New blog

I'm moving to a new blog. Here's the link. http://deeysew.blogs.linkbucks.com/

I'll still post in this one but the other one I think is a good start. I'll post my thoughts on movies, cartoons, and art. I guess that's what my "forte" is as phaser would say, that bitch. No, just kidding, love ya babe.

Just porn all day

I applied for best buy yesterday. Good God I'd die to work there. I know there's drama to be had at any workplace but I'll take my lumps as long as I get a nice safe job indoors.

I just hate being alone all the time. I was watching this movie, muppet christmas charol and it talks about how scrooge is such an asshole because he's lived his life always alone. I can understand that completely having never done any kind of real sexual things. On my last job I learned that there's guys who have kids and just work a job every day. I don't know how they do it, must be married.

That's the thing they don't tell you in high school, that to be considered a "normal" person you have to get married and then work a job till your dying day to support the family.

It's what the mil was trying for whatever reason to impress upon me, that I'm the breadwinner for my wife. God, what a joke.

First of all, I don't even know what to do with women, girls, whatever. And all of a sudden over night I'm supposed to figure out how to feel up their breasts and insert my penis into their mouths and vaginas.

Ya know what? Tough. If you can't get a guy to fuck you, that's not my fault.

Possiblilties

staff sgt velequette, wonderful individual btw claims a guy like me is going to become a father some day. Pfft. What a joke. You know, I'd have been better off in my younger years if someone actually put forth that uh... possibility. All I've ever been taught was that I'd best stay away from parenthood if I wanted to enjoy my life. But yeah as I predicted waaaay back in 10th grade, everybody would be all about making babies and therefore not be able to pursue any life goals.

Now who's look who's laughing. Sure I'm terribly confused about sexuality, but I've got no kids to worry about. Such a shame to think that's the way to go in life. Yeah.

Respecting womenz

So where to begin. One of the... uh, contentions? the training squadrons down at lackland had with me was my disrespect towards women. It's like this, plain and simple, when working at airforce bases all around the world you'll have to be a team, period, even if you don't like your team member for whatever reason, it's written in stone that you have to respect them. So yeah I being who i am, very alien to the world of women, treated them like garbage, and I KNOW that that's what they really want, but as far as bmt goes, it's a no no.

Can't figure it out really. Airforce is the safest branch, it's like working for any ho-hum corporation, wake up, get in your car, go to the office, doodle about. But if you make mistakes you'll get severely punished because it's the mil and not some regular job, granted a regular job demands good workmanship too but there's no "under penalty of death" in their contracts.

I keep thinking about bmt as if it was the greatest experience ever. It really wasn't. I was scared most of the time and they made it clear that yeah upon graduation I'd likely go replace some dead soldier in the actual war zone. The problem with that is they can't just send any idiot, and so here I am back home again.

I think i might be bi

Maybe it's because I've lived my life for so long never having experienced the warmth of a woman, but yeah I'm kinda a little gay I think because when I'm horny like this and my tounge is licking the inside of a grown man's mouth, it is what it is.

I keep thinking back to when whaley walked towards me. By that time I'd been in bmt for at least two weeks *shit moves by FAST, that's why it doesn't necessarily scare me to go back, it's really fast and kind of fun, the only problem is that it really is just you vs an entire mob who'd gladly kill you and wipe your remains off their boot. Seriously I don't want to sound like a pussy but it got to that point where they were physically attacking me if I didn't follow their unrealistic expectations, then of course they made it clear that I had no friends down there and that every single person I was with was a fully trained soldier ready to rip me in half if necessary. and like my mother says, the military loooooves black people since they are physcially intimadating. Me I'm black and some other shit, so I was being set up as a recruiter because statistically mixed race recruiters bring in more minorities than a white one.

Anyway, it is what it is. I mean, if I have to, I'll beat the living shit out of a guy, but only if I'm pushed and I know that all of us men has this in us. It's called the Beast. Remember in Rambo? When he says "you just don't turn it off." what he's talking about is the killer instinct. When we humans are cornered, we become just as crazy as a wild animal no matter how evolved we think we are. And that's what they did to me and what they did to my father, and of course all military personnel are switched "on" through days of mental break-down and brainwashing. It's REAL. Watch jar head. You might be wondering why a former marine gets on the bus at the end to join the parade. Once in the mil, ALWAYS in the mil whether you like it or not. You're just a piece of meat to them.

I don't know... Sometimes I wonder why they didn't just kill me if they didn't think I was airman material. They said I could join the army aircorps. But my dad tells me to stay the hell away from the military. But what else can i do? God, what? i planned to commit suicide at 18, so now a good 5 years later and I'm being told, dude get married, it's awesome. Hell no it isn't. Shrugs, can't figure this out...

Anything for the corporation

I'm learning quickly that corporations are all like military branches. The military has one rule "performance is everything" that's all they care about. How good you are for business, and in truth that's how every job does it too, the more business deals you make, the more money you get, and so on and etc.

I'm out of the loop. Nobody's using me to make money and I'm not married nor a student, so I have no status with the cool kids in this society. Life isn't fair in that, because you're born with certain genitals, you're supposed to become either a husband or a worker bee by my age, and if you don't, then frankly "fuck off" is all you're going to be told.

women have every right to stay home and make babies if they're so disposed and in fact many do just that. Like before I signed up for the airforce, my sister and her boyfriend bombarded me with "oh you'll have a wife and kids now. How great." and shit. I'm thinking, dude, i don't even know what sex is all about or even if i can do that yet, and I'm being told all this nonsense.

And now it's clear to me that my generation is severely pissed, not too pissed, but pissed enough that a person like me can exist who isn't playing by the rules, finish school, get job, start family. I wish it were that simple. I really do. I wanted nothing more than to become a normal male while in high school. I dreamed about marrying my woman, then taking care of her and my family. Then i got kicked in the face by reality. Women are not worth it. Really I'm being hounded by the guys down at lackland for not getting married, but what purpose would there have been to that? It's just for sex, not for love, and girls today are not the same old 50s housewives anymore so why do you expect me to return to that old role.

Furthermore, I watch movies from the old days vs movies today and it's striking to see how different and how hard it is for people to accept nowadays a man standing firm against a woman and not bowing down and begging for her pressence. I'm like... if I get angry and man up and don't take shit from some dick head, people jump on me and say "You're being too aggresive." Then the flipside is that if I turn all gay and act like "ok well you win, you're bigger than me." people say lol what a pussy, can't stand up for himself in an argument or whatever. Really the world's a big pile of shit when you get down to it. So ya know, bring kids into it if you want too I guess...

Yessssssssssssssssss

Just shot two, count em, two loads just like the good old days. Made me feel pretty good, not great. I imagine having real sex would be better, but I can only imagine it. People who fuck and fuck and fuck can't stand me because I'm an odd man out. Military personnel live to fuck, claim that's all they're doing it for, to protect their wife and kids, and that's exactly how it should be in my book. Don't make sense to me to inject semen in an anus and all this gay nonsense. But you have people who will defend that life style, and sex with kids and all that. I love young women, am I wrong for that?

I mean I'm willing to be a good person who obeys the law but I also know that truth is, nobody cares how good a guy you are, and money will buy your way out of anything. FBI agents, the president... oh let me tell you this. While in bmt, some spy asked me what I thought of the president, and I said "he's a nut, gonna get shot." Then it dawned on me, I'm seriously a grown adult who's in the military and I just dissed the commander in chief. Ooops... I got a ways to go before I figure out what I'm doing in this body. Really I took a dump on my boss, lol.

But truth be told I know I'm right. First black pres, that's huge, and monumental, but deep down I personally know that his achievement is specious at best and that the day will never come when america will ignore race. But if it makes kids think things are different then so be it.

Caprice Whaley's Chocolate nipples

I'm thinking about whaley down at lackland today. She's a staff sargeant in the airforce. She did this thing to me where she made like she was going to kiss me but then backed off, I don't know what that has to do with killing people. Anyway she has some rockin orbs I recall when she was putting on her airforce coat over her t-shirt. Things were like little awesome water balloons in there. I see on her facebook she's kind of dazed in the picture. http://www.facebook.com/people/Capris-Whaley/588202326 She looks like she just got fucked extremely hard and was just so tired after it. That's all I have to say.

A word on the military

I realize they have a serious anti-homosexuality policy and that they as the government views themselves as guardians of the next generation, America's children. That said, their religious views are continuously suspect to me. They believe certain things and in fact it's why there's "in god we trust" on our money because YUP the military, the thing that's brought death to millions is a religious institution or cult when you get down to it. And people like me were being or at least hoped to become elite minds within this religious super power. Why is it religious? Because we're human, and we know fo damn sho that if it was left up to us, we'd blow each other to hell and forget about it the next day.

It's like this. Life is insane. So the most insane of us gets to live the longest really. ME, I'm only as good as my productivity to people. We have freedom of speech but it's bullshit. Philosophically speaking you're not really speaking unless you're being heard and it's why whites will always be in charge because they honestly could care less about the rest of the world's yip yap. I don't blame them honestly. If I had that much power, I'd abuse it too.

Bill gates for instance. It's not that he dropped out of college and then BLAMO figured out how to build a business empire. He was the most ruthless asshole out of his contemporaries and decided to take a leap of faith rather than conform to the ideals of those in charge. That's all that matters, he had balls. He stole from steve jobs, and ran ads to get the word out on his new creations, and became extremely popular and now he's like the mcdonalds of computers. Windows is NOT the best operating system, any programmer will tell you this, but since when did this world operate on what works best?

In fact there are methods somewhere probably in the military itself to build super muscles, live an extra 40 years or something, but because no one can really mass produce it and make money off it, they're not giving it to us. That's how this world works. Whoever has the biggest gun, wins, not the best skills.

Pregnancy in the military

WEll well well, look at this. I know cnn's not the best news source for unfiltered uncensored honest news, but this report on pregnancy in the military is very interesting. Having been so close to truly becoming part of the military I can confidently say it's a male dominated industry, corporation, whatever. Men run it from top to bottom and women who are in there are treated like queens because they do make babies, a lot of them, so it makes sense.

I was there squatting in the grass with some female recruits, holding my fake gun. And going through the obstacle course too with a bunch of females. Thinking back, I really did go through some hell to try to become an airman. I don't even feel like I left and I know for sure they're keeping someone watching me just in case I go bananas and start talking about it too much. I saw nothing top secret but yeah if i tell about the military maybe some terrorist will use me against them or something... twas the funnest time and the worst time really.. what can i say.

The military is serious because yeah if one little hair is out of place, you can kill a 100 of your own guys. That's why this pregnancy thing is hilarious and even more hilarious that it's major news. OF COURSE women are getting pregnant in the mil. YOU got to be kidding me with having girls deployed alongside boys. The other guys down there I can understand being in the shit with, I actually grew a bond to them in a brotherly way. But the girls, especially the hot ones? HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLL OOOOOOOOOOOOOO NURSE. I wanted to rape every single one of them every waking second! How the hell do they expect me to concentrate on my job when there's this super model walking around. Ridiculous.

But that's it isn't it. They want you to be so focused on the mission, nothing stops you from finishing it. That's why they had me getting trained for capture and torture, because yeah you got to have that much balls in the mil. I got the balls, nearly died before even getting in the mil, but I'm just kind of reeeeeeeeeeeeeally horny and don't want to die without getting fucked, ok.

So I understand. i just don't get why the military even let this news out. They really DO have top secret levels of intel that if gotten out would compromise their mission successes. This is about the nation's children and they're letting themselves look like bumbling baffoons in front of everyone, Dear Jesus.

What the hell?

I got a follower? HEH interesting... I hope it's not some kid. Don't take the internet seriously, kids, EVER. i DID when I was 16 and I let some anonymous dick head screw me up mentally so I really lost sight of things etc. Not that it's totally messed up my life. i realize now that I'm in a good position, youthful and without children, but the pressure is all on me to become a man when I've never had any kind of male role model to draw from ever, so please I beg young men to look upon each other as brothers because really when you finish school all you'll have is each other, truth be told. Nobody is going to care about you beyond how much work you can get done.

Relax Richard

I took a hit today that's been on my mind like a leech. Take it easy. That was nothing compared to bmt. They rattled my brain something fierce in there, sticking broom handles in my bum bum and all that shit. I got to build a thicker hide. Cuz the truth is, all the stuff I've gone through in my life is nothing compared to growing old and working on a tough job site. Tech Sarg Randolf said I'd be a supervisor because of who I was and all that jazz. I guess he's right. I'd likely be one of those guys who had to ensure things went smoothly rather than have to lift bags and stuff myself.

They make the good money, but if one thing goes wrong, they're fired, lots of pressure. It's like being a major league baseball player vs the minor league, the game is tougher.

God damn I'm confused though. I want to care what people think about me then I have a side of me that is like a big asshole of a guy who could care less what people think about him and would gladly kick ass to keep order, yet one thing irks me to no end, WOMEN and what dating and stuff would actually entail cuz I'm sorry, but to suddenly expect me to join the mil and having never really kissed or felt up boobies before, then marry a girl out of the clear blue sky is ludicrous. I see now that my father was the same way though, never intending to marry my mother, but he had to or something. Tells me he doesn't even know my mother really... wtf kind of world is this.

I'm gay now

Like Bill O Reilly. He's a christian but he's a big jerk of a guy so I don't know how he can be christian and still be so aggressive and shit. but yeah like military personnel, he's religious as a front for his true motives, whatever they may be. He sucks cocks. And likes it. Like that craig guy. And hides behind religion because he doesn't want to face the fact that he truly loves a pair of hairy balls in his mouth.

Army guns

I don't know. I feel all emotional now, struggling to make sense of my libido, when I'm surrounded by white folk who could give a fuck less about my problems. Joining the army or navy, whatever, doesn't matter will be the next stage. The airforce discharge wasn't permanent, or maybe it is... doesn't matter. The military takes ANYBODY. It's only the airforce that needs you to have a brain in your skull. I only left because I was horny as hell. My issue is that I'm always willing to fight too much. I need to just let life be life, and not worry about things all the time. I'm a pugnacious fucker when it comes down to it. But you're always going to have a guy standing there bigger than you who wants you to know it, ya know. So when you take a shot at him, then his buddies gang up on you and you're like "but I was defending myself." but that don't mean shit.

Everybody's looking out for their own in this corrupt society, man. Still I have to say my airforce days were the best days of my life. Too bad they wanted me to get married or I would have really dug being in the mil as an airman.

Tool of the government

I am a tool of the government. Everything i do and everything I say is constantly being monitored by them. That's why my father's the way he is. He's STILL in the military. He never goddamn left. My entire life was part of a planned out system, but for whatever reason something went wrong. And so now I'm like a damaged piece of equipment. It cost tax payers 500,000 dollars to train me... FOR NOTHING. I'm still just hanging around here doing shit squat. I feel like I owe them something, I really do. My job is to be guardian to the children in America, period. And I understand that and am willing to do it, but my seargant was right, I can't do my job well without being happy.

Heh insanity, doing the same thing expecting a different result. No shit.

I don't know why I do anything. i'm like the joker I guess. Just doing whatever the fuck feels like fun for the time being.

Sigh

I need a girlfriend badly. But it's hard to get one. Sabrina frato... she will always be my first girlfriend I think. She let me touch her breast, which was the best experience of my entire life, good God! I wish we could have met in another life. But honestly, I'm afraid I'll end up a divorced dad and all that bullcrap.

My mom says I'm scared of girls, that's why I won't try to get with one. Such a stupid thing to say. I have no fear of anything. Not even death. What scares me most is only failure. And I keep remembering everyday how much stuff I've failed to accomplish due to ignorance of the world or any other number of uncontrollable factors that contributed to my downfall as a respected internet personality. No one's forgotten 07. It will be forgotten just like the last time it happened, so I'm not all too put off by it, but we live in an age where some fucktard you used to post with at one website will still be online 9 years later talking the same shit, and yes, I'm talking about you gomer tonic.

Thank God I still have time to fix my life, that's all. I just need to find a good job and get some sweet pussy for once before I die. Stupid people in the military were seriously trying to convince me to go die in war without ever fucking a girl. HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL no.

I'll die in war, don't bother me really. gonna die anyway. But I gotta fuck a girl, just that one time, I spend so much time dreaming about it...

FUCK DEVIN AT CHUD part 2

This guy is pissing me off. I really want to just be a nice guy and treat everyone with respect but the more I read from him and I've been reading his shit since 07, the more I don't like him on a personal level.

WTF. Luke Skywalker was NOT a weedy kid. He was a MAN. He feared nothing. He wanted to take on the world and conquer it, follow his dreams. And he wasn't a faggot. That's why I personally liked him.

People say he whined and shit, but that's all hyperbowl or whatever it's called. You want whiny? Try Anakin in Aotc. Luke would have kicked his ass for being such a little bitch in that movie.

Damn.

Tits and Ass

So I'm watching porn as usual. Life's like this for me. I wake up, check out slashfilm and chud and aicn, then I go eat, then I try to not masturbate and see how it goes, then I just give in to my urges and shoot my slime to some hot ass. I think sometimes I might be gay instead because it doesn't give me that incredible orgasm I used to get when I would masturbate to britney spears or christina agueqafabla. Imagine what a penis would feel like sliding through your rectum repeatedly. Devin's penis.

I dont know. You can't just go and test out if you're gay, that'd probably make you gay in the end.

Girls are damn good to me though, nice young ones though, not old out of shape hos. Whenever i'm near one I go a little insane and feel like raping her, but I know better than that... it's a constant struggle. Oh I wish I was free of this.

Avatar part 2

Heh. What people don't get about avatar is that it's an anime. I watch anime all the time and one of the things you have to be willing to do with the genre is be extremely forgiving and open minded to its story style. Watch cowboy bebop the movie, or ghost in the shell, or even metropolis. Cameron's like me. he sat around during the 80s or whenever and watched a ton of anime on video or read mangas and then said "dude this would be cool in live action."

The beautiful thing about anime is that it's absolutely limitless in how far it's willing to go creatively. Just watch the prequels and see where lucas got the idea for a full scale battle on a lava planet, dragon ball. The wakowskis and the aerial battle in matrix revolutions, dragon ball. I've seen avatar before, probably as a hentai about sexy catgirls.

Heh, so the funny shit is seeing people who don't regularly watch anime, going crazy, not knowing what to do with avatar. Anime is insane and sometimes skirts near brilliance, but mostly is like a kid playing with his toys, just making shit up out of the blue in a frenzy of artistic masturbation.

But that's ok with me.

ah man i'm horny

guess my son or daughter wants to live, badly. Little assholes.

Yeah my mind's shifting more towards becoming a dad now as I age. Fucking pissing me off... that's all. I don't like kids at all. and there are already billions of them out there and shit already. why should I give a fuck about them. No one gave a fuck about me.

Avatar was cool though. It's truly a film made for boys to enjoy. No gay shit, just straight up men doing what men do which is blow shit up and kick ass. I haven't seen that in a long time.

That's its problem. People are so used to seeing brokeback and love stories a movie comes a long that's done in the classic 80s action movie format and it's frankly un-expected.

We are seeing the resurgence of testosterone in cinema, and thank God for that.

That's what keeps me sane, movies and comics and art. I don't give a shit about reality.

A word on art criticism

I'm an advocate of deep well-thought analysis of movies. And in truth a lot of kids and people who don't give a fuck, don't think about subtext, symbolism, themes, parrallels etc. Some people are in school right now just now learning what a theme is. I learned it in 9th grade. I used to just not care what a story meant, but was more intrigued by who the characters were as people and nothing more. little did i know that what they were doing meant anything at all, but they do... Its why empire is inarguably better than jedi. It has depth where jedi has like, some muppets and shit, then some depth. The prequels for all their cgi don't have even an ounce of the humanity found in anh etc.

but at least they're not gay I say in hindsight as I realize back then life was much simpler when sex and politics didn't make my head all fuzzy during movies.

So devin's declared war on avatar now I see, as advocate for intelligent critique of film rather than the "shit was awesome" response being as deep as it gets. he's right and he's wrong in my view. It's fucking complicated, whether to analyse something or think nothing more about it than the surface and move on. That's whats going on in Avatar ironically. The corporation fails to see the seeming simplicity of the na vi's symbios relationship with nature. It's his job to do that so of course he's pissed when people think otherwise, then he'd be out of work wouldn't he...

interesting how the movie's themes now ressonate in real life now. Fucking art is a bitch. more thoughts on this later as they come...

FUCK DEVIN AT CHUD

H A HA HAHA, devin on chud is getting lynched now because he thought avatar was a decent movie, not a masterpiece. Welcome to my world buddy... It IS a masterpiece, made by a man who's been through EVERY SINGLE kind of hurddle an artist can go through while making a movie. You can't read a book and then BOOM you can make great movies. Not gonna work. You have to earn your stripes. James Cameron's a fucking general, I don't even know which kind, maybe all of them, by now. I know that don't matter some asshole kid, but we men function through the chain of command and you have to respect a man who's been through it all and can still craft a masterpiece after already peaking with titanic. Jesus what does cameron smoke, cuz it's some good shit to have dreamt up avatar. I'm no stranger to science fiction movies and books. Avatar is planet of the apes done RIGHT. Really go watch the stupid burton version, this was what burton was TRYING to do but failed. Remarkable... And it has layers. I watch the bootleg and I'm catching shit I didn't see before. Hell even terminator Salvation doesn't even deserve to wipe avatar's ass. And that movie was trying so hard to be a james cameron film. It's embarrassed completely by the master at work. I know I'm sucking Cameron's dick but it's a fucking great movie so it's deserved you know...

Goddamn cinema's getting good again. I thought after the star wars prequels movies were just going to become routine hit or miss things again and not necessarily great historical passion projects from the titans in the industry. But nope. Superman returns was huge, then came Rocky Balboa, then came Rambo, then Batman ownt all of them with some help from ledger, then star trek returned well enough for my tastes though I would have made a deeper more challenging film like avatar.

What next... Harry potter looks to be the last great big franchise film.

Dreams

I had a dream last night. It was about the death of my father. I imagined what I'd think about when it happened for real. He's already dead, whatever disease he has has turned him into something that isn't human anymore. He just exists.

I just exist too. I have no reason to live except porn, food, and the internet. A pretty powerful combination in the end.

I'm not afraid to live in this world without my parents. Not anymore... I know how to survive, the question is why... All my days I've been stuck doing things I didn't want to do, learn abcs, complext math, reading, and when I got to my life long dream joining the military, I'm told to get married. What a joke...

No shit, having a girlfriend would be awesome, but it's too late for me. I'm at a point now where I don't even think I can make that kind of connection to a female ever again, though I remember I did once. I see pretty girls everywhere but I dare not go near them for fear of the law or any other numbers of problems like babies etc. I realize now that women are stupid and don't know what they want in life. Me, I just want sex. They want everything. Everything.

We have laws in this society but who cares about them. What to do with your life.. art makes the most sense to me, but art is dangerous. It's very dangerous. You have to be tough to handle creativity or it can destroy you. I got so immersed in my desire to be the best artist ever, I blew it all up on myself and lost my sanity, but sigh... it was spectacular while it lasted.

Avatar

I saw a film that will very likely bomb, but in years time will become either a cult classic or a true classic.

The movie's a work of art, and that's its main flaw it demands you use your imagination, think abstractly, interpret its true meaning. Cameron and I come from the same thought process so I know exactly what he's saying with his story but a lot of critics don't or they're too embarrassed to admit they dug the movie, it happens sometimes online...

I hope Harry on aicn loves it. I love it, and not in the immature, jizz my pants at all the hot blue girl ass that a lot of dumbass kids will likely think, but the artistic merits of the movie are REAL and maybe you have to be smart to catch them.

So what makes the movie great? For one thing it's cool to watch. It's artistic porn, and literal porn at points. But the true heart of it is the story. I was sitting there and honestly I hated Jake, just another grunt like the scientist woman said he was. Nothing about him was special. His brother was the special one. But you have to look beyond that...

Spoiler:

Jake IS the Avatar

i was on the bus home and I just got a holy shit moment... This movie's going to fly over everyone's heads I think... because it demands thought, complex analysis of its story, and all that shit. People will bemoan its religious aspects, but there's no damn point to the movie without it. Ask yourself this, who was the alien and who was the native? Flip every line spoken by the humans and apply them to the na vi and you get the truth. I mean it's more complicated than that, but I love how the ending shows exactly what was intended to take place by the avatar program, getting rid of the aliens.

Fucking 10 out of 10.

I wish I had a job so I could keep seeing it again and again.

College dropout part 2

I'm thinking about the way the world is... shame but truth is the world functions on an "us vs them" system of belief. College people look out for college people. Women look out for women. Blacks look out for blacks, though in my experience i've met very few of those kinds of blacks. Whites damn well look after whites and on and on and on... So if you want to survive in this world, you'll have to join a club.

I read once about some college professor lamenting about how there's no longer any "shame" associated with continuing to live at home years after high school. Is that all I wonder? A childish sense of "oh you're not one of the cool kids." is all one needs to fear from the big time college educated people? Jesus Christ help us all if this is what college education amounts to.

Truth is this... The colleges don't actually teach shit. the kids who get in are ALREADY super smart and would get good jobs regardless of a degree. But the colleges want to train them to fit their expectations for corporate workers. Like training a pilot. Every pilot is trained the same because you can't possibly have just any fool flying a plane, nevermind that planes fly themselves these days but you still need them to be manned by someone who knows how to drive the damn thing. College is pilot school, driving school, military trainiing, everything, and you know what they're training you for? Being a corporate worker and consumer of all sorts of useless junk.

Ah but I figured it out. SEX is fucking these young people up terribly and it becomes that much harder to ask them to conform to a certain life style when you neglect their body's needs, but who cares right.... as long as you get them in tons of debt, signed up for credit cards, all's good.

Above all else, college is a business transaction. You pay them to make more money than the regular joes of the world. That's all it is. When I was there I was kind of shocked to discover that it's NOT this great well of in depth knowledge on a series of complex subjects. The professors wanted nothing more from me but for me to prove that I can be their bitch so that when I get to the corporation, I just suck my bosses cock for money, period. That's all there is to it, and to life. No one gives a fuck how smart you are in the real world. How much cock can you suck... that's something else...

So for me to say "hey i got freedom of speech don't I..." Then you'll get a resounding "not unless you're white."

So much to think about.

Strange... reviews for avatar are coming in from familiar sources, chud, aicn. So far it's a collective "meh it's okay" from just about everyone. I wonder to myself sometimes honestly if most critics have just outgrown movies of their youth and can't get as jazzed for newer films. Then I remember the star wars prequels and it's more apparent to me that sometimes a movie's just stupidly made and that's all there is to it.

I'm trying to abstain from masturbating now too which is hard shit. I fucking feel terrible. I didn't masturbate all during bmt and it was just insane. And on top of that the people down there didn't care how sex starved I was beyond hopes of marriage. I don't need no friggin wife, shit... I hate how they think marriage is all that, though I'd have married caprice whaley in a minute she was awesome. She reminded me of Alicia, my childhood friend only older and with amazing chesticles, so perfectly plump. I looked her up, she's 25, for goodness sake. 2 years older than me and I don't know, maybe she's got a kid already... lol It's hard to figure out who to be into at my age. I still like them young... damn.

Airforce Smareforce, bunch of assholes running these branches. I wish the world was better in that people really did grow up and become mature but nope. Sure enough we are a civilized society, but we're all still very much children acting stupid on a playground called earth. School's just a place where we get a taste of the real world. I'm content to stay out of the way myself, but damnit if I don't always draw attention to myself out there. i'm glad I'm not in high school anymore. I was so sick of school from 8 years of elementary, then simply I was told I had to go to high school for 4 years, so I said *shrugs* whatever. Little did I know my dick would start shooting slime all over the place during my first year there, and life got more complicated after that. And I'm still being told I'm young and have to go to school. Fucking corporations want some smart niggers I guess to fill their quota. nah, not going to take the bait bitch. I'm done and i don't care about school anymore, bunch of assholes getting paid to teach shit you'll never need to know in life... just tell a kid "dude just get a job and work it until you're 50 and that's all the little bugger needs to know.

Titties

I think about titties a lot.

Back when i first met holly i noticed her tits were small but were still growing, like she was one of those girls who needed time to blossom before full plumpness was achieved. I got to say I like boobs. Unfortunately I can't just go find some and squeeze them up just anywhere.

The question is age.

Some girls are 20 but look 15 ya know. It's just genetics. Some girls are the opposite, they're 16 but look much older than their years and are fully developed breasts and body curves.

girls around 13 think they don't look good but they're idiots ya know because in 3 years their bodies will fill out in preparation for breeding and then it's like... at that point you have to question our 18 as the age of consent law because obviously the body disagrees, lol. Anyway...

I think I might be a slight pedophile even though I'm not so old it'd be way off for me to be into hotass teenage girls, but I hate hate hate how society expects us to suddenly stop liking high school girls period and just friggin fuck anything that moves over 18. ha ha ha ha not that simple. We are wired to go after girls who are of breeding age, period, that being at least 14 to 35 years old. More realistically 16 to 25...

Sorry to older women but just as you're not into poor men, we don't want over the hill bitches.

Gotta make that money though. I want to tell every male in high school right now to tap that ass regardless of what you're being told. Once you get to college and beyond you'll be paying for it. Get it while it's free. No young woman wants a man who can't pay for any children who result from their intercourse.

So I'm stuck. I got no money. It would appear that I can't even think straight without getting laid, so what's a nigga to do... I'm more than ever understanding why rape happens... I know it's controversal to say but that's my blog's style, just big open free thoughts without restraint, and yeah some girls WANT to be raped, maybe it's nature, maybe they're just morons, but I mean I'm shocked to read that some girls like being choked and like rough sex, can't get horny unless their man is like a beast, shit like that just continues to make me believe the unthinkable.

I mean when sabrina frato looked at me it was weird, she had this *come get it* look on her that I never saw before in my life. That's a military girl right there baby. I wish I fucked her.

some pics and shit

I still look good in this one.



I look better shaved I must admit.

Running with sixxxers

I'm turning gay. The thing about life you have to figure out after high school is that there is no adulthood. It's just a world where a bunch of fucking high schoolers are getting paid to do some tasks, maybe for their own kids, maybe not, but it's no surprise that full grown adults are always being found doing stupid kiddie crap simply because they ARE stupid little kids just older. I used to believe in a society that rewarded you for your maturity and intelligence. it makes sense. Those who strove to be the more adult and sophisticated would be given the high life, not so. Fags and girls rule the college system now. The military's becoming more feminized too though it's still a male dominated corporation really.

Things don't change, for sure, but some little changes certainly make great big waves before things snap back into normalcy.

The current wave going on right now is feminism, gay rights, atheism, and blacks still hanging around at the bottom of the ladder even though there's a black president and shit.

I'm no longer ignorant to the way the world is nor how the media works or who it's controlled by, a bunch of rich white christian conservatives who want to build a world for their kids to succeed in and to hell with everyone else, but alas their kids are turning fags left and right and forgetting about Jesus and all thag fairytale santa clause bullshit we feed kids because to hell with it, we're all dead in the end, might as well have fun.

That's why we have to take drastic measures, nay go to extremes to survive. Turning gay may save me I think. nobody knows what to do with gay people, nevermind niggers. Gays are so fucked up, they're like the boogey man. You just don't know whether to believe it or not. Hell maybe everybody's gay or whatever but we can't possibly know for sure. I know I have a little faggotry in me from time to time, but I'll be damned if I don't want to fuck the shit out of gorgeous female every day I wake.

Still Sucks so much being male it might be the better option... being a girl isn't bad at all these days.

Avatar

Jesus christ.

Reviews are coming in on the new james cameron movie. I think it's going to be spectacular, fun, rollercoaster with substance.

Cameron's my hero. Even though I've read horry stories about how much of a tyrant he is as a director and indeed he comes off as a smug know it all asshole in some of his interviews, he's earned it. He's not some jj abrams clown or nolan who basically finds a formula and sticks to it and pumps out a quantified hollywood product. He's an actual motherfucking artist. Straight out of the days when cinema aspired to be works of art and not merely yet another mass produced product like so many other art forms have turned into these days.

That's why the movie will succeed, I feel. It will have fucking tried HARD to push the film medium forward into unexplored territory, I hope.

Film's always changing. It started silent, black and white, then someone discovered sound and people thought it actually ruined movies, but now you can't imagine one without it, then color came about, and it was actually a selling point for films and tv shows. IN COLOR. Then special fx movies came along that for the first time made the impossible seem possible. I was there as a kid seeing jurrasic park for the first time. It's amazing to think back and remember just how in awe I was of what they could accomplish with computers back then. Now a kid today would be like, dude my ps3 has better graphics. Wow man... But hey, that's life. The older I get, the more trivial my past experiences start to seem.

Avatar could do it though, be the next leap in film though we already have 3d movies and realistic cgi isn't really amazing anyone anymore. So what's so special about Avatar? It seems like one of those obscure 80s movies they used to make about weird shit someone must have thought of while taking a shit one day, weird science ya know. But whatever. I'm hoping the movie is not only good to watch but does something new we've yet to see.

pussy

Something's changed about me. I'm getting older and with age comes a realization that death is around the corner, so you slow your roll, take time to enjoy the day more, plan carefully, don't sweat the small stuff though you have to at times before things go crazy... Still the way the world is right now for me isn't so bad. But as I watch my porn to just see how my mind reacts to it, I'm transfixed on the woman's vagina... I want to taste it... I look at her stomach and I want to put a baby in there... I want to be immortal...

Damn, but I must resist it. That's what all people do, they get all horny, fuck, then have a baby and ruin any chance of being a free man again.

I can do ANYTHING I want in life now. No school. Just get a stupid job somewhere that's easy and then do whatever I want besides it, no kids. I can travel the world. Become a pilot or whatever... I'm only 23. I can plan the next 7 years before 30 when a male reaches his prime.

It would be wise to plan it all out. Imagine the possibilities. People want me to go to college so I don't go thinking for myself or anything and cause trouble, plus it's a white man's world in that the last thing they want is a black guy bucking the system and succeeding without college, but my gut tells me it's possible. I just have to take chances and be willing to stumble before my rise to the top of whatever field I decide to devote myself to. It's been a long wait but now maybe, perhaps I can finally be free to pursue my own interests and not those of the fat old people around me.

The old grind

Back to the old grind. I'm bored... messing around in comment sections on slashfilm and chud for fun. I know it annoys the webmasters but they need to lighten up and get their head out of their asses imo. I come from a time when the internet was literally about as impactful and powerful as any other silly electronic device. Little did I know that some people live on the damn thing night and day. And when some douche bag teenager comes in hollering they take it as some kind of real life disturbance.

Me, I have nothing else. If I had a job, I'd be better off but I'm having a lot of trouble finding one. I could join the army but it'd be wise to join when the war is over. During BMT some of the guys down there were a little batshit because they'd been in the shit for real and likely expected to go their whole career never seeing gunfire. They knew I couldn't handle it. Especially having never gotten laid. That's huge I think to fuck before going into battle.

I played the good little boy. I stayed the hell away from girls as I'd been taught by my mother, and of course I'm a pussy for not becoming a Man over night and ripping a girl's panties off and thrusting my meat between her cheeks like she wants. Heh... I don't know. I guess it's because we're at war that we're so simple minded now and rush rush rush about life. It's a big decision to get married to a girl, man, and who are these military girls who want to go getting with guys who could die the next day? Wtf...

I just don't know what to do...

Lady at the store

I live next door to a woman who seemingly is raising a bunch of kids by herself. She's a witch though. I went to the corner store today to get some yo hos because I like yo hos and she's there berating her son or whoever the kid is for not standing near by. It's sad to me because the kid's very likely going to end up fearing women later in life or gay, whatever after being raised by this crazy bitch.

When I got home I started thinking about how many households are like this, that just have a single mom raising boys and the father's off somewhere working his ass off to pay child support. Truth is the courts always side with the woman in this world we live in. Fathers are inconsequential. But it's wrong to take a male rolemodel away from a boy I can assure you of that. It's just that people are afraid of men so they prefer women be given sole custody. But women are just as bad.

This woman especially exhibited to me an irrational hatred of men and boys she's been carrying with her since childhood. She's like my mother in a way. My mother accused me of becoming a rapist constantly during my fucking childhood... telling a kid he'll rape girls, how about that... and really she just hates boys. She hates being female. And she hates men so much she'd prefer I remain a little boy forever. This world is THAT bad, man. A lot of women I feel fear men's power so much that they don't want their sons to grow up and become dominant no bullshit men.

It's going to destroy us all.

A generation of men raised by women

I'm watching some porn now since I wake up every day fixated on sex. My body hungers for it, less so than when I was around 18 but still I continue to need my porn fix or else I feel like crap. I suppose this is adulthood everyone goes on about. It's torture to me.

Sigh. I'm thinking my way through it more than anything. I could shoot my load and get a brief relief from the pain or fight my way through it.

It's an unfortunate revelation to me now that people my age have a "either your with us or you're against us" mentallity as far as sexuality goes. You're either a butt humper or a pussy pounder, no mercy, none of that equality bullshit. People who are setting themselves up for parent hood want you to conform or shut up. All this tolerance is a joke, nobody, especially young women cares about gay people. Young women want babies badly like I've said before and just as I predicted, after they leave high school or college they soon abandon any previous dreams of becoming a tough corporate worker and decide to pop out babies instead.

So yeah, I have what they want and now even though they ignored my geeky self back in high school, they're looking for any clean dick they can get, no aids, nice size, all that. And they THINK that all they have to do is play cute and feminine to get us to be their boy toy. Silly rabbits, I'm not dumb like a lot of guys. Women are ruthless manipulators especially when they realize their looks are soon to fade. Then they bend over backwards for what they desperately want before divorcing you and running away with the riches. It's sad but women look at men as nothing more than money and sex.

I THOUGHT I was supposed to become a good husband, protector, lover, and jedi Knight for my lady who I'd gladly die for, but women ruined it for themselves. That side of me is now completely gone. Women wanted to be men, they decided to raise their sons alone, and now they're wondering why men aren't being the old school chivalrous type anymore. You fucked up. Admit it and stop blaming men for not MANNING UP when you took away their whole entire reason for doing so in the first place.

I think about girls all the time but none of them are girls anymore. It's nice to tell a little girl that she can be anything she wants to be, even a man, but woowwww when she hits 18 she's on her knees sucking cock for money no matter how cute she was a baby. I never really thought about it until now. I was raised by my mother who taught me NOTHING about girl's attitude towards men and so as she grows older she's THINKING i'm gay because I'm not a man yet. Fucking bitch, just makes me want to just die realizing how cluelss women are. They know nothing about how men develope but they don't care, they'll pretend they do. Somebody needs to kick their asses, seriously...

death

curious thing death. We all must face it. Messes you up thinking about what to do before you die. They say youth is wasted on the young, and I have to agree. I wish I had my 16 year old body back. Sob had a mega fast metabolism, my head didn't ache after masturbating, I was fearless back then. I'm so much sober now, realizing at this stage that I am just going to get older then eventually die. I always new it, but I never REALLY thought about what it would be like to have to face the REAL world without my parents around. I got a taste of it online. Some people are titans of intellect, and want everyone to fear them. Me, I'm similarly capable but I know I'm flawed and even if I were to become an elite mind, what would happen if I decided to hurt someone? My sister for instance, trained lawyer, knows how to fuck a person up mentally since that's her job... so she played mind games with me a while back and it ended up doing more harm than good, but what can I do about it? I've lived a hard life so far. School was hell, my home life was hell, my one bit of solace, the internet turned against me too. And now I face a world that hates men. What the hell...

I'm turning gay then. Gay people get a lot of slack out there I've noticed. they're not as intimidating as big tough man. I'm going to act gay for the rest of my life while secretly having sex with 17 year olds. It's legal in NY don't worry. I was out today and I just can't do it, I can't possibly be attracted to women my own age. They're losing all their tightness and shit. I don't know why women age so fast but how the hell do you expect me to be into you if you look so much like a high school teacher.

Damn, I remember back in high school the girls would just put their tits out all the time, good stuff. Makes life worth it imo.

Kids theze days

Jesus Holy Christ

I never knew kids were so damn crazy. I don't really like them to be honest but they're all over the place and they're the next generation so whatever. I'm not afraid of them, it's just that I'm not prepared to parent or be a big brother or anything. I'm still trying to get a girlfriend and that's impossible at my age without having some kind of job.

Damn life is crazy. I keep thinking about how much time i've wasted. If only i'd chosen differently... I hope kids don't make my mistakes. I hope they realize life is about love and not hate.

Joining the Army

Gonna join the army now. See how that goes. I can't find a job here in the civilian world... lol. I just hope I don't get deployed to iraq. Now that I know how basic training is, I think I can handle it The only problem is that you literally are just a tool of the government. They don't view you as a human being once you sign that contract. I mean their job is horrendous. They don't care who they kill so why do they care about you beyond your abilities.

I got to get a job somewhere. My sis told me to wait a year before joining, but I can't stand being stuck in this shitty stage where I'm just lost and not having any fun in life or anything. I went to mcdonalds recently and the fucked up thing is that I'm just sitting there eating and these like 15 year old high school bitches are just happily flirting and crap. I'm like, good grief if only I was in canada. I never really realized what I missed out on until now. Still it's not like I'm all that old or anything, just got to find some 19 year old pussy some where. There's plenty of that out there if you know where to go.

my wife

Jury Duty

I had jury duty for the first time a while back. I have to say it was nice to get out and see new things and people. I'm still not sure what to do though since I've never really been around older folks much outside of school. I fear I'll do something stupid to offend them. They certainly outrank me on the adulthood scale. I have no status at all being unemployed... sigh... I mean it's not really my fault. I'm still very much learning to walk as my body changes and stuff but that don't mean squat to older folks. They wish they could be my age again I'm sure...

But ya know what's most fascinating to me, is the men. Seeing real men doing their jobs is something I've not seen much of in my life besides school. At BMT any idiot 18 year old douche bag from high school could be your boss, or leader, which is part of the whole lesson on the chain of command they teach you in that age is irrelevant, whoever outranks you outranks you. But fuck that shit. I like seeing real men taking on the world and I respect that. They know what they're doing in life. How the hell do I get to that point?

Fuck America

Honestly yeah. Fuck this country. It's stupid.

I've just about had it how men have been de-humanized to such a large degree in this country. Its a country for gays and girls now. I'm nothing to it. Maybe something will save it, but I have very little hope left. And hell no I will NEVER bring children into this mess, nope. the ones that are here, good luck to them. As for me, I'm just going to sit back and watch and keep my mouth shut.

I'm black yall part 2

Not really... I'm a mixed cocktail as you can see. But I still have a huge penis.

that pic is from the puertorican day parade I mentioned a while back. There were girls all over the place there. I wish I could have had sex with one of them. But alas, I had to go home afterwards. Girls won't even look at you at my age unless you have money. Life isn't fair people.

SEXY LADIES

This is what makes me smile

Utter failure of the sex education system

and its association with the rise of feminism...

Where to begin... I'm just going to jot down my thoughts on this very quickly since I'm not fully clear on what I really think. First things first, the world is run by parents, white parents... it's THEIR world. And the rest of us are just guests hoping to survive as long as we can contribute something meaningful with our lives. The education system in America functions solely as a weed out to find those few exceptional minds who are capable of becoming elites, leaders, while the rest of us go on to work under them. However, sexuality remains a invariable obstacle as far as our understanding of its normality. Someone somewhere decided 18 was adulthood, out the house, on your own, sink or swim. Why is the question. Why not 15? Why not 19? No one knows... we just blindly follow the law and try to ignore the hard political questions...

What's the ripe age for a man to finally lose his virginity? Some say wait until marriage. Yet the body begins puberty on average around 15 and is a constant burden for young adults like myself who to this very age have trouble making sense of what's right or wrong about sex. So having not been taught anything, It appears that neither have a lot of people. This is where things get messy. NO ONE knows what's "right" about sex, our one greatest power in life.

I've been raised since childhood to treat women with utmost respect, yet I'm surrounded by young women who want NOTHING to do with a nice guy. And on top of that, many women view men as nothing more than potential wallets.

And on top of that some men, pussywhipped forever, agree that since women have to suffer to deliver babies, they deserve to get a free pass.

Being born male is like being born black, even if you're white, nobody cares about men in this world... nobody. When I was in the mil, it was all about turning me into the ideal father figure or soldier. Not about helping me get some pussy for once in my life. If I got married, I'd have been surely put into a position where i'd be paying child support till I died. Thank jesus I didn't.

now the older generation wants to put me in school even though I could have ten kids by now and should be way past it. It's just retarded bullshit old people stuff.

I'm gonna go take a shit now

I'm watching heros and I love hayden panattierre's body, so young and tight and ready to make babies. That's some good shit.

23 years old.

I'm like totally over this age... I actually liked being 15 to be honest. Then my shit got all fucked up later when I was 17 and just lost every sense of purpose or desire to achieve anything in life basically because I was so far behind my school mates who had way better parents. Now people are treating me as both adult and child for their own amusement and using psychological tactics on me to sway me to their view of the world since that's how the "real world" works. Not everyone agrees and so we piss on each other constantly over every little thing. I'm not all that. You're not all that. And around and around it goes. But I've noticed that a lot of peeps my age are cocky assholes once they realize their political power and think they should slam anybody because they're free to do so. No you're not. I thought I could too but it's not so. Some people you have to give some sensitivity to out there, some people who can't even think straight or whatever. That's why I'm so valuable. I'm capable of being some kind of leader or something... father too I guess though I don't want to be... No one even agrees on what a true "adult" is supposed to be. It's all political bullshit.

But there's no getting around the fact that reeeeeeeeal kids do exist and are young and stupid as fuck and can't be treated like a full grown ass person yet.

So parents want young people to conform so that they are more "normal" adults as they envision them to be, MAN up etc. Sigh... Good luck with that... I see young women online now realizing that their biological clock is ticking and that being raised to believe they should pursue a career was a big fat mistake. Back in high school all they wanted was lots of sex, now they want a classy husband and all that nuclear family shit. But we're not taking their bait. Me specifically, I saw through the bullshit waaaaaaaay back when I was in senior year or so. My intention was to become a super smart science guy so in order to do that I had to avoid girls and marriage and all that bullshit so I could focus on figuring out the secrets of time travel, my personal dream.

So far it's almost mission accomplished. took me a solid 8 years but I've never even gotten close to impregnating a girl and all that shit. I'm so happy I don't have a kid to worry about like the morons I went to high school with, but now something's happening that I didn't forsee. People are up my ass about "being normal" getting married having kids, since that's all we're here to do. I'm an anomaly. A full grown sexually mature male who isn't trying to fuck every girl he sees who's young and sexy. That's dangerous since a man is a powerful motherfucker. He can be a great asset or a great burden. That's why we're so good in the wars. Women view men as big dumb apes they can use to make little babies with and then use to make money. That's all we are to them. No one tells you this. They tell you all that bullshit about equality, then of course the truth is you're just a sperm bank.

Yep. Like, If you're a "man" instantly people fear you. But if you were like just some super smart 17 year old guy, you're adorable child. And trust me there are prodigy kids out there who honestly are more mature than me yet I'm the adult who can go be massacred and it'd be cool to do so. That's the real world. And life isn't fair.

It's like this. No matter how good a person you are, someone will ALWAYS hate you. You can be like me, a average dude, but since you're over 18 no one HAS to treat you with any respect at all even if you're a good guy who doesn't start shit with anybody. It's how it is. Praise jesus if you think that will save you in this crazy world. I know I still have some faith but I'm losing sight of it every day the more I realize I'm just waiting to die and that' s all my life is.

Bitches part 3

So I'm watching porn as usual. Good stuff... I found my new wife now... Rosa Acosta http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x9cspj_rosa-acosta-sexy-stretching_sexy . She made me super soak my own arm with baby juice it was that forceful... I love the internet. Ever since I was in 10th grade it's been a abundant source of nude women. It started with slave leia back when I was a star wars nut, then I got wif of someone named christina model. she just danced around and shook her oversized breasts. I didn't understand why back then but for whatever reason I loved seeing young women naked. Now I know why. I'm horny as hell and want to make babies. So are they. But society wants me to wait until marriage and shit. So I'm just waiting now... I don't think I can even begin to fathom the potential within me to create an entirely new human being. Most young people don't I'm sure. When you get older, you're supposed to mature, teach young folks about life, pass on the lessons you learned so they don't make the same mistake. It's the jedi way.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Having a kid is like not only making a huge gamble because Lord knows how the kid will turn out health wise, but children are INSANE. Thats why we have the chain of command, to keep each other in line. No kids understand this. They think they can just do whatever they want which is a big problem since responsibility, life or death, will one day be on their shoulders as they too become parents.

It would appear to me that despite my desire never to procreate, some mysterious forces will transpire to force me to do it, which I must admit would be awesome... I've discovered that girls want babies, BADLY. It's instinct. I don't understand why they want to go through painful childbirth though... shit, just thinking about it makes me sick. I've watched it online, it's horrifying. Really it's hard enough getting rid of a huge dump, but a person... for real... I feel sorry for girls.

God damn

I'm so frustrated. I've applied for a security job and best buy jobs now. Good money if you can get it I suppose. I keep thinking the airforce is watching me sometimes as if because I was in the military for a minute, I'm like still part of the club. I didn't get anywhere close to the deep levels of the military so I'm pretty sure they're not worried about me. But the FBI sure is and the IRS. I'm supposed to be contributing to the tax system which I don't understand but the way this society works, us men have to work or we're better off in jail. society will cast you out if you don't have a job and you're over 18. Your job is who you are, it's how the american caste system works. The beauty of this country is that you can go get qualified for a better job if you want. Some people like working as janitors, others as ceos... it's up for grabs if you have the right stuff. And you're white, but that's a whole nother issue...

I was out today and damn man, I hate being my age. I see people of all ages on the subway and now I understand who they are more. Kids are stupid as hell and don't know they'll die some day. Most adults are pretty much settled and ready to finish their mission in life and be done with it. Then there are young women and teens who look at me as father material since that's what I'm sure they're thinking I am. This 15 year old was just starring at me with lust in her eyes. I could only see her as a kid, which she is. She knows nothing about life.

That's life man... no going back. I'm at a point where no woman wants me because I'm out of work and i can't go back to hot highschool girls. What fun.. just got to press on some how...

Burned Kid

so I'm reading on cnn about some kid who got severe burns after some altercation with other boys. I can't stand it... I can't imagine what pain he's gone through. God help him. That's all I have to say.

What'z normal?

TAlkin with my bigshot lawyer sister today. She's super educated, nothing wrong with that. She'll always be able to get money, survive, which is good. So will I but at a lower level of the work world. The only thing I have going for me is youth. I'm just 23. People go get degrees at 30 these days, sometimes 40 since we have kids later and later. Used to be you had to get married and have kids early on because you're young and ready to reproduce properly as it should be, but not so anymore. People are waiting until they know they can afford it. Kids are a huge investment.

I think about it sometimes. What it'd be like to have a son. I don't want a daughter. Girls are good when they're girls but as teens and young adults they're horrible bitches. Then you have to try to keep them from getting pregnant at all costs since that all falls back on your ass.

Like holly. She was cute but damnit was she a condescending know it all smartass bitch. That's her flirting style I understand. Smart girls like guys who can challenge them intellectually, but no I don't see a woman who wishes to compete with me as wife material. We work as a team, period. Not against each other. That really put me off her that she was so snarky. I was ready to do anything for her if necessary, then she decided to push me. Sure as a man you have to be willing to take a punch but no, not from someone who could be the mother of your children. Hell no.

I'll say his name. Master Sergent Mclure of the Usaf taught me WHY he's doing his job to the fullest of his ability, because he'd gladly die for his family. I know how he feels. Loves the most powerful thing on this planet. Great man.

Why can't women these days respect that?

My sister wants me to be "normal" or so she hints with her insistance that I go see a shrink or whatever. Well, the question remains, "what is normal?"

I understand this much. Even though society's become a free for all anything goes type of world now where we're less descriminatory than in the past, nothing changes in regards to gender roles. Men have to be men and women have to be women otherwise we're screwed as a society. It's like this everywhere. No matter what, it all bounces back to the old cycle of original gender roles for both males and females. So at my age, I'm EXPECTED to be a man regardless of whatever I believe or want. Women won't tolerate men not being men as they envision them to be like. I think that's cool, but what do women want me to be? I act like my horny self and they say they want a more classy church going fellow. I act like that and they go after the badboy horndog.

We can't win fellas.

Money then. Just make a lot of money and see the bitches eyes light up really...

Asian girl on the subway

i'm job hunting now... trying to become a security guard, make a sweet 14 bucks an hour sitting in a booth all day perhaps, no bombs, no bullshit, just chillin making money. I hope so anyway... You don't have to be a scientist or whatever to earn a good living. Colleges won't tell you this since they want to force kids to kill themselves with homework so the corporations get better employees. But no, moneys money no matter where it comes from and now that america's been feminized so much any idiot can make it anywhere now.

anyway I keep thinking about this girl I saw on the subway. She was beautiful. Probably around 18 but it's hard to tell. Damn bitches be lying about their ages so they can chris hansen your ass these days.

Yeah well I started thinking about what it would take to man up and ask a random girl out. Never done it. Don't know how but it's what girls want. They like being chased and shit. So childish but it's the way it is.

The thing I liked about her was she gave off this feminine aura. she definitely came from a stable mom and dad household and not this bullshit feminist crap we have today. she'd be a good mom to her children. I kind of fell in love with her because of that. Thats how you get a man to die for you in some war, that's all it takes. Be a woman.

but alas, i've resolved to never ever take the plunge. Since today's worlds so horrible. I dont even know what we're truly fighting for in these stupid wars all over the world. Our societies have no sense of right or wrong anymore. It's a free for all. Fuck the world.

ugh

So I just finished watching some porn. While watching this hot bitch get her ass pounded I was thinking about just how retarded and shit it is that somehow society expects me to not want some pussy at my age. To instead concentrate on reading and shit. All these old motherfuckers online lament constantly about how children don't read this and that.... but who the fuck ARE YOU? I'm terrified that the people who control the world are just friggin people, and they're not all that smart or anything. They get their little shitty degree from some university and think they know it all and can dictate to everyone else how best to achieve "happiness" this vague concept that we've created to give our lives meaning. What they mean is Pleasure and you can get that through beer.

"You think you're smarter than everyone around you..."

No you dumbass. I'm just a result of a very flawed and perhaps too free society that's let everyone go around thinking they have all the answers when they don't and when they screw up they don't have the balls to admit to anyone that they're not all that great.

I know fo damn sho I'm not superman so I'm not going to go around trying to give off that impression. But other people do and unfortunately *shakes head* when these people make the wrong decision, we all suffer.

Politically speaking people are afraid that if we change the laws of our society drastically, many people will suffer as a result, but forget about it faggots, we're already there. All those beautiful little kids are all going to have a hell of a time once they realize this world's a big fucking joke, that your parents are idiots and that basically society is run by grown up children who inherited all these awesome things and don't really know what they're doing with them. Like freedom. We've got freedom coming out our asses we've got so much of it. Yet we've ruined it... women have decided they'd destroy their sons as some kind of revenge against oppression. Gays are seriously trying to place themselves in the same boat as african slaves. PC thought police want eveyrone to shut up and not think for themselves. Let alone corporations which want the next generation to keep their mouths shut and pray and hope they can get a nice stable corporate job some day... Religions are still around though we don't use them anymore.

This world is ass.

We WILL have world war 3 now that I think about it. It's not that we're so uncivilized and haven't figured out that war is stupid, it's that no matter what people will be animals... Animals that fight. Animals that stupidly think they can do anything they want and get away with it. Animals that need someone to at some point smack them in the face and show them a mirror of who they really are, just God's Bitch. I walk around manhatten and I'm just so pissed man... nobody gives a fuck about anybody else. Selifishness abounds. What ya gonna do with that shiny new toy guy? Whole worlds's going to hell and you just bought a brand new gadget to bring with you on the way there! Hooray!

Forwards and onwards

Fuck the Airforce honestly. Bunch of white people bullshit anyway... No, I'm not racist it's just that I'm sick of being told how to live by a bunch of goofy christian conservative white folks drinking their root bear in their jeans and t-shirts they've been wearing since they were kids. Get a new style old man. I'm the next generation and I have my own plans for my life regardless of whatever "rules" or "expectations" society has. Yes it's seriously true that if we all don't grow up and become responsible hard working adults, Nobody gets what they want in life because then life gets worse for everybody the less people commit themselves to their jobs. It's why the airforce is pissed that I didn't kill myself to stay there. But whatever, they can keep their money. Life is about following your passions in my opinion. You can't just settle for some shitty little taco bell job like people want you too, kids. If you're thinking all your dreams will come true in life because oh these big people care about me that much, YOU ARE WRONG. Nobody cares about anybody else in the Adult world... And the people who rule the world and make the rules are stupid, old, religious, children in adult bodies. I mean what the piss am I still having to live like a punk kid for at my age? Welcome to america... Where we hold you back until you're 18, then torture you with work until you're 65...

Ugh... I hate this society. But alas, I have some hope left that perhaps things will turn around. While out today I enjoyed many a sight of boob and ass. The problem I have at my age is that society expects me to be married by now or some crap. But I'm not and high shool bitches are off limits, so what can I do? I'm not even attracted to older women or anything at all... shit.

La la la

la la la la

Who am I?

I'm supposed to be in the military... But I'm scared. If I do anything stupid and fuck up it's yeah, it's we're all dead. I'm glad I didn't make it. I don't know. i'd have preferred just to do any old job at the base like scrub toilets. I don't give a crap about shooting people and all that. I have to be careful what I say though because I saw a lot of lackland. If I were to blab about training, there'd be hell to pay. I never realized the seriousness of life until now. Jesus Christ help us all.

Ugh, well gonna watch some porn now.

Do no harm

Hippocratic oath associated with the medical profession. I understand its meaning now. As men we have unbelievable power... We're extremely dangerous. Seriously. Not only can we just blow up the planet if we so choose, but all sorts of other little things like destroy each other etc. Wow, never really thought about it...

The Governemnt's truly afraid of its own shadow, IT HAS TO BE. Because life or death is in their hands. That's why they won't let someone who isn't a parent near powerful life or death positions within really any place of power because it doesn't matter how smart you are, you can't know what it means to care about kids until you've had one. I love kids because my childhood was shitty, but I'm still too immature to deal with their bullshit at this point in my life. Kids are insane. They need to be controlled and as parents, yeah you're responsible for whether we have a future as a species or not. That's why we keep religion around. It's our moral backbone. The definitive last word on how we should deal with each other. love thy neighbor, turn the other cheek, No it's not logical, neither is our existence, but we live, we die, we go around and around in the circle of life.

"You're either too smart for your own good or you really are stupid," someone told me. By this he meant that I was self aware. I knew I COULD become super smart, but what would I do with all those brains? I was afraid I'd hurt people. In life we can't all know everything or do everything. We have to make comprimises. BMT taught me that really we as men are the same shit with different skills. He's a pilot, he's a doctor, he's a filmmaker, he's a athlete, he's a soldier, he's a musician, he's a painter.... but we're all the same basic protoform that later in life morphs into its one final career choice. I'm a soldier, bred and born for it. I can withstand extreme levels of pain. I'm an mesomorphic body type capable of building incredible muscles. And I'm of above average intelligence. I was born for the military and i know this.

I don't know... I'm not afraid to hurt people who want to hurt me. It's hurting people just for the fun of it that's wrong. Some people do that, I think. Those people are bad. That's why we have leaders who stand and make the hard decisions about who deserves what in this society because if people had their way they'd get away with any little thing they could against each other. Without rules, we'd have a big mess. And it's what people are afraid of, someone who's smart enough to see the patterns and change them, or do something different, that could start a war or something like that.

Ugh, I'm so horny.

Knowsbleed

No doubt an officer in the Airforce. No doubt a father. No doubt a very serious individual...

He hates the shit out of me. It was him. He told everyone in the airforce about my antics at superherohype. He knew all along I'd be a bad fit for the service, since I wasn't a ruthless stop at nothing type of person. He doesn't know me very well then. But that doesn't matter. The chain of command is unbreakable for the most part. He's an elite. I'm a spootie nuthin.

Sink or swim in life really. College weed out courses keep people who aren't ballsy enough out of the upper echelon and such. It's why we have rigerous schools that push young minds to their limits. And nothing half assed is allowed because simply if a hair is out of place, people DIE.

...

Good. I deserved what I got. Man up and admit it ya know. I'm an oldschooler. Raised by a former airman. I'm built of the same stuff. If he could do it, I can. What pisses me off is that I actually breezed through the airforce training, yet didn't decide to stay. I breezed through college but didn't decide to stay. An airwoman asked me "what's holding you back" Bitch I'll tell you what's holding me back! I'm 23 and the best i've ever had is a boob touch! I've gone through 4 years of high school with no pussy. 2 YEARS OF COLLEGE WITH NO PUSSY 2 years of message board shinanigans with no pussy! I'm getting older and older and I'm just dying for SOMETHING! I'm still attracted to high school girls you stupid bitch! I HATE YOU WHITE MOTHERFUCKERS FOR BUILDING A SOCIETY THAT IS STUPID AS FUCK! No, I'm not racist it's just that the system is flawed! Yes people expect us to just trip over a rock and fall into each other's arms and shit, but NOPES, DOESN'T HAPPENS LIKE THAT. YOU CAN'T force love. It just happens.

Fucking Alicia Ayers! On myspace talking about her various sexual escapades! My one love is all crazy now. And what can I do about it. I WANT TO TEAR EVERY GUY WHO HAS FUCKED HER INTO A MILLION PIECES!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Gay ass world

I'm so friggin horny. I want to fill every girl I see with semen.

Fatherhood

Something I never thought about much until now. I touched a girl's breasts for the first time in my life back when I was at a dep meeting for the airforce. It felt great, needless to say. I still remember her soft breasts and her little belly area against my arm. Something inside me just went crazy over that. Yeah way back in high school I wanted to have some sex with all the gorgeous girls around me but I was told not to do it, so I tried my best not to rape any of them. I lost my mind a little as a result. I'm an extremist to some degree, quite dangerous to the workforce in a sense since they'd like someone to be stable normal worker, not a nutty weirdo like me. But I like that part of me, makes me feel special, unique. Still if I become a regular ol' father, then society will pressure me to conform since there's no getting around the fact that children are our number one priority in life. That touch meant more than just OH MY GOD SHE'S GOT NICE TITS. It meant a new life could be created! From just us two people.

But God it's so frustrating, thinking about it and all that shite... women today suck ass. Theyre not women, they're men in women's bodies. I hate that. I'm a man. Always have been. Never even heard of all this femism bull until college, and all I've ever had planned since 8th grade is to become an awesome husband and love my dream girl. God damn you society! you suck! I hate how my life has turned out and it's all your fault. A man let's nothing stand between him and his goals, I know this. But I fear my power. I fear so much of what I can do if I get angry enough... It's like how superman has to hold back all the time incase he punches a person's head off by accident.

Balance is the answer! But how, how do i achieve balance!

Sigh

"Adults are just children with wallets"

A quote from a cnn comment section...

I realized something back around some time in 2007, worst year of my life (long story)... the reason people are so serious about politics is because the guys in charge of our society, and in fact the person who has his trigger on the atomic bomb right now, is just like you or me. He too is flawed. No way in hell are we going to make it as a species I think... Especially with so many terrible parents out there who totally fuck up their kids. And by that I mean telling them how to live their lives... So when they do what they're told and what they're told is wrong, then oops that's the end for that guy. What's more is from working in the past few years, it's become clear to me how many older people are losing their minds as they look forward to nothing but the end of their days.

We all die. If that truth doesn't make you grow up and grow up fast, nothing will. Truth... what is truth... something so many fight over as it affects their lives as people go around believing whatever truth seems to be right in their little world. Well that truth is undeniable, that we must die, and so we fight that one undeniable fact with our one weapon against it, procreation...

Yet even that we screw up for ourselves with all the disagreement over what's right or wrong about sex, gender roles, this and that.

Just as death is inevitable, so too is that fact that Men have to prettymuch rule the world since women can't do it. Oh no he said it. Yes. I'm so done thinking I have to hold myself back and be a nice guy and all that bullshit. I'm actually tooooo smart and I know it. Yet my fear of using my power for the wrong reasons keeps me from doing what must be done, becoming a father, taking the hits of not only parenting but leadership as we all know it's HELL to deal with children, but it must be done. Some things in life are unavoidable. Sigh. I just hate how everyone in this world thinks college is everything. It's a power game. Because most of the people who run the world went to college, they want everyone else to go too. Stupid. The world's changed drastically, perhaps too fast for the older generation to keep up. They don't know what we can do now and what the next gen will do once they get wiff of the power of the internet. The internet will become tomorrow's classroom as well as its television, book, videogame, all that shit. We don't need reality anymore. Except sex, that we still need.

I envision a future where people exchange knowledge and wisdom and stuff online. The only problem with that is that the world's problems will crop up too and people's personal bullshit beliefs will make them go to war with each other over all sorts of stupid shit. We love war even though we hate death. So funny hugh... Well, man I'm so tired of this stupid feminized society. What do women want? Work? Work sucks ass. I'll work because I have to survive. But other than that, no I'd prefer to sit at home cooking cleaning and fucking my spouse. What were they thinking... oh well. At least I have my porn collection.

To be a man

I got a lot on my mind. I was at bmt for like 3 months. A lot of things happened. It was definitely a new experienced mixed with frustration, sexual frustration, and some interesting looks into military life style. These people are a little crazy, but they aren't doing it for their sanity. Military personnel do it for their kids. That's why they can't stand gay people though some kids are gay too so what can you do about that? This world's a funny place. Anyway, I'm thinking a lot about life now that i've seen the world more than I have in the last few years and it's hard to make sense of it man...

I'm 23, the worst age to be male. People think of me as both child and adult at the same time. And who are these people? Why do they get to decide when a man's a man. The thing that I think is terrifying reality most people accept is that they'll be left alone in this world after their parents are gone and all they'll have left is some dead end job.

So they go around trying to bring others down into their hell so they can suffer too. Whether it be by trying to put you in serious debt or whatever. It's really a dog eat dog world out there. If you're thinking people won't step on you and walk away smiling, you're wrong. Stupid world...

Uh anyway I'm so confused. The thing to do in life is lay low, blend in, don't try to change the world or anything, but damnit if it doesn't need SOMEBODY to stand up and point out how retarded it is.

We have people out there who are trying to change things to fit their world view and others trying to change it to theirs and they're screwing up everything for everybody. Like my point of this post, what is it to be a man these days? Everyone and their mother wants me to MAN UP now, grow up, be a man. my question... WHAT'S A MAN?

Being crushed by bills?

Having stupid kids to deal with?

Being religious?

Working some dead end job?

I understand high school's waaaaaaaaaay behind me. I can't go back to 16 year old gorgeous little girls now. I'm fine with that, came to terms with it and all. The problem now is that despite me being older, people still treat me like I'm a punk high school kid. Granted I look like one because I have youthful features, but it's pissing me off that I'm EXPECTED to be attracted to older girls because I'm now 23. UH no... god this age sucks balls. Yeah I still like young tight bodies. that's not wrong is it? fuck you society if you think it is. Yeah that's it. Women are jealous of younger women and want guys like me to be into them even though they messed things up for themselves with this feminism bullshit. So tired of it. Now the older generation wants to stick me in college so I can be kept busy until I can take someone elses place at some corporation and start a family of my own. Aint that a damn joke. I'll never be a father. ever! EVER!

No place like home

Porn PARTAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

How best to describe BMT. GAYEST TIME OF MY LIFE. Showering with a bunch of guys for weeks. Think about it. I've never wanted to fuck a girl more than I do now. Looking back i can't believe I wasted years talking about superman's bullshit movie instead of chasing skirts like a real man does. And on top of that women WANT to be chased after and ultimately screwed in their vagina parts. No one told me this.

My mind is all frigged up from bmt.

I plan to go into another branch of service some time in the future because I can, but forget about it if you're still a virgin. You'll stick out like hard dick amongst limp ones. I was wrong about trying to manage bmt while still being so immature and shit.

Like Luke in star wars jumped in without taking time to think about the consequences. I actually watched empire strikes back today just to go through my childhood favs and as a 23 year old around luke's age in the movie now the film reallly works on a different level. I see real life lessons in its I guess subtext. The stuff in ESB really is ahead of its time I feel. It's a MAN'S movie for one thing. There's a hard labor and meticulousness to the way the film is crafted and as I watch from the perspective of someone who knows what I'm seeing is fake bullshit, I'm more interested in not how well the movie's made though it's made nerly perfectly, but what's being said by the overall story, which strikingly IS of biblical proportions... something lucas fucked up in the new movies. ESB has something I love about cinema A HEART. When luke's hand is cut off I knew it was fake but every moment leading up to it was so powerful I was just as captivated now as I was when i was a stupid fucker of a kid. I instantaneously got pulled back to my childhood when I seriously believed all this fake movie bullshit I was seeing was real, and if a movie can do that after all these years, there's definitely something special about it. It inspires me to this day to keep going back out and fighting evil.

Oh and what's also interesting is that the whole movie is about tempting luke to join the dark side. All that bullshit from revenge of the sith was done better and cleaner in the fucking 80s with more subtlety than omg padme's about to die I guess, gots to get more powas from the guy who's been trying to kill her for 3 movies. Movies today have gone to cgi shit. Years from now people will look back on the original 3 star wars as complex shakespearian type shit when in truth they were light kiddie crap compared to the more mature stuff of its time. We're just becoming a more cheap and weak generation that wants everything done fast and easy. Shit.

Well I'm glad we still have the film to look back on. I hope those who want to make more like it get a chance in the future since so many of the dumb masses just don't know what true art is.

Ultimate Fail

It's over. Just like that, I'm not in the military anymore. ELS is what it's called, entry level separation. For what? I can't figure it out. ANYONE would have made the same mistakes during BMT I guarantee it... On top of that the PT was pretty easy for me since I'm pretty fit. Well at least I learned a lot, but it's still a huge disappointment to me that stings deeply. Although going to battle in afghanistan would have been a big problem had I graduated and everything... That's probably why they kicked me out. I wouldn't have been willing to kill people which is the main point of the military. If you're not willing to do that and do it when ordered, get out. Simple.

I'll buy a car now and get going at another job then... What a waste of 11 weeks of my life... I'll write more on the experience when I get back to new york.

So long...

Not long now. So here I am at last... What a journey its been. I'm finally going to do what I've dreamed of doing since childhood days. I'm 23, going to be traveling the world, hopefully being a positive influence on people and doing good things with my life I have left. I've done a lot of wrong that I wish I could just erase but it'll never be gone. i'll remember it forever. Truth is, I don't even know who I am outside of the web. When I went to college I did it out of curiosity more than a deep desire to finish and be given an easier life. I need it now having seen just how beneficial it is. But at the same time i feel that the worlds changed and all these old ways of learning are starting to be less effective and necessary. For instance, I'll be trained in computers in the mil. Now what if I finished up college with a degree in psych? While the devry grads in computer programming would be licking up jobs left and right since those guys are needed, I'd be struggling to pay off my loans and all while trying to find jobs as a psychologist or somethig like that.

Then there's just plain screw it all gosh darn, Jesus Christ. I believe in Jesus, but it's hard to keep the faith when I'm out there and I got people pushing me around and it's like if I push back, I'm the bad guy. Really we all are evil bastards. Thank God for children. They truly keep us from acting like big dumb stupid beasts because as adults it's our job to care for them.

Let this be my final post and lastly a message of hope for the future to all who have been reading. Life will test you but if you keep your faith strong, do what's right in your heart, there will never be any man who can break you down completely. God Bless you all. And i mean that.

ooooooooooh man

I'm feeling bad. I'm preparing for what's called a "worse case scenario" in which I'd need to abstain from masturbating for long periods of time. This is day 1. When I stop masturbating my mind is filled with sexual thoughts. I walk around and I see hot young women and yes those stupid high school girls, and I get horny. When does it end? I'm so done with this nonsense and want to relax and get back to feeling ordinary, but it's not happening. One thing I'm glad I discovered though is that Girls are the same way. When a lot of them see you looking all hunky, they get hot and horny too. I honestly never knew this. I didn't think girls liked guys at all in this way but truth be told, a big manly man will make their head spin.

Funny ass thing being a 23 year old virgin. One minute everyone's up your ass trying to get you to not think about sex, think about studies, then next you're being pressured to pop that cherry, stop being selfish and start giving girls a good time out there... Shoot, you think I WANT to be this way? I hate the system. If you're around 17, get that stuff over with. Nobody cares once you hit 18 and are still a virgin. They just expect you to work some mindless job or go to college and sit around all day waiting for corporate to snatch you up. This world's a big joke, kids.

Sigh... still I'm going to be fine and I know it. I'll get through basic. I'll go to tech school and maybe meet a girl there, who knows... Airforce girls are amazing! AMAZING! oh my god, they're not ugly. I can't believe I got this lucky. White girls are awesome, I must say. Never been so close to them before but they're kind of sexier than I thought they'd be and they always show their legs. Oh well let me stop thinking outloud on here.

I'm at a crossroad. I want to get in touch with my old gal pal from kindergarten but she's changed so much over the years, and she probably doesn't want shit to do with a first timer, and holly who the hell knows what she's all about now, and me, I'm just starting to learn to walk again as far as getting my life back on track is concerned. I ain't done yet... Whoever wrote the book on aging needs to re-evaluate exactly WHEN a man becomes a man because it certainly isn't at 18. When he has a secure career, money, sex life, knows who he is inside and out, THAT'S when a man is a man in my view. And that's what women want, a Man, not some scrappy kid off the street looking for a quick screw. Someone to have kids with, someone to love, someone to love them.

shrugs, I'm on my way...