the things I miss most about the golden years

I have to say being alive is good but being here in this time is bad, beyond measure.

What are the golden years? Well, the years when I was still in high school and hanging out watching call for help and fucking xplay every day during the summer time.

I'm still here but now I'm a black guy, not a black kid. There's a night and day difference between the two in this world. You're a black guy? Oh well fuck you! You're a black kid? Oh well have a nice day...

I used to watch star wars movies all day prettymuch during my teen years. That's when lucas and shit was making the prequels and so I remember fondly I just fucking watched phantom menace and Attack of the clones again and again and just really got deeply entrenched in those universes for hours and hours. Little did I know I was watching a movie made by an angry racist old white man, but that didn't matter, those years of star wars fun was so awesome, I can't believe it's gone.

And it's truly gone, there's no going back to the days when we were young kids looking forward to star wars. It's like, I'm having to just make sense of getting older and having to accept fucking adult life in some form.

But yeah I mean that's all life is, now that I look back on it. Really life is just you don't have any idea how good your life is until you get older and you wake up and life is totally different.

I mean I got people I never met all up in my face and talkin shit to me for whatever reason I can't figure out...

What kind of world is this where a dude has to live with people starting shit with him? Not even just for yucks, I mean some guys I meet are serious and shit like they really fucking want to shoot me dead or some shit...

I just think to mysef ok good for you, I've got my plans in life, but you want to hang around fucking acting like a badass in front of me for whatever reason. anyway... got things to do pal!!!

End of the earth

thinking about the end of the world as we know it.

Yep something I learned about when I was a kid one day watching some fucking show. Actually it was in an astronomy book. I studied astronomy around the clock as a kid, wanted to be an astronaut.

Well, to my utter shock discovered that very smart people have figured out that the sun has a life span.

It will indeed burn out in about 5 billion years. So we have plenty of fucking time to figure out an escape plan...

Makes me horribly sad though about the outlook for the human species. It's like, REALLY? We can do all kinds of shit with our lives, but it won't amount to shit in the end, this world is doomed.

I mean truth be told if you study philosophy, everything is doomed. I don't think anything lasts forever anyway does it...

Even if we get off this planet and find another one to continue our species, guess what, that sun has a life span too.

I have to concede then that there's really only one answer to this question: accept it. There's no fighting it. just as we all have to accept that one day we'll grow old and die, we have to accept that in 5 billion years this planet will be no more and that's all for us and our species.

Very sad thing to say, sad thing to think about, sad notion to live with, just knowing that our lives are never going to really amount to much in the end.

I mean, not totally true, I'm damn sure the smartest white elite are figuring out how to live for eternity.

Eternity, is it even possible is the question... LOL what a fine and dandy idea to be able to find another earth, hang out there for another billion years before that sun explodes too, then just keep that whole thing going.

Not really. What the guys working on space travel are doing is basically trying to create all that shit you saw in star trek. Gene Roddenberry was WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY ahead of his time with that show. Indeed, that show is exactly, really think about it, what we humans are hoping to accomplish some day. Just flying through space exploring different solar systems. Not really relying on one single planet.

Can it be done. I've been watching astronomy programs left and right and such and it's like, I yeah there are a lot of smart fucking guys working on how we can create space crafts that are fully self sufficient.

I dare say it will happen one day. All throughout my childhood I've seen lots of movies about space ships in space completely self reliant and not depending on any outside resources.

So most likely we'll build something like that one day and get it going. If indeed we can simply fly through space for decades and decades without needing to refresh supplies, there's no doubt that we'll survive beyond the limitations of this planet.

We'll get it done, have to. I look at life and see it so small, so restricted. Life's about fucking figuring out the next stage for humanity, not simply relishing the here and now.

It's like, when you really think about it, we should have never gone to the moon. We wanted to accomplish it, and figured out how it's done, but look at what it meant in the end, NOTHING. We gained nothing from the millions of dollars spent on that project. Fucking got some badass moon rocks didn't we, but not much else.

So I'm hesitant to suggest we go find a new fucking planet, what's the point of that really? Going to hang out on it and do what? Lord knows. This universe is still too GIGANTIC for us humans to comprehend and perhaps we can't ever comprehend it, perhaps we shouldn't.

Not saying I'm a lazy fuck, but I think to myself live simple. Don't get embroiled in too much heated mess in this fucking world. I'd like peace and quiet, thank you very much.

xmen days of future past more thoughts

just thinking about this movie right now. Really, isn't it awkward as fuck that we now have an xmen live action movie that features goddamn time travel? WTF?

I've been seeing xmen movies since I was 14, and never once thought, Oh one day we'll be seeing some kind of fancy sci fi time travel element to the franchise. Mind you the film is so good you don't dwell on the fact that you just saw time travel and indeed the xmen world is full of hokey powers  what's the big deal with time travel, THE BIGGEST DEAL.

That's above and beyond a mutant power and indeed could lead to the destruction of the universe, how can one little mutant have that kind of power so casually, it's outrageous truth be told.

Really think about it. Yeah we have tons of mutant powers that are physical abilities and manipulation of physics and weather and energy and generally biological physical powers. But never something as monumental as breaking the time barrier, although you can argue teleportation is similar to it, but teleportation doesn't completely twist the laws of physics inside out and backwards and upside down.

Time travel is almost more or less a mystical power, not a mutant power. So I'm thinking in my head now days of future past is where Xmen movies jumped the shark, not xmen 3. Say what you want about x3 but it still stuck with the same universe we saw in x1 and x2. Xmen days of future past is a great movie, but one that completely rapes the realistic tone of the first two xmen movies by introducing wacky time travel powers that really are ridiculous.

Fucking ridiculous, sorry to say. That and the sentinels. Both those things make the xmen movies we knew into far too cartoony a universe. Really you need giant robots to beat mutants. How about fucking terminator style robots that aren't easily identifiable, goddamn...

I mean as a big ass xmen tas fan, I didn't mind. I liked seeing wolverine take on a giant sentinel for once in the movies. Something I've dreamt of since I was a teen going to see x1 at the theaters. And now fuck yeah finally seeing wolverine going toe to toe with a giant ass fucking sentinel. It's awesome and I loved seeing it, but it's like, I grew up watching a fucking serious normal xmen movie that by golly TOOK ITSELF FUCKING SERIOUSLY. The thing I loved most about x1 was that it wasn't a straight up rip of the comic books. It was practically a normal movie but included badass mutant powers and stuff. But fuck that noise these days, if it's stupid and ridiculous and colorful and awkward, throw it on screen!!!

How to return to the old days and thoughts on Mark Hamill

I can't believe it but God willing I'm still here, still alive and Mark Hamill my IDOL is making Star Wars episode 7.

I wonder what he thinks about the movie. Is it that he always felt like he was going to make the last star wars trilogy or he's like thinking, he's lucky that they're making it.

I don't know what kind of movies they're going to be. I followed every scrap of news about the prequels as a kid, saw the movies, enjoyed the HUGE phenomenon that was the re-emergence of star wars in the popular culture. I know EVERYTHING about what happened during that time period. Ask me anything, I can tell you about the super shadow scripts, the debates people had at force.net, jedi.net, all of them. I was there, I was a kid on the internet having a blast talking star wars. Which is why I have to impress upon mods across the web, RELAX, the fucking boards you're guarding are full of fucking 12 year olds all day... Just like I WAS!!!

I'm 28 now. When I was 15, I was at jedi.net, force.net, superherohype. Sadly and pathetically I'm still here on the web today instead of digging DEEP into my girlfriend's ASS HOLE like I should be.

I remember when I jacked off for the first time, it was AMAZING. Now it's NOTHING. What the hell happened?

I don't honestly know. Shit's like feels kinda good then it's gone. Used to be a fucking cannon shot, now it's a little spoot of semen and I'm done. Still enjoy jacking off, who the fuck doesn't, but it's not what it once was which is awkward and don't make no fuckin sense to me...

I wonder if maybe slamming an actual flesh and blood female would make me shoot hard core again and make me feel awesome. There may be some truth to that.

It's like, I don't know a damn thing about fuckin and stuff, sucks for me. But ultimately I doubt anyone out in the wide blue world gives a damn if I ever get to experience sex. Shit.

thinking about the system and what it means

Lord knows who devised it, truly I'm infinitely impressed with the way this world works. What we do basically as a society is figure out if some kid is a super genius, then he's wisked off to val halla to join the elite upper crust and never has to deal with ordinary people for the rest of his life.

It's amazing how the world works.

I just can't make sense of what was or should have been expected of me in particular. Certainly just go knock around in college for 4 butt fucking long years playing harry potter even though you're a grown fucking man, and then get a cushy corporate job somewhere making a shit load of bread.

That's the dream man. When I was in college, sure it was a fucking backwater, barely above devry fucking University, but it was fucking college, it was the thing that men and women in 3rd world countries would give the left nut for or their fucking whole dick, whatever.

I did what people dream of and that's getting into college, at a naive young stupid completely idiotic age of 18, but I did indeed make it to the level of college student and was on my way to earning a degree in computer science that would lead to a very nice pay check one day. 

All I can say is that, I have no interest in going and playing harry potter anymore. I'm damn near 30 years old. Can't even begin to fathom going back to college where I'll be hanging out all day with a bunch of young fresh high school grads who don't know shit about the world yet.

Certainly I myself don't know shit about the world yet either but I'm older now and can't go back to being a fucking punk fresh out of highschool kid that I used to be. Certainly I do indeed want to experience sex and learn about that whole part of life. Even though I've been cursed and shit by Mr happy pants Airforce badass.

That doesn't change the fact that I'm fucking stuck right now in this pit and can't get out. It's like I wake up and I feel like I got to fucking bust a nut or I'm going to die. Yunno. And how exactly am I supposed to live like that. Just always feeling like I gotta fucking jack off. Yunno, that's backwards in every way possible. And I'm just basically pull up some porn video and go to town.

Why the flying shit is it expected for me to go knock around in university all day instead of doing what I want to do and find a girl and pound her ass.

Cuz life as an adult is BAD. You will come across people especially white guys who wish your black ass death. If there's one thing I've sadly discovered about this world it's that, there's no mercy, no sympathy, no interest in the welfare of any fucking black people. You at the fucking bottom in this world.

 It's like, I was at work and I kinda made fun of a white lady making it seem like she was into dildos, and she basically talked to me like I was this fucking ant beneath her boot.

There ya go. That's what it means to be a black person. You are like, just so fucked in terms of how exactly the world is concerned with your potential to get laid. In fact, if the white, asian, and hispanic world had it their way I'm pretty fucking sure they'd prefer black people just fucking disappear.

But they'd never get what they wanted done without an entire race of people to do the shitty stuff they don't want to do, so yeah when you get down to the reality of it, white people NEED blacks, by the bucket fulls, absolutely. Can't have all that luxury and extravagance without negros to wipe your ass.

Anyway I wake up every day and miss my childhood. Certainly I don't miss the bullshit from it, but it was certainly 10 times better than dealing with the dipshits out here in the world who think they're somebody.

Really I don't really think in my head "I have to act like some totally different now that I'm over 18." I basically prettymuch act and behave like I always do, this guy floating along on a cloud in life. But other people, they bought and ate fully all the shit they were taught about what being an adult means. Some people I should say, I've met grown men and women who actually are no different than who they were at the age of maybe 13. It's like wow, kinda cute really. I kinda find it hilarious that like I come across a fucking totally grown dude who's still the same person he was as a teenager, but that's me too. I'm still a porn crazed son of a bitch hanging out watching porn and fiddling with technology all day...

I mean it's not totally true. My teenage self is gone, not ever coming back, but yeah I'm still me to a large degree. Just back then I didn't have to deal with the real world at all. Was just basically only dealing with high school bullshit. But now all bets are off, I'm just as much of a bag of meat as the next guy here in this world.

What can I say about the world, it's a giant high school that's all it is... I never really knew it, but that's all life as an adult entails, being a horny fucker who wants to pound ass. And indeed that's all there is to life, lord knows why we as a society are trying to keep everyone stagnated sexually, what the hell is the point of that, I'd like to know...

But man do I miss being a kid sitting back relaxing playing super mario world. I don't want to go to work and have some douche bag try to be a tough guy and shit on me to make himself feel big. I want to play videogames and watch cartoons just like I always did as a kid. Sue me...

Or truth be told grab a pair of titties and fuck the shit out of my girlfriend till she can't think straight. godddamn that'd be great...

Further thoughts on David Yost

I honestly should shut the fuck up about David Yost. He's a hasbeen. The ultimate hasbeen. He's got NOTHING to do with power rangers. Even rejected an invitation to return to the Power Rangers for the reunion special.

I'm just sitting here trying to make sense of shit. I do indeed wonder what stormfront thinks about him. He's their ideal, blonde, blue eyed, white, intelligent. In fact, I always admired him and looked up to him as a kid.

So sad it's like daaaaaaaaaaaamn to have him be homo.  That's truly a fuck in the ass.

I honestly forgot he existed, but then he comes roaring back into my life and rips every shred of digntity he had from under himself in my eyes.

What the hell? You're going to tell a guy who watched you kick so much ass and be awesome on the original power rangers that you like dick in yo butt?

Life is bad son. I never knew life would be this horrible when I got to adulthood but I was infintely wrong.

I got drama I got old heros becoming homo. I got to make sense of this awful racist world we live in. Where yeah there is a group of white people hanging out in this world who don't give a fuck and will erase your black ass from the world real quick.

 But damn this is horrible. I mean I feel like everything is backwards now. I really remember power rangers embodied toughness, bravado, heroism, basically everything about what it means to be a hero, to be a man.

So it's just ultimately like a true reversal on everything I believed about power rangers and stuff from my childhood to have Yost be gay.

Now is it the end of the world? To the military it is. I mean, right way wrong way military way. He's brave to come out in the public eye but he's coming out of the closet TODAY. If he was a flaming homo back in the 90s, he'd have problems. More or less. But he's a white homo. Ya see, a black guy being homo is the end of the universe. A white guy being homo is WHATEVER...

White people have this card in their pocket in this world, "do whatever you want and get away with it."

I realize that now. I don't have that. If I dare act a fool around a bunch of white kids, I'M DEAD.

No if ands or buts, I'm OUT.

I almost got killed just from acting a fool at a silly message board. Imagine if that was reality. Me a black guy going into a white community for any length of time and acting stupid, they'd just fucking crush me to a pulp and move on with their lives.

 So he's super gay and out and letting us all know how much he loves dick? WHO FUCKIN CARES? OMG keep that shit to yourself.

I mean it's great to I guess make a joke out of it. Oh you thought that blue ranger guy was awesome when your were 10 huh, well guess what, he's gay.

Oh so is someone else I liked from the fox kids line up gay now? Is goddamn the guy from blues clues gay? Is maybe the guy from beakman's world gay? Is Doc brown gay?

Wtf do white supremacist think about these guys? They must be tripping out about it honestly. The sheer silly weird inconsistency with their own people turning fucking gay these days.

I do indeed wonder what goes through their heads? It must be kinda hard to keep grasping onto your feelings of superiority when NO there's a mountain of evidence to the contrary.

Not that it matters. I don't and shouldn't have anything to do with what's going on in the big wide political world. In fact I truly hope to divorce myself from it and go right back to not having any idea of what is going on politically in this world. I shouldn't. I'm a grown man now, I should actually care about politics, but not really. I'm not feeling like I belong there discussing the big sweeping complex political debates going on today. I just don't...

Sadly the reality is that when you're still hoping to lick a girl's nipple for the first time in your life, you can't feel obligated to read the New York Times every day.

Trying to understand High School

Just don't know just don't know. How was I fooled. How did I let the people running this world trick me into staying outside of a girl's body for this long. Now I'm encountering the complexities of the political real world where grown men and women fucking act retarded consistently vs being a teen going to high school and generally enjoying the abundance of titty meat all over that place.

And now I sit here 28 years old and having a bunch of old people trying to control my dick or even worse insinuate that even if I get laid it'll be a bad end. Why the hell did I go through my childhood just to end up here. Lord knows. I kinda wish I could make sense of the utter preposterous quality of it all.

It's kill or be killed out here in the wild. Sad to say. I get it. White people are fucking utterly trying to stay white for as long as possible. Why is that my problem? Yunno? I just want to get a goddamn girlfriend, black, whatever, doesn't bother me. Why do I have to sit and be told by a white guy that I have to wait until marriage so they can make sure I don't go blasting white chicks with my dick sauce.

Hell while going to high school there, a white lady said, here's a list of black colleges to apply to. And of course I thought in my head, well why do I have to go to a black college? Why not a white college? Well because white people are trying to make sure blacks aren't spreading their blackness to the white population in this world.

I wonder wtf am I supposed to do with this idea of being herded like an animal and told to stick with black people only, don't go thinking you can go get any kind of other girlfriends...

And what was the point of high school? Why is there this place to cram a bunch of teenagers into on a daily basis? Why did I blindly forge forward through that whole mess only to be told "LOL life's just about fucking ass! You moron!"

Oh you betchya this world's a fucking free for all anything goes mess where people who have no business being in power get massive amounts of power anyway and through money and rewards convince people to do things. People are a dime a dozen indeed. One of the most brilliant words ever composed... I mean it cost nothing to get businesses running, things built, people will do ANYTHING for a fucking dime in their pocket. ANYTHING. It's sad beyond words how easy the wealthy upper crust can control and manipulate everyone.

I mean I watch porn night and day, sad to say, it's become far too much of a fixation. But yeah, adulthood is not what I thought it was. I saw adults acting like mature well adjusted people as a kid. Now I see adults fucking ass and dripping with oil as their kind of behavior, not that I have a problem with that. I LOVE naked bitches. Bring on a mountain of them if possible. And God bless girls for giving us the best show on earth this day and age. It's just amazing. White girls, spanish girls, asians, blacks, everybody fucking NAKED and shit on the internet 24/7. Shit's crazy.

But I don't get it, I just don't get it. I don't think I'm supposed to get it and indeed I don't fucking care about high school, college, or the work world. I just want to get laid, that's it. That simple little desire, hope, dream, something I figure shouldn't be too much of a hard concept to grasp. A young male wants to get laid, fall in love, all that shit.

This is just out of hand, it really fucking is. It really shouldn't be THAT hard to get some booty meat on your dick. It really shouldn't.

But it is. You got mad people acting RETARDED about the simple fucking equation that is sex. It's so simple, take out your dick, stuff it into a girl's mouth. But people want to make it seem like you have to have a wedding, fucking barmitzpha or some shit before you can perform a simple act as shoving your dick down a girl's throat. I just don't even begin to understand that fucking shit....