The limits of Power

I think a lot about how strong or weak a man can become. Certainly it's been something I've always valued.

I grew up in a religious house. I went to church a lot. Did that whole thing. And ultimately the thing that was always interesting was to see movies on tv about men's struggle to improve themselves and achieve near-godhood. One of the prevailing themes you'll find in many movies is precisely that, a man trying to become closer to Godhood through all kinds of physical struggle.

This is where my favorite movie series comes in, Rocky. There's no greater movie series. I don't care what anybody says, it's a great series. I know I've read on news sites that Rocky is not that great a film or whatever. But fuck that shit up it's ass. Rocky is my SHIT. It's what made me who I am at my core and I still believe in it. I still believe in what Stallone Preeches about standing toe to toe and saying "I am" to anyone who comes along.

I think honestly it should be standard viewing for EVERY little fucking boy in who's growing up now.

If they don't get their balls fucked by some rocky for a while, they'll end up gay.

You heard me. If you don't want your kids becoming gay, they have to watch fucking ROCKY BALBOA NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The things I want to do

Looks like I'll be earning quite a bit of money as I approach my early 30s. No doubt I'll be moderately wealthy. It was inevitable. I'm from a middle class family. No way in hell was I going to end up becoming lower than that.

The idea in this country is that you can ascend to greater levels through the school system. But the school system in this country is so fucking horrible, it was never going to happen, getting a college degree and all that shit.

The way these corporations work is that they indentify wiz-kids and scoop them up and put them to work and to hell with the rest of us normal people.

So the question I face is what the flying fuck am I going to do with all my money and shit. I'm hoping to play the stock market. I want to potentially start a restaurant one day. Don't know about it expanding into a full chain of restaurants, but the idea I have is to sell cheap and healthy meals. Shit you can't get at mcdonalds. Nobody's doing this, only Boston Market and they're not that cheap. I want to create a fucking cheap food but good for you kinda shit. 5 dollar salad with plenty of chicken and some good shit, maybe some delicious dessert on the side. Yunno, but it's going to be all that shit you wish these places would sell but they don't because they're idiots.

Healthy shit. You go to mcdonalds and you're going to get a big high fructose corn syrup soda, and just garbage. Imageine you go to a restuarant buy a meal for 6 dollars and it's got healthy shit in it, pure good healthy shit. Nobody doing this. Nobody. And that's why this country suuuuucks fucking ass.

As for what I like to get for myself. I'd like to live my personal dream of owning a yacht one day. Always intended to buy one some day, go sailing, but fuck is that a tough plateau to get to. But yeah if you're going to fuck a bitch, fuck her out in the beautiful ocean water.

What else. Looking to get a decent fucking house somewhere. If I pull down 72,000 dollars a year which is likely, I'll get a beast mode house, son. No little pussy house for dogs. I mean something like a real enforced military barracks. I mean that's what I want to do because this house here in this black motherfucking neighborhood, no way. Any fucker off the street just waltzes in and takes whatever they want to go sell it for crack money.

Always been living like this. Always losing bikes, hearing gunshots in the night, wondering when a fucking bullet's going to come flying through the door, or worse some jackass off the street comes into your house and just kills you etc.

Hard to live with that thought in your head, but that's the reality in this neighborhood.

Goddamn, black people being black people. Gotta love it...

Strange to be me, a black guy who's believed that things have changed. That the world is a lot more fucking open minded about blacks and shit, but no. Not today, not tomorrow, never. As long as you got a group of black assholes being douche bags and stealing shit to sell it for crack money or being "gangsta" ain't nothing going to change. Honestly if the military is reading this blog still, I give you full permission, pop that assholes head off. I would.

All my life, had to deal with dipshit retarded black kids, so yeah I don't feel sorry for them when the bullet flies through their skull.

So what now

I'll be honest. I was very hopeful that this job would stay nice and steady and cool. But I was wrong. Out of nowhere, I get sneak attacked by a co-worker. And now most likely I'm out of this job.

Going to keep on looking for other jobs, is all. But goddamn. All I did at this place was sit on my ass and enjoy the view of Manhattan. I felt like I finally found the golden ticket. I was going go fucking run through the streets charlie bucket style and everything and say FUCK YOU homeless people. I have money!!! fuck you!!! Go get a high school diploma like me! BITCH.

But no... I can't even hang out and get 8.25 an hour. I have to lose that?

Oy Vey. Yunno what I should do? Get into Porn or some shit. Really, those guys are geniuses. You just basically get paid a shit ton of money to fuck all kinds of hot bitches. Can't get better than that...

There's the stupid way to make money, going to school, struggling to get some shitty office job being dick slapped by some asshole supervisor guy, or the best way... become a porn star. Make shit loads of cash, and fuck girls any time you want. I see no downside to that...

God is Good

Yanno, some days I forget that I do indeed have God on my side. I'm a man of faith. It's just something I've always held on to. Some people are not in that mindset. But I believe it's right to be. It's not going to happen. You can't go to your grave believing in science and logic. Nobody here today and no kids, and nobody just fucking living and breathing is purely about math and science and all that shit. You have to have GOD somewhere in the equation.

And today is proof of that situation. Uh, got a new job now. I mean I want to make CBP my career. But if that doesn't go through or something in the background investigation haults the hiring process. I have to have something here now today to provide money....

So I'm just going to chill and work hard and give these guys no reason to fuck me over again. Whether they do or don't, I don't know. But I believe God is ABOVE men. We have men in this world who believe themselves to be Gods. but that will NEVER fly. I swear to you. You may think Night and day that YOU and your little human flesh is above GOD. But you'll find out how quick that thought is wrong.

You goddamn will...

Thoughts on Star Wars

New image posted on Aicn featuring behind the scenes stuff from Star Wars Episode 7. Uh, wish I wasn't banned from the site, but honestly I understand. You stick around online long enough you're going to piss these guys off who are making money off these sites. It's their livelihood. I still live at home. I'm basically just getting odd jobs to get by and that's all. Hopefully I get into the CBP and I'm a fucking real deal career kinda guy from that point forward.

What's there to say about star wars. It's probably the singular thing that's made my life more interesting. For me, discovering star wars was like a match made in heaven. I never knew what it was until the special editions came out and from that point forward, I was believing life was FUCKING GOOD.

You don't get it. My life as a child was shitty. school sucked. Parents being idiots sucked. Generally just the complications of being a kid growing up in this black neighborhood was tough. So to have star wars to help make life less burdensome was everything to me. I got into the star wars movies, then all the other things. Prettymuch from the time TPM came out to now, to this day, my life has been dedicated to Star Wars. And through that, a lot of my interest in film and film making. I mean I studied how exactly Lucas came up with Star Wars, the movies he made prior to it, the group he was a part of while trying to figure out the ins and outs of the studio business.

And it's amazing. Nobody fucking involved with Star Wars was thinking at all that it would be this huge massive in a lot of ways life changing fucking movie.... And it's hard to think that anything that was going on today was going on back then. Was there tons of ass fucking going on back when they made star wars? WTF? I mean I don't honestly know. I would hope that back then people were a hell of a lot more civilized than today. Goddamn. I don't know what kind of movie star wars would be in todays butt fucking world we're in now...

Not that I give a damn. I love the fact that girls are eating so much dick with their butts to give us guys a good show... They deserve all the love and respect and good things they can get. Ultimately, yeah they're eating cock with their ass, but yunno, there's supposed to be babies coming out of that pussy hole at some point. So be mindful of the real purpose behind sex, yunno... it's not just about pounding butt holes. It's supposed to be the start of a whole new world of humanity.

Anyway, back to the main point of this posting. I LOVE STAR WARS. Unabashedly. It's the single thing that I personally hold on to to remind me of when life was good... I dare say the most blissful moment of my childhood was watching these star wars movies one by one. And just discovering the story with each film.

Sucks that my life is full of crap now. But I remember. I remember sitting back and watching power rangers the movie and just really living on a cloud in that moment in time. In fact I still do that today. It's just that I jack off and then watch a movie. But back then as a kid, just you have all the time in the fucking world to get lost in a movie. And that's all I really ever did. Played basketball, watched movies. Those two things.

I'm very simple minded person. I don't think I have to do anything special. In fact I look at life as eat. sleep. shit. Anything else is extra...

The world is a funny place. So much drugs, sex, and rock and roll. And Death. One aspect of life that children don't have any understanding of yet is that millions of people die every single day.

Whether from old age, or whatever injuries, or some shit. There's A LOT of death going on every day. I mean I just never saw it. I saw 9/11 on tv, man. At 17. All I heard was that 3000 odd people died. Not really taking it in fully or understanding that that's how the big wide world works. But yeah, ultimately this world is a big one. Very very smart people will decide if you get to live or die. Because life is disposable.

millions of people die every day. And of course everybody is going to die. So the real question is who deserves to keep on living long and prospering as spock would say...

I know I"m not the guy who's going to decide who deserves to live or die. I'm just a dorky nerd trying to get laid at this point in my life. And yeah I know that it's been said to me for whatever reason that my kids will fucking hate me. Let's put that on the table for a second. Ok, you sat there mr. Fucking Airforce guy and played hard ball. Instead of shooting me dead which is likely what you wanted to do, you made it so I'd get to live and of course not live the dream that men typically want in their life, good life with their wife and children.

BUT I'M STILL A VIRGIN. You can't POSSIBLY put that much shit on my  plate yet. Goddamn. I'll take the hit. I'll submit that maybe you're right. Maybe yeah, I'm already somehow having the spirit of my kids in my balls or something and their whole personality is already decided inside my nuts, but I don't know ANYTHING about sex, and all that shit. I don't.... Haven't even gotten to the point of understanding what a female's body feels like and shit. So that's truly awkward to have gone through your teen years jacking off and still jacking off really, and being told some shit about not having a good life with the kids or some shit. If that's how sex education works in this world. FUCK.

And more to the point. Why would anyone want to have kids these days. Can't even watch batman peacefully. Some asshole will come in and shoot you. Hell, I love going to the movies still. I see parents bringing their kids to the movies all the time, just like my dad brought me to the movies and it's awesome see that tradition being handed off to the next gen. I hope these kids are really going to be as happy with the world of film as I was. Sucks that people want to politicize movies and shit these days, But movies are really at their core fodder for stupid kids to enjoy.

You as a grown mother fucker may not like that, but you're a grown mother fucker, You SHOULD have other obligations...

 Anyway. I don't know, you beat me down. You really beat me down. You told a guy who's NEVER touched a girl's pussy or even put his finger in her butt hole, that one day, ONE MIGHTY DAY, he'll get laid and it won't turn out too good for him. You fucking basically shot a fish in a barrel.

Doesn't bother me. Why? Because despite all the attempts being made to shit on my good feelings, and my good nature. I believe that there's still some good things in life. I don't even think it's about the evils of corrupt powerful men at the top of the world. It's just something I hold on to. Why is star wars such a magnificent, well made film that pure at its heart, the way it is. It's pretty great film. Ultimately nowadays it's basically a joke. Like how jar jar represents Lucas' feelings towards blacks. Etc. Very clever. I never really would have seen that coming. Is that how white people roll. Be racist undercover. That's damn good. Because I just thought oh, fuck, jar jar's an annoying fucker ruining star wars. But NO he's lucas' opinion of black people. Here I am biggest star wars fan in the world, and I'm being blasted with 2 hours of an old white man taking a dump on black people. So it kinda is a little disappointing to look back on that whole thing... I mean wow. What am I supposed to do, stop loving star wars. I wish lucas had more class than that. That's really low. To sell this racist caricature to millions of kids and everyone and no one called him out on it. Very very few news sites were talking about jar jar being a racial thing. It was pretty much I think a running gag to the people who are actually in the KKK back then. And it's interesting, like for me to have been into star wars and online and every part of my childhood dedicated to it, and yet here I stand getting the full brunt of the racism straight to my face...

How does a black guy feel being not shitted on by powerful white people as a kid and then suddenly being shitted on later in life. It's like, to me, I don't really know what to do. It's like, I didn't have any kind of like fucking instruction manual on how to be a black dude in a white society.

You can't know... I don't know now, didn't know as a kid, and I honestly don't know what the fuck is supposed to be my feelings on things. It's just really the real problem is that white people isolate themselves from everyone. I don't really know a damn thing about white culture, white life, because everyone in my neighborhood is black and I grew up going to black schools. So I'm guessing all that anti segregation shit was just a lie.

Honestly, I'm not giving a shit about racism. Cuz that's not what I'm concerned with. I wanna jump onto a hot naked oiled up Asian girl and just fuck her silly. That's prettymuch my thought process.

Honestly, I like girls of all races. I grew up with black girls. They are something else. Ass like a motherfucker. Titties generally in fine form. Yunno. Didn't really get a taste of other females until high school. But I don't hate on any ass. I'll fuck any bitch, if I can ever get to that point.... And I think a lot of people generally think that way. If you like ass and pussy, that's all that needs to be said. Fuck race...

Motherfucking faggots ruining everything these days. I mean, shit. I think honestly they're worse than blacks. Sure black people are like not the most liked people. But at least there's some good to be had from us black people. Halle Berry for one thing...

That a fucking WOMAN goddamn. And because of her blackness she's going to look good for quite some time. Whereas a white girl would never last as long. Just saying, not trying start shit, but because she has built in sun screen, she won't age as fast.

But faggots, sorry. I don't want to be a guy who's looking to step on someone else to make himself look good. Not at all. But I don't want anything to do with those people at all. And yunno, it's just maybe a huge part of my childhood being the whole gay insult, that's still a part of me today. But yeah, not interested in getting to understand the complexities of man on man fucking. I just never thought as a kid I'd want to make sense of two men fucking each other..

It's not even my fault. Despite the media's attempts especially nowadays to include gays in the media and expose them to children. It just isn't going to happen. You're not going to convince me, nor any body else that that life is the way to go. 

Every single thing I ever watched on tv, or at the movies, was generally about a guy trying to bone a girl. EVERY FUCKING THING.

I don't care what degree you got from Ivy league level. You can't possibly spin and twist and contort logic and reason enough to make sliding a dick in another man's asshole seem like a good idea.

 Heh, whatever. Just hope that JJ makes star wars fun again and I don't think he likes blacks very much either, but certainly it'd be nice if his personal feelings weren't too much a focal point in the movie.

This is it, curtain call. I think my life will truly be complete after I see the final star wars trilogy...

considerations on levels of professionalism

Something that interests me as an artistic person. I mean It's hard to simply denominate myself as an artist. I take umbrage to that honestly because it doesn't really make much sense to me. If I'm an artist, why aren't I doing it as a career. Why am I just simply an artist because I have artistic capability? Why not actually make money off of it. How does one truly define artist, really? Is it about simply having the skills or is it because it's an actual job.

I mean is it about having the potential to be an artist and that's all it is. I mean it's like sure, I've been into the art stuff all my life. And I'm still into it even post puberty. I'm more and more fascinated by the world of art. Some people dedicate their lives to it. And some even say there's nothing else.

I mean despite all our various racial differences. Very smart people tend to show an appreciation for other smart people. I mean not even smart in the sense that you did very well in school. I mean the mensa people.

It's them who are really the movers and shakers in this world. And they don't care about race. Race is not important to them. To them it's all about passing an advanced physics course without even trying. And it doesn't matter if you're black as shit, if you can do that, they'll give a shit about you.

Brain power is one of the most well appreciated and valued assets to the corporate world. Nothing and I mean NOTHING is more valuable to them than intellect.

 Which makes the world seem strange to me. Sure enough this world is full of crazy. But damn. It's like I watch porn and I see a bitch eating 50 dicks and acting a fool and I wonder why was there ever a sense of like actual civility displayed on tv back in the old days if indeed life is just all about having a massive fuck party.

It doesn't make sense...........

I mean why do we supposedly value people of high levels of class and professionalism if EVERYBODY strips naked and fucks and shoots semen all over each other, making EVERYBODY on the same level in the end.

That's the hardest thing for me personally to make an lick of sense of. I suppose there is no making sense of it. It's just like, one of those things in life that are just stupid yet we don't try to make sense of it. It's like how we have a bunch of laws that don't make any sense and benefit no one. Wait until marriage. This whole gay pride thing. Does that shit make sense? Or is it just insanity being allowed to run rampant.

I don't know. I just don't know...

no strike

looks like I'm not going to be earning diddly squat at this new job. Whatever strike they were hiring for isn't going to happen. They've reached a tentative deal that benefits everyone who was complaining about low wages. Amazing, a doorman can make more money than a police officer. How does that make sense? I guess their job is really tough?

Hey if you can get away with making a shit ton of money, DO IT.

Got nothing to do now until CBP comes a knocking. I didn't want to have everything pin on getting into the CBP, but there's nothing left. I don't have delta, don't have fucking security job or nothing right now. Just have to squeeze my ass into the CBP and stick that shit like fucking super glue...

Goddamn, I pray I get in. I also hope that there's not going to be any hoopla or whatever. I don't like the way there seems to be some spotlight on me for whatever reason as if I'm somebody special. I guess it's a black thing. When you're black, you're the outside element in this world. You'll be watched the moment you come into a white guy's store or whatever. I mean, it struck me when I was going to stores in the mall that I worked in. I had white guys following me around even though I'm clearly a guy who works at target in that mall. Fucking they still followed me around and it was really like just to me awkward as hell.

Am I going to steal something? Then go back to my job a few stores away and shit? Certainly it'd make sense if I stole something and bolted out the fucking mall and never came back. But I work there... It would make 0.00 sense to steal a damn thing in that place.

I don't know. Gotta walk on egg shells around very rich, very powerful white people.

I mean I'm already on their hitlist, yunno. It's like, wow, they've got nothing else to do all day but figure out how to shit on my life. Fair enough. But let me get laid first before you pull out a gun and shoot me dead, how about that....

I'm not yunno oblivious to how the white man's world works. You piss them off. You get on their bad side, you're gone. You'll end up very very dead.

 It's like they don't even look at black people as human beings. We're things. Meat. Useful tools for their big industries.

Can't fly a plane without a bunch of blacks to fill it up with bags. I realize that's what's going on. Whites love black people. Because we are good for business. If there a day to come where a bunch of white guys are lifting bags, they'd NEVER settle for fuckin 11 dollars an hour. They'd ask for 25, plus better equipment, working conditions, all that shit.

But blacks don't fight. Corps love that. They hire a piss poor shit head black guy to lift bags for no money. And he does it, day in, day out, without complaint.