so much going on

I guess I better get my thoughts out... or just let them sit in my mind rotting away...

I mean I like to just sit here and watch naked white girls and enjoy my damn life... why are there people in this world who want to stick it to some poor smuck at the bottom of the ladder... why? What does it do for you?

Frankly yeah, I've been fined a whole ass 100 bucks for missing about 60 cents for a bus ride... I've been trying to make sense of this massive over-kill penalty all day even when I tell myself forget it and just move on with life... Something has got to change here systematically... some damn thing... I will from now on be hard dead set against taking public transport if I can find an alternative. It's become clear to me that it's a money making scheme, nothing else.

I friggin paid, then was searching my pockets for a few cents if the driver insisted I give the full fare, (sometimes they care sometimes they don't.) I actually freaken found the exact amount needed, but then the badass bus patrol squad jumped a guy over a few cents to meet their ticket writing quota for the day..... I feel terrible knowing I got raped by those people who are getting my tax dollars... I wouldn't mind it if they suddenly got shot or something...

I'm that freakin livid. If you want a war with me, I will find a way to kill you. But I'm holding myself back... I'm not going to be pushed to go crazy and end up making things worse. So damn tired of the jackass patrol out there in their tight ass uniforms... Go squeeze into those girl pants in the morning and parade around in front of someone who gives a damn... You're a disposable toy, mall security, nothing more... love to see them without the gun, would be a different scenario... I'd wreck them, I swear to God.

Any dumbass can point a gun around and pretend to be somebody, any...

any...

Well that's my release... As much as they tried to make me feel like I was in the wrong for missing out on a few cents for a bus trip. There have been days I've paid less because the driver wasn't an asshole and (knows there's no metro card machine at the bus stop.) I've NEVER not paid. I've had days I've put too much change in so I actually have already paid my fare and thensome... But sadly none of that matters. 100 bucks for 60cents... it's asinine. should be a warning, or a damn reduced fine, plea bargain sort of thing. 100 is egregious.

But keep it up. I hope they keep it up. People will get together and vote the wrong people out who are making these decisions and we'll get things stirred up to have these fines made more reasonable. I've done my research and there's wheels turning, maybe not fast enough, but they're being thought about. It's a tax funded transportation system and yet as a tax payer you have to pay... lots of thoughts on that, and technically, that bus I was going to take THAT DAY would have given me a free subway transfer, so ultimately what is most aggrivating is that that I ended up paying 100 for a bus ride that was basically going to be half price anyway considering my whole trip plans...

Oh well, you know what, they don't care. As long as we all keep drinking the kool aid and let the MTA rape us, nothing going to change...

As for how i'm coping with this. Tough nuggets pal. All I can say really. Been in pain over it... I have emotions, sad to say, but what can I do. I've had worse than this and lived. I'm well aware at this point, being black in NY is an insta-target for the slave-watch patrol or whatever... Oh I'm waking up to that shit now son...

My thoughts have been with that. What to do to make it in life as a black male... well, shit, can't say I got a clue...

Working on myself. I try. I mean I don't know if this will pan out the way I hope, but I am learning piano like I always dreamed and am not going crazy with it, just casually learning it... It's aggrivating but music is an essential part of the human spirit, it really is. And I connect with it... It's calming my head and it's healing... that's good, try to heal yourself through music...

Don't know what else to say. Life's a bunch of bitter spoiled milk in your mouth some days...