shit yo

People in, people out. Very best and brightest of us sitting atop the world and playing world wide chess.

Life is funny to me. On one hand, I hate it, and one gets slammed down hard so much that you tend to believe nothing's good about it. On the other, I believe there's good too.

It's just sucks. Everything becomes so muddled and confusing. You think to yourself that you're a good person, but then you go around and you got people trying to make you out to be bad. I just tell myself, that's not my problem. I know who I am, I know who I've always been and I know that if I wanted to, I could be a very bad guy, but I don't, I always do good as much as possible in the end.

Then there's gay people. Wtf is that shit about. Not that I want to live in a bubble unexposed to reality, but yeah 99 percent of people in this life that you're going to meet are not cock suckers.

I mean look at the women in this world. Ass ripe and ready to get slammed and you're going to go after a dude's butt instead? So FORGIVE ME OH LORD IN HEAVEN if I'm more interested in sliding my dick between a female's butt cheeks.

Even worse is the reality you're going to face as a male in America. I always liked america. Seemed awesome to me, good tv shows, lots of freedom and shit, and everybody can get what they want in this country... GOOD FUCKING SHIT, but boy oh boy are the women here utter garbage. I don't know, some guys say, it's all on you if you can take control of a female and make her your bitch so she doesn't seek divorce and shit. But that's a tall order. Rather not have that as an option imo. My girl's going to be a fucking female, not going to work no job, not going to go whining about not having it all, none of that shit. She's going to suck my dick, make me dinner, and shut her mouth. Period. But you won't find that in this country. It's a madhouse the way women have ruined everything in America. MAD HOUSE!!!

I remember I was at work at TSA and this white girl was starring at me with googly eyes like she wanted to swallow my cock deep in her throat.

Cool, I thought. Wouldn't mind slapping her big white butt cheeks and squeezing her body and fucking her so hard she can't fucking think straight... cool. But nah, didn't follow through on my intentions. She's a smart ass bitch I bet, going to squeeze me like an orange, get all my juices and run. 

shit.

Thoughts on Race and cinema

Wow life is a strange thing isn't it. You go along as a black kid, being told all kinds of things about working hard in school this, being good that, then it's all made abundantly clear that you're nothing more than a bag of meat in this world for the other races to toy with.

Wow... wow...

But it's true. And it's stupid. And I don't know what to think about it really. Should I care or continue to not give a damn because what the hell does it matter, we're all going to drop dead one day...

What I mean is that, I love star wars, always have since I learned about it, but boy is it blatantly full of racism, which is so dissappointing. The Gungans are black people, clear as goddamn day. Same with Lord of the Rings. The orcs are black people. Whole fucking movie is a bunch of white guys killing off a bunch of big black guys by the thousands. A line in episode 2 "They walk like men but they're vicious mindless monsters..." Oh and lest we forget, "The ability to speak doesn't make you intelligent." Teen wolf, indeed I have no choice but to admit that the whole movie is about the white people's fear of turning black.

How many movies made by white people are full of very clever and not so clever racism I wonder... What does that mean? Why are they being so slick with it and not overt for everybody to see? How was I so blind to it all my life? I guess that's the joke, string a bunch of black kids along with messages about equality and then stab them right in the back when they get older and piss all over them. Every single last one of the black people in the public eye as celebrities is a puppet, every last one of them. They've always been puppets.

We don't get to be in charge of shit in this world.

Makes me wonder two things, why is there so much whining and bitching about things coming from white people in the news if they rule the world. And secondly can't say that I much care about white people abusing their power and blatantly putting racism in films. I've been  shitted on by black people too, so I get why they do it. They're angry at us and it's our fault.

What can be done about it? Bring back the 90s. Probably the most peaceful co-existence between whites and blacks that I've EVER seen. What does that mean? I mean I used to not be able to flip a channel back then without seeing blacks on tv left and right. Nowadays? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?

You can't do that. You can't have things actually progress and start to change things then say, FUCK THAT NOISE and have nothing but all white shows with a tolken black thrown in. This isn't funny, it's sick, and twisted and extremely ridiculous nonsense. Not to mention Nobody is buying it. We all witnessed the brilliance of a time period where blacks were allowed to participate. So no one's buying the idea the keeping blacks out makes things better.

But what the fuuuuck can I do about it? Lord knows, but it's such a shocking realization that whites are actively to this day playing chess with black people as if it matters. As if they give blacks any room to stretch they'll go shooting their loads all over white women or some shit like that.

You think I'm just bullshitting?

When I was a little kid I used to think, what a shame, so they give this arsenio hall guy a show because there's NO other black talk shows on, all the others are goofy white guys shows.

Flash forward to 20fucking13, and I'm STILL watching Arsenio Hall as the tolken black talk show host.

GOOD. FUCKING. GOD.

209 pounds

God damn I'm so happy right now. And the weight continues to drop steadily. I'll never again understand why anyone is fat in this world, at least willingly so.

I looked in the mirror one day and saw nothing but fat in my face and belly and I looked nothing like the person I saw in the mirror every day as a kid and teen. So disappointing because if nothing else, I took a bit of pride in how slim I was while other kids were fat asses.

Kids, don't drink sugary drinks. That includes juice, not just soda.

Nobody should. I'm getting my body back day by day and it's great shit. Can't get younger, yeah, but you don't have to go out in this world as a fat guy, that's for sure.

Gastric bypass surgery

Been studying fitness these past few days. I kinda want to educated teens out there on how to lose weight, but then I remember all the assholes I met in high school and say "nah, fuck em." Sad to say but you go through a place and get slammed against walls, harrassed, shitted on by a bunch of black kids, yeah, you don't care about them anymore. And that's sad because they're not all assholes. I can see how hard it is for white people to give a shit about blacks because you come across nothing but douche bags, boy is it hard to find a good guy. In fact that's the way the world is, white people on a general basis don't give a flying shit about any black people, unless they're female. So if you're a kid in school and you're thinking, oh boy oh boy I'm going to kick ass in life and live big, YOU ARE WRONG.

Anyway, just wanted to express my beliefs on this shit. I watched a horizon special on gastric bypass surgery and how this woman who has it so hard omg she can't possibly lose her fat any other way than through surgery.

Good fucking god is this ridiculous. I can't help but be taken aback in a lot of ways by the excess and laziness of some white people out there, although it's less about race and more about money. Many wealthy fat black people have also done this, so I can't possibly pin it on race and laziness of rich wealthy white people at all...

You're telling me that you can't just cut back on the ice cream and soda. You have to pay for an expensive procedure to resize your stomach so that you're forced to take in less calories? Someone has to honest to god slice your belly open, push a surgical device with a camera attached into your belly and apply staples to your stomach so that your dumb ass doesn't continue to eat too much cake and ice cream.

Got. To. Be. Shitting. Me....

I've lost 13 pounds, feel healthier and more alive and relaxed, all by not ingesting tons of sugary drinks.

That's all it took.

I don't have a gym membership anymore. I don't do much more than sit and play videogames and browse the web. Done deal. My body's eating itself alive every day because it isn't getting excessive amounts of sugar.

I WISH I knew about this as a kid. I was all about fitness, running around, getting ripped, building muscle. Boom couldn't do it.... kept on drinking that fucking HFCS. Basically turned me into big pile of flab with ripped muscles underneath it all. stupid...

So yeah. I don't understand why there is such a thing as gastric bypass surgery when shedding pounds is so fucking simple, a baby could do it. I can only imagine its a business thing. They want to create a lucrative business for doctors who perform the surgery. Or on the other end of the spectrum there are people in this world who can't lose weight any other way, but then I think, if they have a disorder that causes them to permanently retain fat, how can surgery cause them to lose it any better than just dieting. In the end I conclude it's just out right laziness. They don't want to stop drinking sugary drinks and eating cake, period.

Yeah, it sucks. I want to scarf down tons of food and drink a big shaq soda right now, but I can't go back now. Getting thin has been a dream I've always had and never could achieve it until now. I implore others to do the same because there's no limit to the freedom it gives you to feel less encumbered by excess weight...

Ok maybe not

Not going to just drink water. That's silly. Read about how that might work out and people say that if you don't eat food your digestive system will get used to it and then when you re-introduce food, it'll be shocked by it and all sorts of complications can occur.

Nevertheless, I'm immeasurably happy about this. I've always been very lean all my life. Wasn't till after age 17 that I started to gain weight and keep it. I've been doing everything under the sun to be able to shed the pounds and only now have I discovered the secret.

I see people on the street all fat and flabby and apparently un aware of how to lose weight, and I guess it's a black thing. I'm in the black side of the bronx. Sad to say but yeah white people don't want to wake up out of bed go to the mail box and see a black guy hanging around, so they stuffed us all in our own corner of the world here. There ya go...

Don't bother me except for the apparent efforts being made to keep blacks uneducated about fittness and nutrition. wtf is going on?

Why'd I have to go through my childhood drinking ecto-cooler during lunch time, go through high school, guzzling mountain dew during lunch time, and only now figure out that these corporations are pumping everyone full of shit that makes their lives harder than necessary. I was intending to be an athlete in high school, loved baskeball, was going to follow my idol Jordan's footsteps all that shit. Couldn't do it... why? Too much soda and pizza, cheapest thing I could afford for lunch. cost 5 bucks. Fucked me up so I couldn't really lose an ounce of fat. Fuck that school to this day. Goddamn is that place a joke or what.

Down to 212 pounds bitch. Started off at 224.... and I have no doubt that by next week I'll get rid of this last 12 and reach 200...

The real question I have to ask myself now is what do I do with this new lease on life? My belly's not jiggling as much. My face is sunkin in and I look all skinny and shit. I'm lighter. I can run for longer. I can throw down on the basketball court easeir.

Shit is good son... real good. ah we'll see. Not bad though. Nice to get out of bed and not feel like you're dragging another person around with you, that's for sure.

Water only diet

On a water only diet now. Plan to go for 7 days see how it works. Down to 216 pounds right now... Not satisfied. I want to get down to 200 and maybe even back to my original weight of 170 if possible.

All I know is that food isn't actually essential in life, at least as long as you have plenty of fat. That stuff is actually what your body will use for energy if you don't consume juice or food.

Sucks to be me man.. 20 fucking 7 yo...

Got kids calling you "old guy" and shit... When did that happen? Oh my god. But I mean it doesn't bother me too much. I still look younger than I am anyway and shit, and I think to myself I might have a chance with that big tittied big assed bitch at the ball park. Mad good looking girls come to the ball park all the time when I'm there and I'm just having a blast. Shit, this chick with some titties like FUCK was just over there today... wanted to go over and say whatsup but I'm like, nah, going to embarrass myself and shit. Same with the library, mad hot bitches in there.

Problem with being my age is that you can't tell what the fuck age a bitch is. I mean I know the difference between a little young bitch and a regular bitch, but fuck me if I'm in the library reading and there's this bitch sitting accross the table who could pass for some high school age bitch but she's 20something. See what I mean?

And I play ball with the kids at the park a lot but, ya know, I know if I hang with them for way too long, I'm going to get into trouble because they're waiting to catch a guy like me trying to hit on a little stupid high school bitch. So I just avoid the kids which I hate because I really enjoy hanging around with them. But yeah, it's not going to end well unless you're a teacher or something like that or if you have kids...

Up all night

I feel like a kid again. Used to stay up all night watching late night shows on tv and info-mercials. Can't stand watching tv anymore and honestly never thought I'd get tired of it, but it's true... first of all, tv's not what it used to be. Simpsons is still on, yes, but it's a perfect SHINING example of what happens when you out-live your usefullness as a series. There's nothing left in the tank on that show and it's like watching an old mangy dog limping around these days. The movie that came out should have come out long before the show started to decline. Its audience is grown up now. Half the original cast is dead or aging beyond the ability to perform, sad to say. Sometimes you just have to accept the inevitable in life and this is such a case. I'll always remember the Simpsons as a monumentally great show, but here we are witnessing its last puff of breath as it slowly dies, and it SHOULD die. Sadly its just over stayed its welcome.

It's a crazy time to be alive. I don't know. I look at life and have always looked at life as an artistic experience. Every day is a show, an adventure, and it often is. You have obstacles to overcome, something funny may occur. That's why I always liked good tv shows that seem to capture that amazing quality of life that sometimes happens here and there. But I'll be god damned if suddenly this day and age we've lost it. What the flying fuck were we smoking in the 90s that so many goddamn great classic shows came on tv. I guess it was the lack of internet back then. You had to bring the goods or your show wasn't going to be put on tv, so typically only the best shows were put on or at least decent enough to garner good ratings. Nowadays, goddamn. Yeah I always knew porn was always around, not like there wasn't playboy available and my dad had plenty of the stuff, tried to hide it, but I found it anyway. Why the hell would you want to hide naked women from your son, I'll never know. My family is stupid. Anyway... what the fuck happened? Easily the best answer is that the geniuses who delivered quality tv in the old days are now old and have moved on...

I want to remain hopeful that things will bounce back to the good ol days but they won't. Its like the Superman Returns fiasco. I tell myself today that that movie and the reason I loved it so much upon viewing it was because it's as if it embodied the spirit of my chilhood, not perfect but ernest and full of heart. Growing up with a lot of religous influences meant that you believed there was a God looking out for you and you used his power to get you through life, so it appeared to me that Returns was a movie that I personally felt  connected to on a religous level. And it took a brass pair of balls to make a movie like that, release it, and spread hope for humanity to the world through film. Damn though did the devil get to work or what because apparently there is a group of people sitting around at their computers looking to squash and surpress good powerful heartfelt films in favor of whatever their personal tastes are. Whatever, I say to myself. That's your prerogative. Don't try to shove it down everyone's throat. But I guess they got they wanted. Superman's been rebooted in the most boring throw away meaningless way possible. Is that the kind of thing we want as artists? To take it easy, not challenge ourselves with works like Returns that twist and reshape our perceptions of superman. We want him to fit neatly into a little box and not try anything new like with Man of Steel? That sucks. Because yeah, I grew up in an artistic renaissance period that was the 90s where the whole point of the decade seemingly was to go crazy don't limit yourself, be free... now because some kkk dudes wanted superman to be all conforming their ideals, we have this boring shitty superman movie now where we had a brilliant director coming up with new exciting ideas for the character. Thats why they made returns the way it was in the first place, because we've seen the origin a billion times, seen superman struggle with his place in the world a billion times. I rolled my eyes watching Man of steel as did a lot of people most likely because it was just going through the motions. Nothing new about it, forgettable, lame. I'll take Superman Returns any day over that. But no body will admit it I'm guessing... It's hard to grow up loving superman all your life only to get embroiled in the truly tragic state of the character today as a bunch of guys in hollywood try to figure out what the fuck to do with him and ultimately fail... sucks man. I mean the movie doesn't even make sense. Why does clark show up at the daily planet in disguise if Lois knows how he is. What's the point of having a secret identity in this version of superman if he doesn't need it really. He's superman, he doesn't need a job. The military is constatly tracking him and most likely will find out who he is.... what a load of bullshit.

I personally as a mega superman fan am not looking forward to more of this version. Too bady for Routh and Singer, they made the better film and no one wants to admit it. not one fucking moment in Man of steel comes anywhere close to the island beat down. If you can't top that, don't even bother making the movie imo. Now we're on to the sequel. What's there to say about that, looks like they want to kill too birds with one stone or some shit. Reboot batman and reboot superman at the same time. This has fail written all over it. By all means bring it, but I'm not going to hope for greatness because Snyder can't deliver that.

Secret to losing weight

I've lost 5 pounds bitches. I can't believe it. All I've done is removed sugary drinks from my diet and voila the weight is dropping steadily ever day.

Damn.... so that's how to lose weight. Never drinking juice again. Yep, I said juice, not just soda etc. I mean apple juice and orange juice. Done some research on those and apparently despite telling the public that they're 100% natural, they fill those things with artificial sweetners that just fatten you up in the end. I'm losing weight now just as planned and by the time I go to the customs fitness test I'll hopefuly have the best body of my life, going to put maximum effort into training myself like batman for that bitch. I MUST get this job. It's not just a little step in life, it's a big one that will help me make a shit ton of money so I can pay for school or whatever. So I got to go for broke here. Leaving tsa was a BIG mistake. Should have bit the bullet and dug deep and took the hits at that job so that I could just stash tons of money for later. Instead I felt like I was above tsa. Which I guess is true now that I'm going customs side... but goddamn if I could always say "Ok customs doesn't work out, going back to tsa." can't say that now... sucks....

beyond the infinite

so I just jacked off again after staying off it for days. What can I say, it's been both a blessing and a curse this sex drive. It started off as this blissful experience and now at 27 is nothing more than a burden as I struggle to figure out what to do with it. I'm like a vampire in need of his plasma fix or I'm going to just die kinda thing. I wonder if everybody's like this. In the seinfeld episode, the contest, jerry and co. attempt to quit masturbating with no success. can it be done is the question. Why do we as human beings believe in any sense of morality and right and wrong when we're all merely fated to be shackled down by an insatiable lust for sex in the end? What I mean is that I recall as a kid, one day a kid pushed a teacher down a flight of stairs. I wonder if that kid is now banging girls left and right. Does he deserve that life? and also did the teacher go home that day and fuck and forget all about the evil that was committed against her? Can we just fuck away our problems in the end as a species?

It doesn't hurt. Sure as hell makes you feel a little better about things to blow off a load that's for sure. The thing I think about is how much does it count in the end. Do only the good people deserve to enjoy sex. If sex is such a universal thing, how is one to determine who's deserving of it if well, fuck, anybody can do it... why is it that we don't teach kids about it? wtf is that about?

I'm not stupid. I know that a lot of people think it's the end all be all and that everyone who can should particapate in it and not worry about the particulars, but I don't believe in anarchy. Granted life is a strange business when you're black. You're hated from the start, and then in my case give people a reason to hate you. But when you really get down to it, when you really think about it, it doesn't even matter who hates who. We're all just going to fuck the shit out of whoever we like and not even be concerned with nobody else in the world anyway. Is that right? That you shouldn't care if good people righteous people get a good life? And the bad get shit.

I know this. There is a higher power at work. I mean... I look at porn stars and beneath all the pretense of righteous indignation, fighting the norms of society and all that, there's a sense of shame that they've sullied their reputation. As much as someone like sasha grey may want to flip the switch and transcend her pornfilled past, she's never going to escape it. EVER. And that's the joke in the end I guess. Doing shit will come back to bite you won't it.

I'll be damned

Banned from Aicn, wow. That's different. Oh well, moving on... I've got a lot to look forward to really.

Yeah I'm starting the blog back up again because of recent developments. It's truly exciting really. While working at TSA I decided to go fly down to florida and take the exam to become a Customs Officer as I previously posted about here. Shit was hard and I was really feeling like I didn't pass because let me just lay it out for you, it's almost like taking an intense physics course. Now I'm no slouch in that department. I can hack intense mathematics when I want to, but hell they didn't give us any time to think things through so I was really in a pickle the whole time. Nevermind that, I passed and now its on to the next step.

I want to make Customs my permanent career if possible. Things are moving forward. Looks like they just don't have enough people on deck in there so they're really going to be open to new recruits. Going to have to get back into shape and lose all this fat. And ultimately I'm probably going to have to learn how to speak spanish during training. Exciting! Even if customs doesn't work out, I'll be bilingual in the end and can easily get another job anyway... so it's all good.

Loads of military people work customs though so that may be an issue. We'll see, I'm on their hit list so it's like, they may start shit , may not. Ultimately I'm just trying to get a fucking paycheck same as anybody else in this world. So that's all it is and if I can manage to have a job that's got some prestige to it more than TSA, even better.

Furthermore, I'm always studying physics nowadays. Shit like Time dilation, the equation for gravity, how gravity is a product of a distortion in the fabric of the space time continuum . Fascinating stuff. I wouldn't mind going back to university to delve deeper into these subjects honestly. This is my passion. It's great stuff primarily because it deals with the real world and how it functions and can be defined through mathematics.