Saturday, July 11, 2009

I'm losing my damn mind

I'm supposed to be thinking about the military. I get up every morning, eat a few slices of wheat bred for breakfast, wait an hour or so, then go for a jog around my old high school, 2 times around if I can... that's all I do. I'm concentrating on strengthening my legs since running's going to be a major part of basic training. But I can't help it but to think about what my stupid cousin told me a while ago. She says my wife's here... (I'll explain)

Let me tell ya this internet. I don't know where to begin with women. It's just something I've never had the option to do. When you go to college of course they're everywhere, but some are married already, some you don't know have boyfriends yet, and it's hard to balance whether they're going to act like a woman or a little girl at their early 20s late teens, that's certainly a problem. I'll be honest, I'm still attracted to your typical 16 year old high school girl just like I was in high school but that's a no go for launch now that I'm 23. No the age difference isn't that different from a 20 year old witha 30 year old which does happen, but I'll still get locked up. There's no tolerance when it comes to underage sex even if the person in question is ok with it. I'll tear a guy apart if he touches my 13 year old niece for instance so i undestand.

Still it's confusing to have NEVER gotten with a girl, teen or older. Not once. And now I got old 30 something ugly fat chicks trying to holla at me on the train and ugh, it's a nightmare. But... my cousin says this girl Holly who I kind of had a crush on back in high school is now going to school in NY. I'm thinking.... ok... she's probably had a billion dudes by now and is just looking for an easily pussy whipped guy to keep her company on the weekends. It's not out of the realm of possibility. I'm so horny I'd be crazy enough to marry her right now but then i know that's EXACTLY what a lot of guys do, they marry early out of pure desire for sex then later they get divorced and have to pay for everything.

I'm single. I'm in the airforce, one of the hardest military branches to get into because of their intellectual requirements of which I'm somewhat capable of I guess, and I have a door open to me to go on to get my college degree and make a hell of a lot of money for me and yeah, possssssssssssibly a kid. I'm thinking about it... But I hate this world. I hate how it's gone. i can't bring a kid into this mess. And I feel sorry for every kid i see because no one will save them from the shit storm I've experienced growing up and still am as a horny sexually frustrated young adult crazy internet addict.

At least I got chicken.

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