so gay

that girl at work must have had a bad day or something because just as I think the door is open to start being playful with her, she basically signals me to fuck off and never talk to her... wow.

you got it... I've never been disillusioned enough to believe I had a chance at your ass. Just sucks ya know, I intended to be a semi-friend... not this hardcore-fuck-you guy that's common on blue collar jobs. fine...

fine...

I think I know what went wrong. She slipped on her attitude of usually not opening herself up to her coworkers. She's the hottest girl at delta so EVERY guy wants to fuck her. So she usually doesn't let people get near her and in fact she has some huge dudes who protect her on the job... but because I'm intelligent and funny and make her laugh, she THOUGHT it'd be cool to start chatting with me. I was completely caught off guard by it and fumbled through the conversation, hoping to survive... which I thought I did, but apparently I did not. My buddy at work says to not let it bother me, she doesn't give a damn about a lot of guys she works with and I'm no different... ah, but I am... that's the rub.

We have an odd crazy relationship as coworkers. She at first hated me, then grew to admire and respect my work ethic, and later learning I'm former military, it became clear that I'm not someone to be easily forgotten. And I'm not, I'm a pretty big personality at delta. Lots of people know me and stuff. So she can't no matter how hard she wants to try just forget I exist... seems like she wants to though. Why is the question... I guess it's because I got to her, broke her shield down, possibly made her think I'd be boyfriend material for a second... then she realized she was fucking up her whole plan to ignore guys like me and put the force field back on.

I sit here wondering whether to continue trying to have a decent convivial interaction with her or do what she does and basically work together but don't get personal.

sucks because I was really starting to like her for more than her great ass... she's a good person. such a shame I'll have to make a leap now into abandoning my previous intention to befriend her... so gay.