BLEW IT

worst pick up lines ever. "i know you hate me...' fuck sake... way to set the stage. she went crazy after that insisting I'm trying to put words in her mouth. I didn't know what to do, never had a girl semi-like me putting me down like that. I've had nothing but girls kicking my ass of course, but this one's different, she's cool with me, not anymore. It's over, got to just move on, though I don't want to... she's told me so much about her personal life, shit she probably never told anyone. It's like we know each other as old friends almost. and I wanted this, I specificially increased my work days with her in order to get to know her, only problem is she's way out of my league. fucking using all sorts of high level vocabulary words and shit, damn bitch, relax...

tsa time

So me and garcia had a long chat all day on saturday, which I instigated to hopefully get into her head a little. She's extremely bright. I knew she was smart, but not only does she have an associates degree, but she's part of a band, and has an interest in the arts etc... strange the people you find doing these jobs. She's only doing it for the reason she accused me of, to fly... whatever. I honestly didn't think I had a chance with her because she's so beatuful, now I really don't think I have a chance because she's lightyears beyond me intellectually.

But she knows I'm no slouch in the brains department either, and I think she's sympathetic towards my situation, being young guy with no real experience with girls, so she's really not going to be a hardass to me anymore I hope...

Nevermind that, I've set my backup plan in motion. Ace in the hole as I said long ago. The tsa called me and now I'm going to pursue employment with them, and hopefully keep up at delta too although if i have to choose one over the other it'll be tsa. They're not fucking around with this 'no benefits' position like delta does... at least i can go to the doctor or whatever and they pay for it and the money's better and im doing far less work. it'd be stupid not to do it.

which is why i kind of went nuts in front of that girl i must admit. considering that i may never see her again EVAR, i decided to leave a big impression and really that's why i kept asking her stuff, but she was very open to me to my surprise, i can only guess it's because we have a subtle bond over our experiences working together that she's willing to tell me so much about her personal life, or maybe she's just being a stupid girl who never knows when to keep things to herself... i don't know... but i'm more than sure she's not gay now. just the way she looks at me she had this i'll suck your dick look and she does that thing girls do when they're thinking about touching a man, she's so straight yet puts on this lesbo facade, it's so stupid.

one more round

strange the gifts god gives us for taking chances... so i say screw it and when i have a chance talk to this girl. couldn't have gone smoother... and she was very flirty, it was nice... best not to spoil it by getting on her bad side again. dont need that to be burdened with honestly...

stars at night oh so bright

Garcia garcia garcia, what am I ever going to do with you my dear... so ok, she hates me, but we were forced to work together last sunday... I'm in total military mode, not going to get personal, just get the job done and bounce. the day goes by like that, she doesn't even want to talk to me, just makes non-verbal hand gestures to respond to anything I say... I get the messsage.... then as time goes on, we're forced to work side by side, and despite her efforts to block me from getting through to her, we inevitably communicate and to my surprise I make her smile with a sly remark. From this point forward and after seeing how effective I am at the job, even teaching her how to use the light switch in a 737, she lowers the bitch shield and though still not totally open up to me, she's talking to me asking me questions like what time it is... stuff she wouldn't do before... I felt so good about how things went... it's like when a cat starts trusting you and feeling relaxed around you...

then all of it went to hell. Probably for the first time ever she nearly died doing the job. My friend driving a tug goes in reverse by accident and if she was in between the carts like she'd been mere seconds before, she would have been crushed. Forget all the good vibes and friendliness, she was enraged after that and verbally assaulted me afterwards when I was displaying my exhaustion from lifting so much, she screams at me to get to work or get out of the way... sigh...

I don't know what to do... This is how it is... I've from the start shown nothing but concern for her safety even questioning why she works here and then expressing my own fears of being killed on the job to her. So she KNOWS I know death is around every turn here, so maybe that's why she decided to belittle me after she was nearly killed, I don't know... she wants to make it clear she's not afraid to work this job despite her size and gender, but really who cares so much that you have to prove that... no one wants this job, it's just quick money and freedom to fly. there's no shame in hating it.

And on top of that, I just don't know if I can get over her and move on ya know... she's so strange with the way she seems to indicate she's willing to get courted etc. so I don't know how to approach anything. she's just so hot, that's the problem. If she was an average person, I wouldn't think so much about it... I guess that's part of her game, oh I'm so hot and stuff yet I work this crappy job, look at how badass I am. Now the game is serious, and whatever attention whoring she was doing has backfired and she's now having to make a choice of whether she's in this for the long run or just for the attention because it's going to get worse, not better as winter approaches, and she can't handle anything but ramp ops.

I'll take the approach of giving her space. I know after I nearly got killed, I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay working there, it was hard to go back into the shit knowing it could be over, for real, and you couldn't do anything about it... you want to go get some pussy at least before dying, ya know... you don't feel safe... this kind of job, after doing it for months without getting hurt you feel special like you have divine protection while others are the ones who are the regular people, then one day you're proven completely wrong... she's already been down that road though... in fact it's probably one of the reasons she doesn't like me, I'm a constant reminder to her of when she put her foot in her mouth. she knows I like her though, I think... so it's not like I'm a threat to her. but every guy likes her there... what she wants to have between us is competition, friction, something interesting...

Well all this shit going on at work... it's certainly not boring...

pilots

I drive home with a friend from work since he lives far from the airport too... I told him how I always wanted to talk to the pilots, and in fact it's one of the reasons I got the job, so I could be in closer proximity to them and learn as much as possible about aircraft etc... I asked my boss whether it'd be fine to talk to the pilots during lunch... He said no to my surprise because during lunch they're probably taking a break from dealing with people, trying to get some personal space etc... so he then tells me the best time to talk to them is when they're setting up for a flight because a lot of times they're not that busy and just going through a boring routine and are definitley willing to talk...

aside from the strange and confusing tude i was getting from garcia, I decided enough was enough and went up to talk to not one but three pilots all setting up for a departure on a 767, very large aircraft. I felt like it was unwise to bother them at least on such a huge plane with a lot more weight and passengers... but no... he was very candid, very informative and instructed me on how they made it to becoming pilots. there are two pathways, civilian or military... I guess I'll try the civilian one now since the mil didn't work... I just wish I felt better about going back to work with this chick, but that's not going to deter me.

I will be a pilot...