Reviewing my life

I'm remembering something now for some reason. Over and over again I've been going over in my mind the behaviors in people I've encountered. That's the trouble with having a good memory. Sure I can almost picture situations I've been in or things I've seen, but also vividly recall all the bad moments. I can't get them out of my mind and they sting only because I can't figure out how to overcome them. I think to myself, just forget about it, but you can't. It has to end some time one way or another.

One of them is the time I was hit by the car and the way I reacted to it in view of the driver's little daughter. I've never been in such a position before, acting as a man in front of children. I was dazed and didn't know whether to get angry or beg for forgiveness, or whether she was a kkk member or whatever... it ended as good as it could have. I just got up and walked away and I'm quite sure the whole thing has been forgotten by the girl by now as life tends to take priority over minor incidents. Even after that, still I feel bitter about my status in life as a black guy always having to disprove any stereotypes placed upon me. And I have to be careful not to stir shit up with white people everywhere I go. Which is hard because I'm not perfect, and still fuck up all the time despite knowing better. sigh... it's so exausting... Most interesting woman, to be so caring for someone she doesn't know or potentially gave her daughter a fright... why... who could do that? Why can't I be that way too? Why do I still give in to my immature desires like some stupid child... I know how grown people are supposed to operate. it's hard to be a man when everyone still views you as a kid that's for sure...

Anyway one good new development is I've met a girl at work who's gorgeous, and she's cool, and I don't know... if she wanted it I'd hit it, but I'm not crazy. No way I could get a girl like her... nice to be on a pretty girl's good side though. I just know I'm not getting that pussy and I have to live with that. But can't say I'm not happy to have stayed out of serious trouble and played by the rules. Maybe it payed off... maybe i've achieved something...