Curiosity

Just skeeted again. Such an endless cycle of crap. One look at a big ass titty and I can't control it anymore I'm jackin away like a construction worker.

Gets me thinking that maybe it's inevitable. I'll end up having kids and all that. But when does the endless stream of semen stop? I'm tired of it. I want to just take a pill and end the pain.

Will I be a bad father as the military has implied. No. They can say whatever they want, but I've already taken care of a baby before, and it was cool. I had fun. I guess they don't know me that well.

I really hate that. Twice some douche bag guys have tried to attack me based on my potential parentage. What a low blow. As low as you can get. I would think that we would all set aside our petty differences and put the kids first, always first. Make them happy as long as they're still cute and not crazy yet. That kind of thing.

I never wanted kids though, I'll tell you that. I always saw it as a bad option in life and even an unattainable one too. I'm me, there's not much chance I'll get pussy. Why is there this whole big thing about oh you'll get pussy at some point I guess, and uh your kids are going to be all like "you suck" and shit. Thanks...  Anyway, back to watching tons of porn.

If anything, I think my wife would do all the work anyway now that I think about it. Why do I have to worry about how some kids think of me, when I can be the good guy and the woman can be the bitch. That could work...

is time travel possible

That's the big question isn't it... Neil Degrasse Tyson claims it is. I'm going to follow through on his thoughts on time travel. And  attempt to build a time machine. Why? Because no one else is. These very smart military assholes want to do what with my black ass? Send me to college, I get a degree, and whatever field I work in, they just use me to do the menial tasks they find tedious and if I discover a cure for some disease they steal it and claim its theirs. Old white men have no shame, they'll take credit for minority's work. I realize that now, didn't before, but they're not going to let any one else have any glory if they're able to stand toe to toe with their best. Still, I'm on a mission...

Astro Physics is the shit. Really study it and you'll find so much to ponder about the complexities of the universe itself. How interesting that we know so much, yet haven't even begun to scratch the surface of the big questions, why do we exist, what is the universe...

I liked seeing this youtube video that posits that maybe we can't possibly figure out the universe because we're inside it. How does a person inside of something know what the outside of it looks like. Scary thought really.... maybe we'll never know...

But we'll be damned as a species if we don't try. A testament to the human spirit. We'll be god damned if we go down without a fight. If we just let the sun explode and we don't find another earth to inhabit.

Yeah, this planet is doomed. Space is the ONLY means we have to survive as a species. So maybe if I build a time machine, I can use it to save the world, who knows... it's crazy but I think we're all a little crazy, but that's a good thing. If we weren't crazy, we wouldn't be shooting rockets and shit off into space to try to get the hell off this ticking time bomb would we? And it's all we can do. And moreso if we don't do it, we don't keep searching for habitable planets, we're fucked like a duck.

Got the Job

God is good.

I'm not making money money, but it's an easy job so the pay more or less equals the work being done, unlike many jobs out there which kill you with work. Seasonal position, I hope I can stay there. I'm going to put 100% of everything I got left in the tank into this job... thing I learned from TSA is to roll with the punches. I let the guys in there get to me and I quit because of their shit, but not this time. If they push me around, I'll suck it up and just keep working this time... not going to quit. Problem is it's just a little christmas rush job they're hiring for... I want a permanent position there by the Gods.

Alright let's burn rubber baby....

A final word on Superman Returns

We're definitely moving forward now, which is a good thing. Very good. Bryan Singer is directing xmen again... Snyder hopefully isn't going to mess up superman, he's not much better than Michael Bay to me, so it's my fault if I set my expectations too high... I can't "let it go" so easily. Things went where they shouldn't have gone and if we don't remember why it went the way it did, then it'll happen again as George Santayana would say, those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

I bootleged the movie. But don't hiss at me for it. I bought the dvd legit, so technically I own it, but I can't find the thing anywhere.

I go to AICN every day. They seem ok with me hanging out there. I've been going there since I was 12, it's my home. Always liked the underground boys club quality to it... Well it's funny, I post "superman returns is a masterpiece" and some douche replies "of shit" What the fuck? People still hate the movie that much? Get over it.... I am. I'm done with this movie.

But what a movie it is... It's a grand triumph in american cinema that a film like that which plays out as a more subtle work of art can still exist. The film's about something more than the big explosions. What kind of movies do people want? I'm an advocate for intelligent cinema. And we should stand behind films that don't merely insult us as an audience. So I don't find it funny that there's still such a disdain for what Singer had the balls to put out there. And as was already made clear in the film itself, the people crucified it.

That's the genius of the film. And now 6 years later, I notice that maybe Superrman's a ghost in the end of the film. You can take it that way, and view it as all very ambiguous.

All I want to say is that I'm incredibly sorry for having lashed out wildly at the movie because a few jackasses hurt my feelings. I was not raised that way. I don't believe in betraying your true feelings and seeking revenge against some bastards who want to start a ruckus. I failed at everything I trained myself all my life to do which is to stand for what's right... I hate myself for that.

For that reason, I'll take this movie with me to my grave as a symbol of what kind of person I aspire to be.

Most interesting quote

"A nation can survive its fools, and even the ambitious. But it cannot survive treason from within. An enemy at the gates is less formidable, for he is known and carries his banner openly. But the traitor moves amongst those within the gate freely, his sly whispers rustling through all the alleys, heard in the very halls of government itself. For the traitor appears not a traitor; he speaks in accents familiar to his victims, and he wears their face and their arguments, he appeals to the baseness that lies deep in the hearts of all men. He rots the soul of a nation, he works secretly and unknown in the night to undermine the pillars of the city, he infects the body politic so that it can no longer resist. A murderer is less to fear. The traitor is the plague"

-Markus Tilius Cicero...

This got me thinking about things as they are, about the complexities of leadership. I want to not think of myself as a wolf in sheep's clothing, but I have to really admit it. I've played this role through my immature inclinations. Preying on people's mercy and exploiting their weaknesses...

sigh... sucha  fool. Ya know, that's why the military doesn't treat their troops like humans. Even ONE second of compassion can lead to a whole mess. I understand it... But at the same time I think we can rise above the need to barbarically treat each other like nothing more than a piece of meat.

I mean I'm coming to terms with my failures in the past and looking forward to bettering myself to such an extent that I don't succumb to the urge to act like a stupid kid. That's a start anyway...

HELLS YEAH

Lucky ducky. I feel so good. I suppose it's fate, I can only hope. I went over to toys r us today and I juat wanted to talk to the manager about the phone call, nothing special. Turns out the phone call was to get me to come to the interview session that was going on today. I didn't even know, so I didn't dress up or anything... but she was cool and let me take the interview anyway. I was caught off guard and all, but whatever. I'll take what I can get. Been unemployed too long ya know.

It's a seasonal position. Meaning, it's up to them whether they keep me beyond the christmas rush that's about to happen.

I hope they hire me. I'm going to pray to God they hire me.  I have to do this. The store is just at bay plaza. I get the job, I work really hard, I do my best. Then they might hire me for full time on the regular. I get some pussy from one of the girls working there. And I go to the gym at bay plaza, and we have a good life, me and my girlfriend... I can only hope...

toys r us

I don't want to grow up. I want to be a toys r us nigga. Got a call from toys r us, but I missed it. So what I did was ride my bike down to the store and ask to speak with the manager. Just my luck the person responsible for calling left minutes before I got there...

So I left a note with my name and phone number. I'm excited but not going to hold my breath. If I get the job that's great, if I don't, moving on... just keep shopping around. But I've always wanted to work in a toy store.

If you've seen my youtube vids, i have a bunch of toys. It's my forte, ya know, I loved playing with toys and if I didn't have one, I built it. I made a robocop out of wax... made a johnny 5 out of tin foil. That's how I rolled. My parents didn't buy me shit to play with so I just built it out of whatever I could find and built a huge collection of mcdonalds toys which I curse myself for not stowing away in a box so I could still have them today. They're all poof gone with the wind. I see kids on youtube playing with the latest shit and i envy them. So yeah I'd love to be around toys all day if I had the chance...

we'll see...

Gonna Join the Navy

Yeah... there's a recruitment center down the street I can go to...

Don't see much of a choice. And I do like sailing, always have.

Hope I can pass the physical bullshit. Then ya know, whatever else after that. I don't much concern myself with the expectations the military may place on me. I just will tell them that I have no intention of having children. I just want to have a good fuck for once in my life honestly, then work on my time machine.

Is it too much to ask?

To fuck a bitch? Is that too much to ask?

I just can't find a job. Delta ain't calling. I'm thinking about going to delta directly and asking for a job on the spot but they don't play ya know... you have to do things by the book and apply online like everybody else. so gay...

oh well, am I scared of death? Yeah sorta. See, I'm 26 now though and my body's starting to fall apart so I know I'm going to die anyway so heh, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to... do I want to kill motherfuckers? No, I don't. But some people got to go, honestly and if my efforts in my job help to rid the world of bad apples, so be it. I've lived long enough to know for certain life isn't so simple as everybody gets to live la la la christmas... some niggas need a bullet to the head to make them shut the hell up that's all...

yeah

fat loss

Damn lost 2 pounds already cuz I found out that if you do strength training instead of just cardio, you lose fat that way instead. good lawd, why does no one tell you this shit. Gonna bulk up my muscles for a week lose more weight, then start doing a combo of cardio and the strength training. My abs are sore as fuck but I like it like that, means this shit is working. See, the problem is that I've been doing a lot of cardio, but that's done nothing but depleted my muscles because your body consumes muscles for fuel during cardio. what the fuck. anyway gonna look like a black superman. Then I'll post pics and videos. Exciting times....

eating a moldy slice

Ever have regrets? I do.

I remember one day I got up one morning feeling groggy as fuck. Yeah so I go in the kitchen to fill me belly ya know... I think to myself that's a right good thing to do. So I grab a slice of bread and i chomp it down full and even swallow some of it cuz I 'm huuuuuuuuuuungry ya know.... then I get the taste of it after having chewed it for a while. Ack, this bread is funny. Then I look at tit finally and all it is is a fuzzy green thing, not bread at all...

Worst day ever.