I feel like I'm dying.

I've had traumatic experiences on message boards. I've been hit by a car. I've gone through basic military training. And above all what hurts most is that I've never had a girlfriend, something I've truly had to come to terms with... that perhaps dying alone is my destiny. But today i'm feeling terrible. Must have caught a virus. I need some damn medicine. I'm only 24, so I'm not worried about getting back to some kind of good health, but I do want to get to sleep at some point and stop coughing.

Makes me wonder what dying is going to be like though. You have to think about it. It WILL happen. I saw death as a kid. Killed ants for fun, accidentally killed a hamster, tried to save a kitten from dying after it was just born but I couldn't. Death is the end. We're like machines us humans and once our batteries run out, there's no going back. That's why the older generation believes people like me should be going out and having fun. Good luck with that, naw, can't happen until I got the money rolling in my bank account. ALMOST got to that point where I'd be mr. sexy with my airforce uniform on, getting all the bitches, but I ain't marrying nobody no how, sorry. Been alone too long to suddenly boom get hitched. I don't even know if I'll like fucking a girl, sad, but even though I love titties and ass, I'm not exactly sure if I'll LOVE titties and ass, though I hope my juices flow just like in the porn vids I watch. Those guys must feel like heaven after a girl sucks their dick dry.

Girls sucking dicks. Seems to me like they can't really stop themselves from wanting to get fucked. It's just "gotta happen" period, that kind of thing. Like with my sperm. I wish oh I wish I could quit, but the shit just keeps coming. Even now I've got a fresh batch ready to burst out my dick. On one hand I do feel like having kids would be awesome, on the other, hell no having kids will not be awesome. Like there was this super ripped up guy in the airforce who was my element leader in flight 521, I believe. He claims to have chosen to be a father, seems like a great level headed dude too, but is he in for MUCH more than he bargained for, I assure you. They will push him to the edge, both he and his wife. Why do it... why... Don't make a lick of sense to me. Yeah I know they're the future, but good lawd, you will want to die some days. Gotta have some massive balls to have kids, that's for sure. Then they're going to hate you for the rest of your life, what do I know...

No, not me. I'm not meant for that stuff, never was. I'm the outcast, the only one who sees the world for what it is, a joke. Great big joke. Full of people living for one reason, pussy and dicks. Shame really, there's so much more we could do if we wanted to go beyond our sexual limitations. so much more... like becoming gods, masters of our destiny, not slaves to a primitive life cycle...