thawtz on the future

I am both happy and scared shitless, like deep long shit kinda shit. But there's a glimmer of hope over the horizon for my ass. I've been a weird artsy dude since I can remember. Fell in love with art, animation, movies, looney tunes, all that stuff. I still marvel at them to this day, the craftmanship of cartoons, good ones.

Such a sad world to get older in. I always feel like there's going to be something bad going to happen to me in the next moment. Especially when you go to work, you got such an endless amount of assholes ready to bring you down for no good honest reason under the blue sky. It's because of what? They want to prove they are that guy at work who's the asshole at work, self fullfilling prophecy? Why be an asshole bully at fucking work? Didn't get enough of that shit in high school and school in general? Gotta bring all that back at work the place where you're supposed to have escaped the school world for good? Surprise surprise, they're still at it, no matter where the fuck you go....

If I get cast as Lando and NEVER have to work again for the rest of my fucking life, thank GOD.

I don't know. Some actor guy friended me on facebook. Funnily enough he was in spawn, a movie I fell in love with years ago, so we're connected through that.

Why did he friend me? Wants to hint that lucasfilm is eyeing me for the part of Lando and think it's a good bet, get a star wars fanboy to play a star wars character?

You will NOT be let down, if you cast me. I swear beyond GOD beyond HEAVEN, beyond all that is HOLY. I've done nothing but dedicate my self to star wars since I can remember. I'm here for you, I want the movie to be the best shit ever... EVER. Let's do it.

I think about the other side of the hill right now, I tell you. What happens if I get a message from Phil and chris saying, lets' go. What happens after I have a couple thousand dollars in my bank account, and I'm actually a rich dude. What happens after the movie premiers and million s of people see me playing Lando on the big fucking screen next to Alden. What the fuck am I going to be as a person after that shit goes down.

Fuck it...

I don't care. I've walked a couple of fucking miles my friend to deliver stupid ass mail to people. I've stacked HUNDREDS of bags at the airport in all kinds of weather. I'VE PAID THE PRICE. It's time for me to get what I DESERVE and become wealthy, get a hot wife like miley cyrus or somehting, and just live well, have what men dream. I don't feel ashamed about getting paid well for Lando. No, why? Cuz I've busted my ass, hurt, sweated, gone to war, I'm wounded by the jobs I've taken over the years, jobs I'm FAR over qualified for, but they've busted me up and taken their tole both physically and emotionally. I will tell you the shit tears away at your soul bad jobs that just mean nothing in life.

It's time to get paid for having gone through that garbage. I'm the nerdy kid who always looked forward to TGIF every friday back in the day. Why the hell does someone like that end up geting straight shitted on in life after the fact of being one of the nerdy black kids of hte 90s. I gotta say, that's truly sad if for all the nerdy qualities I possess, I can't make a buck after all that shit I've gone through. I watched fucking full house and liked that shit back in the day, that's how much of a dumb geek I was. Full house, yeah I liked it. I liked my olsen girl. I still like them, too bad they're so secretive, I know them. They're not like that. Oh well.

I hate that everything has changed. I can't talk to Raven Symone on facebook. We grew up together, she's like my twin fucking sister, I can't talk to her? You gotta be kidding. I can't get in touch with anyone I used to watch on tv. So sad... we shouldn't be so isolated from each other. Actually give a shit about your fans if you're going to run a facebook page or just piss off I say. I watched you grow up, we're closer than you think, hell, if I had it my way I'd take you out for a date or something, what's wrong with that? But no, despite the fact that we grew up together, we're fucking strangers I guess. Yeah, sure. I mean it's just stupid to me. I'm not an ISIS soldier or some terrorist. I'm Richard Mark Simms, I can gurantee you that. i'm just that kid from the 90s who grew up on power rangers and nickelodeon and just generally anything disney and fun. I'm not much more than that honestly. I still watch all those movies I used to watch right now today cuz I still like them and do want to revisit that childhood feeling.

It's just offputting as fuck I got to say, how damned I have become. Why? Cuz I bailed on the college shit? Forgive me for not knowing about nor caring about how much people worship hogwarts.

It means nothing to me. Yep, gonna be honest. If you want your kids to care about and persue college, give them a fucking real solid reason WHY... Don't just point a gun to their head and say DO IT OR ELSE. Guess what will happen.

Kinda pisses me off how people are trying to kill my good vibes all the time. What's that all about? What the hell is your problem that you want to make someone else feel bitter and depressed? Is it a black thing? Is that just how black people shit on each other every day and I just didn't get the memo?

I can imagine if I was white-er I'd get treated like a king. Nobody would try to bring me down from my high place, cuz they couldn't. You CAN'T make white people feel bad about being white. It's never gonna work.

So dudes target me for harrassment cuz they know I can't just walk away and smile.

I will smile, dammit, if I get damn cast as Lando. I'll finally feel like my life made sense in the end.