at least I tried

Today was the final day with the hottie I work with... what can I say... it went well except for the end. I worked hard at keeping my mouth shut the whole day because I wanted to leave her alone ya know... the day prior she REALLY stuck it to me, nay it was friday when she slammed me. I brushed it off etc, but it was clear how she felt about me even after all the times i've helped her etc. She wants me to back off...

It's a sad end really. Didn't have to be this way. There was a time when we could have been good friends, but I knew all along there was never going to be a middle of the road, not with a girl that looks like her. We were going to fuck or be enemies. And here at last I have the full honest answer... let's just say if we meet again it'll be hard to say hello.

What really hurts is that she basically watched my ego melt and barely had any sympathy. It's my fault really. I knew I was semi-stalking her and that she'd get pissed off by it but I didn't care, really I felt justified because of how long I've been waiting for a girlfriend. I felt like maybe god intended it be us together, hell why of all the days we don't work together we're working together on her last day there. It all adds up.

so I asked her for her autograph seeing how she's a singer. I know... kinda odd request. She was in no mood for my antics and kindly declined me. Which sucked ass because I did nothing but respect her space all day and wasn't up her ass about anything. SHE uttered the first word to me... a foolish thing to do on her part because that would open the flood gates of bullshit from my end. But I kept my focus on getting all our work overwith so she could get the hell out of there.

Bitter sweet end. I'm glad I didn't ask for a picture with her because I knew she'd turn it all political and ask me why I didn't want pics with all the scruffy looking shitheads I work with, why just her. SO the autograph thing made sense to try, since she told me she's in a band, and all that.

She said no because she's done with me. Had too much and is looking forward to me not being around anymore. I knew it would be this way. hell it was always this way, I just wittled away at her hard exterior and got her to semi-like me for a moment where she was probably contemplating me as a boyfriend material until she realized I'm a nobody.

Either that or she felt no reason to give me an autograph considering we'd cross paths at work. Little does she know or care that our schedules won't match up. I won't see her at all.

But at least I tried. I had the BALLS to ask her nicely for it and I'm proud of that. I was terrified to ask her for a damn thing. The easy way would have been to let things run their course and not say shit to her and that would be it. I feel awful but I'm still me, i still love girls, there's tons of them, no where near this girl's level but hey, I feel more ballsy now honestly after spending so much time with Garcia.

She is amazing.