Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Who am I?
I'm supposed to be in the military... But I'm scared. If I do anything stupid and fuck up it's yeah, it's we're all dead. I'm glad I didn't make it. I don't know. i'd have preferred just to do any old job at the base like scrub toilets. I don't give a crap about shooting people and all that. I have to be careful what I say though because I saw a lot of lackland. If I were to blab about training, there'd be hell to pay. I never realized the seriousness of life until now. Jesus Christ help us all.
Ugh, well gonna watch some porn now.
Ugh, well gonna watch some porn now.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Do no harm
Hippocratic oath associated with the medical profession. I understand its meaning now. As men we have unbelievable power... We're extremely dangerous. Seriously. Not only can we just blow up the planet if we so choose, but all sorts of other little things like destroy each other etc. Wow, never really thought about it...
The Governemnt's truly afraid of its own shadow, IT HAS TO BE. Because life or death is in their hands. That's why they won't let someone who isn't a parent near powerful life or death positions within really any place of power because it doesn't matter how smart you are, you can't know what it means to care about kids until you've had one. I love kids because my childhood was shitty, but I'm still too immature to deal with their bullshit at this point in my life. Kids are insane. They need to be controlled and as parents, yeah you're responsible for whether we have a future as a species or not. That's why we keep religion around. It's our moral backbone. The definitive last word on how we should deal with each other. love thy neighbor, turn the other cheek, No it's not logical, neither is our existence, but we live, we die, we go around and around in the circle of life.
"You're either too smart for your own good or you really are stupid," someone told me. By this he meant that I was self aware. I knew I COULD become super smart, but what would I do with all those brains? I was afraid I'd hurt people. In life we can't all know everything or do everything. We have to make comprimises. BMT taught me that really we as men are the same shit with different skills. He's a pilot, he's a doctor, he's a filmmaker, he's a athlete, he's a soldier, he's a musician, he's a painter.... but we're all the same basic protoform that later in life morphs into its one final career choice. I'm a soldier, bred and born for it. I can withstand extreme levels of pain. I'm an mesomorphic body type capable of building incredible muscles. And I'm of above average intelligence. I was born for the military and i know this.
I don't know... I'm not afraid to hurt people who want to hurt me. It's hurting people just for the fun of it that's wrong. Some people do that, I think. Those people are bad. That's why we have leaders who stand and make the hard decisions about who deserves what in this society because if people had their way they'd get away with any little thing they could against each other. Without rules, we'd have a big mess. And it's what people are afraid of, someone who's smart enough to see the patterns and change them, or do something different, that could start a war or something like that.
Ugh, I'm so horny.
The Governemnt's truly afraid of its own shadow, IT HAS TO BE. Because life or death is in their hands. That's why they won't let someone who isn't a parent near powerful life or death positions within really any place of power because it doesn't matter how smart you are, you can't know what it means to care about kids until you've had one. I love kids because my childhood was shitty, but I'm still too immature to deal with their bullshit at this point in my life. Kids are insane. They need to be controlled and as parents, yeah you're responsible for whether we have a future as a species or not. That's why we keep religion around. It's our moral backbone. The definitive last word on how we should deal with each other. love thy neighbor, turn the other cheek, No it's not logical, neither is our existence, but we live, we die, we go around and around in the circle of life.
"You're either too smart for your own good or you really are stupid," someone told me. By this he meant that I was self aware. I knew I COULD become super smart, but what would I do with all those brains? I was afraid I'd hurt people. In life we can't all know everything or do everything. We have to make comprimises. BMT taught me that really we as men are the same shit with different skills. He's a pilot, he's a doctor, he's a filmmaker, he's a athlete, he's a soldier, he's a musician, he's a painter.... but we're all the same basic protoform that later in life morphs into its one final career choice. I'm a soldier, bred and born for it. I can withstand extreme levels of pain. I'm an mesomorphic body type capable of building incredible muscles. And I'm of above average intelligence. I was born for the military and i know this.
I don't know... I'm not afraid to hurt people who want to hurt me. It's hurting people just for the fun of it that's wrong. Some people do that, I think. Those people are bad. That's why we have leaders who stand and make the hard decisions about who deserves what in this society because if people had their way they'd get away with any little thing they could against each other. Without rules, we'd have a big mess. And it's what people are afraid of, someone who's smart enough to see the patterns and change them, or do something different, that could start a war or something like that.
Ugh, I'm so horny.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Knowsbleed
No doubt an officer in the Airforce. No doubt a father. No doubt a very serious individual...
He hates the shit out of me. It was him. He told everyone in the airforce about my antics at superherohype. He knew all along I'd be a bad fit for the service, since I wasn't a ruthless stop at nothing type of person. He doesn't know me very well then. But that doesn't matter. The chain of command is unbreakable for the most part. He's an elite. I'm a spootie nuthin.
Sink or swim in life really. College weed out courses keep people who aren't ballsy enough out of the upper echelon and such. It's why we have rigerous schools that push young minds to their limits. And nothing half assed is allowed because simply if a hair is out of place, people DIE.
...
Good. I deserved what I got. Man up and admit it ya know. I'm an oldschooler. Raised by a former airman. I'm built of the same stuff. If he could do it, I can. What pisses me off is that I actually breezed through the airforce training, yet didn't decide to stay. I breezed through college but didn't decide to stay. An airwoman asked me "what's holding you back" Bitch I'll tell you what's holding me back! I'm 23 and the best i've ever had is a boob touch! I've gone through 4 years of high school with no pussy. 2 YEARS OF COLLEGE WITH NO PUSSY 2 years of message board shinanigans with no pussy! I'm getting older and older and I'm just dying for SOMETHING! I'm still attracted to high school girls you stupid bitch! I HATE YOU WHITE MOTHERFUCKERS FOR BUILDING A SOCIETY THAT IS STUPID AS FUCK! No, I'm not racist it's just that the system is flawed! Yes people expect us to just trip over a rock and fall into each other's arms and shit, but NOPES, DOESN'T HAPPENS LIKE THAT. YOU CAN'T force love. It just happens.
Fucking Alicia Ayers! On myspace talking about her various sexual escapades! My one love is all crazy now. And what can I do about it. I WANT TO TEAR EVERY GUY WHO HAS FUCKED HER INTO A MILLION PIECES!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
He hates the shit out of me. It was him. He told everyone in the airforce about my antics at superherohype. He knew all along I'd be a bad fit for the service, since I wasn't a ruthless stop at nothing type of person. He doesn't know me very well then. But that doesn't matter. The chain of command is unbreakable for the most part. He's an elite. I'm a spootie nuthin.
Sink or swim in life really. College weed out courses keep people who aren't ballsy enough out of the upper echelon and such. It's why we have rigerous schools that push young minds to their limits. And nothing half assed is allowed because simply if a hair is out of place, people DIE.
...
Good. I deserved what I got. Man up and admit it ya know. I'm an oldschooler. Raised by a former airman. I'm built of the same stuff. If he could do it, I can. What pisses me off is that I actually breezed through the airforce training, yet didn't decide to stay. I breezed through college but didn't decide to stay. An airwoman asked me "what's holding you back" Bitch I'll tell you what's holding me back! I'm 23 and the best i've ever had is a boob touch! I've gone through 4 years of high school with no pussy. 2 YEARS OF COLLEGE WITH NO PUSSY 2 years of message board shinanigans with no pussy! I'm getting older and older and I'm just dying for SOMETHING! I'm still attracted to high school girls you stupid bitch! I HATE YOU WHITE MOTHERFUCKERS FOR BUILDING A SOCIETY THAT IS STUPID AS FUCK! No, I'm not racist it's just that the system is flawed! Yes people expect us to just trip over a rock and fall into each other's arms and shit, but NOPES, DOESN'T HAPPENS LIKE THAT. YOU CAN'T force love. It just happens.
Fucking Alicia Ayers! On myspace talking about her various sexual escapades! My one love is all crazy now. And what can I do about it. I WANT TO TEAR EVERY GUY WHO HAS FUCKED HER INTO A MILLION PIECES!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Fatherhood
Something I never thought about much until now. I touched a girl's breasts for the first time in my life back when I was at a dep meeting for the airforce. It felt great, needless to say. I still remember her soft breasts and her little belly area against my arm. Something inside me just went crazy over that. Yeah way back in high school I wanted to have some sex with all the gorgeous girls around me but I was told not to do it, so I tried my best not to rape any of them. I lost my mind a little as a result. I'm an extremist to some degree, quite dangerous to the workforce in a sense since they'd like someone to be stable normal worker, not a nutty weirdo like me. But I like that part of me, makes me feel special, unique. Still if I become a regular ol' father, then society will pressure me to conform since there's no getting around the fact that children are our number one priority in life. That touch meant more than just OH MY GOD SHE'S GOT NICE TITS. It meant a new life could be created! From just us two people.
But God it's so frustrating, thinking about it and all that shite... women today suck ass. Theyre not women, they're men in women's bodies. I hate that. I'm a man. Always have been. Never even heard of all this femism bull until college, and all I've ever had planned since 8th grade is to become an awesome husband and love my dream girl. God damn you society! you suck! I hate how my life has turned out and it's all your fault. A man let's nothing stand between him and his goals, I know this. But I fear my power. I fear so much of what I can do if I get angry enough... It's like how superman has to hold back all the time incase he punches a person's head off by accident.
Balance is the answer! But how, how do i achieve balance!
But God it's so frustrating, thinking about it and all that shite... women today suck ass. Theyre not women, they're men in women's bodies. I hate that. I'm a man. Always have been. Never even heard of all this femism bull until college, and all I've ever had planned since 8th grade is to become an awesome husband and love my dream girl. God damn you society! you suck! I hate how my life has turned out and it's all your fault. A man let's nothing stand between him and his goals, I know this. But I fear my power. I fear so much of what I can do if I get angry enough... It's like how superman has to hold back all the time incase he punches a person's head off by accident.
Balance is the answer! But how, how do i achieve balance!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Sigh
"Adults are just children with wallets"
A quote from a cnn comment section...
I realized something back around some time in 2007, worst year of my life (long story)... the reason people are so serious about politics is because the guys in charge of our society, and in fact the person who has his trigger on the atomic bomb right now, is just like you or me. He too is flawed. No way in hell are we going to make it as a species I think... Especially with so many terrible parents out there who totally fuck up their kids. And by that I mean telling them how to live their lives... So when they do what they're told and what they're told is wrong, then oops that's the end for that guy. What's more is from working in the past few years, it's become clear to me how many older people are losing their minds as they look forward to nothing but the end of their days.
We all die. If that truth doesn't make you grow up and grow up fast, nothing will. Truth... what is truth... something so many fight over as it affects their lives as people go around believing whatever truth seems to be right in their little world. Well that truth is undeniable, that we must die, and so we fight that one undeniable fact with our one weapon against it, procreation...
Yet even that we screw up for ourselves with all the disagreement over what's right or wrong about sex, gender roles, this and that.
Just as death is inevitable, so too is that fact that Men have to prettymuch rule the world since women can't do it. Oh no he said it. Yes. I'm so done thinking I have to hold myself back and be a nice guy and all that bullshit. I'm actually tooooo smart and I know it. Yet my fear of using my power for the wrong reasons keeps me from doing what must be done, becoming a father, taking the hits of not only parenting but leadership as we all know it's HELL to deal with children, but it must be done. Some things in life are unavoidable. Sigh. I just hate how everyone in this world thinks college is everything. It's a power game. Because most of the people who run the world went to college, they want everyone else to go too. Stupid. The world's changed drastically, perhaps too fast for the older generation to keep up. They don't know what we can do now and what the next gen will do once they get wiff of the power of the internet. The internet will become tomorrow's classroom as well as its television, book, videogame, all that shit. We don't need reality anymore. Except sex, that we still need.
I envision a future where people exchange knowledge and wisdom and stuff online. The only problem with that is that the world's problems will crop up too and people's personal bullshit beliefs will make them go to war with each other over all sorts of stupid shit. We love war even though we hate death. So funny hugh... Well, man I'm so tired of this stupid feminized society. What do women want? Work? Work sucks ass. I'll work because I have to survive. But other than that, no I'd prefer to sit at home cooking cleaning and fucking my spouse. What were they thinking... oh well. At least I have my porn collection.
A quote from a cnn comment section...
I realized something back around some time in 2007, worst year of my life (long story)... the reason people are so serious about politics is because the guys in charge of our society, and in fact the person who has his trigger on the atomic bomb right now, is just like you or me. He too is flawed. No way in hell are we going to make it as a species I think... Especially with so many terrible parents out there who totally fuck up their kids. And by that I mean telling them how to live their lives... So when they do what they're told and what they're told is wrong, then oops that's the end for that guy. What's more is from working in the past few years, it's become clear to me how many older people are losing their minds as they look forward to nothing but the end of their days.
We all die. If that truth doesn't make you grow up and grow up fast, nothing will. Truth... what is truth... something so many fight over as it affects their lives as people go around believing whatever truth seems to be right in their little world. Well that truth is undeniable, that we must die, and so we fight that one undeniable fact with our one weapon against it, procreation...
Yet even that we screw up for ourselves with all the disagreement over what's right or wrong about sex, gender roles, this and that.
Just as death is inevitable, so too is that fact that Men have to prettymuch rule the world since women can't do it. Oh no he said it. Yes. I'm so done thinking I have to hold myself back and be a nice guy and all that bullshit. I'm actually tooooo smart and I know it. Yet my fear of using my power for the wrong reasons keeps me from doing what must be done, becoming a father, taking the hits of not only parenting but leadership as we all know it's HELL to deal with children, but it must be done. Some things in life are unavoidable. Sigh. I just hate how everyone in this world thinks college is everything. It's a power game. Because most of the people who run the world went to college, they want everyone else to go too. Stupid. The world's changed drastically, perhaps too fast for the older generation to keep up. They don't know what we can do now and what the next gen will do once they get wiff of the power of the internet. The internet will become tomorrow's classroom as well as its television, book, videogame, all that shit. We don't need reality anymore. Except sex, that we still need.
I envision a future where people exchange knowledge and wisdom and stuff online. The only problem with that is that the world's problems will crop up too and people's personal bullshit beliefs will make them go to war with each other over all sorts of stupid shit. We love war even though we hate death. So funny hugh... Well, man I'm so tired of this stupid feminized society. What do women want? Work? Work sucks ass. I'll work because I have to survive. But other than that, no I'd prefer to sit at home cooking cleaning and fucking my spouse. What were they thinking... oh well. At least I have my porn collection.
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