Not wanting to further injure myself. I don't know why but my shit is messed up recently. not feeling strong... need time to recuperate...
It's a combination of factors that are at play. Too cold. My commute to work demands I be in the cold for a while, subway is a toilet bowl for homeless people so of course you're getting bombarded by horrific shit down there... bad bad bad, just lost an hour due to dst shit too so that screwed me up. And I'm down for toughing things out and taking a challenge, but this time it's different. I nearly collapsed yesterday at work... and I've passed out from exhaustion before... I still have the scar from when I bumped my head. You have to understand when you pass out, your brain turns OFF, you will not feel any pain when you go crashing down to the floor and injure yourself....
So I'm terrified of that happening again. I'm an old man now and just have to admit I can't take risks like I used to...
As for current events.... I don't give a fuck... I do, but then I honestly don't. I guess there's still bullshit going on about Michael Jackson and stuff, who cares? Lori Laughlin's gone crazy or something, who gives a shit... Fucker Carlson is being attacked because he's Fucker Carlson... Who? Do I have to care about this shit?
I was going to go on a long rant about how we're the age of false sincerity these days... People sitting at their computers are being pathetic and sad and creating and stirring up controversy and sensationalism for their own little apparently psychologically unbalanced reasons... spending hours, years, whatever being the most badass keyboard warrior on earth.
Get up and deal with the real world, you sorry sacks of garbage... Turn the computer off. I lived on my computer as a kid and boy was that a mistake, sad to see that generation I come from has gone full jonny quest and decided they'll play it safe and live their lives online in questworld.
Pussy ass motherfuckers.
Not saying I like the experiences I've been through in real life, the fights, the prison, the rejection from girls, the military experience, but at least I've done shit, been in life and have that experience vs living in a box. I know shit about life, I'm not afraid of going out in the world because I know how it works, I've seen it the daily grind of the world. It's not something foreign or alien to me.
I can make paper... I don't need this job, and I don't feel slave to it... I can make probably more than I'm making now if I do certain things, i just really want to become a musician. I don't want much else.
But yeah, the whole false sincerity thing is driving me nuts sometimes... When it shouldn't.... I've been using the internet for damn near 20 years and I'm not surprised by how there are a bunch of little cults and mobs forming on it and zealous hyperbolic attitudes swirling around in it. Just use it for porn and tech news and fuck everything else.... damn right...
I'm gonna try to not blog as much too since I don't really see the point anymore... freakin nobody cares what I'm saying... that's all.
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
Sunday, March 10, 2019
Also saw Battle Angel Alita
Gonna have to revisit the OVA or whatever anime that was made... supposedly being hotly debated in the super important comment section on youboob or whatever, whether they stuck too closely to the ova and ignored key plot elements from the manga.
Never honestly was totally into battle angel alita, liked it, not blown away by it or anything. Aeon Flux was my jazz in the cyberpunk animated department... plus ghost in the shell, whatever, akira, etc. Saw those... saw loads of little animes as me and my friend found them in the kids vhs section at the library. He knew how to find the good stuff and the staff at those places didn't know what they were putting in there wasn't for kids. ha haha
I'm down for a bubblegum crisis adaptation, gundam is long overdoo doo to get one.... They are working on that though, gonna fuck it up I know...
But yeah, Anime has shit tons of stuff to adapt and has been around for eons so them taking so long to do it and trickling out little ones like Alita is Odd.
It's a good flick, at least until that abrupt non-ending. But I did'nt feel cheated out of my money, you get a film experience, it just kinda ends without ending.
For better or worse they really damn practically copy the story from the manga on screen and call it a day. And it leads to a bit of a jerky over stuffed bloated feel to everything that they had to some how make sense of in editing it together. Shit's over stuffed and ultimately they didn't finish the movie so yeah still more to go...
A little flash gordon-ish or He-man-ish Both movies promising more story to come, both not delivering it EVER. super mario bros definitely... that too. Hell this movie feels like the cousin in some ways to SMB movie... both weird and not apologizing for it. Love it...
I recommend seeing it if you are super into her story, otherwise no, rental at best. You got to make complete movies. It's like if terminator 2 just kinda stopped at the scene where they were in mexico and promised to finish it later, bye. Screw that right?
Never honestly was totally into battle angel alita, liked it, not blown away by it or anything. Aeon Flux was my jazz in the cyberpunk animated department... plus ghost in the shell, whatever, akira, etc. Saw those... saw loads of little animes as me and my friend found them in the kids vhs section at the library. He knew how to find the good stuff and the staff at those places didn't know what they were putting in there wasn't for kids. ha haha
I'm down for a bubblegum crisis adaptation, gundam is long overdoo doo to get one.... They are working on that though, gonna fuck it up I know...
But yeah, Anime has shit tons of stuff to adapt and has been around for eons so them taking so long to do it and trickling out little ones like Alita is Odd.
It's a good flick, at least until that abrupt non-ending. But I did'nt feel cheated out of my money, you get a film experience, it just kinda ends without ending.
For better or worse they really damn practically copy the story from the manga on screen and call it a day. And it leads to a bit of a jerky over stuffed bloated feel to everything that they had to some how make sense of in editing it together. Shit's over stuffed and ultimately they didn't finish the movie so yeah still more to go...
A little flash gordon-ish or He-man-ish Both movies promising more story to come, both not delivering it EVER. super mario bros definitely... that too. Hell this movie feels like the cousin in some ways to SMB movie... both weird and not apologizing for it. Love it...
I recommend seeing it if you are super into her story, otherwise no, rental at best. You got to make complete movies. It's like if terminator 2 just kinda stopped at the scene where they were in mexico and promised to finish it later, bye. Screw that right?
Friday, March 8, 2019
Just saw Stan and Olie
Grew up watching the Laurel and Hardy movies etc as probably everyone else did. I personally liked them and their comedic style as if there was indeed something unique about their duo more than the several other fat guy skinny guy comedy duos at that time.
No real need to review it extensively... I'll say if you at all are interested in who they were as people outside the lense, this is not that film. It's a bit of a troll sort of thing, like every time the movie starts to get dark and serious, it says Lol just kidding, nothing like that happened, they got along great. But it does bring it up, it does bring up friction between them, then drops it like it was just playing another gag. Indeed the whole film comes off as one long last laugh by the duo as if this was their way of trolling us with another routine.
Excellent perfect performances. I just didn't see John C reilly one second in the film. He wasn't there. The other guy nailed Laurel as well. I felt like I was just watching them. That's the best thing about the film and most fun. If you want that, to see them living and breathing in some capacity again, it's there, you can get lost in the illusion.
It's a lite laid back film, nothing happens that's catastrophic, it's just a character driven story about the two and their final days as performers. That's all it is.
Well written, loved some of the dialogue and want to revisit some of it. It truly is akin with their comedy style and it's full of homages or whatever to how they'd make foolish decisions and misunderstand things.
I mean what more did I want from it that I feel was missing? Some depth. It's so breezy that yeah as movies go, this is like almost not even a movie, almost tv movie kinda thing, which is to me eh, that's fine. Just it does give you nuggets of depth, then tosses them aside in a perfunctory way. Yeah I know me some werds... Well it's good, enlightning if you did want to know more about the end of their career and Reilly was perfectly cast. This is how the stooges movie should have gone. At the end I was just thinking, damn if only they made one like this about the stooges, would have actually been interesting...
That's all folks!
No real need to review it extensively... I'll say if you at all are interested in who they were as people outside the lense, this is not that film. It's a bit of a troll sort of thing, like every time the movie starts to get dark and serious, it says Lol just kidding, nothing like that happened, they got along great. But it does bring it up, it does bring up friction between them, then drops it like it was just playing another gag. Indeed the whole film comes off as one long last laugh by the duo as if this was their way of trolling us with another routine.
Excellent perfect performances. I just didn't see John C reilly one second in the film. He wasn't there. The other guy nailed Laurel as well. I felt like I was just watching them. That's the best thing about the film and most fun. If you want that, to see them living and breathing in some capacity again, it's there, you can get lost in the illusion.
It's a lite laid back film, nothing happens that's catastrophic, it's just a character driven story about the two and their final days as performers. That's all it is.
Well written, loved some of the dialogue and want to revisit some of it. It truly is akin with their comedy style and it's full of homages or whatever to how they'd make foolish decisions and misunderstand things.
I mean what more did I want from it that I feel was missing? Some depth. It's so breezy that yeah as movies go, this is like almost not even a movie, almost tv movie kinda thing, which is to me eh, that's fine. Just it does give you nuggets of depth, then tosses them aside in a perfunctory way. Yeah I know me some werds... Well it's good, enlightning if you did want to know more about the end of their career and Reilly was perfectly cast. This is how the stooges movie should have gone. At the end I was just thinking, damn if only they made one like this about the stooges, would have actually been interesting...
That's all folks!
Saturday, March 2, 2019
thawts on music
Been studying piano for several months now... AND I KNOW NOTHING
Honestly the only thing motivating me is the personal interest in getting good at it.
It's been a life long dream.... I can only advise others in my position to kick yourself to do it even when you don't want to. There's a moment when I'm at the keyboard and I'm just lost and feeling out of it but then I begin to slightly care enough to keep discovering how to manipulate the keys to create the sounds I desire.
it's a hate love relationship I suppose...
love what I can do once I get past the fear of failure part... hate having to suffer the doubt and trepidation over my lack of experience and skill.
I'll also say, it's sad that people stop trying to improve themselves because someone else dictates that their life is over once they reach a certain age... It's bullshit. Keep learning new things, it's still possible.
I don't understand that mindset of immediate discouragement. It's asinine and sad. And honestly yeah it's motivated by some more complex reasons and agendas than are made clear.
Overall I wanted to post as a way of getting my beliefs on music and the art form a little more lucid to myself and to others. It's an escape from reality that's true but a needed one. It kinda does heal as many musicians will say. You feel better playing it or listening to it.
Can you learn? Can you or even me at my age now, old man 32 years old get this going and potentially get better. If you dedicate yourself..... yeah it's tougher. If I was still I'd say 20-something I'd say give it 10 years and I'll be proficient... At this point I'm looking at getting decent in maybe 4 to 5 years of hardcore deep practice... and not really trying to accomplish much else...
But as they say you won't get anything you want done without the core ingredient of passion. Age isn't going to make that happen. It's on YOU.
Do I love the piano or am I fooling myself into believing in my passion to play it and master it to some extent, not go all epic crazy with the high classics etc...
Damn, and this is where I have to say I've failed most. I don't know... Age is getting to me and usually I don't pay it much attention but I doubt my self more now as my life gets far more complex than it once was... All the bull crap of the world comes knocking around in my head and I don't feel as confident in my intellectual abilities as I used to be... Yeah tough crap to live with... But yeah I just tell myself it's for ME. It's not about proving anything and that helps... I don't really want to go play in front of anyone. I want to make myself feel proud of doing it and being good enough at it. Perhaps a little bit of that crazy delusional self-confidence is what ya gotta have to push through the lessons. Because EVERY time I start a lesson, I tell myself, piss off this piano stuff not gonna happen... but I tell myself to shut the f up about it... it's a painful cycle...
Uh, lastly I wanted to say in particular "how" to approach learning... slow, peacefully.... I still have that intensity of my school days in me, as if I MUST rush through and do it fast or the world will collapse in on itself and I die and explode... that's NONSENSE. Go as fast as you can go... I have to tell myself, there's nobody around to care how fast or slow I'm doing this and that's what you got to have to learn probably anything, isolation, peace. Then you go forward I think faster than if you had someone up your arse about getting it done because the only thing pushing you is you...
I'm not going to go into whether the school system is more effective than auto-didactic learning. It is for me I'll say that... some days I've actually binge-learned things. Like if I have to hack a phone and learn a million adb commands, new program, etc. it's something I get done in maybe a day or two vs a course somewhere that would take weeks and pointless homework assignments.
If you want to learn something yeah, these systems out there created in some laboratory aren't going to match the pace you and achieve on your own. And that's where I leave it...
It's a damn epic journey I hope to get better at. I am improving, that much has convinced me that it's possible, so yeah, I'm going to keep working on it.
Honestly the only thing motivating me is the personal interest in getting good at it.
It's been a life long dream.... I can only advise others in my position to kick yourself to do it even when you don't want to. There's a moment when I'm at the keyboard and I'm just lost and feeling out of it but then I begin to slightly care enough to keep discovering how to manipulate the keys to create the sounds I desire.
it's a hate love relationship I suppose...
love what I can do once I get past the fear of failure part... hate having to suffer the doubt and trepidation over my lack of experience and skill.
I'll also say, it's sad that people stop trying to improve themselves because someone else dictates that their life is over once they reach a certain age... It's bullshit. Keep learning new things, it's still possible.
I don't understand that mindset of immediate discouragement. It's asinine and sad. And honestly yeah it's motivated by some more complex reasons and agendas than are made clear.
Overall I wanted to post as a way of getting my beliefs on music and the art form a little more lucid to myself and to others. It's an escape from reality that's true but a needed one. It kinda does heal as many musicians will say. You feel better playing it or listening to it.
Can you learn? Can you or even me at my age now, old man 32 years old get this going and potentially get better. If you dedicate yourself..... yeah it's tougher. If I was still I'd say 20-something I'd say give it 10 years and I'll be proficient... At this point I'm looking at getting decent in maybe 4 to 5 years of hardcore deep practice... and not really trying to accomplish much else...
But as they say you won't get anything you want done without the core ingredient of passion. Age isn't going to make that happen. It's on YOU.
Do I love the piano or am I fooling myself into believing in my passion to play it and master it to some extent, not go all epic crazy with the high classics etc...
Damn, and this is where I have to say I've failed most. I don't know... Age is getting to me and usually I don't pay it much attention but I doubt my self more now as my life gets far more complex than it once was... All the bull crap of the world comes knocking around in my head and I don't feel as confident in my intellectual abilities as I used to be... Yeah tough crap to live with... But yeah I just tell myself it's for ME. It's not about proving anything and that helps... I don't really want to go play in front of anyone. I want to make myself feel proud of doing it and being good enough at it. Perhaps a little bit of that crazy delusional self-confidence is what ya gotta have to push through the lessons. Because EVERY time I start a lesson, I tell myself, piss off this piano stuff not gonna happen... but I tell myself to shut the f up about it... it's a painful cycle...
Uh, lastly I wanted to say in particular "how" to approach learning... slow, peacefully.... I still have that intensity of my school days in me, as if I MUST rush through and do it fast or the world will collapse in on itself and I die and explode... that's NONSENSE. Go as fast as you can go... I have to tell myself, there's nobody around to care how fast or slow I'm doing this and that's what you got to have to learn probably anything, isolation, peace. Then you go forward I think faster than if you had someone up your arse about getting it done because the only thing pushing you is you...
I'm not going to go into whether the school system is more effective than auto-didactic learning. It is for me I'll say that... some days I've actually binge-learned things. Like if I have to hack a phone and learn a million adb commands, new program, etc. it's something I get done in maybe a day or two vs a course somewhere that would take weeks and pointless homework assignments.
If you want to learn something yeah, these systems out there created in some laboratory aren't going to match the pace you and achieve on your own. And that's where I leave it...
It's a damn epic journey I hope to get better at. I am improving, that much has convinced me that it's possible, so yeah, I'm going to keep working on it.
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