Booty Booty Booty

Of course all I'm thinking about. I'm all kinda lost in life now. I see the world for the first time with more of a fuller clearer perspective far beyond the childhood one and it's not a good sight to behold. I'm fucked I have to say... If you're a black kid and you think you can just go and be yourself and not develop a skill or a language or something while you're young and think this world will give two shits about you, you're very very horribly wrong. I guess there's some truth to the shit you see in those black college movies about black youth having to be pushed harder and develop a tougher skin and be better at everything just so they can get the leftovers from white folk, it's all true.

I mean it's not right to me. I didn't do anything wrong. I stayed away from girls, I studied and worked hard in school, aspired to be scientist or astronomer. All I get for my efforts is a big heaping pile of shit on my plate. And the thing that hurts me is that, yeah, I did all that home work, all that studying and I've never gotten close to a girl, just to have it all kinda fall flat and go no where.

It feels so wrong. Am I right? YOU SHOULD BE REWARDED for doing the RIGHT thing.... I did the right thing. Whatever you want to say, it's damn good to stay in school and finish and not get a girl pregnant. I did the right thing. Why am I the bad guy all of a sudden?

It's just the way the world is. Truth be told. EVEN IF you go to university and work hard and get a billion degrees, someone will jump out of the bushes and for no reason under the blue sky label you a complete idiot piece of garbage.

I mean it's like trying to get a girlfriend. Sadly if you're a sweet, good natured farm boy type never hurt a fly, you won't get the girl. It's just the way this shit works apparently.

Well yeah, it's wrong. I mean I'll be honest. There should be moral standards we adhere to, not some devil may care attitude. When I was a kid, a little shit kid kicked one of my teachers down a flight of stairs. I would hope he isn't living it up right now in life and is getting his reward for that action. I don't and was never taught to believe bad behavior would be rewarded. But it is. This shit world doesn't care about good people and the things they do all day. Maybe there's no reward for a kind hand and smile. I mean I just can't stand being treated like I'm this complete shit of a person. I guess it's racism, but no I'm the guy who did all that shit you were told to do as a kid. I did it all. How does it suddenly lead to being treated like I just raped and murdered a 5 year old or something? Wow. Is that just how society treats black men and no one ever told me?

Probably. I never cared to look into it. But I don't think ANY black males are looked favorably upon in this world. Not one. It's not because I'm a bad person, it's because nobody gives a damn about black men.

Nobody...

There's your answer, should have realized that a long time ago... What can you do to somehow fix or repair the image of black males. I honestly don't have a clue. I never stood a chance now that I see the world the way it is. There really isn't and hasn't been much interest in putting a spotlight on black males who are nerdy and not the bad apples hanging out in prison all day. Even Cosby is being tossed under the bus these days.

You'd think otherwise considering all the really great black shows that aired for years. I went to school and went to chess club and there were very freakishly smart black kids in there playing chess. Yet yeah you don't see those blacks on tv anymore.

Worst thing in the world is how black people tear each other apart in this world. That's why blacks aren't getting what they want politically. There's no sense of unity in black people. It's like I go to work and the first thing I get is shit from blacks at the job, why? Sadly there ya go. Don't know how King did it, fighting for black rights. He probably had half of them wanting him to shut his mouth and not stir the pot...