kids like adults, myself. Why? Because I HATED being treated like a kid when I was younger. Not in the sense that people weren't being dicks to me, far from it. People beat and kicked me around all the time. But it's the attitude of calling me "little" and talking down to me like I'm retarded. That detested me. I was inexperienced, not stupid.

Saw this cute little bugger, eagerly awaiting his father to buy him a power rangers sword. I gotta say that took me back. My dad brought me to toys r us to get a game for my super nintendo and game boy. I just chatted with the kid like, man to man, about what he wanted for christmas. He was smart too. He pushed me to explain what I meant, so he could understand me fully. Fucking decent young man. I wish I could have him for a son.

Then come the girls. I don't know what to do around girls. All my life they've been a foreign subject, and they still are, though I do care for them. They're very whiny and bitchy. Sorry to say. But hot, gotta admit. I mean, they're not thinking they're bombshells yet, but I am. I'm like "daaamn, she's gonna be hot one day." in my head.

ahhh yep...

The little everyday acts of ordinary folk

Gotta say something on this. I struggle with myself a lot. As we all must do. Whether you believe in it or not, something like the dark side or the light side, we struggle with it. Our capacity to do good and evil comes in equal measure.

So I watched the hobbit and what Gandalf says about why he chose bilbo I think is really great. He picked him because he was an ordinary good natured fellow. And he further claims that it is in the small acts of such people, their kindness, their simplistic good nature, that evil is held in check, moreso than with powerful armies etc.

I believe in that. You know above all else in my life what keeps me sane amidst the terrors of this world, it's remembering that as a child there was this old man who lived next door to us. He was so nice to us, made balloon animals for us. That's what does it, ya know. Keeps me believing life is worth a damn. I don't care if I ever really accomplish anything significant, but I'll be damned if I let the world fully corrupt me and make me stop believing in people's good side. God damned...

so damn hard

I have to give it up to testosterone. It's a bitch. I take the licorice root shit, and it works, ya know, it kinda smooths things out so you're not too horny and shit. But then i have to fuck it up. Why can't I just chill yo... just chill..

Fittin to go get me some beers and just party tonight. I like to play tron music, and get drunk. Gotta go to work tomorrow, whatever...

Uh, yeah ya knoww... just livin man.

A man a woman needs

So I'm going to try to kill my libido. I don't need or want it honestly. I'm going to die some day, can't do anything about that, but I'm not too inclined to live up to that point feeling constantly horny. I want to fuck a girl so bad, it's ridiculous. I want to go back to the way things were before all this. I was content enough. I watched cartoons, I played with my super nintendo. Life was decent.

Kids, bah. I know, having kids makes a man into a man all that hubbub. Very nice indeed, but I'm not interested, thank you very much.

Makes me wonder though. Seeing all these girls of all races predictably turning away from some repetitive dull job in exchange for their primariy objective which is to of course bear children. What kind of man do they want. I'll tell you this from my experience. They don't want just any guy. Even those kkk girls. A strong alpha male is strong alpha male. No matter his outward appearance. I could get a white girl if I wished, much to the chagrin of white fathers. I have no fear of that, not a bit. They all respond to a strong bad boy personality and the muscles, or a strong intellect. Display those qualities and she's yours to fuck in every hole she's got. sad really... but tantalizing. The urge is strong in me to fill a bitch with semen...

I must resist. And I don't want any part of this crazy world anyway. I've had a bad run. Why continue it... makes no sense to me.

Go on, have your fun. I'll do what I always do. Sit in a corner and watch you fools pitter patter about.

torque arm

heh, so that's what that thing does...

Looks like I just needed a torque arm to prevent the back wheel from rotating. Oh crap...

So a bunch of kids got shot while learning their abc's. I wish the gunman didn't kill himself because I would make him live the rest of his life without a dick, or arms or legs, or something like that.

Kids shouldn't be thrust into the hectic, ruthless, savage real world we live in, not like that. That's all I got to say. I suppose there's going to be a lot of questioning "why" would God allow children to die so horribly. I don't know.... Maybe it's not his doing, but ours. We're the monsters, and we continue to abandon his teachings, that's for sure.

Yet I get to live, huh... I don't understand....

well shit

that was faster than expected...

The bike is now nothing more than a big pile of expensive shit.

Broke the wire coming out of the motor due to my own ignorance of how to properly string it around the bike to the controller. Lesson learned, It's critical to keep that wire from getting damaged by any means necessary.

The motor's good, but without those wires being connected, it can't get the juice to work properly.

But I'm not totally emo cut wrists sad about it. I'm just so goddamn aggravated after working so hard to get it all together.

Talkin to hi powered cycles now about what to do. It's all technically under warranty, so I should be within my rights to send it back and get it fixed, which I will do if necessary. Now, I'm thinking  maybe I can rig the wires myself and fix them in some slapdash fashion, but who knows if that'll work. The damage is such that there's very little I can do about it. Oy vey...

I might just say to hell with it and get a electric moped fully assembled. Like I told myself when building this bike, something's going to go wrong. And it did. Though not what I expected. I thought the motor wouldn't work, it did. I thought the battery wouldn't juice up the shit, it did. Throttle works... only thing that's off is the motor's little wires which got ripped up because of the back wheel spinning and pulling the cord. So now I'm fucked. And have to get that shit fixed... what a day...

Gottta go to work tomorrow too, so now I got to deal with that shit. Hope I can just get this problem solved and move on... god willing...

progress on bike

9.47 pm. Everything seems to be going well.

I will be testing the bike tomorrow as soon as the battery fully charges. And hopefully it works... One of the most troublesome parts of this kind of stuff, electronics, engineering, which I enjoy... is the first test. Because sometimes after all the blood sweat and tears of putting the components together, drilling the holes, tightening bolts, you turn the damn thing on and it doesn't work.

Uh... but I've always never given up on something that's just not working. I fucking keep on trying to mess around with it until it does. Similarly to the computer I fixed. And like the hard drive I had to clone. I couldn't find damn piece of software to do it with, but ultimately my persistence in trying to goddamn find something that works, lead to a program that did the job no problem. It's all part of the learning process we all go through as nerdy computer geeks. Computers and electronics and all these mechanical disciplines are a goddamn battlefield and you learn as you go, but also utilize the knowledge of those who've come before and made the same discoveries and mistakes.

Still I'm incredibly excited. I feel like a kid again at christmas.  ya know how you get a new toy and can't wait to play with it, that kind of thing.

It's striking to me though how bad I've had it with these kind of things. I've spent upwards of 3000 dollars on two different electric bikes, both with their respective strengths and weaknesses and both have been stolen and raped for parts by some crack heads. I've never thought I'd live to see such a thing go down, but overall I'm still crazily optimistic. This bike is better, more powerful, will ultimately save me more money because I won't spend shit on getting to work and back again. The only thing I have to do is make sure it's not stolen by any means necessary.

Tomorrow you're going to see some serious shit... gonna do a video of my bike and everything. Just need that battery to charge!!!!

thoughts on bullies

Yeah hardy har har, I guess my antics at superherohype influenced the captain america movie. Very nice. And avatar, the whole "go away" meltdown...

Stop it. I don't want to be a part of some screen writer's jokes.

I grew up having NOTHING to do with big mainstream hollywood and I would much prefer to live and die that way. Though it is flattering. As I sat at my desk as a kid drawing and dreaming of star wars and ghost busters, I did have this thought that maybe someday I'd get to do something great like lucas and my other idols. Not going to happen, but hey, I made my mark in some way didn't I...

But getting back to captain america, he goes on about how he despises bullies because he was seriously picked on as a weakling before getting the roids...

I got picked on incessantly in school. Every year I'd have to deal with some asshole guy. On and on it went...I ultimately got into a fight with some douche in high school before leaving the school for good after that.

Now it continues in life, at work, online, assholes all over the place though I could care less. I'm much wiser now. I know how things are, but that still doesn't make me feel very optimistic.

I simply wish it didn't ever happen. And now I'm getting made out to be the bad guy because I'm not a bully myself. Well, no i don't want to be. I've played that role, I've retaliated against my cat I didn't like. I've bullied my sister for fun when bored. I KNOW it's fun to pick on others. Which is why I strive not to do it, and be a hero. And not out of some "oh I'm older, and have to act like an adult" reason. I'm just not a bad person. Believe it or not, there are people in this world like me who are good people. We have no desire to destroy others. We want to be a force for good.

It makes me feel good to help kids. To help people. I genuinely enjoy it. Why is that so wrong? If I see any kid in trouble or hurt, doesn't matter if that kid's an asshole, I'll most likely help him. That's just who I am.

I'm a soldier I guess, born from the same warrior blood as my father. Warriors are supposed to defend people, like jedi. Or I hope so anyway, can't say I agree with what we're doing military wise, but I don't know much about that shit.

All I really want to do now is get some pussy. Ya know what I don't get. Why do kids bully the crap out of you all your life, then when they discover this thing called the female, they're all like "You're such an immature guy, grow up..." Hello, dude, I've always been grown up, you just finally stepped up to my level.

Sigh... Anyway, I love women. I just realized that now, they're goddamn beautiful things to me. Makes me almost forget how much shit I've been through. But yeah, they're like a perfect work of art. I've seen great works of art, yet nothing compares to a female body in its prime form. Why is that? It seems so simplistic to be completely fucking overjoyed by the sight of a gorgeous girl. But that's just the way it is. I see a hot babe and I'm thinking "life is good." It shouldn't be that easy. Something's wrong with that...

Really though, it's about that bond you develop. The superficial is good too, but the deep emotional bond to a woman is where the good shit is... I mean, I'd love to get with a gorgeous blonde big tittied blue eyed white girl, but if she's a psycho bitch I can only tolerate her for so long, ya know... It's not about that. It's about having a girl with you who you can play a session of call of duty with and she sucks your dick if you win, that kind of shit.

soul mates. I gotta get me some of that before I fuck off this planet yall...

Future of personal transport devices

I'm currently in the process of building a second electric bike, this time with more power, 2000w motor, and a diagnostic computer to allow me to see exactly how much power is left in the battery, a supposedly top of the line new type called linmc.

With that in mind, I've also been thinking about the future of small electronic vehicles. We're developing better solar panels that can store more energy. Why not create a solar electric bike or scooter?

The problem with solar cars is that there's no way to capture enough energy with the solar panels to fully refuel the battery to power a car of such a size. But with a bike, there's no problem since size and weight is far less of an issue.

Check out other people's shit:

Here you see the potential benefits of solar powered transport. One day I think this can revolutionize the world of personal and affordable transportation.

Faggots

I'm reeeeeally tired of these people.

They can piss the hell off, get the fuck off my planet earth. Shit.

I was just thinking about it... It's hard being me. I'm like 26 and shit, it's lame. I'm still a virgin. And yet people think I've fucked 50 girls by now. There's people in grade school who have fucked more than me, yet I'm the guy who could be out in Iraq shooting sand niggers for the government.

It's not weakness to yearn for the ignorance of childhood in which I knew nothing about fags. It's sanity. Gays are insane, they're backwards people. I find it difficult to want to defend their rights and shit because every part of me and who I was raised to be says that whole thing is wrong to the core.

I first learned about gays in around 3rd grade. Some douche bag named douglas, fat black kid, was obsessed with gays. All  the dumbass would talk about. I kept thinking, get over it. Nobody in here is gay, why do you keep bringing it up, hell no one here even knows anything about sex, why do you keep bringing it up... but he's a complete idiot so of course he goes on and on about something he knows nothing about.

Little did I know, that a little childhood insult was a huge political topic, and a reputation killer if someone even hinted you were gay in the public eye. We aren't as mature as we hope to present ourselves to be...

The world is just made up of a bunch of kids with sex drives...

So yeah, I wish I could turn back time and become the same person I was before I knew about the whole gay thing. Life was better when I thought, everyone's normal like me. Sure I was black, but I had no problem with that. I was going to be fucking bitches up a storm, so what... Then the one thing black people love to screw each other over with came into my life, the whole "you're a fag" insult. And to my damn shock, it's also the main insult EVERYWHERE. Military, work, school, jail, wherever... It's not "oh you're so dumb." "oh you're a nigger." "oh you have no life." "oh you're  geek." In fact, I think that's the reason geeks are getting less pissed on lately... just watch all those shows in the 90s, it's jocks vs geeks. Nowadays, it's girls and gays being the outcasts. Times change.

Indeed they do, but not that much. I don't think it's going to last this whole gay acceptance movement. Really ask yourself how pliable humanity is. Just as I very much doubt a bunch of white parents want to open their neighborhood to the ghetto-est douche baggiest niggers the world has ever seen, I very much doubt there will be an overwhelming acceptance of homosexuality.

Wouldn't it be funny to live in a world in which every movie was like brokeback mountain and then there were a rare few hetero themed films? That'd be a fucked up world...

Hey kids, lets go to disney world!

YAAAY DADDY, I WANT TO GO TO THE PIXAR MOVIE JACK AND BILL !

OH YEAH AND I WANT TO PLAY THAT GAME, WHIP MY BUNS

NO FAIR... I WANT TO GET CREAM IN MY MOUTH FIRST AT THE HARD COCK CAFE.

i mean come on...

Niggers

Getting tired of these people. I'm glad I'm not dealing with black kids on a daily basis anymore. That was tough enough, being a public school teacher or whatever must be hell on earth if someone decided to try it. They don't give a fuck, these guys.

I wouldn't hesitate to drop them off a cliff and laugh as they fall to their deaths. I don't care about them. I really seriously don't.

I'm going to mcdonalds, a bunch of bike riding douche niggers are accosting me for a fucking dime. As if just asking random people for money is going to make them give it to you.

I'm riding my bike to target, some nigger yells "that nigga rollin" Well fuck, I guess you have functioning eyes...

What else, I'm on the b-ball court, some little kid nigger starts trying to talk trash to me about how I must be embarrassed to have been beaten by a kid. You accomplished a lot with your life, haven't you, dumb fuck.

No wonder white people can't stand us. It's exhausting, and depressing, to realize how impossible it is to make black people look good to the world when so many would prefer to act a fool.

 No one cares if you put down the watermelon and fried chicken and crack a book every once in a while, fellas. It's ok these days to step outside the blackness stereotypes and pursue greater intellectual heights.

Fuck.

What is a woman?

I work at toys r us, at least I try to. I've been the one going to them most of the time to get started for work. They never call me in, but I don't mind, as long as I'm getting busy and not doing nothing.

So it's a toy store, the majority of the customers are parents and their kids. I see them more now than I did working at my other jobs.

So this lady comes in with her daughter and they're looking for everything and anything angry birds. I guess that shit is the new pokemon. Actually beyblades is the new fad on the block with kids. You're going to get beat up if you don't have the latest bey blade, son. Good lawd, I can't believe the shit nerdy kids value... but alas I was a huge pokemon and yoyo guy myself so I can't blame them.

Anyway I'm no pedo or anything but I do acknowledge that the little girl's going to be the most popular girl in her class once she sprouts, that's for sure. It's kinda crazy, but yeah I couldn't help but imagine what she's going to look like later after fucking childhood is over. Gets me thinking too about what the hell happens in a woman's brain when she ya know gets a pair of tits and plump ass and her child self who was so cute and innocent is lost forever. What is it about a woman that I want to touch and squeeze so much and fuck till the sun goes down.

I shouldn't think about it, it's just nature taking its course, but I do want to know. I don't like blindly walking into anything. I can't understand it, so I don't particularly feel its right to do it, to be so infatuated with titties and ass and pussy like I am. Is it the soft warm feel of a titty and ass cheek that's so alluring? Is it the milk from the titties and how good it would taste that is attracting? Now of course just seeing a freaking gorgeous woman from across the room, nice curves, cute face, big titties, is enough to cause a boner. Even if she's like still like a kid too, you can imagine what's coming down the line and from that you get attracted, not at her little kid self. Lest I be labeled a pedo, I became attracted to girls in 8th grade, on the dot.

I had no interest in them sexually until that point. And nothing's changed, the same physical features that girls start to develope in that time, more curvacious hips and legs, budding breasts, fuller softer bodies, all still get my blood boiling. So if I see it and it's hot, I enjoy the view, yes even if it's a some very young chick, doesn't change how I feel towards a pair of tits, ok. But I know how the world works and everyone is very serious about pedophilia out there, you say word one about being attracted to some big tittied hot bitch who's under 18 and you're fucked.

 Girls fascinate me though. That girl doesn't even know what she's got yet. She's just a kid, playing kid games, doing kid stuff, bla bla bla, but when she gets those curves, it's a wrap. She'll have more power and confidence in herself because she's so goddamn hot, it's going to be a crazy.

I made her smile when she was leaving the store, that's the second time I've made a little girl smile, the other was on the bus. Why do I like to do that? I guess it's a paternal thing, I want to let her know it's ok. Life's not so bad at all. And of course there's much to be enjoyed about it. She looked so scared and shit like kids do sometimes because they're new to the world, but me personally I like to let kids know there's nothing to be afraid of... You're fucking hot. You're going to get anything you goddamn want, babe... be yourself, have fun, it's your world. fall down, get back up. explore, make choices. etc. And ultimately get goddamn laid.

I'm a loser huh

No, the world's a loser.

I'm angry right now.

I'm tired of this stuff... Like ya know, when I say I don't like how women are these days and some think, well deal with it. No.

I'm a good guy. I don't deserve to be treated like no criminal. I never hurt no one as much as some do.

I feel like I'm being hounded by some motherfuckers all the time as if they'll never get over the past. I certainly will. I'm going to have a bright future.

I'm going to get in the best shape of my life.

I'm going to get some hot girlfriend.

I'm going to love her, and potentially my daughter or son.

I'm going to perhaps get into the medical field and be the guy who saves a life where others would rather take it.

FUCK YOU IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME.

I'm here on this earth to be the hero, I've always known it. THAT is my purpose in life, assholes...

Black white girls

Ever seen one of these girls? I watch porn all day... So I've seen a lot of women of all kinds. Needless to say us black people just like in life do not make up the majority of the porn industry, for obvious reasons. Good looking black people are a rarity. Whites have always been the most sought after porn stars and therefore have created this false sense that the only hot girls are big tittied curvacious white women, couldn't be more wrong, but alas, no big deal. asian women and latinas are the best.

But there's this phenomenon I'm coming across as I continue my journey through the world of pornography. Not all white girls are hot. Some of them are what we call "butterfaces" everything else is good, but then her face is off to some degree. Like gianna Michaels for instance.

I think then that she could be considered black now because of her disadvantages. To elaborate, what I mean is that she's white but not white enough to be amongst her peers. She's like the ugly duckling or the runt of the litter. She's on my level ya know. She's black white girl, basically a white girl who's like a super hot black chick.

There's another side of the tracks. A black girl who by all measures is disadvantaged in this world b being born black, yet is unbelievably gorgeous. Like... tyra banks or whoever. Some black girls get lucky. If you've ever seen black porn stars who are the most popular, they're basically just blacks with some white blood spilled in there somewhere, so they came out the pussy looking ridiculously hot. So the white girl who's a butterface and the black girl who's drop dead gorgeous are practically on the same level in my mind.

Curiosity

Just skeeted again. Such an endless cycle of crap. One look at a big ass titty and I can't control it anymore I'm jackin away like a construction worker.

Gets me thinking that maybe it's inevitable. I'll end up having kids and all that. But when does the endless stream of semen stop? I'm tired of it. I want to just take a pill and end the pain.

Will I be a bad father as the military has implied. No. They can say whatever they want, but I've already taken care of a baby before, and it was cool. I had fun. I guess they don't know me that well.

I really hate that. Twice some douche bag guys have tried to attack me based on my potential parentage. What a low blow. As low as you can get. I would think that we would all set aside our petty differences and put the kids first, always first. Make them happy as long as they're still cute and not crazy yet. That kind of thing.

I never wanted kids though, I'll tell you that. I always saw it as a bad option in life and even an unattainable one too. I'm me, there's not much chance I'll get pussy. Why is there this whole big thing about oh you'll get pussy at some point I guess, and uh your kids are going to be all like "you suck" and shit. Thanks...  Anyway, back to watching tons of porn.

If anything, I think my wife would do all the work anyway now that I think about it. Why do I have to worry about how some kids think of me, when I can be the good guy and the woman can be the bitch. That could work...

is time travel possible

That's the big question isn't it... Neil Degrasse Tyson claims it is. I'm going to follow through on his thoughts on time travel. And  attempt to build a time machine. Why? Because no one else is. These very smart military assholes want to do what with my black ass? Send me to college, I get a degree, and whatever field I work in, they just use me to do the menial tasks they find tedious and if I discover a cure for some disease they steal it and claim its theirs. Old white men have no shame, they'll take credit for minority's work. I realize that now, didn't before, but they're not going to let any one else have any glory if they're able to stand toe to toe with their best. Still, I'm on a mission...

Astro Physics is the shit. Really study it and you'll find so much to ponder about the complexities of the universe itself. How interesting that we know so much, yet haven't even begun to scratch the surface of the big questions, why do we exist, what is the universe...

I liked seeing this youtube video that posits that maybe we can't possibly figure out the universe because we're inside it. How does a person inside of something know what the outside of it looks like. Scary thought really.... maybe we'll never know...

But we'll be damned as a species if we don't try. A testament to the human spirit. We'll be god damned if we go down without a fight. If we just let the sun explode and we don't find another earth to inhabit.

Yeah, this planet is doomed. Space is the ONLY means we have to survive as a species. So maybe if I build a time machine, I can use it to save the world, who knows... it's crazy but I think we're all a little crazy, but that's a good thing. If we weren't crazy, we wouldn't be shooting rockets and shit off into space to try to get the hell off this ticking time bomb would we? And it's all we can do. And moreso if we don't do it, we don't keep searching for habitable planets, we're fucked like a duck.

Got the Job

God is good.

I'm not making money money, but it's an easy job so the pay more or less equals the work being done, unlike many jobs out there which kill you with work. Seasonal position, I hope I can stay there. I'm going to put 100% of everything I got left in the tank into this job... thing I learned from TSA is to roll with the punches. I let the guys in there get to me and I quit because of their shit, but not this time. If they push me around, I'll suck it up and just keep working this time... not going to quit. Problem is it's just a little christmas rush job they're hiring for... I want a permanent position there by the Gods.

Alright let's burn rubber baby....

A final word on Superman Returns

We're definitely moving forward now, which is a good thing. Very good. Bryan Singer is directing xmen again... Snyder hopefully isn't going to mess up superman, he's not much better than Michael Bay to me, so it's my fault if I set my expectations too high... I can't "let it go" so easily. Things went where they shouldn't have gone and if we don't remember why it went the way it did, then it'll happen again as George Santayana would say, those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

I bootleged the movie. But don't hiss at me for it. I bought the dvd legit, so technically I own it, but I can't find the thing anywhere.

I go to AICN every day. They seem ok with me hanging out there. I've been going there since I was 12, it's my home. Always liked the underground boys club quality to it... Well it's funny, I post "superman returns is a masterpiece" and some douche replies "of shit" What the fuck? People still hate the movie that much? Get over it.... I am. I'm done with this movie.

But what a movie it is... It's a grand triumph in american cinema that a film like that which plays out as a more subtle work of art can still exist. The film's about something more than the big explosions. What kind of movies do people want? I'm an advocate for intelligent cinema. And we should stand behind films that don't merely insult us as an audience. So I don't find it funny that there's still such a disdain for what Singer had the balls to put out there. And as was already made clear in the film itself, the people crucified it.

That's the genius of the film. And now 6 years later, I notice that maybe Superrman's a ghost in the end of the film. You can take it that way, and view it as all very ambiguous.

All I want to say is that I'm incredibly sorry for having lashed out wildly at the movie because a few jackasses hurt my feelings. I was not raised that way. I don't believe in betraying your true feelings and seeking revenge against some bastards who want to start a ruckus. I failed at everything I trained myself all my life to do which is to stand for what's right... I hate myself for that.

For that reason, I'll take this movie with me to my grave as a symbol of what kind of person I aspire to be.

Most interesting quote

"A nation can survive its fools, and even the ambitious. But it cannot survive treason from within. An enemy at the gates is less formidable, for he is known and carries his banner openly. But the traitor moves amongst those within the gate freely, his sly whispers rustling through all the alleys, heard in the very halls of government itself. For the traitor appears not a traitor; he speaks in accents familiar to his victims, and he wears their face and their arguments, he appeals to the baseness that lies deep in the hearts of all men. He rots the soul of a nation, he works secretly and unknown in the night to undermine the pillars of the city, he infects the body politic so that it can no longer resist. A murderer is less to fear. The traitor is the plague"

-Markus Tilius Cicero...

This got me thinking about things as they are, about the complexities of leadership. I want to not think of myself as a wolf in sheep's clothing, but I have to really admit it. I've played this role through my immature inclinations. Preying on people's mercy and exploiting their weaknesses...

sigh... sucha  fool. Ya know, that's why the military doesn't treat their troops like humans. Even ONE second of compassion can lead to a whole mess. I understand it... But at the same time I think we can rise above the need to barbarically treat each other like nothing more than a piece of meat.

I mean I'm coming to terms with my failures in the past and looking forward to bettering myself to such an extent that I don't succumb to the urge to act like a stupid kid. That's a start anyway...

HELLS YEAH

Lucky ducky. I feel so good. I suppose it's fate, I can only hope. I went over to toys r us today and I juat wanted to talk to the manager about the phone call, nothing special. Turns out the phone call was to get me to come to the interview session that was going on today. I didn't even know, so I didn't dress up or anything... but she was cool and let me take the interview anyway. I was caught off guard and all, but whatever. I'll take what I can get. Been unemployed too long ya know.

It's a seasonal position. Meaning, it's up to them whether they keep me beyond the christmas rush that's about to happen.

I hope they hire me. I'm going to pray to God they hire me.  I have to do this. The store is just at bay plaza. I get the job, I work really hard, I do my best. Then they might hire me for full time on the regular. I get some pussy from one of the girls working there. And I go to the gym at bay plaza, and we have a good life, me and my girlfriend... I can only hope...

toys r us

I don't want to grow up. I want to be a toys r us nigga. Got a call from toys r us, but I missed it. So what I did was ride my bike down to the store and ask to speak with the manager. Just my luck the person responsible for calling left minutes before I got there...

So I left a note with my name and phone number. I'm excited but not going to hold my breath. If I get the job that's great, if I don't, moving on... just keep shopping around. But I've always wanted to work in a toy store.

If you've seen my youtube vids, i have a bunch of toys. It's my forte, ya know, I loved playing with toys and if I didn't have one, I built it. I made a robocop out of wax... made a johnny 5 out of tin foil. That's how I rolled. My parents didn't buy me shit to play with so I just built it out of whatever I could find and built a huge collection of mcdonalds toys which I curse myself for not stowing away in a box so I could still have them today. They're all poof gone with the wind. I see kids on youtube playing with the latest shit and i envy them. So yeah I'd love to be around toys all day if I had the chance...

we'll see...

Gonna Join the Navy

Yeah... there's a recruitment center down the street I can go to...

Don't see much of a choice. And I do like sailing, always have.

Hope I can pass the physical bullshit. Then ya know, whatever else after that. I don't much concern myself with the expectations the military may place on me. I just will tell them that I have no intention of having children. I just want to have a good fuck for once in my life honestly, then work on my time machine.

Is it too much to ask?

To fuck a bitch? Is that too much to ask?

I just can't find a job. Delta ain't calling. I'm thinking about going to delta directly and asking for a job on the spot but they don't play ya know... you have to do things by the book and apply online like everybody else. so gay...

oh well, am I scared of death? Yeah sorta. See, I'm 26 now though and my body's starting to fall apart so I know I'm going to die anyway so heh, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to... do I want to kill motherfuckers? No, I don't. But some people got to go, honestly and if my efforts in my job help to rid the world of bad apples, so be it. I've lived long enough to know for certain life isn't so simple as everybody gets to live la la la christmas... some niggas need a bullet to the head to make them shut the hell up that's all...

yeah

fat loss

Damn lost 2 pounds already cuz I found out that if you do strength training instead of just cardio, you lose fat that way instead. good lawd, why does no one tell you this shit. Gonna bulk up my muscles for a week lose more weight, then start doing a combo of cardio and the strength training. My abs are sore as fuck but I like it like that, means this shit is working. See, the problem is that I've been doing a lot of cardio, but that's done nothing but depleted my muscles because your body consumes muscles for fuel during cardio. what the fuck. anyway gonna look like a black superman. Then I'll post pics and videos. Exciting times....

eating a moldy slice

Ever have regrets? I do.

I remember one day I got up one morning feeling groggy as fuck. Yeah so I go in the kitchen to fill me belly ya know... I think to myself that's a right good thing to do. So I grab a slice of bread and i chomp it down full and even swallow some of it cuz I 'm huuuuuuuuuuungry ya know.... then I get the taste of it after having chewed it for a while. Ack, this bread is funny. Then I look at tit finally and all it is is a fuzzy green thing, not bread at all...

Worst day ever.

Shit

Went through all the head aches of trying to get the job and they just didn't give a shit about me in the end... wow...

damn

Best buy hasn't called in 3 days....

This means 2 things, either they've found someone else or they're just getting all their other interviews out of the way before making their final choices on who to call. I hope it's the latter, that's all... don't need no bullshit, now... really don't.

What else... I've discovered something. I haven't splooged to porn all day because I've been able to dampen the strange tension headache I get from porn withdrawal. it's still there, yes, but it's a lot less troublesome... nearly gone. Why? Calcium. Seems like I needed to get more of it, so I started taking supplements, and just like that, the pain isn't as severe. I almost feel normal again...

I figure a couple weeks on this calcium stuff and I won't ever need to masturbate ever again... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWESSSSSOMMMEEE!!!

Finished interview

I think I did ok. I was forceful. I showed that I'm ready to work.

Ya gotta look at jobs this way, I'll do ANYTHING for that money, nigga. Because especially being black, it's not like you have all this clout and can get any job you want so you can not put your full effort into the interview. No... I made myself look desperate. I spilled my guts and answered every question with full seriousness, no half assing. At least I hope they bought it. And I mentioned that I live close by which should look good to them.

It's a $9.00 an hour job. No where near the shit I was making at tsa but honestly that's fine. The benefits outweight the cost. It'll be a piece of cake to get to work and back home.

I'm just so excited. I'm not even worried about the attitudes I might come across. I just know I'll be a good fit for Best Buy. I'm not stupid about electronics. I know a lot about computers, more now after having installed a new  hard drive on this bitch...

It's hard though for me to realize that things are going to get better for me. I'm way too pessimistic. I did it. After applying and applying all these years I finally got this fucking job I wanted. Working on electronics something I've loved ever since I was a kid.

Life is good baby...

aaawww thank ya lawd

Best Buy just called my ass. Going to work there for sure now. And the great thing about it? I can ride my bike over there. Looking forward to this, since I don't even need to have a car.

I say work a job close to home and avoid car payments... simple.

Now the question is how am I going to ace the interview...

I'm going to exude class, 100%. Ya know... I always wanted to work at best buy because I feel at home around electronics. I'm just so excited. I may not make a lot of money but it'll be enough and I'll very likely get a discount on a new tv which I'm hoping to get.

This is God's will. Thank you so much... oh jesus thank you...

Quit TSA

Didn't want to, but my hand was forced. They really don't have much to do over there, so they try to find absolutely ANYTHING you do that might be a little suspect and blow it up to become more than it deserves to be to make themselves seem like a legitimate government agency with real power etc.

I just couldn't be bothered anymore with that kind of childishness. The staff is incompetent, the job itself is kindergarten level stupidness. The only good thing was the money which is why I'm thinking now maybe my black ass shouldn't have been so hasty to give the job the finger because who the fuck is hiring blacks out there... but I'm me and I think I'm someone of significance don't I...

Now what.... I've scrambled to apply to Delta again,, to Spirit, to Best Buy... however it's going to take months for them to get back to you. Luckily I'm not out on the street though I could be. Foolish thing to throw away a job like tsa especially if you're black, but who said I wasn't foolish.

If all else fails I'll have no choice but to join the Army or whatever other military branch I can still weasel my way into.... That'll be the last resort.

Black People

I have to say a few words on this since I've become more socialized lately after spending so long online, and in that light I've become more aware of where I fit in the social ladder in this society. I grew up with black kids, I went to a black school. I had mostly white female teachers, which is probably why I'm kinda into white girls so much... but anyway, I'm more experienced with the black race than any white person can ever hope to be... um....What did I learn from my life experience with black people? FUCK BLACK PEOPLE.

YEP. I'm not going to be PC about it. Like I said before, 90% of black males are garbage. Are there a few like myself who are decent people? Yes. My whole family is actually very religious and former military which I guess has helped civilize us more than the typical blacks though not that much...

 The way it is is that you can be sitting down having a sandwhich in a black neighborhood, some fucking douche bag black guy will come out of the woodwork and start shit with you. It never fails. Some shit inside of most black kid's heads says they have to start fucking with you for fun. It's like that holiday Inn commercial where the douche bag black guy is trying to make fun of a chubby white man, then the white guy completely owns him. That shit is the worst, when black people start acting like they're not fucking black and piss and shit on everybody around them and shit. You're still black you dumbass...

There's just nothing you can do to make black people look good. There I said it.... Al Roker's a very smart guy, excellent at his job, funny, but he looks awful in HD crystal clear resolution when I watch him on the morning news. That's why black people might as well give up on whatever "american dream" they're expected to chase really. Are we going to tell black children to give up? No.... but it's hard for me to say the future will be bright. Like chris rock said, might as well become damn good at basketball if you want to be rich.

Then of course we get to the ultimate reason why the world hates black people, potential genetic downgrading.  One drop of black semen in a white pussy and that bloodline's forever tainted. How do you live your life knowing that just by being black,  you're like some kind of living disease no one wants to catch? Why bring kids into that kind of bullshit? yes sure you want the kids, your body's desperate to make babies etc... but no one likes black people so you didn't do your kids any favors.

I was walking by the clinic down the block and overheared some guy asking his girlfriend if their baby was light skinded. My own mother told me to find a white girl to marry when I joined the airforce. That's how bad it is to be black. You don't have a chance in hell in this world, even your own people fucking hate you.

Now I'm not going to leave it at that. I'll concede mostly to understanding the overall reasons for racism as I've lived long enough with black people to see how full of shit they are. But let that not say that every single black as shit nigger is an asshole. It just doesn't help that goddamn 99% of them are unfortunately...

continued ruminations on time travel

This is where the fun begins, as goddamn han solo would say. NOT Anakin Skywalker. I ain't got nothing against you children for liking the new movies. I really don't. Childhood is a fantastic time really, you don't have the same preconceptions and biases as an adult and so shit like the prequels is just another cool movie. Whatever...

Anyway, ya know what's funny... all this whole thing about marriage and kids and shit. Why do people keep getting married these days? It's all a sham, not like you can't just get divorced. My sister's all like "some people get married just so they can have sex for the first time." WOW REALLY? good golly miss molly, what a reason to make that commitment.

I don't get it. I'm remembering now that day when I was at work and this douche bag who was fucking around with me for fun was saying I was doing the world a favor by deciding to live my life childless. I just kept thinking, first of all YOU are black. No one gives a fuck if you EVER have kids. What is up with black people tearing other black people down as if they're white and the world loves them? There will NEVER be a time to come when these big industries and corporations overwhelmingly hire black people, so what the fuck are you trying to say with you pretentious attitude? Second, I'm not stupid. I've known ever since I was a kid that most of the retards around me would end up juggling kids later in life and have NO TIME to chase their dreams.

You don't get it. We're all going to die. So if you want to make the most out of the time you have, you have to make a choice in life. Either you're going to dedicate a great amount of time to raising children which is probably a life long commitment, or like me say "fuck that shit" and be free to do whatever the hell you want to do with your life. Case in point, creating a time machine.

I just need money and I have to learn everything there is to learn about physics and mechanics and computer coding. I think it'll probably take me 10 full years of hard work and I'll be around 36 by the time I've developed my first prototype.

You'll see.

stretched too thin

I wish I was white sometimes. Maybe I wouldn't feel so burdened by my failures in the past if I knew no one would hold it against me because I was a part of the master race. It's one thing to fall flat on your face in front of people, it's a WHOLE NOTHER thing to fall as a black person. I simply forgot I was black, I guess it's a testament to the anti-racist efforts of the 90s that I grew up feeling no sense of exclusion from society. But now it's become fully upfront and out in the open and black people are in the spotlight now more than in any other time in history.

It's finally happening, the pot is being stirred on whether black people can truly be considered equal to whites or not. And my generation has to make the stamp in history to prove to children you can do whatever you set your mind to... Can't say my antics have helped any...

It's like this, I go out in the world and I get what I get as a black guy, lots of assumptions about my character and intelligence. All of it supported by the ever-present asshole douche bag black guys white people hate. I wonder what kind of example these guys are trying to set in a world that's rapidly evolving into what it should be, a place where any man can achieve his dreams.

Why still fuck things up for other black people? If there's ever been a better time to work hard at creating peace, it's NOW. But no... we black people don't want that. I go online and I hear a stupid asshole black kid calling white kids names. Trying to incite a race war. I tell myself it's nothing to worry about, boys will be boys, but those white kids will remember that shit head when they're older. So Yes it does mean something...  White people still rule the world, ya know... probably not a good idea to piss them off.

I don't know. I need to just take a long vacation from this stuff. I want to be a ballsy military guy and just be like the hulk and bash and smash my way through my problems but I don't really think that would be wise... All the craziness in the last few years has really exausted me. I need to just chill and not worry about all this crap for now... It's too much...

kids out dat pussy hole

Don't know man... the drive to procreate is probably impossible to overcome when you really think about it. Can you stop from ejaculating? No... it's just something that's gotta be done....

It's just so crazy to think about it to me, what'd it be like to be a father... not something I ever thought about. I figured I'd just go to my cubicle job and shit like everybody else. Now I meet little kids at work and I make them laugh and it's not a bad feeling being a parental figure to them.. but shit if I have any idea how to take on that role.

I did help raise my niece and truthfully I still am her crazy uncle and stuff so I guess I've been there done that. She was an extremely cute baby.... I remember we cleaned her ass and all that, fed her. That was a good experience for me, more valuable than going to shitty school. I'm not scared of taking care of a baby because I've already done it, ya dig...

It's just that I myself am still so clueless about life, I don't feel confident passing on knowledge to any kids or strong enough mentally to handle their incessant bullshit. but as I said, it's almost prophetic how my blog is named the same as I intend to name my daughter. Bishop, being the name of a super hero I created, but wouldn't be a bad name for a boy when you get down to it...

Just blowing smoke though. I ain't never going to have kids. EVER.

Upgrade time

Exciting times, internet buddies. I just bought a new CPU for my computer. First of all I KNOW I'm a neophite when it comes to computers so don't get all anal about some layman acting like he knows anything. I recall when I was at an old forum, I said how much I liked fireworks as a graphic design program, then some jackass came out of no where and blasted me for thinking that was the best. Hate internet nazis...

It's an AMD FX 4100 with 3.6ghz of power. I think that'll be enough to play my games I bought on steam when they had that summer sale. I got gta 4 and need for speed so we'll see... gonna install it and overclock it and hopefully it'll solve the freezing problem I've been having every time I play one of these graphically intense games. I got the money now, so why not finally build a good computer and shit like I want... problem is the goddamn technical details of computers blows my head off. And I was planning to major in it in college. Good ass money in becoming a computer nerd though. Yo ass gonna be RICH BITCH. If you know how to fucking run these shits...

just sayin.... hmm, not that I'd want to, but it does interest me to get into programming etc possible in a school program as learning it on your own is fucking hard.

And thats also why I kinda laugh at the douche bag I used to work with in delta who was gleefully trying his darndest to patronize me from his lofty perch as a baggage chucker,  ya seriously think any of the guys who have the knowledge about how to pull a plane apart and put it back together envy YOU in the least? HA HA HAHA... I can't believe people like him exist. But they do... they do...

Friendly security

Alot to say as I relax from work. My job at tsa is now in jeopardy because of my failing of the PSE test they give even though I've been working there under a year. Some new rules and shit have put me in a position to take the test. I did very well to my surprise on the last stuff that included a complicated process to pat down a person with disabilities, then  I supposedly missed a spot on the much easier bag check shit. So now a bunch of shit is going on and I have to wait from word from the FSD to see if I get to keep my job. Most likely I'll keep it because I passed the portion of the test that deals with my actual position there as a CTX baggage scanner. So I may lose my checkpoint certification only and it'll be like losing a chance to get raped in the ass... so whatever...

I hate to wait, but it's the government so it'll probably take a goddamn month to get any word back. They fired 2 people recently though so I'm hoping they're not looking to so quickly lose people so soon... I don't know... to my surprise lga's been pretty low on personnel and shit, so they've been hiring out the ass and I know many who are working in shitty little airport jobs who want in on tsa's hiring spree. Jump on that shit, it's so easy, this job, and the pay's good and the benefits are good, lotta niggas licking up that big gov money, so jump on it I say. If you see a big bucket of money out in the middle of the street, what are ya gonna do, not snag it just cuz people will look down on you for not working hard for it? No, fuck them. they don't care about you. Take that shit.

That's why I'm not totally disappointed by losing all that money I spent on my bike. There'll be more to come especially once I finish building this new one. Gonna have to call those guys on maybe wednesday to see if I can get that shit, or just ya know whatever... I think I can afford the parts right now but I'll see if I can get the price reduced first. Does it hurt to lose 2000 dollars? yes, Have I spent that and then some in owning and maintaing a car for years? Yes. I've lost more than that by paying car expenses anyway, so why the fuck am I completely crushed by this one problem. Stupid...

Anyway, I hope they don't fire me. I'm damn good at my job, because of my personality. I'm a friendly person to everyone and I'm not that kind of tso you've probably come across who acts like they're a cop and bossses you around, no... I only do that if I have no choice, otherwise I just talk normally. People get tiresome sometimes though. It's funny how similar people are, saying the same exact words every day, I never knew how limited our collective vocabularies were until now. I've seen thousands of people come and go through the ctx doorway and yet every single one of them, of all races and ages, uses the same words. Only a select few obviously more intelligent people try to say it differently, but most people speak rather ordinarily. I like to liven things up with a clever quip and shit, and that's how I like it, and that's also how tsa operates. They're like the airforce in a lot of ways,  funny, friendly, but serious nonetheless. I'm perfect for that... as I was for the airforce but let's not go back to that... hell, maybe during basic I wasn't willing to kill people, but I sure am now after coming across so many kinds in lga... ya wonder to yourself sometimes which people are worth keeping around and which are better off dead.


yup

Bike stolen

Again.

I'm shocked to my core by the second theft of my electric bike. I'm just enraged, I want to find the shithead who stole it and kill him. No judge, no jury, no mercy. You done, son. I wish I put a tracking device in it so I could find this asshole and I'm contemplating putting one in my regular bike, and using it as bait to see if they'll steal it so I can find them.

I hate black people and this is why. I can't be mad at the KKK when even black people fuck with black people so they deserve to get what they get in the end. Can't be mad... ya gotta be kidding me to steal from other black people and be acting like it's the world that's keeping black people down. Fuck black people... I'm so tired of their bullshit.

So the thief basically watched me riding my bike, saw where I lived, then one day when I went to the store and forgot my lock back home went to take a peak at the combo, then the next day knew exactly what to switch the dial to to unlock it and bounced with my bike.

2000 dollars flushed down the toilet.

I'm in contact now with the company that built it and hopefully they'll send me a kit to build a new bike or something, they seem cool and actually showed sympathy for my problem...

On top of that I don't feel safe living here anymore. I mean I've always had my bike stolen here in this neighborhood, but fuck if it isn't getting retarded to still be having to deal with it in my 20s, I'm closing in on 30 for goodness sakes.

It's a predominantly black neighborhood with a few white people sprinkled here and there and it's just barely above the projects in terms of environment and types of people living around here. This isn't a white neighborhood where if they see black people walking around, they'll follow you and shit. No... You can tell when you're in a white neighborhood around here, like goddamn disney world it's so clean and shiny. You feel safe and happy to be alive.

Enough joking around though. I lost a lot of money and honestly don't know what to make of this. I still have a good job that overpays me and I need to keep it, that's for sure... I hope to get another bike in the future since that's still a great way to travel and not pay for all the expenses of a car... so I don't know... maybe I can live without the money, but I'm still feeling like I've suffered a huge setback in the end...

Kid fight club

Recently it's been reported in the press that a 9 year old boy beat down two little girls. I watched the video in horror at the boy's actions. Let me make it clear, I love children, always have, ever since I helped raise my niece, ever since I was bullied as a child and was treated like garbage by my own parents. When kids come to my door at tsa, I make jokes and make them laugh... I feel deeply saddened and shocked by what that little monster did to those girls. And what's more, the asshole actually told the father of the girls he beat that it was another boy, and the father went and hit that kid.

This is a foul mess of a thing. Luckily it was caught on camera, so no one can bullshit about what exactly happened.

I know there's kids in schools who are complete garbage, but I've never seen this before. What kind of psycho is this kid I wonder? Sociopath? Has no emotions... The father in me wants to tear him apart. The intellectual in me wants to figure out what the blue hell is wrong with him. At 9, I  was a trouble maker, not going to lie, but it was usually boys beating boys, we didn't touch no girls. That's boyhood, it is what it is.

And what's worse is that this happens all the time, not just this one incident. No sir... School is HELL. I don't recommend sending kids through it, because all it does is make them hate dealing with people.

This is only going to make life worse for black males in the school system. They were already getting shafted, now they're going to be completely subjugated. I hate to say it, I am black, I have very good black friends, I've met a fair share of decent black men, but 90% of black males are ASS IN A CAN. Something has to be done about these guys... This has tipped the pot over and things have gone overboard if you know what I'm saying...

Time Machine

My life long goal. I think since I'm never going to everrrr get laid ever, I'll spend my time doing what I postulated doing while wasting my time going to high school. I don't do much at tsa, so what I do most of the the time is sit and draw concepts of stuff and create new ideas about the airline industry. It's so stupid how ramp ops is carried out. I can't believe they do it the way they do, whoever designed it is an idiot. The rings are two small on the dolleys so you have to spend an extra five minutes trying to hook those things up. Some of the flights have similar numbers on the same pier so of course the guy separating the bags makes a mistake and puts the bag on a flight to mexico instead of moscow or whatever. it's retarded. Plus the bag loading itself inside the belly could be made easier if there was at least some kind of rolling platform to put the shit on and pass it to the guy at the back. Half the equipment not working is another thing. Though i think the last thing on the ceo's mind at these places is giving the bottom of the ladder anything at all. They really don't care...

same with tsa, though it's been a boon for me. I go there, clock in, do nothing special, then watch my bank account grow, no muss no fuss no bother. I couldn't ask for a better job. I'm nothing. I'm meat. I'm like a grunt in iraq. Fuck me. And that's actually a good thing. If I was someone significant, they'd keep fucking with me to see me suffer, but no, they don't give a shit about me at all. I'm so free to chill and be a peaceful person it's ridiculous. I'm waiting for everything to go south, but it isn't. And probably never will. Niggas have been getting away with sitting on their ass being fed by the government for years in that place. These guys are geniuses.

Why would I want to go work as a lawyer or pilot when I can do alright for myself and do nothing. I don't get those people.

Well anyway, I'm going to try my gosh darndest to figure out how to create a time machine now. It has to be possible. Hell we already have atom smashers. We're working on developing a new type of energy source using fusion and shit. The future is bright my friends. I get the feeling that the potential to harness various kinds of energy, manipulate it, shape it to meet our needs will allow us to eventually travel through time. Look at it this way, out there in space is probably a worm hole, through which one can essentially skip vast distances in mere moments. That could be the key. If we can generate our own worm holes like in sliders, we might be able to fudge the math enough to go not just from one place to another but also to another time. Since distance and time are forever linked. It's thouroughly facinating. I'm excited about the possibilities.

dumb mo fos

stuff swirling in my mind right now. About all the shit that's gone down since I left elementary school. I certainly wish I used my better judgement and got a girlfriend instead of dedicating myself to my studies in hopes that that would lead anywhere.

Turns out all there is to life is girls. You're the idiot if you think otherwise.

Now the shitkickers at work are kinda making me out to be the bad guy because I'm still a virgin. Believe me, I have no desire to still be one. It's just something I can't change about myself.

I see girls every day who I'd love to rape the shit out of, but yeesh is that a hard point to get to. So yeah, it's mighty aggravating to be bullied about something I have no control over.

i'm so tired of it. I want to just whoop the ass of all these guys making ME out to be the bad guy for doing what I was taught as a child, and keeping my dick in my pants. Shut the fuck up. I am probably going to end up killing one of these dumbasses if they don't. They think it's funny, chastise you for being girlfriendless, then insist you get married, or even imply that even if you get a girlfriend you'll be a bad parent. Sociopathic bastards really. They're either psycologically incapable of feeling emotions or they're enjoying seeing me suffer. I don't know... ultimately I'll have no choice but to kill them if they take it too far.

That's how  I'll roll. I'm not that kind of guy who'll just kill you for fun, no, but I don't like gayness. That's how I define it. If I feel like some dude is practically trying to grab my dick and put it in his ass, I'll kill him.

That's how a lot of the bullying is. It's a guy who just wants to be near you and talk to yu and touch you. All my life I've found that repulsive. yet it's how some dudes are. I get it, but you're fucking with the wrong guy if you think you can do that gay shit and not get hurt.

wrong motherfucking guy

to care or not to care

Gotta say, if nothing else, this life I've lived was educational. Learned a lot about the way some people think... for example, alright, I've been coming into awareness of politics. Which is extremely complex stuff... some people love to debate. I suppose it's their whole damn life, or something. But I go online one day while in college and a whole damn war starts up over superman's underwear size. There are people in this world who will not let something like that go, and the only way to bring about peace is to make them disappear. I no longer have much reservations against killing in light of discovering that about some people.

Then there's some dudes who are to me just crazy. They want to start trouble, it's something to do...

They CARE deeply about creating friction, stirring the pot. Me, I care about the things that I like, movies, cartoons etc. But not THAT MUCH... ;O wow, doesn't make me a coward for not wanting to go toe to toe with you on every aspect of batman, thanks... Keep whipping those 12 year old's asses though ya douche.

No, I care about girls, ass, titties, pussy. Problem is, some guys are out to use that as a sign of weakness... that I'm not smart enough to win a debate on gay rights or whatever, and shouldn't offer up an opinion.

heh, go fuck your boyfriend and enjoy it. I don't give a fuck And I never will.

shiiiiiit

got an 85 on the customs exam. so I'm in. FUCK YOU TSA, gonna make the big bucks now bitch. I'll be like a cop now I guess... not going to become an a-hole about it though, I'm just another guy doing a job he hates. Money money money, that's all it is...

What was I thinking about. I don't get it. As kids girls are so different, not like the crazy whores they become. I mean I love that a lot of girls are very sexual these days and just whip out the tits and shit online and you can see them doing all sorts of stuff, but it's awkward because I didn't grow up thinking they'd turn out like that. Girls were smart, serious, often boyish as kids. You dare not hit a girl, but other than that they were just people. Now... shit, it's hard to figure out why they all of a sudden become sluts and are seemingly proud of it. I'm not going to attempt to understand it... it is what it is.

Childhood = a lie. It's not going to make a damn difference later. All those dreams you have, the way the world seems from that age, no way. All the world is is a bunch of people struggling to figure out how to deal with their animalistic urges. 

Customs

Took the exam for customs and border protection... :/ I don't know... I feel like I'm not THAT stupid that I couldn't handle a more high level job than tsa, which is what it is, little security job to fuck around with while going after a degree or whatever more advanced thing you may be doing.

But boy was that test tough. I get that they want to weed out people who aren't intelligent enough to be amongst them... sure, but come on.... come on... I've seen what customs does, they're barely doing more than what we do at tsa, they just have guns, come on... I don't know really, but it definitely wasn't a fair thing to me anyway to have the test be that hard. And it wasn't just the difficulty level, it was that they gave us no time to do it.... It's got to be a joke test, to see if you really want to be in or not or something. Just like the asvab basically was just something to trick you into cracking open a book and studying something instead of being mentally lazy.

shit wasn't fun though. Haven't had to push my mind that hard in a while. Wonder who writes these damn tests, somebody out there is getting paid shitloads to do it, no doubt. I think it functions like tests given to kids do, they just want to identify if some super genius is in the room, so they can scoot him off to MIT or something like that... that's it. Damn sure I'm not going to be that guy, but that's how the whole thing works... at least here in america. We're very good at finding people at all levels who are super smart, so as not to miss them like in other countries where they're not giving a shit about people at a lower level. That's counter productive since you can have a super genius sweeping floors for the rest of his life... makes no sense.

Shit

solving the problem of teenage angst

Get them laid.

Really how fucking stupid is this world. I was watching some law and order episodes recently concerning the issue of teenagers and sexuality, which is to this day widely debated. A whole court room of grown men and women arguing about why a kid would rape another kid, whether it was too much sex on tv or sexual exploration or shit. He's horny. He's curious about why his body is changing.

And today I'm thinking about how i acted and kinda still do. It's sexual frustration that's the culprit. These guys for the most part like I was, are left up to the wind and blue sky about how to deal with their sexuality. They of course go craaaaaaazy because of it and I can only surmise that this amuses rich white people waiting to have a reason to lock up all these kids.

I've met these assholes, like garcia, they're sociopaths. They WANT to see the world burn, for fun. Those people exist and they need to be shut the fuck up and let us regular normal people do our thang.

Really what it comes down to is that most people don't "grow up" until they understand the responsibility of parenthood. I can't imagine why it is then that people want to keep kids in the dark about about one day becoming parents themselves. Then as in my case, throw them to the wolves if they don't coform and get married and all that shit. How retarded.

It's corporate isn't it. Keeping young adults "kids" for longer increases profits. That's what's going on. So sad...

Who to fuck

Thinking about it today... shit. It's crazy being black. I don't recommend it. People don't let it be known, but deep down they think you're crap. Like that old test they did in some psychology thing to see whether people are going to react a certain way to people of a certain race. And although they claim to be free of prejudices, they of course were racist anyway.

Which is why as a black person you're automatically guilty before being proven more guilty in any situation, walking on eggshells... I hate having to think about how I'm coming off to some sexy ass white girl, whether she thinks I'm going to taint her sweet vanilla ass with my chocolate bar.

It just is what it is. Not many people look at a black male and give a shit about him, whereas they see a young white guy or even asian and think he's a hotshot superstar.

It comes down to genes mostly, I'm well aware of how shitty most black males are... but who do you want to become in the next generation? Bottom of the barrel black or sleak handsome white or asian etc.  And what goes through a white girl's head when she chooses to get with a black dude? I see it pretty often these days. It's weird. I don't understand these chicks. Must have daddy issues, typically a lot of white girls get back at their parents by having black babies.

They're doing themselves no favors since this world's from my perspective no where near as awesome as the white one. I mean, look at fucking TSA, do you see the racial slant there up in that shit. And the saddest part is how the military tried to make me out to be some representative to the blacks as if to say my shortcomings represents the whole black race if I don't measure up to their white recruits or some shit. Utterly absurd, I'm not even fully black. But more than proving their attitudes towards blacks as being poor.... ya know...

well anyway there's this girl who's hot at work, name's Ashley. She got some big titties and nice plump ass. She's a goddamn beautiful black girl. I get all aroused around her and shit and she seems stupid enough to actually give a guy like me a chance. She's a little like me, sorta crazy. But I'm having trouble making sense of what it would be like to actually have a life with this kind of girl. Me if I had it my way, I'd hit up a white girl, not to piss off the KKK, but to actually try something new. My god, it'd be fascinating.

Hell though, way things are these days even black girls think they're the best catch. It's awful how there's so many fat chicks out there, ANY girl with a decent body gets held up as this unattainable greek goddess... used to not be that way. Fucking women used to think they were lucky to land a decent man, now it's all crazy...

Oh well. I ain't going to make any fuss. Just going to watch this whole world collapse in on itself.

Fool time

Shit's got real. I started full time TODAY at my job at tsa. Bad way to start being late because they didn't call me to tell me when I start, but that doesn't bother me. I'm about to be very wealthy, well at least more than I thought I'd be. I've done it... everything I planned to do after high school, got it now...

Not bad for a ding dong bell like me I'd say...

I don't even know what to do with all my money I'm about to be banking, save and save some more for now... Don't need to be worrying about my next meal...

My goals are as follows and I will aggressively pursue them:

Learn Spanish because bilingual people are doing fine in this society. Can't go wrong with a second or third language, just can't.

Body BUILD. My body type is purely mesomorph. I'm built to gain huge muscles and used to have them anyway... :?/

GET SOME PUSSY. I ain't fucking around. I see ass every day and it's just not fair to be stuck in this prison called virginity. If everyone's fucking, I should too. No need to feel guilty about something like that.

Work on becoming a pilot. That's it for me. The whole enchilada. Don't care about anything else.

Kidults

Getting sick of these people. And this kinda goes for older people, but generally they're less annoying. I mean the 20something asshat who got a degree and now walks all over people to make himself look badass. I've met too many and I didn't need to have their stupid educational credentials flaunted in my face, yet like a 10 year old with a new toy that's exactly what these assholes do.

You realize that you're supposed to be above such behavior because you belong to a higher social class don't you?

I'll give you all an example. So I'm at work, I'm having a pretty shitty day and then some guy I've never met starts harassing me for his own amusement. I as usual figure he'll disappear at some point, but he doesn't. He goes on and on about how he grew up in africa and had a crazy childhood and came to america and he's so tough and badass. I of course don't give a shit, but I don't draw any conclusions either way about him either. Then he starts playing with my mind using what he learned in college. It's not what he says that infuriates me, it's the blatant misuse of his education to harass a coworker that pushes me over the edge and I tear him aapart as best as I can verbally as a man should to another man who needs an ass whooping. I knew I couldn't beat him, but I just wanted to let him know that someone will have the balls to stand up to him at some point if he goes and tries that macho bullshit all the time.

Ok, get this all you hot shot college grads. I don't give a fuck about your degree. Its purpose is to get a good job, not to go around pissing on people. And you'll learn the truth about life when you actually start living it than reading about it for 4 years while masturbating...

you think I'm stupid?

do you?

I have been studying human behavior, psychology, nutrition, BITCHES all on my own because I had no choice and I'm confident in my knowledge to such an extent that I know for certain what the future holds, hell I always knew, and that's why I don't care about a degree. What's it for anyway, to educate yourself enough to defend yourself against other degree holders? Self fullfilling prophecy?

Yeesh, its so confounding. Yeah so i write a bunch of reports and master the english language. I learn words like abnegate, remonstrance, appertain, liminal, etc etc etc, and then I STILL CAN'T GET LAID. I'm not even joking. How horrible is this world that we're dead eyed serious about teaching kids the complexities of mitochondria or some shit but won't go near the subject of sex. Its why we're all here.

So it doesn't bother me in the least that you buckled down and studied a bunch of shit and you're smarter than me. Some gay dude is smarter than me. I'm still better than him. THAT'S THE REAL WORLD.

True art comes from the heart

a revelation if you will...

That's why I'm never going to get no girl pregnant ever. I mean today that girl melanie rubbed up on me and it made me feel good but I'm never having no kids no matter how good looking she is or fun it would be to do a girl. I'll stick with porn my internet buddies.

When I was like thinking about marrying this chick in florida I was going to high school with, something changed in me. I wanted to get really stable job, take care of my woman, shit like that that most men end up doing, and I support that fully, but I'm not meant for that life.

Not as an artist anyway. It felt wrong to abandon my innocent childlike perspective for a more rigid world view. No way... and no fun either.



I'm the maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.