Anybody for some chess

Have been passing the time at tsa by playing chess on my phone. Difficulty setting 4 which is like makes the comp good but not ridiculous. I've been into chess since I played it as a child, then joined the chess club at school, where I met some of the worst self centered little smarty pants fuckers i'd had the displeasure to come across. Sadly didn't really do much in there but be overwhelmed by the dudes in there who were more experienced than me. Therein lies the problem with school. It's more about discouraging one from learning by bombarding you with endless amounts of complicated shit.

so after that experience I threw my chess set away in favor of my art hobby and videogames. But recently due to an influence from delta, where the dudes in transfers play chess all day, I decided to get back into it. I know this much... you have to suffer through failure before you get better at something, ya know just smooth down the rough edges before you become more experienced. I know now why I lost so many games in chess club. It's because I didn't know the little tricks and little tactics etc that can be employed to win against a total noob or whoever.

Theres a buttload that I've picked up on. Like castling with the bishop right in the middle between the pawns, works wonders, moving a pawn so that the queen can't just rush in and get an easy rook. Knowing that removign the knights from the board is high prioity since those mother fuckers are a painus in the anus. If you use those bitches right, you can fuck over a opponent with ease.

what else, it's essential to allow the rooks to move freely and not be trapped in their first positions fucking forever. Sorry I'm saying fuck a lot because I keep remembering being screamed at by this bitch that I pissed off when she was having a bad day, totally caught me off guard and saying fuck and fuck and fuck cuz she was so irate. I don't feel bad because I'm not playing nice with girls anymore. I don't hate them in fact quite the opposite, but I know nice is like kryptonite to them. sad really...

Back to the topic. It's awesome fun to seek out ways to win, although it's more about solving the puzzle of how to win than the winning in itself. Like, how can I improve my opening. Here's the fucking truth, the opening probably decides who wins and loses. I've done openings a certain way and yeilded utter failure. I mean some how that guy got a knight and queen close enough to where I coouldn't do shit, and had to play defense the whole time, all because I left a wide gap in the pawns. That's a real wrinkle in the surface at times. every move counts except those you don't want to count, like if you just want to have the oppenent move his pieces and shit so you can have room to breath on the board you just make useless back and forth moves to get hims to have no choice but to do shit.

Bought my niece and nephew a chess set since I've had so much fun learning the game's little intricacies. Doubt they'll really be as into it as I am, but whatever. I don't subscribe the the belief that 18 is some kind of magic age when you're done developing. I'm still fucking retarded about life and sigh, what can I do about it. It's out of my hands. I mean, not to bring her up too much because she's like no longer an issue, but yeah meeting garcia kind of... woke me up. She's not human, one of those people who'll focus all their power on destroying you for their own pleasure. No mercy. Or at least she puts out that appearance of ruthlessness. I don't know. I played nothing but bluffs around her whenever she'd go buck wild and start practically reciting the encyclopedia to me because she probably remembers every word of it. I'm just like wtf about that shit, don't come to this job acting like you working at fucking pentagon. But as a Man I new I had one ace in the hole no matter how smart she was, she ain't going to lift a finger to get her pussy filled with dick. Too bad I'm black tho. If I was white she wouldn't have been so quick to walk all over me. Her last kind of fuck you to me was to look down on me as if I was a lowly little animal, so she is racist I said to myself... knew it. I mean I know a lot of shit about the difference between who we pretend to be and who we really are after going through the basic training, thats what they do they bring your real self to the surface.

I just lack the discipline to use the what I know wisely but I'm not retarded about it. I do take measured steps with how I approach her and others. It's just very complicated trying to manipulate but not be obvious about it.

usually i just say fuck it and tell the truth or go to the extreme since I'm not in a subtle mood most of the time... ok thats it.

Simple Life

If I ever get a chance to fuck a girl, I'm puttin my dick in her ass so as not to have a chance of impregnating her.

Saw Garcia on the bus after work. She looked at me as I came on, then I just kinda made like I fell asleep and didn't even look at her so I don't know if she was still looking at me or not. Shitty situation to be in because I told her we'd never see each other again and then one day, boom. But it's no big deal. Shit, I ain't working saturdays ever again. And unless some stars align we'll likely not be working same shifts and shit. It's like how I haven't seen guys I worked with for months anymore. It is what it is, you change shifts, you don't see those people. Or moreover you change jobs and you don't see those guys you were once so close to on a daily basis.

She looked good though, nice and healthy and still the most gorgeous girl working delta. Got me thinking about if I still had a chance with her. But no, damn fool to think that.

I live a simple life. Free. Do what I want, how I want, anywhere in the world I want. My friend arega said I have a chance to go to other countries than US where the girls there love foreign guys with lots of money and I'd be drowning in the pussy over there, so I'm good. I've got this huge opportunity. And a really good job now that's cake to do. I guess buckling down and struggling to get through school while avoiding all the delicious b0ootay around me actually paid off?

I got the easiest airport to work at, LGA, the easiest tsa job, bag room scanning, the dudes I work with are cool and smart, and so far I've come across some good looking little babes around tsa and the airport in general. Life for me is almost too good. I'm scared it'll reveal itself to some day all be a dream and I'm actually still back at delta being bullied by the losers who work there. And make no mistake, they are LOSERS, acting as if they've accomplished anything with their lives because they toss luggage around for pennies, and yet YOU are the real failure at life, not them. It's a head trip the way they pretend they're the pillars of the company when they are truly exactly what delta wants them to be, little desperate disposable shitheads who have no where else to go for money.

If everything goes as planned, I'll be well on my way to financial security once I begin playing the stock market. takes money to make it as they say and it's true. just need time to learn what I need to learn about finances and investing. Having the ability to be anywhere in the world doesn't hurt either. I wonder where I should travel next week...

batman erection shit

i aint puttin the real title cuz wb going nuts rite now dawg

TSA

I guess i should get more into my new job rather than skirt around what I'm doing nowadays. I'm a tso now, or will be once I pass the last few examinations. It's hard to get into tsa and it's REALLY hard to get into tsa after you start training, so all these folks claiming tso's are retarded high school dropouts need to actually get their foot into the door and experience it. You're being trained to handle the public, find bombs, work complicated machinery, and it's not easy... it's just so much shit to memorize and be tested on, didn't know it was gonna be like this.

I can't even tell you here what I know because they make a big deal about revealing gov secrets to the public, so it's not a joke.

make no mistake though, I don't suck their dicks either. I'm just more aware now than I used to be about who tso's are, kinda more than just mall cops, a lot more.

we'll see. the real test will be dealing with someone who's batshit insane. Not looking forward to that. I've had my share of that at delta just from coworkers. You can't walk away, you have to fight back but not to the point where you give these fuckers what they want which is your full attention. It's a slippery slope to tip toe on, but I know what to do in some respect. It's as simple as not giving a kid a toy they're crying for... or behaviorally modifying a dog to do what you want..

I didn't know it at the the time but I unintentionally ignored an asshole coworker who was saying something smartassish to me and he became furious after that, actively hunting me down for attention like a little kid. It'll not be easy but it works. If you ignore or dismiss people's bullshit, their real intention is revealed, that all they want is for you to acknowledge them.

But anyway, yeah I'm glad I'm at a point where I think I'll get a good basic life going for myself instead of the leap of faith that is college. I honestly had no intention of doing anything else but working for the airforce till I died, so this is no big difference... gov job, follow the rules, get paid. Of course only dif is that I'm not going into war, but how many airmen are in the front lines, they told me that's not their purpose. So either way I'd be prettymuch behind the scenes.

Seems like they have some kind of degree program in the tsa too. Associates shit. If I can do that, I might be alright although associates is basically a black man's ticket to the supervisor position at mcdonalds, so it ain't all that...

The aftermath of defeat

It's a cold feeling, something akin to being hopeless. Today, they did some shit in tsa training i didn't see coming and so I fumbled through it without much idea what i was doing and of course I felt nervous and totally botched it. It's hard fucking up in front of people. You want to get it right.

I tell myself, that's the way it is, you're going to make mistakes, but I don't particularly like it... not at all...

I kind of just brace for the impact of failure rather than laugh at it and move on. I guess I'm taking it too seriously, but that's who I am, I don't like to fail at anything.

Here's the rub though, you have to be able to fail and still persist. I mean, at times playing a videogame i've fucked up again and again and again and then when I'm contemplating quitting and just chucking the game out the window, I say what's one more round, and because i know the ins and outs of the level, I finally beat the fucker. It hurt to get to that point but it was ultimately more satisfying to realize that I had the tenacity to keep trying.

and this is no different. I'll be damned if I lose this job. I worked so hard to get it. I'm going to keep at it no matter how much i suck at it initially.

The Dark Joker

I just watched burton's first batman movie on my new HD tv recently that I bought on Nigger friday as I call it.

I FIRMLY STAND BY MY BELIEF NOW THAT IT STILL REIGNS AS THE KING OF BATMAN FILMS.

Probably to this day it's debated on superherohype or other forums about batman which batman is the bestest evah. Hell even some sick fuck like gomer-tonic still spins the same prequel love for nearly a decade... so I have no doubt...

It's what it is. I'm not going to fight the internet, there's too many hot girls outside my house to do that. Was in the airport in california and flirted with some cutie, goddamn I'm getting good at it, maybe some day get some pussy... maybe...

Anyway, If you dared say word one about not liking batman begins 100 percent, you were stomped out flat by the batmob back in the day. So now of course we're 3 years after the dark knight and yeah nobody's sucking begin's dick anymore now that a sleaker prettier batman thing exist. One wonders then how long this too will last before people abandon tdk too in favor of tdkr.

I do like the dark knight, but not as a batman movie. It's the joker's funhouse guest starring batman, oddly enough a serious complaint about the orignal burton movie, depleting any last bit of credibility the batmob had I'd say... BUT having seen burton's movie and studied it with more mature eyes, it's absolutely NOT joker's movie. It's a poetic, passionate exploration of batman's mystical qualities and fractured personality. Burton creates a mythical aura around batman, something nolan's movies have been talking about more than showing us. We get more "become a legend" shit than we do of seeing batman being a legend which is what burton does by embracing batman's comic bookish fantasy elements.

Some fucker flips over an alley wall with two swords, shows off a lot by swinging his blades, approaches batman and the two duel, then as he goes in for the second strike, batman says fuck it and kicks him square in the face and he drops lifeless. HOLY SHIT. THAT'S THE GODDAMN BATMAN. Where's this type of fun moment in nolan's movies? Not silly, just fun or in other words indulgence of the character's larger than life qualities. All this is given to Ledger's Joker actually. Nolan made him what he should have made batman, FUN AND COOL. Burton did this for BOTH joker and batman in his movie.

Which's totally amped up to ridiculously glorious levels as batman ascends the church at the end and whoops joker's goon's asses with some of the best comic book movie fight scenes ever honestly. I don't really recall shit that happened in a similar scene in TDK as batman fights his way towards the joker, not so with burton's film.

And then there's the batwing sillouetted against the MOON- JESUS CHRIST: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUqGwnAolSs

What's worse, Burton didn't have 5 batman movies before him to look at and say "that sucked let's not do that" but Nolan did so of course he avoided a lot off errors, yet somehow still made plenty anyway... and his movie's dominated by a character who wasn't in the first movie and has no depth at all...

Burton ftw.

Why I'm never going back to college

Because it's GAY. But besides that... just read an article on cnn about the exorbitant cost of colleges and whether all that money is worth it.

First of all, I never wanted to go. Society drills it into our heads as kids that college is the ticket to food and shelter, period. Honestly I still don't know if that's true. It seems to have worked for my cousin and sister although they're in massive debt so i'm not sure how that helped them. Further more some asshole staff sargent in the airforce lied to me claiming i'd get officer side if i busted ass and scored higher on the asvab. I did and he didn't give me shit as a result. That's what i suspect college is all about, tricking young gullible "kids" into doing some studying so that they're better for the corporation.

Ya know, I'm studying spanish right now, and I'm becoming proficient at it as time goes on. I COULD be getting college credits for learning it, but WHY? I'm getting what I want without paying a cent... Hell I know I could probably learn anything if I wanted to and dedicated the time to it. So once again, why do I need someone standing in a classroom telling me to go back to my dorm room and follow the lesson in the book and computer?

Sadly it's a majority rules situation. And shut the fuck up if you don't like it. Anyone who expresses their disinterest in college is stomped out by the madmen and women in charge of these million/probably billion dollar industries.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO.

We men built college and we men and decide to say FUCK YOU to college if we so desire. You won't learn how to be a man by going to college either. You'll get a shitload of sperm all over your dorm, bullied and harrassed by a bunch of power mad assholes who think they're above everyoen because they're in some lowest common denominator last resort diploma mil just a hair above devry, and of course more debt than you'll ever have in your life.

So no, I'll just stick with tsa and delta, travel the world, live free, get paid, something I wouldn't be doing if I worked at corporate or whatever a degree gets you. It's funny, ever since I landed my job at delta for having struggled at jfk for 3 years, all these college graduates have been beging me for free flight privilege, what does that tell you...

Life goes on

I still feel the sting from the rejection from Garcia, sucks because I really liked her a lot, but in life one must be able to press on beyond adversity. So I did. I went to work the next day. Morning shift is sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet... boy oh boy, it's like having a real job almost and not this ludicrous slave labor I've been doing. I breezed through it except for being kind of jaded by the shift in time schedules, but once I get into the groove of dci, I'm good. Just hope tsa don't give me mornings because then I'm fucked.

Still I've been narrow focused for so long on garcia's big bubbly ass and tits that I forgot girls are all over the place. Fucking gorgeous ones too. Went to wendy's and the cashier there was hot. I was driving and although I'd go to jail for it, plenty of hot as hell high school bitches walking around with nice tight young bodies ready to get fucked.

I win.

at least I tried

Today was the final day with the hottie I work with... what can I say... it went well except for the end. I worked hard at keeping my mouth shut the whole day because I wanted to leave her alone ya know... the day prior she REALLY stuck it to me, nay it was friday when she slammed me. I brushed it off etc, but it was clear how she felt about me even after all the times i've helped her etc. She wants me to back off...

It's a sad end really. Didn't have to be this way. There was a time when we could have been good friends, but I knew all along there was never going to be a middle of the road, not with a girl that looks like her. We were going to fuck or be enemies. And here at last I have the full honest answer... let's just say if we meet again it'll be hard to say hello.

What really hurts is that she basically watched my ego melt and barely had any sympathy. It's my fault really. I knew I was semi-stalking her and that she'd get pissed off by it but I didn't care, really I felt justified because of how long I've been waiting for a girlfriend. I felt like maybe god intended it be us together, hell why of all the days we don't work together we're working together on her last day there. It all adds up.

so I asked her for her autograph seeing how she's a singer. I know... kinda odd request. She was in no mood for my antics and kindly declined me. Which sucked ass because I did nothing but respect her space all day and wasn't up her ass about anything. SHE uttered the first word to me... a foolish thing to do on her part because that would open the flood gates of bullshit from my end. But I kept my focus on getting all our work overwith so she could get the hell out of there.

Bitter sweet end. I'm glad I didn't ask for a picture with her because I knew she'd turn it all political and ask me why I didn't want pics with all the scruffy looking shitheads I work with, why just her. SO the autograph thing made sense to try, since she told me she's in a band, and all that.

She said no because she's done with me. Had too much and is looking forward to me not being around anymore. I knew it would be this way. hell it was always this way, I just wittled away at her hard exterior and got her to semi-like me for a moment where she was probably contemplating me as a boyfriend material until she realized I'm a nobody.

Either that or she felt no reason to give me an autograph considering we'd cross paths at work. Little does she know or care that our schedules won't match up. I won't see her at all.

But at least I tried. I had the BALLS to ask her nicely for it and I'm proud of that. I was terrified to ask her for a damn thing. The easy way would have been to let things run their course and not say shit to her and that would be it. I feel awful but I'm still me, i still love girls, there's tons of them, no where near this girl's level but hey, I feel more ballsy now honestly after spending so much time with Garcia.

She is amazing.

Tough Choices 2

Damn... How unexpected and funny... I want to record this here since at the time I wasn't smart enough to take photos and video. and what does it matter anyway, what happened happened and we're pass it now. But it was biblical really... Saturday I'm scheduled to work ok, but the weather is horrible so I call out... then I get the feeling that I should try to make good on my work day anyway and hopefully get some time with garcia, I'm not against hanging out with her in any capacity... well we're like on rocky ground even after she gets some help from me in finding a person to work for her. So I'm not expecting her to be cool towards me. Nay, in fact it was the day before that we worked on the same gate and she was being oddly nicer to me than usual. Then the next day come and the weather's just shitty as all hell, and there's no easy way to do the job, we're going to have to suck up all the pain and over the course of the day as I do what I do and take care of business, she becomes far more mellow and cool, because really I think she was terrified, never experienced work conditions like that and because I was there to help her get through it, she stopped being so bitchy. I wing walked so she could go inside and get warm. I put my ass on the line to get the fligh unloaded while she stayed warm inside the belly, stuff like that. I consciously did what I could to keep her safe and she I guess knew it all along because she told me to "need to stop being so melodramatic and take care of myself" showing me she's actually got some respect for me left after all the shit we've been through.

I know what Im doing with this girl and then I don't know what I'm doing which is where I'm in the dark and need to be careful. Because she responds so well to bad boy attitudes even when she doesn't want to, so there I know how to manipulate her a bit by taking charge and manning up, she becomes very feminine/submissive and does what I ask her to do. From this I take it that I could go a step forward and really take control of her, but who am I to do that? Nobody... she's gorgeous, highly intelligent, has a higher class level than me with her associates degree, but should that stop me? One thing is for sure, the guy who's got the guts to not let "no" stop him is going to get the prize. I won't lie. I want her. She's funny, smart, and tough as a stone, goddamit, she's unbelievable and I'm not even exaggerating. She's something beyond human this girl... definitely worthy of a great man... we'll see. I have one last chance to go for it or its over for good..

darkness before the light

strange... little update. I'm not on the girl's favorite people list or anything but as I hoped by mostly leaving her be, she's stopped being a total bitch, just semi-bitch and I don't know what to do with that except accept it and move on...

right now... wow, like I theorized the way this job is, you can bust your ass all night and day but every flight is considered your first. some dude I've never seen before in my life at delta treats me like I'm new to the job even though I've been working that gate for a long while. I felt aggrivated but he soon disappeared and I didn't see him for the rest of the day and things went back to normal. It's just a real whats the word, sad part of working delta, it doesn't matter how long you work there how good you are, all that matters is when you mess it up. that's all they'll notice. You're disposable cups.

Thank GOD I'm about to get my real job. I think I'll stick with TSA for life. I like the uniforms, they look like a cool organization, at least the tsa people I've met seem like they're more classy and intelligent and not like looking to eat each other alive like on the ramp... that's what kills me really, some people that work these kinds of jobs literally get up out of their bed eat breakfast, drive to work, then look for someone to fuck with to pass the time at work. Seriously, you'll find that's the case because they're bored and they can get away with it. simple as that.

You just finish loading a flight or whatever, you're dead tired, you go to sit down and chill inside then some asshole takes all his frustrations in life out on you. it's too much...

soon though things are going to get a lot better... i feel like I'm on the bottom now but soon I'll forget why I felt so bad.

Tough Choices

I made a serious error in judgment that will now lead to me abandoning my intention to potentially start a relationship or whatever with this hot girl i work with. I don't know what I'm doing with girls, and as it is, I guess I screwed it all up trying to be funny and sending her some pic of me at the delta party. She was not happy and scolded me in a reply. I'm hurt but at the same time I've actually planned for something like this to happen, just in case she totally rejects me, I'd accept it as what was an inevitable backlash to my increasing our working days together... I mean, it is what it is, a gamble... I was planning to start some funny convo with her tomorrow but fuck it now... show her the party vids etc... I'll say hi and that's it. Get the work done and fuck off. It's lame but that's how it's got to be... I've put in too much time at this place to have my life fucked over by some good looking girl... that dude i worked with was right, women just bog your mind down really make you lose focus.

I hate her now.

BLEW IT

worst pick up lines ever. "i know you hate me...' fuck sake... way to set the stage. she went crazy after that insisting I'm trying to put words in her mouth. I didn't know what to do, never had a girl semi-like me putting me down like that. I've had nothing but girls kicking my ass of course, but this one's different, she's cool with me, not anymore. It's over, got to just move on, though I don't want to... she's told me so much about her personal life, shit she probably never told anyone. It's like we know each other as old friends almost. and I wanted this, I specificially increased my work days with her in order to get to know her, only problem is she's way out of my league. fucking using all sorts of high level vocabulary words and shit, damn bitch, relax...

tsa time

So me and garcia had a long chat all day on saturday, which I instigated to hopefully get into her head a little. She's extremely bright. I knew she was smart, but not only does she have an associates degree, but she's part of a band, and has an interest in the arts etc... strange the people you find doing these jobs. She's only doing it for the reason she accused me of, to fly... whatever. I honestly didn't think I had a chance with her because she's so beatuful, now I really don't think I have a chance because she's lightyears beyond me intellectually.

But she knows I'm no slouch in the brains department either, and I think she's sympathetic towards my situation, being young guy with no real experience with girls, so she's really not going to be a hardass to me anymore I hope...

Nevermind that, I've set my backup plan in motion. Ace in the hole as I said long ago. The tsa called me and now I'm going to pursue employment with them, and hopefully keep up at delta too although if i have to choose one over the other it'll be tsa. They're not fucking around with this 'no benefits' position like delta does... at least i can go to the doctor or whatever and they pay for it and the money's better and im doing far less work. it'd be stupid not to do it.

which is why i kind of went nuts in front of that girl i must admit. considering that i may never see her again EVAR, i decided to leave a big impression and really that's why i kept asking her stuff, but she was very open to me to my surprise, i can only guess it's because we have a subtle bond over our experiences working together that she's willing to tell me so much about her personal life, or maybe she's just being a stupid girl who never knows when to keep things to herself... i don't know... but i'm more than sure she's not gay now. just the way she looks at me she had this i'll suck your dick look and she does that thing girls do when they're thinking about touching a man, she's so straight yet puts on this lesbo facade, it's so stupid.

one more round

strange the gifts god gives us for taking chances... so i say screw it and when i have a chance talk to this girl. couldn't have gone smoother... and she was very flirty, it was nice... best not to spoil it by getting on her bad side again. dont need that to be burdened with honestly...

stars at night oh so bright

Garcia garcia garcia, what am I ever going to do with you my dear... so ok, she hates me, but we were forced to work together last sunday... I'm in total military mode, not going to get personal, just get the job done and bounce. the day goes by like that, she doesn't even want to talk to me, just makes non-verbal hand gestures to respond to anything I say... I get the messsage.... then as time goes on, we're forced to work side by side, and despite her efforts to block me from getting through to her, we inevitably communicate and to my surprise I make her smile with a sly remark. From this point forward and after seeing how effective I am at the job, even teaching her how to use the light switch in a 737, she lowers the bitch shield and though still not totally open up to me, she's talking to me asking me questions like what time it is... stuff she wouldn't do before... I felt so good about how things went... it's like when a cat starts trusting you and feeling relaxed around you...

then all of it went to hell. Probably for the first time ever she nearly died doing the job. My friend driving a tug goes in reverse by accident and if she was in between the carts like she'd been mere seconds before, she would have been crushed. Forget all the good vibes and friendliness, she was enraged after that and verbally assaulted me afterwards when I was displaying my exhaustion from lifting so much, she screams at me to get to work or get out of the way... sigh...

I don't know what to do... This is how it is... I've from the start shown nothing but concern for her safety even questioning why she works here and then expressing my own fears of being killed on the job to her. So she KNOWS I know death is around every turn here, so maybe that's why she decided to belittle me after she was nearly killed, I don't know... she wants to make it clear she's not afraid to work this job despite her size and gender, but really who cares so much that you have to prove that... no one wants this job, it's just quick money and freedom to fly. there's no shame in hating it.

And on top of that, I just don't know if I can get over her and move on ya know... she's so strange with the way she seems to indicate she's willing to get courted etc. so I don't know how to approach anything. she's just so hot, that's the problem. If she was an average person, I wouldn't think so much about it... I guess that's part of her game, oh I'm so hot and stuff yet I work this crappy job, look at how badass I am. Now the game is serious, and whatever attention whoring she was doing has backfired and she's now having to make a choice of whether she's in this for the long run or just for the attention because it's going to get worse, not better as winter approaches, and she can't handle anything but ramp ops.

I'll take the approach of giving her space. I know after I nearly got killed, I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay working there, it was hard to go back into the shit knowing it could be over, for real, and you couldn't do anything about it... you want to go get some pussy at least before dying, ya know... you don't feel safe... this kind of job, after doing it for months without getting hurt you feel special like you have divine protection while others are the ones who are the regular people, then one day you're proven completely wrong... she's already been down that road though... in fact it's probably one of the reasons she doesn't like me, I'm a constant reminder to her of when she put her foot in her mouth. she knows I like her though, I think... so it's not like I'm a threat to her. but every guy likes her there... what she wants to have between us is competition, friction, something interesting...

Well all this shit going on at work... it's certainly not boring...

pilots

I drive home with a friend from work since he lives far from the airport too... I told him how I always wanted to talk to the pilots, and in fact it's one of the reasons I got the job, so I could be in closer proximity to them and learn as much as possible about aircraft etc... I asked my boss whether it'd be fine to talk to the pilots during lunch... He said no to my surprise because during lunch they're probably taking a break from dealing with people, trying to get some personal space etc... so he then tells me the best time to talk to them is when they're setting up for a flight because a lot of times they're not that busy and just going through a boring routine and are definitley willing to talk...

aside from the strange and confusing tude i was getting from garcia, I decided enough was enough and went up to talk to not one but three pilots all setting up for a departure on a 767, very large aircraft. I felt like it was unwise to bother them at least on such a huge plane with a lot more weight and passengers... but no... he was very candid, very informative and instructed me on how they made it to becoming pilots. there are two pathways, civilian or military... I guess I'll try the civilian one now since the mil didn't work... I just wish I felt better about going back to work with this chick, but that's not going to deter me.

I will be a pilot...

addendum

I suppose it's appropriate to make absolutely clear my reasons why I feel betrayed and unsettled by what has transpired today. I had no reason to believe our once amicable interactions would suddenly turn so sour. It hurts worse because it was such an unexpected turn.

I will survive this, no doubt, but such a blatant unfiltered and totally clean cut disaffection was shocking and will take time to heal.

It's definitely true that you should never start a relationship with someone you have no choice but to see at work from time to time.

Maybe it's my fault I think... I've been swapping out frequently with other coworkers to my own admission so that I can see her every day. I declare now that my intentions have changed. She will no longer be a reason to go to work. My plan has always been to get closer and closer to my dream of flying planes. period.

I don't know what to do next, that's the thing... we'll meet again, possibly even work together.... the question is, will we speak with one another with friendly or hostile tones... I have no interest any more of pursuing her as a friend.... not that I thought I'd even get that far, but we were going in that direction, then suddenly, screeching halt as she's decided to kick me to the curb. why... what did I do that turned her off???

the thing is that I try to befriend all of my coworkers, some respond well, others respond negatively and we don't go down that road... it's not because she's hot or anything, that's just who I am, outgoing and friendly and clownish... she's attempting anyway to be a tough no-nonsense leader and I guess take the job super seriously. So our personalities clash there although she knows I'm really fucking smart so I'm not just going to mess around... so complicated, this girl. I see her allowing the other guys to shit all over her and comment on her big tits and she herself watches rap videos and lowest common denominator shit on the internet, but then she also reads books and wears dorky glasses to convey her true self which is a nerdy girl who's determined to work the job intelligently rather than brutishly.

why the sudden blocking of me, why after she responded so well to my showcase of intellect and humor... it's maddening. She didn't have to brush me off today, if she didn't like what I said, just tactfully giggle and move on, don't make it bluntly clear that you don't want to deal with me today... so then as the day goes on, I decide to try again, maybe she was just thinking about something else and didn't have time to respond fully to my joke, but no... make no mistake, once I again comment on her glasses, she indicates that she wants me out of her space... I then because I respect her, ignore her for the rest of the evening... which hurt because we were developing good pleasant vibe between us... not personal just normal everyday friendliness between two like-minded individuals. so I'm in a state of shock right now at how fucked over everything is.

I will drop everything and just go to work and do it and go home just like in the old days before I knew she existed... what a fucking joke though.

so gay

that girl at work must have had a bad day or something because just as I think the door is open to start being playful with her, she basically signals me to fuck off and never talk to her... wow.

you got it... I've never been disillusioned enough to believe I had a chance at your ass. Just sucks ya know, I intended to be a semi-friend... not this hardcore-fuck-you guy that's common on blue collar jobs. fine...

fine...

I think I know what went wrong. She slipped on her attitude of usually not opening herself up to her coworkers. She's the hottest girl at delta so EVERY guy wants to fuck her. So she usually doesn't let people get near her and in fact she has some huge dudes who protect her on the job... but because I'm intelligent and funny and make her laugh, she THOUGHT it'd be cool to start chatting with me. I was completely caught off guard by it and fumbled through the conversation, hoping to survive... which I thought I did, but apparently I did not. My buddy at work says to not let it bother me, she doesn't give a damn about a lot of guys she works with and I'm no different... ah, but I am... that's the rub.

We have an odd crazy relationship as coworkers. She at first hated me, then grew to admire and respect my work ethic, and later learning I'm former military, it became clear that I'm not someone to be easily forgotten. And I'm not, I'm a pretty big personality at delta. Lots of people know me and stuff. So she can't no matter how hard she wants to try just forget I exist... seems like she wants to though. Why is the question... I guess it's because I got to her, broke her shield down, possibly made her think I'd be boyfriend material for a second... then she realized she was fucking up her whole plan to ignore guys like me and put the force field back on.

I sit here wondering whether to continue trying to have a decent convivial interaction with her or do what she does and basically work together but don't get personal.

sucks because I was really starting to like her for more than her great ass... she's a good person. such a shame I'll have to make a leap now into abandoning my previous intention to befriend her... so gay.

Garcia

Strange... Today was interesting... I work with this girl who's a real quirky chick but she's stunning, booooooooooobs, and great face, and highly intelligent... she could be a model or a great porn star, but by her own words prefers working this job. Like I said before, many think she's lesbo, but I know she's not.

So I'm at the bus stop wearing my ghostbusters shirt because I do that. And she walks over and comments on how maybe there's something strange in my neighborhood. I'm of course struggling to maintain composure, I AM NOT COMFORTABLE TALKING TO THIS GIRL, or any girl, and I'm just drawing blanks in my mind as to what to say. I don't want to say what I really want to say "let me suck yo tittays bitch" but yeah... I kept my cool and tried to act all uninterested in ramming her ass. shit was awkward...

then something funny happend. I'm a joker, ya know, I play around, so I claim to have quit the job, and she reacts emotionally saddened to hear it, and questions me on whether I'm serious or not. I melted inside...

Yesterday... like, I don't know, I did give her advice on proper hydration, right, just something I thought would help because she told me she had to pee one time, so It made sense to give her some tips on that stuff... so from then on she's been way awesome towards me, and asking me stuff and being interested in getting to know me.

Now I don't know what to do. I don't want to go crazy and try to get into her pants and then totally turn her off, but I don't want this to end, I LIKE IT. I believe after all the shit I've been through I deserve a bit of happiness, but I can't drag a girl like her onto the sinking ship that is my life. It's just that she's already there and seems to like it. She can die any day on the job, same as me... I have nothing to lose trying to get with her... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhh...

I ain't scared of trying. I'm scared of being the wrong guy for her, most of all. She deserves a super great guy. I don't know, maybe she already has him and all, but she seems to be lost on that front, same as me. as a female, she's not going to do shit squat to find a mate... man, why'd she have to get this job, and mess up my once clear head. I worked and worked and worked and muscled my way through the job in my quest to one day learn what it takes to be a pilot or whatever, and she shows up. First I see her in the cafeteria, then one day on the ramp and I teach her how we deal with late bags, then months later we're in the same zone and she's furious with me as our first real interaction, fucking wonderful... now she's turned off the psycho attitude and she respects me to some degree because I'm not just another retarded black fucker at this job... what the hell does she want? she must be fully aware of how she makes dudes feel on the job, maybe she gets a kick out of it...

so funny

Thoughts on Failure

I shouldn't beat myself up really, so many people have it worse than me, but my ego is certainly I'd say unforgiving enough that I cannot let it go.

I don't fail. I strive to be the best at whatever it is I'm given to do.

So when it happens, I'm often utterly bewildered and seek out an answer for why it happened. The car accident. The forums I've been to and the stuff that's transpired. The military... and now an incident that I alone started at work, which if I was smarter about, wouldn't have happened. and worst of all it happened right in front of the man who signs my checks. Though mere moments earlier he screwed up on the tow in, so that takes the pressure off, but we're not friends, more like frienemies. He'll still throw me under the bus even though he's a cool guy.

I said I'm trained to keep moving forward no matter the obstacle or issue that may be at hand. Yes... but I have such a heavy mind right now. I've been doing the job for so many years, I'm not as serious about it as when I started... and that can be dangerous because I personally do have the power to bring down the aircraft if I'm not careful.

So onto the main point of this post. After the car accident, I felt like I should say something to myself to get me back on my feet and keep trying. But I couldn't... For the first time in my life I didn't know how to feel about being knocked flat on my ass by life. I looked to God in the end to give me the strength to feel like getting back on smooth rails. But that certainly wasn't enough... I only wished I'd wake up and everything would be fine and nobody would need to pay for damages or whatever...

I've only felt this hopeless one other time and that was in the airforce. By the time I knew they'd never let me wear my blues. Etc... That didn't bother me as much as realizing I was just some negro puppet they were playing with the whole time... but yeah I still felt like my life was over, ya know...

I feel like that now.

How do you come back from that is the question... I'm drained mentally and physically. I'm feeling old. And even if I die tonight I wouldn't feel too bad about it...

what reason do I have to persist? Just to be the best luggage packer on earth? I suppose I do have some people who care about me in this world and I'm not joking about my passion for aircraft.... to be a pilot, you must truly love to fly planes, I think, and that doesn't simply apply only to the cockpit, but all aspects of the job. Furthermore, you must be willing to make errors on the path way to becoming a good pilot too, I'm sure... None of them fly thinking they're not human and cannot make mistakes, in fact that's probably a fundamental requirement in so far that they acknowledge they must be prepared for anything... And even then, never give up when things get rough.

I won't either.

The Game is Over

Met in an accident today. I don't know why it happened, I thought I was making a fairly good turn, maybe I wasn't, sometimes you can't be sure, but the other guy hit me, claiming he wasn't sure if I was going to stop or not. I stopped hearing his screeching tires and we couldn't miss each other.

I feel awful...

I must now take the subway to work again, and yeah all that jazz about feeling good about this girl I work with, I'm going to have to let it go, permanently. I'm in no state to play like some kid anymore. I have to make a choice, either pursue the job with utmost seriousness or quit and find something else...

Life goes on with or without me, true, still I feel like I do matter to some extent and when stuff like this happens, it shines a light on my shortcomings, and how much I need to fix if I can possibly do so. There's nothing more to say... I want to forget this happened, wake up from this nightmare, but this is reality and i have to take it and live with it for the rest of my days... what a crazy thing. We'll see...

Delicate matters

It's unbelievable... I feel so conflicted now more than I have in years past. I am simple minded and methodical in my behavior. I do what works, what makes sense, nothing more. It's always made sense in that light to me to avoid the opposite sex in order to have time to develop my long held scientific pursuits etc.... possibly time travel... One has to come first, I can not give in to my sexual urges if I am to achieve my goal.

She has to come into the picture though... Never met someone so awesome honestly. Just the thought of her makes me feel invigorated. Not even because she's fucking gorgeous, but intelligent... I never let a moment between us go without nudging her intellect a little to see what she eventually generates. I know her initial intention was to play dumb for some odd reason, but just as I've learned working for these kinds of jobs, there's super brains everywhere. I wanted her to realize that, so I don't hold back when I talk to her about life and stuff.

and it makes sense since we're at a high standards place like an airport to adhere to grander expectations.

I find it hilarious how she tries to treat me like some dumbass, then has no choice but to show even an inkling of respect for me because she knows I'm not. Like she'll never just talk down to me and expect me to take it like an obedient dog, she'll be reluctantly at least trying to get my attention in order to make me aware of what her intentions are.

I may be in love... It's a chess game with her really. You won't get into her panties if you don't pass her mental maze. people say she's gay, but she's not, I know she's not. most interesting although im not sure what steps to take nextt except to stand back and observe the beast in its natural habitat.

God help me

Yesterday I wrote there are no heros here and really that came true today. a guy i work with herbert, is very wise about the ramp ops, and he knows everything about it, even stuff like how some new ramp agents try to be the best ever and prove they're essentially super men, but he told me that in this job there are no heros. Particularly I think because you can't impress the company, all you are is a number, and more over is that it's not worth it to be extraordinary on the ramp... just not worth it, because you wont get a medal.

but I don't listen for shit, so I went buck wild today and tried to do EVERYTHING, fmc, park planes, stack bags... and... shit happened... always does, but If I had a clearer head maybe it wouldn't have. I got cut some slack today but if I was I think a more visible part of the company I'd be fired... you just don't cut power to the plane while the pilots are doing their programming, or park the plane wrong...

now Im only focusing on the negative. I'm with a lot of good guys and I take that for granted, they see you make a mistake and try to help you rather than shove you to the side and say go fuck yourself like a lot of guys do at this job. I got lucky. the day was going smooth until i fucked up some stuff... which I eternally feel bad about. I don't know what to think... I'm confident in my skill to do the job right, but some stuff I'm not so sure about just yet, need more practice...

still I'm military trained to press on no matter the circumstance and I'll adhere to that though I feel so bad about having erred.

nobody's perfect is the saying... like when I was working with the girl and she's trying to show off her mad ramp skills by tossing shit and she failed, I didn't laugh, because I've been doing this job for way too long to feel like it's funny, it's not, it's a grueling impossible job that some poor misguided little woman is trying to hammer her way through like she's proving anything... the company just wants to eat you alive, don't you get that.

there are no heros here

Ok I said something to this girl at work. I mean she's not hard to talk to really, we're just ordinary coworkers, not complete strangers. Trying to start a convo with some hottie on the train or wherever, now that would be a bitch to do... I certainly felt awkward doing it, and she didn't seem to be interested in having to deal with me, except for a possible acquisition of information that I may or may not have. still, for so long, we've not had a word between us, and I've changed that. I want her to think I'm a good dude, ya know.... see, what happened was she talked shit to me about how I really hate the job and she loves it more than me, but she sucks at the job that's the issue. The only thing she can do is the fmc loader and more power to her, but the job is to fill planes manually as well as by mechanical methods and she's not particularly good at one, why spend money on half a good employee I'll never know. Delta crazy... so after slicing and dicing my ego, she completely fails at trying to toss heavy crap, which is what the job is, and from this I gather she thinks I think she's a dumbass, which is kinda true, but far from how I really feel... I'm scared for her safety. she's like lois lane completely, just putting herself in stupidly outrageous situations and thinking she doesn't need a man's help. She's lost, and I know that, she's such a smart girl outside of her ambition to prove she can do whatever a guy can... I want to protect her.

No matter, what's funny today is that seemingly I've also been upgraded to fmc status... Hopefullly..., nigga might just say he was kidding about letting me work the easier gates and put me back on the shitty ass hood gates. I just wanted to learn the fmc for once, and suddenly he tells me I'll Always be working with a certain ala from now on. Now this guy's a good guy for trying to diversify my skillset... I think in preparation for fulltime. They're planning to make me AIC on some of the gates since I know my shit by now. Problem is I suck ass at fmc, having not done it much and I've never parked a plane which is practically like landing it, mess up and you're not getting another chance... It's gotta be right every time.

We'll see. When I'm at work, especially at delta, I feel happy honestly... I'm doing what I dreamed of doing, working on aircraft, having a chance to see the world, possibly squeeze into pilot status, I mean, if you train and get the license, that's all it is, you're clear to fly... Delta works based on qualifications and even promotions... and there are some smart motherfuckers working there, they THINK first before throwing you under the bus... not everybody there, but there's a higher level of sophistication at the airline rather than the subcontractors. This suits me because I'm a man of inquisitive sensibilities, I have an open mind... and that's supported at the company, being crafty, clever, smart, not just a mindless drone. It's so cool when your boss sits you down at a computer to look at new architectural designs that fascinate him and he wants to share that with you... where else does that happen?

transformers 3

just saw this. Can't wait to finally see captain america, that's all... Once again, bay delivers on spectacle, but not much else... might as well watch a kid play his videogames for 2 hours, same thing... there are brief moments where the movie does something great and worth the money, optimus knuckle duster, big beautiful ass at the beginning, betrayal of one of the autobots, pretty good stuff, but not enough to make me want to see this again. Movies with good stories is what keeps you coming back again and again. this isn't that kind of movie, though it tries to be. like others online say it obviously is trying to be a more slow careful transformers movie, and that works, but only if this was the first one, not the third...

still it'll do shitloads of money, and surprisingly the best part of the movie for me was shia. He gave everything he had and his rage over how he fucked up indiana jones is all over his performance. He truly becomes sam from the cartoon in this I felt. that's sam, he's always there to help, not denying to contribute. I liked how he fought to put his piece in the mix. Something the movie was trying to say I guess, that if you want something go get it and stop waiting for approval. Kinda how I feel about dat pussy. It's forever a complex situation to be standing around all this hot ass and not being able to know what to do... yeah, but sam stops hoping for people to see him as a hero, and just goes out and does it... I wish at the end of the movie, it's utterly acknowledged world wide that sam's the main contact with the autobots and saved the world many times. Maybe it is after the credits, didn't see that...

captain america trailer

looks promising, especially the really high quality fx work etc. That's really not unexpected since it's a joe johnston movie. His problem though is that he never seems to dig deep enough with his movies, they come close but never peak like greater movies do.

still I see there's something worth watching, I like that it's the story of an unextaordinary man who's granted great powers because of his unyielding good spirit. It's corny yes, but I believe in that stuff. the movie has to stay focused on what that means, actually delve into the potential to abuse power in the military, who deserves to be in control of so much? Hopefully someone who knows the difference between right and wrong... hopefully.

I don't know if such a message even is going to be accepted in this time of war when yes, as I have experienced, they don't want people like captain america in their ranks. They want a zombie.

if the movie wants to be good, it has to point out why cap is the best. certainly I think it's because he loves to help others in need, much like he was helped when he was weak. That's the root of heroism which I think needs to continue to be held up high as something we should aspire towards...

Summer season

I'm tired from work. what a day... cardona's new to the ala position and as such doesn't know what teh hell she's doing. ala's don't have to whip anybody, they just watch and make sure stuff is getting done correctly, which is necessary because mistakes happen. so they put me in charge of the gate... sigh... first of all, I don't know jack about half the stuff the other guys do... of course they don't know that, so they put me on the spot there. I mean, jean's always aic because he knows how to run the gates... I'm getting there, but not to the point where I feel confident doing shit. Like I've only marshaled an aircraft twice and that wasn't even to the gate, just the outside. I want to jump in and do it, it's not tough obstacle and I know if a bunch of other guys can do it, I certainly can... It's just I lack experience. Same with fmc, which I know how to use, but haven't done it because I'm too good in the belly of the plane. It's a sad strange irony that I can't be instructed on the easier stuff because I'm better suited for the hard crap.

I don't mind it except for the fact that summer is upon us. we typically get like 2 or 3 flights back to back on our gates. If indeed they end up being full for the summer season, I'm fucked. It's going to get so bad soon, maybe even by tomorrow. It's the damn kids, now that these planes will be full of them it's going to get crazy...

what do I do... hit the gym. I'm trying to get bigger but it's just not happening, and I can't figure out wny... maybe I need to jerk off a little and that'll help... I'll think about that sexy bitch from work...

green lanturd

I ain't spending money on this thing... saw the bootleg. Mediocre episode of superman tas at best I'd say... definitely needed a few more drafts. Kids may eat it up, cuz they're simple minded, but if you possess even a gloop of intelligence don't go expecting to be intellectually challenged. It's not that movie. They might as well have made the jack black movie judging how this turned out... Its biggest crime is that it should have been so easy to get this right, but the movie seems to go out of its way to miss the target. First of all, the world is not set up well, nor is hal jordan's character. Its hard to figure out why hal's such a scaredy cat yet is an accomplished pilot. We spend forever on his drama with his girlfriend who sucks and doesn't matter at all. The only parts that work are the green lantern parts. If somehow the filmmakers made it a story about a guy who is a hero without the ring, therefore earns the right to have it, yeah... that'd be good, but it's left really vague as to why the ring chose hal of all people except for the fact that he looks like a muscled up superhero from the start so it's hard to buy all that "oh my life is so hard" crap throughout the movie. good grief...

really it's like the story of a jock high school player with plenty of girlfriends and it focuses on his fear of cockroaches or something... fuck you harry knowels, grow some standards.

Hot girl at work

I already said something on my youtube page about this, but now it's time to get this off my chest here too... first of all, the 'REAL WORLD' people go on about in school is pretty tame honestly. People generally are very reasonable, trying to make the most of their lives and situations no matter what job they ended up doing. I actually like most of the people i work with at delta, they're not up your ass all day, as long as you do what u do, they don't even look at you for the most part... back at swissport, they know that you hate the job so they're on you ready to tear you apart if you don't work like a dog.

anyway, delta's really kinda like a vacation compared to that shit, even better considering how some blazingly gorgeous girl works my zone for some fucking reason. I can't work around her without getting a boner, and I wonder if she knows that?? why do hot chicks get dirty jobs like this and hang out like they're not making every guy there blow a pack of kids out their balls all day.

I don't know... I'm just confused as shit... she's probably lesbo, but she kinda flirted with me for a minute. Don't know what to think... ass is great, tits is great, face is great. Perfect 10 people. I look forward to going to work that day my friends...

It doesn't make sense. I'm a badass fit young guy and I've nearly died several times, so I'm sure she's had close calls too. Man she's a tough little bitch if that's the case... very interested in her, I am... but what can I do... girls are idiots man, just stay the hell out of big crazy jobs like this and stop distracting us...

saving this

RICHARD MARK SIMMS 985 E 241 stBronx, NY, 10466
cell: 646-623-9266
Objective: To provide the very best service possible to any employer who decides to hire me, while continuing to improve myself to be a better asset to the company.
Education: Wellington community High School, FL - HS Diploma SUNY College at Old Westbury - 2 years
Languages: Intermediate Spanish, some Japanese
Work Experience:
2005 Target Store, Hicksvillle LI, Broadway Mall - Cooking cleaning cashier.
2008 ASIG - Ramp Agent, Load/unload luggage, drive tugs, service aircraft.
2009 Airforce Basic Training, physical training, discipline, follow orders, clean, prepare for battle.
2010 Swissport - Ramp Agent, Load/unload luggage, drive tugs, service aircraft.
2010 Delta Airlines - Ramp Operations, Load/unload luggage, marshal aircraft, drive tugs, service aircraft.

the search for pussy

so i was on the train to slavery... i mean work... and i saw some kids, which i see all the time, and I was kinda looking at them thinking about what some bunch of white kids think of a black guy. I watch a lot of youtube vids and often come across little videos made by some white kids and they're full of racism, so i'm not blind to the attitudes of quite a few if not all white kids. I was teased for being black a little in high school by some white girl in fact... nevermind the racism present in the military... just something I wish I didn't have to think about when I'm around kids.... so tedious and unnecessary really.

I to my own disappointment with myself forgot kids existed, little ones not the older almost ready for fucking kind, I mean small ones. this is something that is both a blessing and a curse, its good to be reminded that there is a next generation that needs to be cared for and guided through life, then of course there's the childish attitudes of grown men and women that can come to the surface when there are no children present to make people act more like adults.

It's hard to figure out what people want me to be as I'm not THAT old, so people treat me like a child, but if I be myself and act like a immature twat, people get ready to send me to jail to get ass fucked. I feel like I can't win really, such is my life, a very thin ice situation.

but then I realize I'm SURROUNDED BY ASS AND TITTIES and I feel a little better...

Osama bin caughten

What the fuck is wrong with this country... So everybody's sucking the military's dick now for taking i don't know... 10 fucking years!! to catch bin laden with his guard down or whatever... am I the only one who forgot we were even looking for him anymore? I assumed they gave up... shrugged it off and figured he'd die anyway, so whatever.

Yeah MAYBE we finally found waldo after all this time, but the dude had a good 10 years of relaxing on the beach, kind of ridiculous compared to the size of his crimes. And how many innocent people died in order to find this needle in a haystack, and how many more are to come in the wake of the military's foolish scattershot strategy.

this is hardly the sweeping victory that the media's currently making it out to be. and I dare say its an elaborate hoax anyway... how many times has the gov lied to us, what makes this any different?

I was in there, and I can tell you they don't feel like they belong to the same species as the rest of us, they're superior and fuck you if you don't like it... so go ahead and drink the koolaid if that's yo thang.

fast five

this is probably the only think i miss about working at target, there was a movie theater i could go to in the mall where i worked, so i was just chillin in there for quite a while before work watching movies... cant do that anymore... so i bootlegged this joint. definitely fun. I recommend it if you're not gay and you enjoy movies with some balls. testerone all over this bitch. only probablem i had was making sense of shit since I didn't see the last movie. i'll watch diesel in anything, thats my boy. Can't wait for him as riddick one more time. they're taking too long to get that shit in gear i say. he's obviously the best actor in the movie, still bringing intelligence and charm to his character despite his badassery. Not easy to pull off...

Nice movie.

Gonna see thor next.

do or die

interesting... i remember my days in the mental hospital. I look back on it now and realize that it was all a brain washing program, hell society is a brain washing program. I guess it's the wealthy white elite but for sure somebody is trying to control people out there, very simply too. do what we want or die.

everything gets done because people instinctively want to continue living as long as they can, and if that means moving mountains for some guy with a heavy wallet, that means moving mountains. its how everything gets done.

i mean wonderful... go get a wife and start a family. why is that my problem? why does your decision have to include me? why is it such a big deal if i don't play by your rules and conform to your religion? they'll kill you, im serious, these fuckers want to fuck and have kids and if you get in their way you're done. goodbye.

blacks to this day are just tools to be used for whatever the fuck whites can think of in the end, same as it ever was. i don't like being used... but when you look at the world, they know theres always a desperate nigga on the street they can have wipe their ass to survive. what the fuck kind of life is that....

fuck delta airlines

"that's delta, 'you never know...'" wise words from one of my coworkers after I told him "you never know" to answer his question about whether there were any late bags for the flight. Indeed you do and indeed I'm pissed off horribly by what happened tonight. I just can't win can I...

I do my job, take the bags to the gate as it appears in the computer, and then they blame me for delaying the flight because the bags went to the wrong gate. Ugh, it's this kind of stuff that makes wanting to work there long term not seem like a smart idea. They will railroad you even if you do the job the way you're taught to do it... so why bother?

I check the flight, they of course completed the flight... I got stuck in las vegas on a delayed flight for damn near 3 hours because of engine trouble. delay isn't the end of the world, but there's hell to pay if it keeps happening...

My only hope now is that I can sneak my way into Dci, people I talk to say it's a good place to be in the summer. Then of course there's gates that don't ever see a 757 which is the toughest plane to load. And if I cant go to dci bagroom isn''t all that bad. Let me tell you i've loaded 757s by hand, and with no motorized carpet inside, and it's DO OR DIE... never want to do that again...

well im mad and wanted to express it... be a man and press on etc...

girls are stupid

so im sitting on the train to work surrounded by white people and a handful of asians and theres these girls talking about their troubles, 'oh I cant tell if a guy is gay or not bla bla bla...' yeah well theres a simple solution to that gorgeous tight ass asian invasion, suck his dick and if he skeets in your face he's a normal human being.

tired of this. listen, stop whining about being alone if your not going to attempt to get what you want. its so utterly sad to have grown up amongst some very smart females and later notice all that intelligence vanishing into nothing as they get some milk bags. why do we even bother educating women in this society if they don't fucking use it.

I dread interacting with girls at work and in life because I know theyll do something stupid then try to act like Im a dick if I call them out on it. I mean, i cant stand the high and mighty attitude they exude then when they want to get fucked they go insane and pretend to be all feminine and like were back in the 50s. get back to the kitchen where you belong if you dont like being a man.

I was thinking about it today, its all a game as if a little girl is jealous of her older brother and his cool toys. Yes men have tanks, guns, planes, construction equipment, but we built all of that because we love women and want to protect them you morons. stop fighting us.

the intelligent children

I was browsing youtube for some reviews of the buzz lightyear action figure from toy story 3 and by god I didn't know there were so many tiny kids having free reign to post whatever shit they wanted onto the internet. I'm shocked because this is a pedo's dream come true to have such easy access to them. I hope youtube's got people watching these kid's channels to ensure their safety. Having been harassed online as a kid, I know what it can do to their minds... the internet is a drug to them, to rip it away from them, to make it no longer a safe haven away from school etc, is soul crushing.

but other than that I'm thoroughly impressed by their eloquence and show of intellect for such a young age, naive for sure, but not dumb or childish, certainly destined for something better in life than the garbage I do.

I ask myself a lot, why do I keep giving a fart about these low level dead end jobs? I'm way too smart for them. It's a waste of my time...and the money's nothing. I'm still here at home because this shit is bananas how none of these high school diploma level jobs are good enough to support a basic lifestyle... and being black doesn't help either. fuck obama, nothing will change. You think this world is easy? of course white people don't want to give up their power, oh hell no.

scratches head... I mean, it's about to get real bad at delta. Yesterday I worked so hard to get those flights out on time etc. because things are getting busier with the spring break upon us. Mind you, I'm not getting paid more and I'm working twice as hard to fill cans. and it's going to get worse as summer approaches... "just quit and find a better job you fucking idiot" Easier said than done...

Just look outside and see the millions of people in this world... what reason do some rich white folk have to give me a good job? None, none at all. If they can keep blacks tucked away in a corner somewhere doing crappy jobs, they will, nuff said. I can apply all day, won't make a difference. Kinda like trying to get a girlfriend in my current state... sigh... delta done know they have a guy like me by the balls. black guy, desperate for money, no chance of getting a cushy office job without some very good friends up top... might get there thanks to the affirmative action thing though... emphasis on might. They'll take any black guy honestly. doesn't have to have a brain. but my point is that there's not much else I can hope for but to continue shoveling shit for them and making my pennies.

I hope tsa calls, oh god, i hope tsa calls. I refuse to end up like my coworkers, very much stuck where they are till they're dead. Just a waste of what I can do, you know...

Subclass uprising

A thought came to me as i was hanging around here doing nothing as I wait for some rich person's bag to come flying down the belt, what if the lower classes started some kind of underground movement. It's like this, rich people feed off the hard labor of the poor and get richer, much like the military does with grunts or prison guards with prisoners, they use them like disposable cups. As I grew up I noticed there was a lot of underground stuff going on between people in my social level, special favors etc, my family was privileged to go on expensive vacations because my mother was a tavel agent... Here at delta it's kind of that way, there is favoritism in the bagroom, some of these guys know each other well enough and so they mess with the new guy's heads or usually what's the case is they get them to do most of the work while they go grab some lunch. So I thought wouldn't it be interesting if the entire lowerclass kinda got away with some badass shit behind the backs of the rich elite. I don't know... like underground food distribution to avoid they high costs of that shit etc... Transport too, free rides for friends, brb...

Kneel before zod AGAIN

good lawd internets goin crazy over the announcement that the next villain in a superman movie is one we've seen before, fucking zod.

calm down I say... it's obviously got nothing to do with donner's franchise as it has been firmly established that this is a fresh take on supey, so I'm skeptical but still hopeful that this will be a great film for supes, calm the fuck down.

what else... I'm about to watch predators on my day off from work just to see whether it's any good. uh, oh and i'm waiting for my thousand dollar tax check to come in... when i get that, i get a car and stop taking the train once and for all... unless the insurance is too much of a bitch. kinda sick of working at delta honestly but there's no big problem working there its just that my coworkers are kinda strange, good folk, but like not the most forgiving or thoughtful etc, they'll toss you under the bus without a moments hesitation.

soon delta will expand to t4 though, and they'll be on a hiring spree looking for full timers, tickets, flight attendants, all that stuff to fill the new openings, so be ready for that if you're looking for a job, they're always openings. which is why I find it odd to see homeless people all over the subway, just come toss some luggage around for a bit of pocket change like I do...

25 years old

Oh crap I'm going to die soon. no not really but my grandmother is, sad to say. Last day of work for the week thank jesus... I don't got enough money to spend on fancy travel to the airport so I'll need to save as much as I can. what else, man my mind's drained today from all the bullshit. I get the feeling that my boss is waiting for me to fuck things up so he can have someone's ass to kick, not a good position to be in... I'm good, planes are my forte, I know how to do the job inside and out prettymuch by now. But you fuck things up just once after being a good employee for months, they drop the bomb on you... ridiculous. Alright well I'll be back.

fingers in the butt and pussy like a bowling ball

Something i thought of while watching angel dark penetrating herself in one of those big wet asses videos. goddam latinas are some of the best women. though i hope to one day slam an asian just to get a taste of it, they're the best ones imo. white girls are hit or miss sometimes got ass some times got tits, sometimes neither. gotta have ass imo, tits too but ass is more important to me. it's like a cushion of course, and provides that feminine shape girls are supposed to have, and a big ass is like a toy to play with. And now it's JOKE TIME. Why'd the joker buy a windmill? He wanted batman to know he was his biggest FAN! wakaka wakka wakka Life is sometimes a lot like my penis when I see a hot girl. HARD! wakaka wakaa wakaaa Luke asked Yoda what was on the menu tonight. Yoda replied "Dough or Donut, there is no pie!" And that's it for now.

the search and the battle

Im thinking about my old days at jedi.net because of some kids i met at the basketball court recently. the thing about children is that they're very stupid yet believe they know it all... like me when i to my own disgrace smugly shut down a decent thread discussing the meaning behind yoda's line "you will be, you will be" which I realize now was in reference to how luke would face his fear of losing his friends later in the movie. I was an honors student at mt saint michael, a good one, didn't waver in my studies and believed foolishly that i was right in what i was saying because i belonged to a better class of students.

I mean, it was a kid making a kid mistake, but at the same time I don't feel like I've really grown beyond that point, I still jump head first into things without taking that extra second that could be all the difference, although I do try... I'm feeling my age and because of that, have slowed down and also since I'm more into girls than kid stuff, I'm not too inclined to worry about my shortcomings in the area of intellect, but I'm personally dissatisfied with my level of forethought and accurate knowledge.

what's more I'm hesitant to engage children in any discussion because they'll do the same thing, jump head first into it fully believing they know what they're talking about. I lack the patience to deal with that so I usually end up ignoring them which is no good either. Kids are not stupid, they're just arrogant and lack perspective because they live in a little bubble away from the real world most of them...

the real world, what a funny place. Do or die, kill or be killed, get rich or die tryin.

Maybe it's just the horniness talking, fucking tired of struggling with my libido that's for sure. where was I, oh yeah, I don't know what to do with the kids man... they are insane. I only know that there's no real role models for them these days, which is going to backfire on us all since the next gen's going to be spinning around not know what to do with themselves most likely.

I'm essentially searching for the right way to do things and battling my urges to do wrong, which is what the title means.

Nigga gotta eat

I'm getting tired of this... infinitely so. I'm black, and maybe some of you rich white folk think black people care about other blacks out there but you're wrong, very wrong. so some nigga steals my tug at work right, and it pissed me off, but i figure I'm just getting money here, don't care what happens to the job... but for the love of, it's getting ridiculous seeing black people kick each others asses for little table scraps from whitey. Money is survival and as such blacks will do anything to get it, even if they work extremely hard for low wages. Or worse, have to defend whites from other blacks as is the case with the "head negro" or "house nigga" phenomenon. Obama embodies this completely, sucking white dicks any way he can to survive in a world where they'll tear him apart if he goes too far out of line. Yep, he's that black guy at corporations who's enjoying the good life so the corporation can tell the world "look we love niggers."

Ain't nutting but 3 black pilots I've EVER seen at jfk. 3, and they're probably doing the flights most white pilots don't want to do.

It's like that everywhere. Bagroom has 2 white guys out of the hundreds of employees. Eithere they're retarded and can't get a job at home depot or something, or they're set-ups.

And worst of all is that black people love sucking white cocks. I don't blame white people for taking advantage of the fact that there's a shitload of pussy easily manipulated blacks out there who'll gladly betray other blacks for a chance to wear a suit and a tie and look like a gentleman. Military is full of this. They go find some homeless black guy, tell him if he plays by their rules he'll have food and shelter, and he's all like "hells ya massa whateva u say" It's that easy. Even the slightest, "no I don't think that's right" would change the level of ease at which whites can control them because they need somebody to do the work, but all they'll do is go ask some black guy in prison to do the work for even less money, so of course that keeps these guys from making any waves.

Rich get richer the poor get poorer and that's the way they want to keep it. And blacks will defend this unfair treatment too since "durr im gettin paid fer it durr" yes you are, but you're getting paid a penny for every thousand your boss does. And they're still not going to care. Wake up.

Battle for LA

Decent film, nice movie to see with a crowd, so go for it.

Little warning, it is a military propaganda movie, not a glob of anti-military sentiment to be found, but besides that it's a good story about a marine who's coming to terms with the loss of the men under his command, I wish the movie went even deeper into his character, but otherwise don't expect more than typical captain america tough guy with brass balls wash rinse repeat from him throughout the movie.

The other characters are disposable, it's his story, and it's fun. I enjoyed the alien attacks and how they found ways to defeat them. I was hoping the movie would make the humans use little traps and tricks to defeat the aliens, and it pleasantly actually did. You can tell a man wrote the movie, he knows what we like. I can't watch a straight up dumb movie with a simple, no brains story-line, somebody has to do a fake-out or something clever, and of course it happened when the guy used the radio to draw the alien away from the bus and then tossed a grenade. Nice.

So it's not a stupid film, it makes your brain work out a bit, you question the motives of the characters, and in my case being former-military try to understand whether what you're seeing is true to life or just a sugar coated version of the real thing. I got to say it is watered down. There's only one moment I liked when the staff sargent threatened to kill one of his own guys for not staying with the group. THAT's how the military actually works. But it's downplayed in the movie, the marines fight for noble "protect the children" reasons, which is absolutely false. The military kills more children than they will ever protect. They're about themselves, to whatever end that takes them.

And there was no racism, wtf. There's tons of that in the mil, yet not only do the black guys mostly survive, it has a girl power angle too although I like how she's actually made to be a hindrance in one scene, finally movies are being more realistic. Women don't go into combat, I don't care what pictures you've seen, they're just 'ass' to fuck, not fodder for war.

But anyway, good flick.

being a man

Is hard.

Period. My coworker and i were talking about my days in the military, right. I'm like, dude honestly the mil is easier than Delta ramp, and he's like he knew a guy who was once deployed in iraq and had a powerful gun there and blew away a bunch of guys and that he hasn't seen him in a long time because he's probably dead, and I was all like, yeah the mil will do that to him...

But besides warfare, I find it difficult to feel at ease around kids. I don't want to hurt them ya know. They're so small and inexperienced etc. My greatest regret was taking aim at a kid on a message board when he was acting foolish, bad bad bad idea. So you understand my frustration. Kids will push you to your limit and beyond because they don't know any better and many grown men and women DO kick their asses because they can't take it anymore.

I try to realize that kids think they know everything even when they don't. Like my niece, she's 15 now I guess and she's a giant just like her mother, so I'm like wow you're tall, and she's like your so little... because that's how she talks with her buddies, it's war as a kid, and I felt like saying something in retaliation, then I realized she's fucking 15 and stupid, so I kept my mouth shut, but imagine living with her stupid ass all day and dealing with that... I'd be in jail by now...

I don't know what to do... and IF and I mean IF I get a wife and kids, I'm going to have to learn restraint, somehow... because one of my biggest problems with my own parents is that they make rush decisions that are wrong, and don't budge on them... can't do that...

Japan is FUCKED UP right now though, just got to say I'm saddened by the tragic events unfolding there.

Vodka

You are a retard. I want whoever you are to know it. I don't know what country you came from but your dumb ass put a big ass bottle of vodka in a duffle bag surrounded by clothes and you're lucky as shit that that didn't break when your bag flew open as the zipper broke and I noticed it all spewing out onto the belt... shoulda stole it honestly, nobody watches us bag guys unless it's for a serious flight with rich people or whatever. Dumbass.

Car horny

Damn I'm horny. Every girl I see who's like young but not some stupid kiddie age, I want to peel her clothes off like a banana and lick every inch of her delicious body. I don't care if she's like 15, man. This happened to me, ok, I said something bout not really seeing much difference between 16 and 18 and some asshole person jumped on me like they wanted to kill me for insinuating that I'd pound some minor ass. LOL, shrugs, yes... honestly I certainly would. Some people, probably all those who've been fucking since high school, have some common sense about it, teenage girls are ready to go just as much as any 18 year old is, and plenty of them, including my sister, start fucking young, not waiting for shit. But the law's the law ain't it... So now I feel creepy for being attracted to girls who are underage yet are rocking d cups ya know... so unfair. And I get the feeling that it's not about protecting children, it's about hammering young males for the hell of it... this world is awful... stupid people making stupid laws.

I remember there was a case where the legal system threw the book at some high school guy who was 17 and was caught on video getting a blow job from some 15 year old little slut or some shit. they crucified the guy and he was actually the right age. the law doesn't matter....

Anyway, just got to keep on making money for now as much as I can... going to buy a car and then I'll be ok, not going to be without some form of shelter at least. problem is you can't just have a car, gots to pay insurance, which is why a lot of people opt out of cars. sucks... I thought you could own your car and drive it and whatever happens is on your ass, but insurance is mandatory... so there's no owning a car unless you have a job. no getting pussy either...

i learned that this thing called taxes pays you back after they take your money from your paycheck, so on april 12 i'll get like a 1100 dollars and from that combined with my shitty little delta pay I'll buy a good vehicle, not like a honda civic. If my father doesn't put me on his insurance and decreases my payment to 150 a month, then I'll have to bite the bullet and fork over the near 400 a month insurance costs since the benefits outweigh the costs. i'll get to work on time every time, might even sleep in the car and just drive home when my days are done... gotta eat...

ok, enough of my plans and pedophilia.

talked to a pilot

second time, they're like titans, or kings, common folk like ramp agents can't really get too close to them and stuff, very few pilots are actually former ramp agents, most are former military, take that any way you want based on your feelings on the mil...

we were in the elevator and the door closed on him too fast and hit his arm, so he joked that that'd be considered an oji and implied that the flight might be cancelled, i in my smartass way implied he'd crash the plane now by saying ' i feel sorry for the passengers' and he of course showed nothing but concern for them by replying, 'oh no they don't want to go to africa today' funny guy...

he's the pilot for the acc a flight from jfk to ghana, must be a long ass flight. mostly cargo no doubt, and whoever indeed feels the need to go to africa.

i feel like i shouldn't be afraid of them because of what i know about people like him, they're not over sensitive or nothing, cowboys, ya know. if there's one thing i took away from bmt that i did like besides the broom handle to the ass, it was the socializing aspect, making you confortable with all kinds of people, dont be afraid to say what's on your mind too much, dont offend anyone deliberately, but don't worry about making a fool of yourself, that's life, we're going to have to get along one way or another, so i'm less anxious and shy than i used to be.

now the real issue is how the hell do i go from being a luggage monkey to a pilot myself... fuck this bagroom shit. i hate how they try to threaten you with losing your job in there but keep plotting you for flights because lord knows somebody's got to unload hundreds of bags that day.... so just stop with the threats already. i know you need me but don't want to make it seem like you do. such assholes. young guys too, you'd think they'd go to college with the money they're making, and get a way better job, but they seem to have given up on that lofty ideal. not me. not that i give a fuck about college, but flight school aint no ceap thing either. don't need a degree to be a pilot, just flight hours and a license, although as any corporation does, they make it seem like you need to be goddam superman before you can land the job.

one of these days i'll have to build the courage to ask a pilot what he did to get there. they like to talk to people. it's a good job, a dream, to express their excitement is what a lot of them love to do i can tell you that for sure... but they intimidate people, that's the problem. oh we'll see...

Disney's Downfall

What I understand about art is that there are certain levels to it ranging from very simple to extremely complex. Disney used to exemplify the latter, forgoing the easy simple stuff for incredible levels of excellence that would stand above all other forms in their field. This began with animation, but then extended to live action, and then every other aspect of disney's empire as it grew over time. Even their worst projects were lightyears ahead of the competition. If it was disney it was guaranteed to be worth your time.

Not anymore. Disney's become a whore like, honestly, like a lot of former disney-girls who have sold their bodies after their contract with disney expired. Now of course i know that girls do that anyway, that's nature, but the analogy still works. Look at Lohan. I love her, she's gorgeous, I'd marry that girl because there's good person in there, I tell you, but she's definitely turned to the dark side of late sullying her once clean disney rep. Same with that cyrus chick. well my point is that Disney's lost its way, becoming nothing but a hollowed out shell of its former self.

I say this now because I'm watching old disney movies for fun and they're unbelievable. You can see how utterly bored with regular cartoons disney was, so he made things interesting, created musicals more than films, simply letting the visuals be a companion to the music, which is the best way to go. There's no illusion about when and where a cut was made as every movie features cut after cut after cut, you're really watching a bunch of clips, but when they sync with the music, it feels right.

But hey ho, who cares about that now. Money money money, that's all that matters. Is it the lack of religion at the heart of this lowering of standards, I wonder? Let's face facts, disney has always catered to the fundamentalist mindset of sugary sweetness and flowers. Still disney himself said that he didn't just make movies for any one group, but for everyone, and didn't sugar coat the cruel world in them, and of course didn't water-down his genius either, going all-out with the artistic brilliance when he felt like it... such a shame things have changed so much... :(

Thanks god for pixar, keeping the original disney spirit alive. Hopefully, their films will embarrass disney so much that they get their act together and start shooting for the stars again. And I hope personally that Lohan remembers who she was when she made parent trap and stop acting like a slutty ho. there must be a sadness in girls who abandon all the dignity they once had. Like, I know porn stars think they're making a statement on feminine freedoms or whatever by taking a dick in their ass, but really all they're doing is giving up on trying to be classy and dignified, much like disney has.

You're a dime a dozen

what some huge tittied beautiful blonde airforce tech Sargent or some shit told me...

Ummmm.... no I'm not. I'm a nerd, a black nerd. We don't come in abundance. I think my way through things, utilize knowledge before taking action, plan ahead etc...

As evinced by my recent run-in with some low-life idiots who wanted to steal my bike and threatened to kick my ass over it, good luck finding males who give a fuck about anything intelligent.

which brings me to geohot's point, that you may hate him and his hacking hobby, but yes, he's going to change the world or someone like him will, not the common everyday dummy.

That's no excuse for breaking laws and stuff, no, but he's right to feel a sense of being above certain levels of persecution because he's earned it. There REALLY are not that many people who can bust ass at coding computers like he can, and businesses are struggling to find them, no doubt. They're like musicians or any highly skilled people. Probably similarly trained since childhood to hone their craft until they became experts, and when the time comes, who ya gonna call to do the job? HIM. And he knows that...

Working at low level jobs at delta, swissport, etc... you see people on the last rung of the ladder before poverty, struggling to make ends meet. Tech ops guys etc, they're the rare ones you don't see much off, not as much as the bone-heads who lift luggage all day. Do the math, which ones are going to be easily replaceable?

As for his thoughts on the ps3 itself being created by former-hackers, again, he's right about that no doubt. I see kids all the time, who doesn't... but yeah, when I see a kid playing with his toys, you know what I really see? A video-game programmer, a movie director, a writer, a potential toy-maker, so many possibilities... because I did that, and i think it's so vital to explore one's imagination and dream as a child before deciding upon a career, which may very well be something you've always had a passion for anyway. However, the school system wishes to suppress these kinds of supposedly frivolous activities in exchange for droning repetitive school work since they're scared of the next generation being mentally weak. Yeah, as if having an imaginative mind isn't exercising your brain... Truth is, schools are just places to keep kids busy, while they go home and do what they really want to do, and I'd bet that a lot of very successful people were developing the skills they'd use to become successful while in their bedroom or in their backyard.

Like I said, "geniuses are people who are exceptionally gifted in some intellectual capabilities. Art, Music, poetry, math, whoever can do it better than the rest, rather easily, is considered genius." and I doubt joe janitor is going to be the one at the helm of our society.

Battling Corporations

You ever lose your focus or forget something that was once so clear before, just makes you feel so stupid... I know I'm not dumb as crap, but to forget so easily is frankly very offputting or whatever, degrades my confidence in my own knowledge, could very well be alzeimers. Am I getting old?

so where was I, currently Sony's on the offense against hackers who to my delight tore the ps3 apart and opened it up to all sorts of goodies, which is great because sony took that away when they disabled other os, which I was planning to use. Once I found out that hackers found a way to bring it back, I abandoned my plan of buying an xbox to play halo and shit. But now i could get back to doing it all on ps3 again.

Yay, or so I thought, sony's of course made that darn difficult unless you use a bypass method to access psn. I understand their position, they don't want hackers running backups, but they DID offer the other os before, so why don't they just do it again? Oh of course because that would make them look weak. They want to be this unstoppable juggernaut of a corporation that everyone should fear... recently though geohot and other hackers have claimed they'll fight for their rights no matter what the costs, even their lives. I don't know what to think, I don't like sony's methods or their decision to remove a feature people paid for, but i definitely understand that they'll lose a lot by letting the system be free to hack. There's a lot of wrong to toss around here on both sides... And come on, the justice system is corrupt as fuck, so how are some little hackers going to win, is the real question...

stay tuned for part 2 when I get into my thoughts on hackers being the true innovators and pioneers in this world.

dwayne mcduffie is dead

whaat the fuck...

whaaat the fuck...

the old saying is true, you don't know what you have until it's gone... i'm speechless, and utterly baffled, why... why is he dead now when his movie is coming out. why him of all people.

honestly, i never was a huge fan of him, but never a detractor, he was to me a true comicbook geek in the guise of an affirmative action hire in the comics industry. that's how i felt about him. sure he was held up because of his race as this beacon of hope for black youth, but beyond that, he was actually talented, his scripts were comparable to good films, his character static shock, is one of the coolest superheros i've had the pleasure of witnessing, and once again although static was created to balance out the white/black ratio, he was an interesting character, flawed, cocky, but determined to help people with his gifts. i idolized him.

dwayne broke the race barrier by being himself in an industry that's not easy no doubt to remain passionate in. i think he got so much tv work because he was good, they'd be foolish not to have him on board. and now he's dead.... rip, so unfair really, and the criminal thing is that no one will really understand what he meant to the world of superheros because he's never outstandingly famous, just somewhere lurking in the background, so sad...