death

curious thing death. We all must face it. Messes you up thinking about what to do before you die. They say youth is wasted on the young, and I have to agree. I wish I had my 16 year old body back. Sob had a mega fast metabolism, my head didn't ache after masturbating, I was fearless back then. I'm so much sober now, realizing at this stage that I am just going to get older then eventually die. I always new it, but I never REALLY thought about what it would be like to have to face the REAL world without my parents around. I got a taste of it online. Some people are titans of intellect, and want everyone to fear them. Me, I'm similarly capable but I know I'm flawed and even if I were to become an elite mind, what would happen if I decided to hurt someone? My sister for instance, trained lawyer, knows how to fuck a person up mentally since that's her job... so she played mind games with me a while back and it ended up doing more harm than good, but what can I do about it? I've lived a hard life so far. School was hell, my home life was hell, my one bit of solace, the internet turned against me too. And now I face a world that hates men. What the hell...

I'm turning gay then. Gay people get a lot of slack out there I've noticed. they're not as intimidating as big tough man. I'm going to act gay for the rest of my life while secretly having sex with 17 year olds. It's legal in NY don't worry. I was out today and I just can't do it, I can't possibly be attracted to women my own age. They're losing all their tightness and shit. I don't know why women age so fast but how the hell do you expect me to be into you if you look so much like a high school teacher.

Damn, I remember back in high school the girls would just put their tits out all the time, good stuff. Makes life worth it imo.