death

curious thing death. We all must face it. Messes you up thinking about what to do before you die. They say youth is wasted on the young, and I have to agree. I wish I had my 16 year old body back. Sob had a mega fast metabolism, my head didn't ache after masturbating, I was fearless back then. I'm so much sober now, realizing at this stage that I am just going to get older then eventually die. I always new it, but I never REALLY thought about what it would be like to have to face the REAL world without my parents around. I got a taste of it online. Some people are titans of intellect, and want everyone to fear them. Me, I'm similarly capable but I know I'm flawed and even if I were to become an elite mind, what would happen if I decided to hurt someone? My sister for instance, trained lawyer, knows how to fuck a person up mentally since that's her job... so she played mind games with me a while back and it ended up doing more harm than good, but what can I do about it? I've lived a hard life so far. School was hell, my home life was hell, my one bit of solace, the internet turned against me too. And now I face a world that hates men. What the hell...

I'm turning gay then. Gay people get a lot of slack out there I've noticed. they're not as intimidating as big tough man. I'm going to act gay for the rest of my life while secretly having sex with 17 year olds. It's legal in NY don't worry. I was out today and I just can't do it, I can't possibly be attracted to women my own age. They're losing all their tightness and shit. I don't know why women age so fast but how the hell do you expect me to be into you if you look so much like a high school teacher.

Damn, I remember back in high school the girls would just put their tits out all the time, good stuff. Makes life worth it imo.

Kids theze days

Jesus Holy Christ

I never knew kids were so damn crazy. I don't really like them to be honest but they're all over the place and they're the next generation so whatever. I'm not afraid of them, it's just that I'm not prepared to parent or be a big brother or anything. I'm still trying to get a girlfriend and that's impossible at my age without having some kind of job.

Damn life is crazy. I keep thinking about how much time i've wasted. If only i'd chosen differently... I hope kids don't make my mistakes. I hope they realize life is about love and not hate.

Joining the Army

Gonna join the army now. See how that goes. I can't find a job here in the civilian world... lol. I just hope I don't get deployed to iraq. Now that I know how basic training is, I think I can handle it The only problem is that you literally are just a tool of the government. They don't view you as a human being once you sign that contract. I mean their job is horrendous. They don't care who they kill so why do they care about you beyond your abilities.

I got to get a job somewhere. My sis told me to wait a year before joining, but I can't stand being stuck in this shitty stage where I'm just lost and not having any fun in life or anything. I went to mcdonalds recently and the fucked up thing is that I'm just sitting there eating and these like 15 year old high school bitches are just happily flirting and crap. I'm like, good grief if only I was in canada. I never really realized what I missed out on until now. Still it's not like I'm all that old or anything, just got to find some 19 year old pussy some where. There's plenty of that out there if you know where to go.

my wife

Jury Duty

I had jury duty for the first time a while back. I have to say it was nice to get out and see new things and people. I'm still not sure what to do though since I've never really been around older folks much outside of school. I fear I'll do something stupid to offend them. They certainly outrank me on the adulthood scale. I have no status at all being unemployed... sigh... I mean it's not really my fault. I'm still very much learning to walk as my body changes and stuff but that don't mean squat to older folks. They wish they could be my age again I'm sure...

But ya know what's most fascinating to me, is the men. Seeing real men doing their jobs is something I've not seen much of in my life besides school. At BMT any idiot 18 year old douche bag from high school could be your boss, or leader, which is part of the whole lesson on the chain of command they teach you in that age is irrelevant, whoever outranks you outranks you. But fuck that shit. I like seeing real men taking on the world and I respect that. They know what they're doing in life. How the hell do I get to that point?

Fuck America

Honestly yeah. Fuck this country. It's stupid.

I've just about had it how men have been de-humanized to such a large degree in this country. Its a country for gays and girls now. I'm nothing to it. Maybe something will save it, but I have very little hope left. And hell no I will NEVER bring children into this mess, nope. the ones that are here, good luck to them. As for me, I'm just going to sit back and watch and keep my mouth shut.

I'm black yall part 2

Not really... I'm a mixed cocktail as you can see. But I still have a huge penis.

that pic is from the puertorican day parade I mentioned a while back. There were girls all over the place there. I wish I could have had sex with one of them. But alas, I had to go home afterwards. Girls won't even look at you at my age unless you have money. Life isn't fair people.

SEXY LADIES

This is what makes me smile

Utter failure of the sex education system

and its association with the rise of feminism...

Where to begin... I'm just going to jot down my thoughts on this very quickly since I'm not fully clear on what I really think. First things first, the world is run by parents, white parents... it's THEIR world. And the rest of us are just guests hoping to survive as long as we can contribute something meaningful with our lives. The education system in America functions solely as a weed out to find those few exceptional minds who are capable of becoming elites, leaders, while the rest of us go on to work under them. However, sexuality remains a invariable obstacle as far as our understanding of its normality. Someone somewhere decided 18 was adulthood, out the house, on your own, sink or swim. Why is the question. Why not 15? Why not 19? No one knows... we just blindly follow the law and try to ignore the hard political questions...

What's the ripe age for a man to finally lose his virginity? Some say wait until marriage. Yet the body begins puberty on average around 15 and is a constant burden for young adults like myself who to this very age have trouble making sense of what's right or wrong about sex. So having not been taught anything, It appears that neither have a lot of people. This is where things get messy. NO ONE knows what's "right" about sex, our one greatest power in life.

I've been raised since childhood to treat women with utmost respect, yet I'm surrounded by young women who want NOTHING to do with a nice guy. And on top of that, many women view men as nothing more than potential wallets.

And on top of that some men, pussywhipped forever, agree that since women have to suffer to deliver babies, they deserve to get a free pass.

Being born male is like being born black, even if you're white, nobody cares about men in this world... nobody. When I was in the mil, it was all about turning me into the ideal father figure or soldier. Not about helping me get some pussy for once in my life. If I got married, I'd have been surely put into a position where i'd be paying child support till I died. Thank jesus I didn't.

now the older generation wants to put me in school even though I could have ten kids by now and should be way past it. It's just retarded bullshit old people stuff.

I'm gonna go take a shit now

I'm watching heros and I love hayden panattierre's body, so young and tight and ready to make babies. That's some good shit.

23 years old.

I'm like totally over this age... I actually liked being 15 to be honest. Then my shit got all fucked up later when I was 17 and just lost every sense of purpose or desire to achieve anything in life basically because I was so far behind my school mates who had way better parents. Now people are treating me as both adult and child for their own amusement and using psychological tactics on me to sway me to their view of the world since that's how the "real world" works. Not everyone agrees and so we piss on each other constantly over every little thing. I'm not all that. You're not all that. And around and around it goes. But I've noticed that a lot of peeps my age are cocky assholes once they realize their political power and think they should slam anybody because they're free to do so. No you're not. I thought I could too but it's not so. Some people you have to give some sensitivity to out there, some people who can't even think straight or whatever. That's why I'm so valuable. I'm capable of being some kind of leader or something... father too I guess though I don't want to be... No one even agrees on what a true "adult" is supposed to be. It's all political bullshit.

But there's no getting around the fact that reeeeeeeeal kids do exist and are young and stupid as fuck and can't be treated like a full grown ass person yet.

So parents want young people to conform so that they are more "normal" adults as they envision them to be, MAN up etc. Sigh... Good luck with that... I see young women online now realizing that their biological clock is ticking and that being raised to believe they should pursue a career was a big fat mistake. Back in high school all they wanted was lots of sex, now they want a classy husband and all that nuclear family shit. But we're not taking their bait. Me specifically, I saw through the bullshit waaaaaaaay back when I was in senior year or so. My intention was to become a super smart science guy so in order to do that I had to avoid girls and marriage and all that bullshit so I could focus on figuring out the secrets of time travel, my personal dream.

So far it's almost mission accomplished. took me a solid 8 years but I've never even gotten close to impregnating a girl and all that shit. I'm so happy I don't have a kid to worry about like the morons I went to high school with, but now something's happening that I didn't forsee. People are up my ass about "being normal" getting married having kids, since that's all we're here to do. I'm an anomaly. A full grown sexually mature male who isn't trying to fuck every girl he sees who's young and sexy. That's dangerous since a man is a powerful motherfucker. He can be a great asset or a great burden. That's why we're so good in the wars. Women view men as big dumb apes they can use to make little babies with and then use to make money. That's all we are to them. No one tells you this. They tell you all that bullshit about equality, then of course the truth is you're just a sperm bank.

Yep. Like, If you're a "man" instantly people fear you. But if you were like just some super smart 17 year old guy, you're adorable child. And trust me there are prodigy kids out there who honestly are more mature than me yet I'm the adult who can go be massacred and it'd be cool to do so. That's the real world. And life isn't fair.

It's like this. No matter how good a person you are, someone will ALWAYS hate you. You can be like me, a average dude, but since you're over 18 no one HAS to treat you with any respect at all even if you're a good guy who doesn't start shit with anybody. It's how it is. Praise jesus if you think that will save you in this crazy world. I know I still have some faith but I'm losing sight of it every day the more I realize I'm just waiting to die and that' s all my life is.

Bitches part 3

So I'm watching porn as usual. Good stuff... I found my new wife now... Rosa Acosta http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x9cspj_rosa-acosta-sexy-stretching_sexy . She made me super soak my own arm with baby juice it was that forceful... I love the internet. Ever since I was in 10th grade it's been a abundant source of nude women. It started with slave leia back when I was a star wars nut, then I got wif of someone named christina model. she just danced around and shook her oversized breasts. I didn't understand why back then but for whatever reason I loved seeing young women naked. Now I know why. I'm horny as hell and want to make babies. So are they. But society wants me to wait until marriage and shit. So I'm just waiting now... I don't think I can even begin to fathom the potential within me to create an entirely new human being. Most young people don't I'm sure. When you get older, you're supposed to mature, teach young folks about life, pass on the lessons you learned so they don't make the same mistake. It's the jedi way.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Having a kid is like not only making a huge gamble because Lord knows how the kid will turn out health wise, but children are INSANE. Thats why we have the chain of command, to keep each other in line. No kids understand this. They think they can just do whatever they want which is a big problem since responsibility, life or death, will one day be on their shoulders as they too become parents.

It would appear to me that despite my desire never to procreate, some mysterious forces will transpire to force me to do it, which I must admit would be awesome... I've discovered that girls want babies, BADLY. It's instinct. I don't understand why they want to go through painful childbirth though... shit, just thinking about it makes me sick. I've watched it online, it's horrifying. Really it's hard enough getting rid of a huge dump, but a person... for real... I feel sorry for girls.

God damn

I'm so frustrated. I've applied for a security job and best buy jobs now. Good money if you can get it I suppose. I keep thinking the airforce is watching me sometimes as if because I was in the military for a minute, I'm like still part of the club. I didn't get anywhere close to the deep levels of the military so I'm pretty sure they're not worried about me. But the FBI sure is and the IRS. I'm supposed to be contributing to the tax system which I don't understand but the way this society works, us men have to work or we're better off in jail. society will cast you out if you don't have a job and you're over 18. Your job is who you are, it's how the american caste system works. The beauty of this country is that you can go get qualified for a better job if you want. Some people like working as janitors, others as ceos... it's up for grabs if you have the right stuff. And you're white, but that's a whole nother issue...

I was out today and damn man, I hate being my age. I see people of all ages on the subway and now I understand who they are more. Kids are stupid as hell and don't know they'll die some day. Most adults are pretty much settled and ready to finish their mission in life and be done with it. Then there are young women and teens who look at me as father material since that's what I'm sure they're thinking I am. This 15 year old was just starring at me with lust in her eyes. I could only see her as a kid, which she is. She knows nothing about life.

That's life man... no going back. I'm at a point where no woman wants me because I'm out of work and i can't go back to hot highschool girls. What fun.. just got to press on some how...

Burned Kid

so I'm reading on cnn about some kid who got severe burns after some altercation with other boys. I can't stand it... I can't imagine what pain he's gone through. God help him. That's all I have to say.

What'z normal?

TAlkin with my bigshot lawyer sister today. She's super educated, nothing wrong with that. She'll always be able to get money, survive, which is good. So will I but at a lower level of the work world. The only thing I have going for me is youth. I'm just 23. People go get degrees at 30 these days, sometimes 40 since we have kids later and later. Used to be you had to get married and have kids early on because you're young and ready to reproduce properly as it should be, but not so anymore. People are waiting until they know they can afford it. Kids are a huge investment.

I think about it sometimes. What it'd be like to have a son. I don't want a daughter. Girls are good when they're girls but as teens and young adults they're horrible bitches. Then you have to try to keep them from getting pregnant at all costs since that all falls back on your ass.

Like holly. She was cute but damnit was she a condescending know it all smartass bitch. That's her flirting style I understand. Smart girls like guys who can challenge them intellectually, but no I don't see a woman who wishes to compete with me as wife material. We work as a team, period. Not against each other. That really put me off her that she was so snarky. I was ready to do anything for her if necessary, then she decided to push me. Sure as a man you have to be willing to take a punch but no, not from someone who could be the mother of your children. Hell no.

I'll say his name. Master Sergent Mclure of the Usaf taught me WHY he's doing his job to the fullest of his ability, because he'd gladly die for his family. I know how he feels. Loves the most powerful thing on this planet. Great man.

Why can't women these days respect that?

My sister wants me to be "normal" or so she hints with her insistance that I go see a shrink or whatever. Well, the question remains, "what is normal?"

I understand this much. Even though society's become a free for all anything goes type of world now where we're less descriminatory than in the past, nothing changes in regards to gender roles. Men have to be men and women have to be women otherwise we're screwed as a society. It's like this everywhere. No matter what, it all bounces back to the old cycle of original gender roles for both males and females. So at my age, I'm EXPECTED to be a man regardless of whatever I believe or want. Women won't tolerate men not being men as they envision them to be like. I think that's cool, but what do women want me to be? I act like my horny self and they say they want a more classy church going fellow. I act like that and they go after the badboy horndog.

We can't win fellas.

Money then. Just make a lot of money and see the bitches eyes light up really...

Asian girl on the subway

i'm job hunting now... trying to become a security guard, make a sweet 14 bucks an hour sitting in a booth all day perhaps, no bombs, no bullshit, just chillin making money. I hope so anyway... You don't have to be a scientist or whatever to earn a good living. Colleges won't tell you this since they want to force kids to kill themselves with homework so the corporations get better employees. But no, moneys money no matter where it comes from and now that america's been feminized so much any idiot can make it anywhere now.

anyway I keep thinking about this girl I saw on the subway. She was beautiful. Probably around 18 but it's hard to tell. Damn bitches be lying about their ages so they can chris hansen your ass these days.

Yeah well I started thinking about what it would take to man up and ask a random girl out. Never done it. Don't know how but it's what girls want. They like being chased and shit. So childish but it's the way it is.

The thing I liked about her was she gave off this feminine aura. she definitely came from a stable mom and dad household and not this bullshit feminist crap we have today. she'd be a good mom to her children. I kind of fell in love with her because of that. Thats how you get a man to die for you in some war, that's all it takes. Be a woman.

but alas, i've resolved to never ever take the plunge. Since today's worlds so horrible. I dont even know what we're truly fighting for in these stupid wars all over the world. Our societies have no sense of right or wrong anymore. It's a free for all. Fuck the world.

ugh

So I just finished watching some porn. While watching this hot bitch get her ass pounded I was thinking about just how retarded and shit it is that somehow society expects me to not want some pussy at my age. To instead concentrate on reading and shit. All these old motherfuckers online lament constantly about how children don't read this and that.... but who the fuck ARE YOU? I'm terrified that the people who control the world are just friggin people, and they're not all that smart or anything. They get their little shitty degree from some university and think they know it all and can dictate to everyone else how best to achieve "happiness" this vague concept that we've created to give our lives meaning. What they mean is Pleasure and you can get that through beer.

"You think you're smarter than everyone around you..."

No you dumbass. I'm just a result of a very flawed and perhaps too free society that's let everyone go around thinking they have all the answers when they don't and when they screw up they don't have the balls to admit to anyone that they're not all that great.

I know fo damn sho I'm not superman so I'm not going to go around trying to give off that impression. But other people do and unfortunately *shakes head* when these people make the wrong decision, we all suffer.

Politically speaking people are afraid that if we change the laws of our society drastically, many people will suffer as a result, but forget about it faggots, we're already there. All those beautiful little kids are all going to have a hell of a time once they realize this world's a big fucking joke, that your parents are idiots and that basically society is run by grown up children who inherited all these awesome things and don't really know what they're doing with them. Like freedom. We've got freedom coming out our asses we've got so much of it. Yet we've ruined it... women have decided they'd destroy their sons as some kind of revenge against oppression. Gays are seriously trying to place themselves in the same boat as african slaves. PC thought police want eveyrone to shut up and not think for themselves. Let alone corporations which want the next generation to keep their mouths shut and pray and hope they can get a nice stable corporate job some day... Religions are still around though we don't use them anymore.

This world is ass.

We WILL have world war 3 now that I think about it. It's not that we're so uncivilized and haven't figured out that war is stupid, it's that no matter what people will be animals... Animals that fight. Animals that stupidly think they can do anything they want and get away with it. Animals that need someone to at some point smack them in the face and show them a mirror of who they really are, just God's Bitch. I walk around manhatten and I'm just so pissed man... nobody gives a fuck about anybody else. Selifishness abounds. What ya gonna do with that shiny new toy guy? Whole worlds's going to hell and you just bought a brand new gadget to bring with you on the way there! Hooray!

Forwards and onwards

Fuck the Airforce honestly. Bunch of white people bullshit anyway... No, I'm not racist it's just that I'm sick of being told how to live by a bunch of goofy christian conservative white folks drinking their root bear in their jeans and t-shirts they've been wearing since they were kids. Get a new style old man. I'm the next generation and I have my own plans for my life regardless of whatever "rules" or "expectations" society has. Yes it's seriously true that if we all don't grow up and become responsible hard working adults, Nobody gets what they want in life because then life gets worse for everybody the less people commit themselves to their jobs. It's why the airforce is pissed that I didn't kill myself to stay there. But whatever, they can keep their money. Life is about following your passions in my opinion. You can't just settle for some shitty little taco bell job like people want you too, kids. If you're thinking all your dreams will come true in life because oh these big people care about me that much, YOU ARE WRONG. Nobody cares about anybody else in the Adult world... And the people who rule the world and make the rules are stupid, old, religious, children in adult bodies. I mean what the piss am I still having to live like a punk kid for at my age? Welcome to america... Where we hold you back until you're 18, then torture you with work until you're 65...

Ugh... I hate this society. But alas, I have some hope left that perhaps things will turn around. While out today I enjoyed many a sight of boob and ass. The problem I have at my age is that society expects me to be married by now or some crap. But I'm not and high shool bitches are off limits, so what can I do? I'm not even attracted to older women or anything at all... shit.