Exciting times... too exciting.

Just have to talk tonight a little bit about the way things are going for me now. I mean I miss being a teen all the time. I always wonder what it's supposed to mean to be 29 years old? And still a virgin. It's backwards. You're supposed to have fucked a girl, grown up a bit, then decided on a career path and pursue it. That's the process of development this society has been based on at least academically.

Now I'm just stuck here looking at this world from the perspective of a mulatto negro. What do I see through MY eyes? Being black is ASS. Nothing but black people loafing around in society looking like garbage on the side walk. Every other race of people having to just tolerate blacks hanging out looking like shit. I'm not going to sugar coat the reality that is clear and present in front of my face now as an adult. Being Black is like, a curse you can't lift and can't escape from.

And now I got very angry people targeting me for execution since I'm like supposed to represent black people in congress or something like that. No just because I'm lighter than the next black dude does not mean I'm king of the black people...

Let me put it this way, I don't even look at race anyway. It's there, undeniably, but the thing I look at is who a person is, period. If their a dick, a decent person, whatever...

Sadly I've met 99% douche bags in the black race, so that definitely colors my views to a large extent on my own people.

But whatever. I mean I'm a nerdy guy, "one of the nerdy ones." as they say. Steve Urkel may or may not have been a tactic used by the KKK to get black kids to work harder in school. Whether that was the intention or not, he definitely worked. I'm a living breathing Urkel to the core. That's why I don't get it when I get blasted with racism from white people, I'm NOT THAT black guy they think is going to come jumping out of the bushes and rape their daughter.

I'm the guy who scoured through tons of books and worked his ass off in school because I believed in it. I believed in education and improving your mind.

I sit all the time and think hard because I'm so used to it on a daily basis in school. Mental laziness doesn't really feel right to me. If I'm not figuring out a complex puzzle, I'm not alive.

I enjoy the feeling of triumph that comes from doing something extremely complex and mentally strenuous.

I just do...

On another point, yeah, I mean what have I done all my life but play videogames and watch cool cartoons and movies. Why the blue hell does that equate to being shitted on for not being this beacon of hope for the black people?

I've never intended to be. I've always been very passionate about star wars and good fucking art. Technology, the future possibilities through technology as well...

I can't figure it out, I really can't. Why are we still so primitive as to allow race to continue to act as a barrier between us all.

Well nevermind that. I'll continue to ponder on that at some other time. What I really want to get into is that fact that Shenmue 3 is finally happening. People have no idea what kind of bomb this is going to drop in the videogame world, not yet. I've said it to myself many times, shenmue is  a masterpiece. We're witnessing a true masterpiece being made TODAY. No hyperbole here, it's simple truth from someone who fell in love the game and thought it deserved all the praise it got. So sad to see it unfairly get shafted and abandoned like that.

Now it's finally going to be completed as it should be. This and the new star wars movies coming along have made me personally truly feel like going along in life as long as I have has been worth it in the end.

Not really and really. I mean the thing that gets to me is that I really should have never stepped foot in high school or college. I mean my job now isn't the bomb diggity but I like it well enough. I mean provided I get my ass into an airline, I'll be going all over the damn world and seeing things no normal person can hope to see, how's this a fail?

It's just yeah it's like, I am getting older, I will fucking get old as hell, and that does scare me, not going to lie. I've seen old people and it's not going to be fun to be old, so yeah I kick myself for not really respecting my youth. I always hated being too small and young. I always wanted to be bigger, but now my body is starting to decline and age and it's certainly not a good feeling.

And it's weird to be treated like I'm goddamn a grown up older man or some shit. I don't even know what a naked girl's body feels like yet, but people act like I've seen and done it all already because well, you're just supposed to, don't think about it too much. Yeah, well it didn't happen, big guy...

WTF am I supposed to do to learn about sex and girls and all that shit? I don't know...

Well anyway, back to looking forward to stupid nerd shit.