I think i might be bi

Maybe it's because I've lived my life for so long never having experienced the warmth of a woman, but yeah I'm kinda a little gay I think because when I'm horny like this and my tounge is licking the inside of a grown man's mouth, it is what it is.

I keep thinking back to when whaley walked towards me. By that time I'd been in bmt for at least two weeks *shit moves by FAST, that's why it doesn't necessarily scare me to go back, it's really fast and kind of fun, the only problem is that it really is just you vs an entire mob who'd gladly kill you and wipe your remains off their boot. Seriously I don't want to sound like a pussy but it got to that point where they were physically attacking me if I didn't follow their unrealistic expectations, then of course they made it clear that I had no friends down there and that every single person I was with was a fully trained soldier ready to rip me in half if necessary. and like my mother says, the military loooooves black people since they are physcially intimadating. Me I'm black and some other shit, so I was being set up as a recruiter because statistically mixed race recruiters bring in more minorities than a white one.

Anyway, it is what it is. I mean, if I have to, I'll beat the living shit out of a guy, but only if I'm pushed and I know that all of us men has this in us. It's called the Beast. Remember in Rambo? When he says "you just don't turn it off." what he's talking about is the killer instinct. When we humans are cornered, we become just as crazy as a wild animal no matter how evolved we think we are. And that's what they did to me and what they did to my father, and of course all military personnel are switched "on" through days of mental break-down and brainwashing. It's REAL. Watch jar head. You might be wondering why a former marine gets on the bus at the end to join the parade. Once in the mil, ALWAYS in the mil whether you like it or not. You're just a piece of meat to them.

I don't know... Sometimes I wonder why they didn't just kill me if they didn't think I was airman material. They said I could join the army aircorps. But my dad tells me to stay the hell away from the military. But what else can i do? God, what? i planned to commit suicide at 18, so now a good 5 years later and I'm being told, dude get married, it's awesome. Hell no it isn't. Shrugs, can't figure this out...