Have been passing the time at tsa by playing chess on my phone. Difficulty setting 4 which is like makes the comp good but not ridiculous. I've been into chess since I played it as a child, then joined the chess club at school, where I met some of the worst self centered little smarty pants fuckers i'd had the displeasure to come across. Sadly didn't really do much in there but be overwhelmed by the dudes in there who were more experienced than me. Therein lies the problem with school. It's more about discouraging one from learning by bombarding you with endless amounts of complicated shit.
so after that experience I threw my chess set away in favor of my art hobby and videogames. But recently due to an influence from delta, where the dudes in transfers play chess all day, I decided to get back into it. I know this much... you have to suffer through failure before you get better at something, ya know just smooth down the rough edges before you become more experienced. I know now why I lost so many games in chess club. It's because I didn't know the little tricks and little tactics etc that can be employed to win against a total noob or whoever.
Theres a buttload that I've picked up on. Like castling with the bishop right in the middle between the pawns, works wonders, moving a pawn so that the queen can't just rush in and get an easy rook. Knowing that removign the knights from the board is high prioity since those mother fuckers are a painus in the anus. If you use those bitches right, you can fuck over a opponent with ease.
what else, it's essential to allow the rooks to move freely and not be trapped in their first positions fucking forever. Sorry I'm saying fuck a lot because I keep remembering being screamed at by this bitch that I pissed off when she was having a bad day, totally caught me off guard and saying fuck and fuck and fuck cuz she was so irate. I don't feel bad because I'm not playing nice with girls anymore. I don't hate them in fact quite the opposite, but I know nice is like kryptonite to them. sad really...
Back to the topic. It's awesome fun to seek out ways to win, although it's more about solving the puzzle of how to win than the winning in itself. Like, how can I improve my opening. Here's the fucking truth, the opening probably decides who wins and loses. I've done openings a certain way and yeilded utter failure. I mean some how that guy got a knight and queen close enough to where I coouldn't do shit, and had to play defense the whole time, all because I left a wide gap in the pawns. That's a real wrinkle in the surface at times. every move counts except those you don't want to count, like if you just want to have the oppenent move his pieces and shit so you can have room to breath on the board you just make useless back and forth moves to get hims to have no choice but to do shit.
Bought my niece and nephew a chess set since I've had so much fun learning the game's little intricacies. Doubt they'll really be as into it as I am, but whatever. I don't subscribe the the belief that 18 is some kind of magic age when you're done developing. I'm still fucking retarded about life and sigh, what can I do about it. It's out of my hands. I mean, not to bring her up too much because she's like no longer an issue, but yeah meeting garcia kind of... woke me up. She's not human, one of those people who'll focus all their power on destroying you for their own pleasure. No mercy. Or at least she puts out that appearance of ruthlessness. I don't know. I played nothing but bluffs around her whenever she'd go buck wild and start practically reciting the encyclopedia to me because she probably remembers every word of it. I'm just like wtf about that shit, don't come to this job acting like you working at fucking pentagon. But as a Man I new I had one ace in the hole no matter how smart she was, she ain't going to lift a finger to get her pussy filled with dick. Too bad I'm black tho. If I was white she wouldn't have been so quick to walk all over me. Her last kind of fuck you to me was to look down on me as if I was a lowly little animal, so she is racist I said to myself... knew it. I mean I know a lot of shit about the difference between who we pretend to be and who we really are after going through the basic training, thats what they do they bring your real self to the surface.
I just lack the discipline to use the what I know wisely but I'm not retarded about it. I do take measured steps with how I approach her and others. It's just very complicated trying to manipulate but not be obvious about it.
usually i just say fuck it and tell the truth or go to the extreme since I'm not in a subtle mood most of the time... ok thats it.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Simple Life
If I ever get a chance to fuck a girl, I'm puttin my dick in her ass so as not to have a chance of impregnating her.
Saw Garcia on the bus after work. She looked at me as I came on, then I just kinda made like I fell asleep and didn't even look at her so I don't know if she was still looking at me or not. Shitty situation to be in because I told her we'd never see each other again and then one day, boom. But it's no big deal. Shit, I ain't working saturdays ever again. And unless some stars align we'll likely not be working same shifts and shit. It's like how I haven't seen guys I worked with for months anymore. It is what it is, you change shifts, you don't see those people. Or moreover you change jobs and you don't see those guys you were once so close to on a daily basis.
She looked good though, nice and healthy and still the most gorgeous girl working delta. Got me thinking about if I still had a chance with her. But no, damn fool to think that.
I live a simple life. Free. Do what I want, how I want, anywhere in the world I want. My friend arega said I have a chance to go to other countries than US where the girls there love foreign guys with lots of money and I'd be drowning in the pussy over there, so I'm good. I've got this huge opportunity. And a really good job now that's cake to do. I guess buckling down and struggling to get through school while avoiding all the delicious b0ootay around me actually paid off?
I got the easiest airport to work at, LGA, the easiest tsa job, bag room scanning, the dudes I work with are cool and smart, and so far I've come across some good looking little babes around tsa and the airport in general. Life for me is almost too good. I'm scared it'll reveal itself to some day all be a dream and I'm actually still back at delta being bullied by the losers who work there. And make no mistake, they are LOSERS, acting as if they've accomplished anything with their lives because they toss luggage around for pennies, and yet YOU are the real failure at life, not them. It's a head trip the way they pretend they're the pillars of the company when they are truly exactly what delta wants them to be, little desperate disposable shitheads who have no where else to go for money.
If everything goes as planned, I'll be well on my way to financial security once I begin playing the stock market. takes money to make it as they say and it's true. just need time to learn what I need to learn about finances and investing. Having the ability to be anywhere in the world doesn't hurt either. I wonder where I should travel next week...
Saw Garcia on the bus after work. She looked at me as I came on, then I just kinda made like I fell asleep and didn't even look at her so I don't know if she was still looking at me or not. Shitty situation to be in because I told her we'd never see each other again and then one day, boom. But it's no big deal. Shit, I ain't working saturdays ever again. And unless some stars align we'll likely not be working same shifts and shit. It's like how I haven't seen guys I worked with for months anymore. It is what it is, you change shifts, you don't see those people. Or moreover you change jobs and you don't see those guys you were once so close to on a daily basis.
She looked good though, nice and healthy and still the most gorgeous girl working delta. Got me thinking about if I still had a chance with her. But no, damn fool to think that.
I live a simple life. Free. Do what I want, how I want, anywhere in the world I want. My friend arega said I have a chance to go to other countries than US where the girls there love foreign guys with lots of money and I'd be drowning in the pussy over there, so I'm good. I've got this huge opportunity. And a really good job now that's cake to do. I guess buckling down and struggling to get through school while avoiding all the delicious b0ootay around me actually paid off?
I got the easiest airport to work at, LGA, the easiest tsa job, bag room scanning, the dudes I work with are cool and smart, and so far I've come across some good looking little babes around tsa and the airport in general. Life for me is almost too good. I'm scared it'll reveal itself to some day all be a dream and I'm actually still back at delta being bullied by the losers who work there. And make no mistake, they are LOSERS, acting as if they've accomplished anything with their lives because they toss luggage around for pennies, and yet YOU are the real failure at life, not them. It's a head trip the way they pretend they're the pillars of the company when they are truly exactly what delta wants them to be, little desperate disposable shitheads who have no where else to go for money.
If everything goes as planned, I'll be well on my way to financial security once I begin playing the stock market. takes money to make it as they say and it's true. just need time to learn what I need to learn about finances and investing. Having the ability to be anywhere in the world doesn't hurt either. I wonder where I should travel next week...
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
TSA
I guess i should get more into my new job rather than skirt around what I'm doing nowadays. I'm a tso now, or will be once I pass the last few examinations. It's hard to get into tsa and it's REALLY hard to get into tsa after you start training, so all these folks claiming tso's are retarded high school dropouts need to actually get their foot into the door and experience it. You're being trained to handle the public, find bombs, work complicated machinery, and it's not easy... it's just so much shit to memorize and be tested on, didn't know it was gonna be like this.
I can't even tell you here what I know because they make a big deal about revealing gov secrets to the public, so it's not a joke.
make no mistake though, I don't suck their dicks either. I'm just more aware now than I used to be about who tso's are, kinda more than just mall cops, a lot more.
we'll see. the real test will be dealing with someone who's batshit insane. Not looking forward to that. I've had my share of that at delta just from coworkers. You can't walk away, you have to fight back but not to the point where you give these fuckers what they want which is your full attention. It's a slippery slope to tip toe on, but I know what to do in some respect. It's as simple as not giving a kid a toy they're crying for... or behaviorally modifying a dog to do what you want..
I didn't know it at the the time but I unintentionally ignored an asshole coworker who was saying something smartassish to me and he became furious after that, actively hunting me down for attention like a little kid. It'll not be easy but it works. If you ignore or dismiss people's bullshit, their real intention is revealed, that all they want is for you to acknowledge them.
But anyway, yeah I'm glad I'm at a point where I think I'll get a good basic life going for myself instead of the leap of faith that is college. I honestly had no intention of doing anything else but working for the airforce till I died, so this is no big difference... gov job, follow the rules, get paid. Of course only dif is that I'm not going into war, but how many airmen are in the front lines, they told me that's not their purpose. So either way I'd be prettymuch behind the scenes.
Seems like they have some kind of degree program in the tsa too. Associates shit. If I can do that, I might be alright although associates is basically a black man's ticket to the supervisor position at mcdonalds, so it ain't all that...
I can't even tell you here what I know because they make a big deal about revealing gov secrets to the public, so it's not a joke.
make no mistake though, I don't suck their dicks either. I'm just more aware now than I used to be about who tso's are, kinda more than just mall cops, a lot more.
we'll see. the real test will be dealing with someone who's batshit insane. Not looking forward to that. I've had my share of that at delta just from coworkers. You can't walk away, you have to fight back but not to the point where you give these fuckers what they want which is your full attention. It's a slippery slope to tip toe on, but I know what to do in some respect. It's as simple as not giving a kid a toy they're crying for... or behaviorally modifying a dog to do what you want..
I didn't know it at the the time but I unintentionally ignored an asshole coworker who was saying something smartassish to me and he became furious after that, actively hunting me down for attention like a little kid. It'll not be easy but it works. If you ignore or dismiss people's bullshit, their real intention is revealed, that all they want is for you to acknowledge them.
But anyway, yeah I'm glad I'm at a point where I think I'll get a good basic life going for myself instead of the leap of faith that is college. I honestly had no intention of doing anything else but working for the airforce till I died, so this is no big difference... gov job, follow the rules, get paid. Of course only dif is that I'm not going into war, but how many airmen are in the front lines, they told me that's not their purpose. So either way I'd be prettymuch behind the scenes.
Seems like they have some kind of degree program in the tsa too. Associates shit. If I can do that, I might be alright although associates is basically a black man's ticket to the supervisor position at mcdonalds, so it ain't all that...
Thursday, December 8, 2011
The aftermath of defeat
It's a cold feeling, something akin to being hopeless. Today, they did some shit in tsa training i didn't see coming and so I fumbled through it without much idea what i was doing and of course I felt nervous and totally botched it. It's hard fucking up in front of people. You want to get it right.
I tell myself, that's the way it is, you're going to make mistakes, but I don't particularly like it... not at all...
I kind of just brace for the impact of failure rather than laugh at it and move on. I guess I'm taking it too seriously, but that's who I am, I don't like to fail at anything.
Here's the rub though, you have to be able to fail and still persist. I mean, at times playing a videogame i've fucked up again and again and again and then when I'm contemplating quitting and just chucking the game out the window, I say what's one more round, and because i know the ins and outs of the level, I finally beat the fucker. It hurt to get to that point but it was ultimately more satisfying to realize that I had the tenacity to keep trying.
and this is no different. I'll be damned if I lose this job. I worked so hard to get it. I'm going to keep at it no matter how much i suck at it initially.
I tell myself, that's the way it is, you're going to make mistakes, but I don't particularly like it... not at all...
I kind of just brace for the impact of failure rather than laugh at it and move on. I guess I'm taking it too seriously, but that's who I am, I don't like to fail at anything.
Here's the rub though, you have to be able to fail and still persist. I mean, at times playing a videogame i've fucked up again and again and again and then when I'm contemplating quitting and just chucking the game out the window, I say what's one more round, and because i know the ins and outs of the level, I finally beat the fucker. It hurt to get to that point but it was ultimately more satisfying to realize that I had the tenacity to keep trying.
and this is no different. I'll be damned if I lose this job. I worked so hard to get it. I'm going to keep at it no matter how much i suck at it initially.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
The Dark Joker
I just watched burton's first batman movie on my new HD tv recently that I bought on Nigger friday as I call it.
I FIRMLY STAND BY MY BELIEF NOW THAT IT STILL REIGNS AS THE KING OF BATMAN FILMS.
Probably to this day it's debated on superherohype or other forums about batman which batman is the bestest evah. Hell even some sick fuck like gomer-tonic still spins the same prequel love for nearly a decade... so I have no doubt...
It's what it is. I'm not going to fight the internet, there's too many hot girls outside my house to do that. Was in the airport in california and flirted with some cutie, goddamn I'm getting good at it, maybe some day get some pussy... maybe...
Anyway, If you dared say word one about not liking batman begins 100 percent, you were stomped out flat by the batmob back in the day. So now of course we're 3 years after the dark knight and yeah nobody's sucking begin's dick anymore now that a sleaker prettier batman thing exist. One wonders then how long this too will last before people abandon tdk too in favor of tdkr.
I do like the dark knight, but not as a batman movie. It's the joker's funhouse guest starring batman, oddly enough a serious complaint about the orignal burton movie, depleting any last bit of credibility the batmob had I'd say... BUT having seen burton's movie and studied it with more mature eyes, it's absolutely NOT joker's movie. It's a poetic, passionate exploration of batman's mystical qualities and fractured personality. Burton creates a mythical aura around batman, something nolan's movies have been talking about more than showing us. We get more "become a legend" shit than we do of seeing batman being a legend which is what burton does by embracing batman's comic bookish fantasy elements.
Some fucker flips over an alley wall with two swords, shows off a lot by swinging his blades, approaches batman and the two duel, then as he goes in for the second strike, batman says fuck it and kicks him square in the face and he drops lifeless. HOLY SHIT. THAT'S THE GODDAMN BATMAN. Where's this type of fun moment in nolan's movies? Not silly, just fun or in other words indulgence of the character's larger than life qualities. All this is given to Ledger's Joker actually. Nolan made him what he should have made batman, FUN AND COOL. Burton did this for BOTH joker and batman in his movie.
Which's totally amped up to ridiculously glorious levels as batman ascends the church at the end and whoops joker's goon's asses with some of the best comic book movie fight scenes ever honestly. I don't really recall shit that happened in a similar scene in TDK as batman fights his way towards the joker, not so with burton's film.
And then there's the batwing sillouetted against the MOON- JESUS CHRIST: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUqGwnAolSs
What's worse, Burton didn't have 5 batman movies before him to look at and say "that sucked let's not do that" but Nolan did so of course he avoided a lot off errors, yet somehow still made plenty anyway... and his movie's dominated by a character who wasn't in the first movie and has no depth at all...
Burton ftw.
I FIRMLY STAND BY MY BELIEF NOW THAT IT STILL REIGNS AS THE KING OF BATMAN FILMS.
Probably to this day it's debated on superherohype or other forums about batman which batman is the bestest evah. Hell even some sick fuck like gomer-tonic still spins the same prequel love for nearly a decade... so I have no doubt...
It's what it is. I'm not going to fight the internet, there's too many hot girls outside my house to do that. Was in the airport in california and flirted with some cutie, goddamn I'm getting good at it, maybe some day get some pussy... maybe...
Anyway, If you dared say word one about not liking batman begins 100 percent, you were stomped out flat by the batmob back in the day. So now of course we're 3 years after the dark knight and yeah nobody's sucking begin's dick anymore now that a sleaker prettier batman thing exist. One wonders then how long this too will last before people abandon tdk too in favor of tdkr.
I do like the dark knight, but not as a batman movie. It's the joker's funhouse guest starring batman, oddly enough a serious complaint about the orignal burton movie, depleting any last bit of credibility the batmob had I'd say... BUT having seen burton's movie and studied it with more mature eyes, it's absolutely NOT joker's movie. It's a poetic, passionate exploration of batman's mystical qualities and fractured personality. Burton creates a mythical aura around batman, something nolan's movies have been talking about more than showing us. We get more "become a legend" shit than we do of seeing batman being a legend which is what burton does by embracing batman's comic bookish fantasy elements.
Some fucker flips over an alley wall with two swords, shows off a lot by swinging his blades, approaches batman and the two duel, then as he goes in for the second strike, batman says fuck it and kicks him square in the face and he drops lifeless. HOLY SHIT. THAT'S THE GODDAMN BATMAN. Where's this type of fun moment in nolan's movies? Not silly, just fun or in other words indulgence of the character's larger than life qualities. All this is given to Ledger's Joker actually. Nolan made him what he should have made batman, FUN AND COOL. Burton did this for BOTH joker and batman in his movie.
Which's totally amped up to ridiculously glorious levels as batman ascends the church at the end and whoops joker's goon's asses with some of the best comic book movie fight scenes ever honestly. I don't really recall shit that happened in a similar scene in TDK as batman fights his way towards the joker, not so with burton's film.
And then there's the batwing sillouetted against the MOON- JESUS CHRIST: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUqGwnAolSs
What's worse, Burton didn't have 5 batman movies before him to look at and say "that sucked let's not do that" but Nolan did so of course he avoided a lot off errors, yet somehow still made plenty anyway... and his movie's dominated by a character who wasn't in the first movie and has no depth at all...
Burton ftw.
Why I'm never going back to college
Because it's GAY. But besides that... just read an article on cnn about the exorbitant cost of colleges and whether all that money is worth it.
First of all, I never wanted to go. Society drills it into our heads as kids that college is the ticket to food and shelter, period. Honestly I still don't know if that's true. It seems to have worked for my cousin and sister although they're in massive debt so i'm not sure how that helped them. Further more some asshole staff sargent in the airforce lied to me claiming i'd get officer side if i busted ass and scored higher on the asvab. I did and he didn't give me shit as a result. That's what i suspect college is all about, tricking young gullible "kids" into doing some studying so that they're better for the corporation.
Ya know, I'm studying spanish right now, and I'm becoming proficient at it as time goes on. I COULD be getting college credits for learning it, but WHY? I'm getting what I want without paying a cent... Hell I know I could probably learn anything if I wanted to and dedicated the time to it. So once again, why do I need someone standing in a classroom telling me to go back to my dorm room and follow the lesson in the book and computer?
Sadly it's a majority rules situation. And shut the fuck up if you don't like it. Anyone who expresses their disinterest in college is stomped out by the madmen and women in charge of these million/probably billion dollar industries.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO.
We men built college and we men and decide to say FUCK YOU to college if we so desire. You won't learn how to be a man by going to college either. You'll get a shitload of sperm all over your dorm, bullied and harrassed by a bunch of power mad assholes who think they're above everyoen because they're in some lowest common denominator last resort diploma mil just a hair above devry, and of course more debt than you'll ever have in your life.
So no, I'll just stick with tsa and delta, travel the world, live free, get paid, something I wouldn't be doing if I worked at corporate or whatever a degree gets you. It's funny, ever since I landed my job at delta for having struggled at jfk for 3 years, all these college graduates have been beging me for free flight privilege, what does that tell you...
First of all, I never wanted to go. Society drills it into our heads as kids that college is the ticket to food and shelter, period. Honestly I still don't know if that's true. It seems to have worked for my cousin and sister although they're in massive debt so i'm not sure how that helped them. Further more some asshole staff sargent in the airforce lied to me claiming i'd get officer side if i busted ass and scored higher on the asvab. I did and he didn't give me shit as a result. That's what i suspect college is all about, tricking young gullible "kids" into doing some studying so that they're better for the corporation.
Ya know, I'm studying spanish right now, and I'm becoming proficient at it as time goes on. I COULD be getting college credits for learning it, but WHY? I'm getting what I want without paying a cent... Hell I know I could probably learn anything if I wanted to and dedicated the time to it. So once again, why do I need someone standing in a classroom telling me to go back to my dorm room and follow the lesson in the book and computer?
Sadly it's a majority rules situation. And shut the fuck up if you don't like it. Anyone who expresses their disinterest in college is stomped out by the madmen and women in charge of these million/probably billion dollar industries.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO.
We men built college and we men and decide to say FUCK YOU to college if we so desire. You won't learn how to be a man by going to college either. You'll get a shitload of sperm all over your dorm, bullied and harrassed by a bunch of power mad assholes who think they're above everyoen because they're in some lowest common denominator last resort diploma mil just a hair above devry, and of course more debt than you'll ever have in your life.
So no, I'll just stick with tsa and delta, travel the world, live free, get paid, something I wouldn't be doing if I worked at corporate or whatever a degree gets you. It's funny, ever since I landed my job at delta for having struggled at jfk for 3 years, all these college graduates have been beging me for free flight privilege, what does that tell you...
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