Tired

Getting tired of this... Dunno just being horny all day... Not gonna lie. It's aggravating and horrible. I think about everything... Fucking... What kind of girls I want... What kind of girls want me.... I think about it. Having a woman who's my equal. It'd be nice. People think I hate women. Guys like me unfortunately have been the ones who'd be chivalrous and defend a girl no matter the cost....

Pretty much dick suicide.

Sad to say...  Only hope I have left is the girls I grew up with but they are older wiser than me now. I admire that. I'm happy truly am that raven, Amanda, Christina are such gorgeous successful women now. Hayden too... I'm like blown away they were such stupid little girls now they're so much more. Life is indeed beautiful when you take the time to appreciate it and how children grow up. It is indeed...

Do I want them... I do. It's interesting to think about it. Just finally being that guy in the end of Casper. But every 90s brat wanted that...

But the reality remains... It just does. I'm meant to observe humanity not get involved. Not become an ordinary person. Job, kids, yadda yadda...

I have no fear in saying this it's something I've always known about myself and I've chosen to ignore it.

I'm different.

I'm an observer a philosopher. A dreamer. I have to sacrifice a normal life if I am to achieve more than the other guy.

I mean hasn't stopped Jamal igle has it. Wife kids still follows his dreams. Inspirational his life story. I do want to be like him. I do want to have what he has.

These feelings feel like a cancer to my mission in life to observe study and above all progress through advanced higher level potential unknown to ordinary people...

I'll only say this on the subject. I leave it in her hands. If she wants me I'll give myself to her. But I will never persue a woman. I've been there. Seeing the look in the eyes of a female who fell in love with me but didn't have the guts to say it or make it known. Yunno if she actually let the bitch shield down she'd have gotten the best from me... Alas... So if you're that girl who wants a good guy... That's all it would take lol. Drop the shield...