punks

so i live a block away from my old high school. and now that schools back in full swing, i see the same old shit i saw damn near 10 years ago when i started going there, hard to believe it's been that long. but yeah since you start at 14 and im now 24, its been about 10 years. 6 since i finished. If i knew better i'd have never gone to high school at all, sure, you won't find many supporters of that since people have been brainwashed to not question the school system, but it really didn't help me in any way that matters to me now. so what was the point. all the stuff about hunting down employment I learned through the school of hard knocks, aka real life itself. I must conclude that high school's really nothing more than a big mini prison to keep young fuckers occupied for hours all day or something. Put these kids to work. wtf is the point of training them for years to do something that has shit squat to do with their ultimate occupation.

but most of all, i regret listening to both my parents and teachers about staying away from girls. Now I'm just annoyed and aggravated by how people who are digging deep into pussies every night are treating me as if I'm one of those guys who's, how do i put it,... generally a little asshole, that kid who doesn't care about anything but fucking. sure would like too. But I'm 24 the age when you're too old for the girls who'd spread their cheeks for you and too young and immature for the girls your own age. FUCK.

that was the biggest mistake i ever made, maybe it'll pay off and not seem like such a misstep, i don't know yet. I sit puzzled by the hypocritical views on sexuality held by very powerful and supposedly smart people. at this high school they have annual dances in which boys and girls are encouraged to hook up, and i guess figure out how to fuck after school? i don't know what the parents of the world want for the kids. why not be honest? why play games like this?

sigh sigh sigh. I mean, i had chances aplenty, was never averse to fucking the crap out of one my cutie classmates, of course not, but i believed it was better to avoid that stuff, dedicate my time to star wars etc. now HILARIOUSLY people want to toss me under a bus for not conforming to their expectations regarding old tired courting rituals and ultimately marriage itself.

it's too much for my mind to take in, since it's such a huge about face from the days of taking meaningless tests and getting accused of being gay daily, but i know if i try i can understand why people are so retarded. i just don't think it's worth the effort.

mumbuwumba

The REAL Old Busters!!!

i'm torn. soon this will air on tv, but for now it's been revealed that bill murray, perhaps for the last time in his career as an actor has put on his old duds as a ghostbuster, why i don't know... he's either losing it with old age, or he's hinting that gb3 is on the horizon. But looking at him and having seen indy 4's shitbombing of the indy name, i'm not as excited as i should be about it. I want a gb3 more than anybody, and I'll take an awful gb over another shitty seth rogen comedy any day, by god, but it has to be....

i don't even want to realize it's a gb movie until they pull out the proton packs. it can't be a nostalgia fest like so many of these movies end up being. and in fact the second movie was to some extent. dare i say it has to be an actual work of art or some shit. Jesus christ, what are you trying to pull murray, you asshole.

whats in a name

i have this theory that may be a little too wild, but i think that the blacker a sports player's name sounds, or any celebrity, the less popular he'll be with the masses, and this goes for both white and black audiences, even blacks hate blacks in reality. like lebron james and kobe bryant, both ridiculously great players by their stats, yet i think it's their names that hold them back. if they had whiter sounding names like justin timberwood they'd be alright. I dare say if michael jordan was named tyrone tyson or jackie brown, he'd have a harder time getting super famous...

harry potter and the last cashgrab

amirite? there was a point around the third and fourth film, and to some extent the fifth that the movies seemed to be aiming for some high quality standard that would be worth remembering in years to come... alas, with the bla boring paint by numbers half blood prince, my hopes were brushed away by a magic broomstick. fuck these films now. I'm saddened not that it's ending, no, but by what a missed opportunity the whole thing ended up being.

potter firstly reminded me of myself when i began watching the movies at around 12 or 13, good guy with a dark side, struggling to balance school and bullies, pretty average person, but determined to excel through pure will. that's me... i even had a best friend once exactly like ron. no hermione though, probably couldn't resist trying to fuck her when she grew a pair of tits and did that thing girls do when they hold their arms over their head and let their breasts stretch out their shirts... nicely done ladies.

so i was all onboard the hogwarts express with this franchise, forgave the first film's fumbles since it was the first, loved the second since it felt more polished and stuff, blown off my chair for the third flick, since that one actually was great not just good, at around 19 i played the fourth film on my psp constantly while at work at target, just loved escaping into the potter world, and that movie was alot of pure fun, still is to me the best potter film because it doesn't try too hard to be some kind of masterpiece, it just is what it is, kind of like a star wars movie back when star wars was about FUN not trying to be the next bible.

order of the phoenix, some parts i love, some felt rushed, but i could see the new director actually read and tried to basically film exactly how you'd visualize the pages in the book. which was cool, but there was stuff i would have left out, and stuff i would have really expanded upon like the wizard duel and veil and so on... tonks and the actress who plays her and her big titties not getting enough screen time...

half blood prince, no no no no no no nononononono.... wrong. wrong wrong. what the hell happened why is the movie so different from the book. what happened to harry noticing ginny grew a pair of tits and some nice birthing hips? shit is the truth, son. expoit it. why was bonnie so nervous throughout the movie? so blatantly not up to it.... the list goes on and on. and above all, i could have forgiven so much if the ending weren't so stale as dried shit. this ceased being a magical world, and became an obvious film set, way too bland... and the key moment, when you see malfoy struggle with his emotions, completely fails, since you have no doubt he's not going to do it. the original malfoy from movie 1 was exactly who was missing. i don't know what happened on set, or with the actor, but he forgot how to be a ruthless weasel and malfoy in hbp comes off to me as a deeply conflicted guy instead of how he was in movie 1 and 2, complete scum. why? in the book, it's pretty clear, malfoy took on too much of a task and underestimated dumbledore's charm and his own inner goodness. maybe it's just how each film's slowly made the character out to be a joke that teh moment he struggles to kill dumbledore comes off as such a weak moment, shame really...

also getting annoyed by how they won't just explain the brother wand problem already. it's been 2 films since potter 4 and they've not said a thing. the book explained it just after it happened in goblet since it clears up why voldemort's wand backfired against harry's. simple...

brb

life's cheap in the city

People dying really saddens me. Recently a man was shot here in ny who was obviously not a serious threat to the cops, he was just out of his mind and weilding a very small knife witnesses say was too small to be life threatening, so after a taser failed, they pumped him full of bullets. how noble.

what a bunch of assholes. that's how it is sometimes though, people holding the gun going too far and no one wants to get in their face about it. what's more is just the general atmosphere around ny of 'i don't give a damn about anyone but myself' even to the point of abandoning each other or crushing each other to get ahead. I've seen it at work and i've seen it driving to work, seen it from my own sister and definitely the military who's main philosophy is to crush everyone else, not even view them as human. What? seriously? who are you to judge people? Superman?

speaking of him. zack snyder has been announced as the new director of superman. now way back i believe i talked about the superman war that happened online which i witnessed and participated in regrettably. no doubt another one is on the horizon. a lot of people think this to be a victory to get a director who isn't going to suck donner's cock or whatever... that's not the point, fuck. this is why i hate the internet world. will the movie be good? or like his other films, mindless videogames that soullessly copy the comics frame for frame without regard for film as a completely different platform...

this could be a worse movie than singer's. then again i'm excited. if 300 is any indicatin, snyder won't pull any punches and will give us a superman who steps right out of the comic's pages and gets into epic battles with other super powered beings and not just more luthor schemes. i love luthor, but he's not going to be exciting to watch pull out a rock of kryptonite for the thousandth time, that's all.

if i had it my way, i'd adapt the entire death of superman arc since i love that story and it really got me into superman, the comic version anyway. couldn't understand what the fuck happened after he died, but the beauty of seeing superman face off against the devil himself and fight him to the death really embodies everything about his character to me. Doomsday, yes, is one note, but so is superman. They're yin and yang. for the longest time superman's basically been able to walk through his foes, unless there was kryptonite, but not this mother fucker. Now the threat of dying is real to him and he has to chose whether to put his life on the line for others or allow this monster to win. in the end, just as in life, sometimes the only way to stop beat your enemy is to make an incredible sacrifice which says to me that good and evil are forever linked.

what a day, what to say

haven't masturbated all day my nigs, so my mind's full of thoughts of those sexy bitches. stupid sperm, needs to just leave me alone. like last night i couldn't sleep until i shot a bit of the shit out my dick to some really sweet pics of a nice juicy ripe young female. they're like works of art, only certain kinds truly captivate your innate artistic senses.

I honestly have no problem with impregnating a female, shit, i've known them my whole life, if she wants it, i'll give it to her no problem, it's just become so confusing trying to figure out which ones are good and which ones just want to suck both your dick and your wallet dry. then there's the issue of how your life changes completely once you go down that path.

I've always figured i'd avoid that for as long as possible so i could figure out time travel or whatever... it's not impossible goddamit.

i'm tired though, such a hard fight, and life isn't completely under anyones control. we really are still the same as any animal, we just choose to ignore the truth.

and i'm sick of the lack of humility within people i keep meeting. listen, my friend, don't act like you're a big shot when you shovel shit for a living and on top of that you're just as expendable as me. it really got on my nerves how out of touch with reality some of my coworkers were, truly believing that because they were a supervisor at some low level shitty sub contractor, they were great people, deserving respect and admiration. don't even get me started on people who somehow managed to get lucky and land an office job, so they pretend they've got a phd and everyone they deal with is dumb as a brick. I just play dumb and go along with the little bullshit fascade on display, but it still bothers me they way society is. i guess bill gates was right when he told steve jobs it doesn't matter if one of them is better than the other. the whole thing is a popularity contest. quality doesn't always win.

in that same vein, there's those who are fucking, and those who are me. and they'll gladly kick me over a cliff, i know that for sure. fuck. must resist though, because i believe so much more can be done besides giving in to one's natural instincts.

censorship of medal of honor

nobody's really talking about this much from what i can tell, but indeed a videogame has been censored by the military.

this is a horrible slap in the face to the first amendment. i guess no one in the military ever bothered to read it. welcome to america.

random thoughts

fixed my phone. i spent 100 bucks on a g1 phone on ebay and it worked fine until i got it wet and the touch screen no longer functioned, so i figured i'd fix it myself and took it apart in order to replace the touch screen. oops though since i accidentally ripped the fragile connection to the lcd. so i decided to abandon it and get a better phone, possibly the g2... long story short, after looking at phone prices, i couldn't afford those fancy new ones, so i took a risk and bought a broken g1 for parts and after days of trying to figure out what goes where and how to connect everything, i rebuilt the g1 from scratch. it's a simple design that's very fragile due to the placement of components in relation to each other. but if i need a new part, i can put it in pretty fast now. works. i initially just replaced the screen, but then the keyboard malfunctioned and i had to replace that too. so overall i've invested about 175 in a g1 phone, about twice as much as i'd spend on a used one on ebay. I guess if this keeps working, it was worth it since the great thing about this phone is i can charge it through usb and customize the hell out of it.

it's not too bad at delta. they give me a sheet every day with the number of flights i do, except when they decide to randomly change where i'm stationed. that sucks because then they like to put the new guys on heavy flights with lots of luggage. rough job... need time to heal afterwards but it'll be great to travel for nothing. and hopefully i can move up to a better job there, who knows.

contemplating returning to school to get that degree thing people keep talking about. having been in college, i can say that basic military training and in a lot of ways the rigorous course work i've endured in high school make it look like kindergarten. it's just way too expensive. i can't understand why anyone would want to pay so much for so little gain in the end. LEARN BY DOING. Leave the house and whatever it is you want to do, go after it, i say.

strange

to once again get a second chance at life. i wont go into details. hell my job at jfk is such that i've nearly died numerous times, but at least those i didn't literally SEE coming and had no way of stopping it. luckly God himself stopped it. cuz i certainly didn't, wasn't quick enough but fortune prevailed and for some reason i still live, at least i think i am. i don't know what to think. being former military, i feel like i should suck it up and move on, but i can't ignore the shock from looking death straight in the face. i'm broken inside. like what it must be like to be a zombie. i wish it never happened. roll with the punches indeed.