oh my GOD in heaven....

I've just been tentatively selected for a job as CBP officer.

OMG

now I can't even begin fathoming working for delta or this security job....

Mind you, the process to get hired as CBP is a long one and may take several months, but this is ridiculous. I can't believe it. CBP is not a job to sneeze at. It's top of the line, bigger than fucking TSA. And Now I'm on the cusp of joining an elite group of people dedicated to protecting America's Borders.

I'm like, don't know if I have to balls to take on this job. I just don't know. But I believe I'm a person who's qualified to get a really good career and not shitty entry level bullshit, so I'm thinking GO FOR IT. Sadly I'll have to abandon this current job and my intentions to go work for delta again. CBP is a fucking career. You will have money, you will have power, you will have opportunity beyond anything you could hope for with a regular job.

So here we go. I'll keep all of you posted as I embark on this long fought for journey to join the CBP.

Thoughts on girls part whatevaaaahhh

so I've been traveling a bit recently. Ah man, have I been missing out by being stuck indoors for so long. There's so much fucking ass in this world, hot delicious asians, hispanics, white girls, and cutie black girls all for me to enjoy.

I think I'll have fun going to work.

Gotta say the most attractive thing to me on a girl besides some fucking big titties is her legs. When a chick is in shape, her legs look sooooo fucking sexy.

Like, fucking muscular and shit. That is the best and most attractive part of a girl in my mind. I don't even know why. It's just sculpture i guess. When a girl has legs like WHOA it's like looking at a nice fucking piece of art and you just sit and admire the precise angles and curves of those bitches.

uniform time

awesome sauce with candy and lemon dropssssssssssssssss...

looks like I really am going to get this little security job. Not bad for a fucking retard like me. Not bad at all. I ain't budgin, I swear to GOD. Going to stick to this job like monkey glue.

I always wanted to just go to work, be a normal person. Why is that so hard to get for me, I'll never know.

But anways... going to get my uniform tomorrow. Then see about how it fits. Then going to earn hopefully 11 bucks an hour on full time schedule.

Now here's the funny part. If maybe I end up going back to delta. I'll have to train for 2 weeks from like 8 in the morning to 4 in the after noon.

Thin about working security is that there's no gurantees at this job. You could be on mornings, nights, any days, it's up to the company. You don't get to choose what schedule you're on. It's the ultimate fuck you kind of a job. However the good part is that at some point you'll most likely end up doing overtime and overtime will pay out the asssssssss. It's like winning the lottery.

So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to be good and do my job and if they have overtime available because theyre's no one around to take over your shift, I'm eating that bitch up like it's goddamn cake I swear to jesus.

roboflop

So robocop has flopped at the box office.

I'm kinda disappointed by that really. Would have been good to restart robo, but word on the film is that it's average, not as good as the original, which is like DUUUUUUUUUUUUH to me. You just went ahead and made a remake of a classic film that is highly regarded and will be remembered throughout history. What did you think was going to happen honestly?

It's like, no one asked for a robocop remake.

We already have a good collection of films coming out these days that aren't remakes. We still have peter jackson working on Lord of the goddamn rings.

New spiderman on the way.

At what fucking point did anyone say we're lacking robocop films.

I'm hestitant now to go check it out despite it looking really good. The main actor looks like a cookie cutout typical white guy actor with no special skills or anywhere near the level of sheer genius of Peter Weller. And of course the film itself is going to be a little fart compared to the goddamn behemoth of a film that is Robocop.

 They keep doing this shit. Making sequels and remakes that can't even begin to compare to the original and that is profoundly boring to get constantly.

There's a lot of potential in the film world, why squander it on regurgitated material, I'll never know. It's just that the thing that bothers me is that you really are limiting yourself artistically by trying to squeeze more out of an old concept than by doing something like the matrix, where they took the old man vs machine idea and completely re-invented it for the modern era. See, that's how it's done. Now we have a new robocop movie that's just meh and not going to really progress anything. It's going to be as lasting and meaningful as that fucking conan the barbarian movie, which had the same impact. People saying, not as good as the original, but it's not horrible. That' DOESN'T MATTER.  Either you beat the shit out of the original film, or GO HOME.

I'm serious. If you don't have the stuff to beat the original film. Why bother?

Definitely not getting Ghostbusters 3 now...

Good. Should have done the same with Indy.

Going to make owning my copy of GB Videogame seem that much more special now that I truly have the LAST performance of Egon, Harold Ramis has ever done.

Just to clarify, I'm the biggest GB fan on earth. I literally lived the cartoon and movies as a kid in the 80s. And now aspire to be like a ghostbuster in life. I love what the movie is about, which is very elite level smart men tackling things with their brain power. That really spoke volumes to me as a kid and it makes sense and of course its the reality we live in. Here in New York there is a melting pot of very super smart people and very super dumb people coming together and doing business.

All that shit in the movie is the way reality in New york is. You will have a lot of sexual innuendo and very smart people doing crazy smart things, yet you get that vibe that the city is still teetering on the edge of oblvion.

It's a strange town, New York. But I honestly wouldn't have it any other way, makes things interesting, this gaggle of humanity all bustling about and not know which way is up at times...

back to delta

Looks like I'll be working for Delta again. Thank the maker. I look forward to returning. Nothing better than hopping on a flight anywhere you so desire I say... First class too. Best job I ever decided to leave behind.

It's stupid right? You go through your childhood dreaming of one day being able to enjoy a plane ride any time you want, then you finally achieve that dream and do what, throw it in the trash like a fucking dumbass.

I'm hopefully going to be able to do my security job and Delta at the same time. I'm so happy right now it's ridiculous. I'm about to get a nice little 11 dollar an hour security job where I'll surely have enough money to survive on and on top of that going back to Delta Airlines where I could potentially become a ticket agent or even go forth and take on the aircraft mechanic side of things.

Life is GOOD. When it gets good, it gets reeeeeeeally good.

I have  a little plan ya see. Going to get a moped and use that to get to both jobs lickety split like nobody's business.

so here we goooooooo

Looking into this new job. I'm getting hasty. I'm thinking about how I'm going to make a billion dollars and run around doing all kinds of things. I haven't even gotten my uniform yet and I'm giddy as a ten year old about to get some christmas toys.

Going to think about saving the money and possibly pursuing a pilots license.


Fucking flying planes baby. That's where I belong. I'm an airman, that's for sure, born for it...

Going for the gold

Got my paycheck from my last job. 526.73 dollars.

Good... that should pay for Fire Safety Director training. Problem is that they require you to have up to 3 years of experience dealing with fire equipment or some such thing before you can apply. Most likely this kind of job is for guys who are retired military or fire fighters. And that's what that's for. Some young fuck shit like me going after this job probably not what they intended...

Never mind that. Looks like craigslist truly paid off. I saw an add for a security company and now I'm trying to get my black ass in there.

They pay 11 dollars an hour. Which was what I was SUPPOSED to go after once I got my license and stuff. The company my mom and sister were recommending was a real good one that would pay 12 bucks and not 8. Instead I go to craigslist and get a little terrible shitty backwater company that no one knows about.

This place actually has some kind of prestige. Provided I get the job, I'll treat it like my own fucking bread and butter, I swear to GOD.

I mean 11 dollars an hour is nothing to white people, but to me, it's everything. I can get an acutal appartment somewhere. I can start thinking about getting some ass. I mean I see ass every day. And it's just there, I'm not putting my dick in it. But if you got the balls to go get it, she'll take it in there...

I mean I think to myself should i, should I not go after some ass. I don't know. I just want to get this job and be cool with the company for a couple of months before even thinking about jumping that hurdle yet...

Luke Skywalker

My favorite star wars character.

My hero in fact.

If there's one person I can say has been the biggest influence on my life, it's Luke. Which is why I don't like the whole (Omg this black guy hates white people) thing. It's like, I grew up idolizing this man, and now you're all saying oh this guy's got a thing against whites or something. I'm struggling to make sense of my beilefs these days. I wish I could go back to being a teen hanging out at the mall listening to my Star Wars CD and not even being the least bit concerned about race.

What can I say. I look exactly like Lando Calrissian. I'm like the perfect person to be a star wars fan.

Too bad about how there's this sense of fear and doubt and dread in white people about having to deal with blacks to this very day. You didn't see the deep hatred whites have for blacks back in my childhood. Which makes the reality I've been given so hard to make sense of. I grew up seeing blacks being involved and having a good life in every aspect of the world. Now I'm supposed to think that blacks are slaves still and have to suck whitey's dick to get by etc.

But hey that's the real world. It's a cruel world we live in. Nobody's got it easy, NOBODY...

It doesn't make sense, a lot of things in the political world don't make any fucking sense. I don't really know where to begin trying to make sense of the goddamn tangled mess of bullshit that is politics.

I just sit back and watch some porn and not really give a damn about it honestly....

I can't understand why so many people are concerned with winning debates all day and creating cryptic and manipulative use of words like a lawyer. I don't get it. You know what I'm doing right now??? Jackin off!

 So my hero is Luke. I believe in Star Wars, the message behind it. It's truly a film series that at one time aspired to be the best of its kind. Too bad about how things turned out. One wonders how someone could be nearly perfect then, suddenly fuck it up for himself like Lucas did.

It's been an interesting life I've lived. I basically am the Son of Star Wars. Everything that film series generated, I grew up seeing. Whether its the various roles Hamill took after the movies. Or the influence star wars had on muppet babies. Or the re-emergance of star wars back in 1999 which I remember fondly. I was taking a shit on the toilet and was reading a magazine full of star wars facts.

Should have kept that shit. It'd be valuable today. Live and learn. Don't throw anything away... Imagine if a kid from the 70s still had all his star wars stuff today... motherfucker would be rich...

I mean you had to be there. It was MOMENTOUS when star wars was being re-invigorated as a series. Hell I think it would lift people's spirits tremendously to make more star wars. Hopefully they'll be good. I just wish I was still a fucking kid. So that I wouldn't be giving a shit about all the complex crap about life while watching.

It sucks to get older... it really does. I want to go right the fuck back to childhood honestly. It's just been a hell of a few years since the Superman thing came and went. You think to yourself I'll just innocently talk superman on a silly messageboard, and then it becomes fullscale war in iraq for some reason...

Life is stupid sometimes, I just never imagined it'd be THAT stupid.

So I don't veiw myself as a racist honestly. Maybe there's some ill feelings towards whites within me but I AM WHITE. I CAN'T BE racist. No matter how hard I try, I belong to the white race and the black race at the same fucking TIME.

So honestly I look at myself and see myself as Luke Skwalker, just his personality. I love what Hamill did with his performance. He's the ULTIMATE HERO. Purely innocent and wanting to to good and save lives and all that shit. I always viewed myself in that context. Maybe it's corny to YOU, but I grew up believing it to be true. Believe in God, help people, save lives, do the right thing. Why is everyone against that message these days?

Why are we in this hell hole of a world right now that doesn't believe in the messages of Jesus etc that most of us were taught as children? Why are we trying to OVER THINK every thing to little bits?

I'm not saying live like a caveman. But there is some value to believing in the power and the spirit of Love and Goodness. There HAS GOT TO BE.

hmmm well fuck

this is interesting... looks like FSD's have to set up and lead fire brigade groups.

Don't know if I'm cut out for that. What can I say about leader-ship. It demands a bit of a sharp mind, in the end.

Hopefully I won't have to get too crazy in a leadership capacity. I don't particularly like having to have responsibility over anyone really, but it's not out of bounds.

I'm not stupid, I know right from wrong. Do the right thing the right way and there should'n't be any problems.

We'll play it by ear really. Go with the flow. See how the job is and if it isn't going to be an issue, I'll step up and act like mature adult and all that shit.

Fire safety director time

Oh well, life is crazy, but in time, I will be fully free to live and dream and not have any problems.

Soon as I get my check on friday, I'll go and acquire a fire safety director license from the FDNY...

after that, should be able to get a job as a FSD pulling down a salary in the range of 58,000 dollars a year.

If that works out, I'll get my act together and start considering whether to go back to college or not. I must say having a college degree does indeed lead to less stress about jobs and shit. My sister is a prime example of that. I just don't understand it, why go through all the course work and testing and at what fucking point are you supposed to get some ass like I can see constantly every day online...

fucking doesn't make sense. I can only assume very devious individuals are looking to manipulate people and make them get degrees and certificates and shit so they don't starve to death in the streets.

Ultimately I think to myself, ok go to community college for a little while, get some credits and shit and then go after becoming a cop. why not? I wouldn't be an asshole cop either. You'd have to do some stupid ass shit to make me pull out the book and write anything. I'd be like, not looking to get anybody in trouble. But one of the things cops are scared of most is if they let a black guy get away with something. So typically they show no mercy to blacks at all. Even if he was just walking by and singing a song or something...

But I know I can make it. I just wish it wouldn't take so long. It's going to be a long process, by my estimations, I'll get the training in March, and have my FSD License ready to go by then and then after that, have to find a way to get a job as an FSD somewhere in the city. Shitty thing about that is that for every single site you work you have to pay for the training for that site. So I'm not going to have much money to spend on trainiing. Going to have to get some help from others in that regard, but all this work i've been doing at little jobs etc, should pay off handsomely if indeed  I can become a fire safety director for my life long career.

Yep lost the job

Got a guy who's been working for your company for like 3 fucking weeks and you act like he's supposed to know everything already. Gotta love these little shitty jobs. You get them and then the higher ups are wondering why you suck at the job despite being poorly trained for it.

Going to go either 2 routes now to get another job and more money. Going to use my paycheck to pay for CDL training. Get a license and then go get a job as a fueler for the airlines hopefully. Those guys have it nice. They just sit back relax in the truck and fuel planes all day. No lifting... No bullshit. Just have to have a CDL license and you get paid 15 dollars an hour for fueling planes every day. If I can get that job, I'm good son... Cuz then it's up my alley really. I'm looking into becoming an airline pilot right? So... what I'm going to have to do is not only continue to stay close to the airlines, but also go to fucking college and get that bullshit out of the way. And having 15 buckaroos an hour will be quite a boon to help pay for that stuff.

What can I say about college. I don't give a damn about it. I give a damn about ASS AND TITTIES. Yep. Always have. Ever since I grew a dick.... so since that point it's been a constant pain in my ass to have people running around like headless chickens saying you have to get a college degree or die in the street.

It's like fucking kindergarten where the popular kids are saying you have kooties or some shit. OH dear god get over it and get laid. Fuck. So many titties in this world and all you're worrying about is college...

Ugh, white people culture...

most likely going to lose this job

which is and isn't truly a problem.

Honestly I'm overqualified for this stuff. I KNOW I could if I wanted to, learn how to fly a fucking plane. I'm only fucking 27 years old. Despite all the political tug of war over what age is a fully grown adult, I've yet to do SHIT in life.

I've jacked off to porn, watched cartoons, and played videogames. That's IT.

I wonder to myself when I'm toe to toe with a beautiful young girl, if I should go ahead and mack on her and try to get her pussy wet and do all that manly bullshit. I could... I ain't scared. And girls want it.

This is the best age to be black out of all ages. Yeah there's still an active KKK group looking to keep blacks down, but you still have some kind of legs in this world because some women out there want it rough and deep from black men.

Gotta say without fail my intuition was correct. I knew that girls would give it up to the biggest dumbest asshole they could find. And lo and behold, I was completely correct in my prophecy.

Gotta go to HR tomorrow to probably get fired from the job. They put me on a double last night. So I had to stand for 8 more hours straight. Ultimately I felt extremely tired after standing for that long and I sat down to rest. Then I saw one of those fat guys who supervise us looking at me and now no doubt they're going to go nuts over it.

Tedious nonsense. I only took this job out of a necessity to repair my bike. Once that is completed, we'll move on to much bigger things hopefully...

Just wish I could go back to either delta or TSA, really... get my ass back in there and I won't be worrying about things anymore, just stick to my ticket and work hard and hopefully get some pussy or something...

intellectual appreciation

I wonder a lot what kind of society this is.

Does it matter really if black people go forth and contribute to the high level intellectual fields in this world?

Or are very smart whites, asians, and hispanics figuring out ways to manipulate blacks into doing shit for them and that's all it is really...

I mean ultimately if you can have a black or a gay drive your bus all day or fly your plane while you sit back and have some pie, why not?

I mean that's what I think. The truth about life as an adult is that you want to fuck non-stop all day. If you as a black guy are hanging out with a white girl for any number of time eventually you'll end up fucking, there's no amount of racial bullshit going to stop that freight train.

I can see it, man. The weakness in women. Dick is TOO fucking good. they can't overcome their need for it... shame really... I thought they were stronger than that.

 Not something I'll ever know about, not that I have a problem with that. I don't really see much value in this world anymore. My optimism has been depleted substantially, let's just say...

so... I'm black....

Not something I ever really thought would be a problem when I got older, but I was very very fucking wrong.

Look at things this way. Elite class white people get together and figure out ways to take on monumental projects and jobs.

The thing that concerns them is whether black people are going to get in their way and make their tasks more difficult than necessary.

You have to be some fucking freak of nature super genius black guy then to gain any kind of respect from elite whites, asians, and Hispanics at top level jobs.

Hell, never really knew it, but the reason for abstinence only programs is because white people are wanting to keep tabs on who's fucking who in this world and make sure that blacks aren't spreading their blackness too much and too far.

Goddamn do I wish I could go back to being an ignorant kid, playing with toys and watching cartoons. I do not like living my life feeling like I'm this fucking outcast in society....

It sucks. I gotta say to be singled out for being the black guy in the room every where I go. That's just really hard to accept. I always considered myself to be a laid back cool surfer dude and indeed I was living the life style of a typical 90s white kid for all my life.

Suddenly I'm the black guy in the room now...

Good fucking GOD. On top of that I'm starting to turn white as I get older so it's like it's even more ambiguous what the fuck I am.

That's what I'm trying to say. Is that I identify with my white side and my black side. I don't think I have to ACT black at all. I can act white and it'd be legit because I actually am.

the quality of art

I sit and ponder things constantly. Such. is the burden of my intense mind I try to say fuck that noise and not think too much about complex subjects, but it's not possible. I must think, I must create. And if I can't think about something or even dredge up an old memory from the past, I create a new memory.

This is fascinating to me. How the mind functions and how it's like art and the art world. Where anything is possible. I suppose that's what I love about art. It's not supposed to be a certain way, It can be anything.

You can craft a masterpiece or a complete pile of garbage, it's up to you. It's like a woman's body in my opinion. When I look at a naked girl. I see a blank canvas really. She's just ready to be painted with semen.

Dip your brush and get to work creating anything you want. IT's all possible through her sexy ass.

is it bad to stay where you are?

I honestly don't think so. Is it within the possibility for me to go to some shitty community college and aquire an associates degree? Sure...

I think I might just go down that road. That I know I can get without issue. It's the whole big fucking 4 year degree that I don't really have the patience for honestly. If you want to ask me to go jack off for 4 years in some dorm all day, not gonna happen pal.

So I'm just going to knock around in this security job and lose all the fat on my body now. It's remarkable. To really regain what you had as a kid. I was ALWAYS thin. So to get to 20s and be ballooning in size is just really damn degrading.

But there's always a way sportacus.

I'm good. I've got a decent little job, I'm not worried about just going nowhere and having no money at all. It's a good place to sit in life I think. I don't really give a shit about going after big money. Cuz really more money does indeed = more problems.

When you're moderately wealthy with a job like TSA, all kinds of thoughts enter your mind about maybe getting with a girl and starting a family and all that jazz.

You start thinking about buying a house, getting a delorean. Not that I wouldn't want to get that fat fucking paycheck back, but I don't mind living on just 8 bucks an hour. It's humbling really. You know you're going to have to make the most out of that check vs tsa where I got the pay and just blew through it in a couple of days because i knew I'd get more...

not bad to be me right now. It really isn't. I mean, I wish I was younger and knew better about what to do with my time and also wish I didn't have to deal with the complexity of being a white/black person. It's hard because when all is said and done, life is about getting some ass. And when you're me, you're not very desirable by most people except maybe some fucking straight out of africa girl who's trying to get away with turning brighter.

It's a truly and undeniably damning situation to be born black. You live your life hoping that some white/spanish/or asian person is dumb enough to give you a better shot next generation.

why do they, why do some people go after blacks in the end. What the fuck? I wish I wasn't me. That's for sure... Why would you want to join the club I'll never fucking know...

the method to the madness

So I have one last shot to get before I'm finished making my static Shock fan film.

I'm now thinking about how to go about getting in shape for this scene. I think maybe get muscular. And I don't have a problem with that. I've lost 3 pounds in the last 2 days and the weight continues to drop steadily as I drink nothing but water as my only food for the next couple of weeks.

It's above and beyond difficult to do this stuff. I feel terrible and hungry, but I know in the end it'll all work out.

I mean, I really can't understand why I see so many homeless people in the world. I went through a few channels and got a job working security, and I like it. It's great to just go to work and relax and not really be lifting things and fucking touching guys. I have nothing against TSA, it was a great job, but there's too much drama to be had and ultimately not worth it. Should have stuck with Delta. Swear to God I got to get my ass back in there. You live and learn in life.

Some guy came to me and said, he knows how shitty the company I'm working for is, and that I should definitely pursue better employment.

But I think to myself, WHY? I know it's a shitty job. I know that the company wants to get away with murder by having us work for no money while they get paid the real deal. But at the same time, I'm not against going to work and sitting back and watching a movie on my phone and getting paid for it.

It's really the only bad part about it is the low pay. Otherwise, this is the job people dream of getting. A job where they don't do shit.

And that's exactly what I do. I go there and I don't do shit. I'm not interested in giving a shit about the job.

I just am not. 

Ultimately I'll just use the job as like something to do to pass the time and also to help me lose weight as I forge forward with my Static Shock Project.

And it's a fun thing to go on the train to work nowadays and get an eyeful of hot bitches in this world. It's not a bad thing. I'll never again understand why I got so deeply embroiled in the internet world. Because I actually do this thing called "going outside" and suddenly I'm seeing titties and ass. Real ones...

It's a glorious thing I must say. What a wonderful world... You internet tough guys should probably get on this little thing called girls....