The limits of Power

I think a lot about how strong or weak a man can become. Certainly it's been something I've always valued.

I grew up in a religious house. I went to church a lot. Did that whole thing. And ultimately the thing that was always interesting was to see movies on tv about men's struggle to improve themselves and achieve near-godhood. One of the prevailing themes you'll find in many movies is precisely that, a man trying to become closer to Godhood through all kinds of physical struggle.

This is where my favorite movie series comes in, Rocky. There's no greater movie series. I don't care what anybody says, it's a great series. I know I've read on news sites that Rocky is not that great a film or whatever. But fuck that shit up it's ass. Rocky is my SHIT. It's what made me who I am at my core and I still believe in it. I still believe in what Stallone Preeches about standing toe to toe and saying "I am" to anyone who comes along.

I think honestly it should be standard viewing for EVERY little fucking boy in who's growing up now.

If they don't get their balls fucked by some rocky for a while, they'll end up gay.

You heard me. If you don't want your kids becoming gay, they have to watch fucking ROCKY BALBOA NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The things I want to do

Looks like I'll be earning quite a bit of money as I approach my early 30s. No doubt I'll be moderately wealthy. It was inevitable. I'm from a middle class family. No way in hell was I going to end up becoming lower than that.

The idea in this country is that you can ascend to greater levels through the school system. But the school system in this country is so fucking horrible, it was never going to happen, getting a college degree and all that shit.

The way these corporations work is that they indentify wiz-kids and scoop them up and put them to work and to hell with the rest of us normal people.

So the question I face is what the flying fuck am I going to do with all my money and shit. I'm hoping to play the stock market. I want to potentially start a restaurant one day. Don't know about it expanding into a full chain of restaurants, but the idea I have is to sell cheap and healthy meals. Shit you can't get at mcdonalds. Nobody's doing this, only Boston Market and they're not that cheap. I want to create a fucking cheap food but good for you kinda shit. 5 dollar salad with plenty of chicken and some good shit, maybe some delicious dessert on the side. Yunno, but it's going to be all that shit you wish these places would sell but they don't because they're idiots.

Healthy shit. You go to mcdonalds and you're going to get a big high fructose corn syrup soda, and just garbage. Imageine you go to a restuarant buy a meal for 6 dollars and it's got healthy shit in it, pure good healthy shit. Nobody doing this. Nobody. And that's why this country suuuuucks fucking ass.

As for what I like to get for myself. I'd like to live my personal dream of owning a yacht one day. Always intended to buy one some day, go sailing, but fuck is that a tough plateau to get to. But yeah if you're going to fuck a bitch, fuck her out in the beautiful ocean water.

What else. Looking to get a decent fucking house somewhere. If I pull down 72,000 dollars a year which is likely, I'll get a beast mode house, son. No little pussy house for dogs. I mean something like a real enforced military barracks. I mean that's what I want to do because this house here in this black motherfucking neighborhood, no way. Any fucker off the street just waltzes in and takes whatever they want to go sell it for crack money.

Always been living like this. Always losing bikes, hearing gunshots in the night, wondering when a fucking bullet's going to come flying through the door, or worse some jackass off the street comes into your house and just kills you etc.

Hard to live with that thought in your head, but that's the reality in this neighborhood.

Goddamn, black people being black people. Gotta love it...

Strange to be me, a black guy who's believed that things have changed. That the world is a lot more fucking open minded about blacks and shit, but no. Not today, not tomorrow, never. As long as you got a group of black assholes being douche bags and stealing shit to sell it for crack money or being "gangsta" ain't nothing going to change. Honestly if the military is reading this blog still, I give you full permission, pop that assholes head off. I would.

All my life, had to deal with dipshit retarded black kids, so yeah I don't feel sorry for them when the bullet flies through their skull.

So what now

I'll be honest. I was very hopeful that this job would stay nice and steady and cool. But I was wrong. Out of nowhere, I get sneak attacked by a co-worker. And now most likely I'm out of this job.

Going to keep on looking for other jobs, is all. But goddamn. All I did at this place was sit on my ass and enjoy the view of Manhattan. I felt like I finally found the golden ticket. I was going go fucking run through the streets charlie bucket style and everything and say FUCK YOU homeless people. I have money!!! fuck you!!! Go get a high school diploma like me! BITCH.

But no... I can't even hang out and get 8.25 an hour. I have to lose that?

Oy Vey. Yunno what I should do? Get into Porn or some shit. Really, those guys are geniuses. You just basically get paid a shit ton of money to fuck all kinds of hot bitches. Can't get better than that...

There's the stupid way to make money, going to school, struggling to get some shitty office job being dick slapped by some asshole supervisor guy, or the best way... become a porn star. Make shit loads of cash, and fuck girls any time you want. I see no downside to that...

God is Good

Yanno, some days I forget that I do indeed have God on my side. I'm a man of faith. It's just something I've always held on to. Some people are not in that mindset. But I believe it's right to be. It's not going to happen. You can't go to your grave believing in science and logic. Nobody here today and no kids, and nobody just fucking living and breathing is purely about math and science and all that shit. You have to have GOD somewhere in the equation.

And today is proof of that situation. Uh, got a new job now. I mean I want to make CBP my career. But if that doesn't go through or something in the background investigation haults the hiring process. I have to have something here now today to provide money....

So I'm just going to chill and work hard and give these guys no reason to fuck me over again. Whether they do or don't, I don't know. But I believe God is ABOVE men. We have men in this world who believe themselves to be Gods. but that will NEVER fly. I swear to you. You may think Night and day that YOU and your little human flesh is above GOD. But you'll find out how quick that thought is wrong.

You goddamn will...

Thoughts on Star Wars

New image posted on Aicn featuring behind the scenes stuff from Star Wars Episode 7. Uh, wish I wasn't banned from the site, but honestly I understand. You stick around online long enough you're going to piss these guys off who are making money off these sites. It's their livelihood. I still live at home. I'm basically just getting odd jobs to get by and that's all. Hopefully I get into the CBP and I'm a fucking real deal career kinda guy from that point forward.

What's there to say about star wars. It's probably the singular thing that's made my life more interesting. For me, discovering star wars was like a match made in heaven. I never knew what it was until the special editions came out and from that point forward, I was believing life was FUCKING GOOD.

You don't get it. My life as a child was shitty. school sucked. Parents being idiots sucked. Generally just the complications of being a kid growing up in this black neighborhood was tough. So to have star wars to help make life less burdensome was everything to me. I got into the star wars movies, then all the other things. Prettymuch from the time TPM came out to now, to this day, my life has been dedicated to Star Wars. And through that, a lot of my interest in film and film making. I mean I studied how exactly Lucas came up with Star Wars, the movies he made prior to it, the group he was a part of while trying to figure out the ins and outs of the studio business.

And it's amazing. Nobody fucking involved with Star Wars was thinking at all that it would be this huge massive in a lot of ways life changing fucking movie.... And it's hard to think that anything that was going on today was going on back then. Was there tons of ass fucking going on back when they made star wars? WTF? I mean I don't honestly know. I would hope that back then people were a hell of a lot more civilized than today. Goddamn. I don't know what kind of movie star wars would be in todays butt fucking world we're in now...

Not that I give a damn. I love the fact that girls are eating so much dick with their butts to give us guys a good show... They deserve all the love and respect and good things they can get. Ultimately, yeah they're eating cock with their ass, but yunno, there's supposed to be babies coming out of that pussy hole at some point. So be mindful of the real purpose behind sex, yunno... it's not just about pounding butt holes. It's supposed to be the start of a whole new world of humanity.

Anyway, back to the main point of this posting. I LOVE STAR WARS. Unabashedly. It's the single thing that I personally hold on to to remind me of when life was good... I dare say the most blissful moment of my childhood was watching these star wars movies one by one. And just discovering the story with each film.

Sucks that my life is full of crap now. But I remember. I remember sitting back and watching power rangers the movie and just really living on a cloud in that moment in time. In fact I still do that today. It's just that I jack off and then watch a movie. But back then as a kid, just you have all the time in the fucking world to get lost in a movie. And that's all I really ever did. Played basketball, watched movies. Those two things.

I'm very simple minded person. I don't think I have to do anything special. In fact I look at life as eat. sleep. shit. Anything else is extra...

The world is a funny place. So much drugs, sex, and rock and roll. And Death. One aspect of life that children don't have any understanding of yet is that millions of people die every single day.

Whether from old age, or whatever injuries, or some shit. There's A LOT of death going on every day. I mean I just never saw it. I saw 9/11 on tv, man. At 17. All I heard was that 3000 odd people died. Not really taking it in fully or understanding that that's how the big wide world works. But yeah, ultimately this world is a big one. Very very smart people will decide if you get to live or die. Because life is disposable.

millions of people die every day. And of course everybody is going to die. So the real question is who deserves to keep on living long and prospering as spock would say...

I know I"m not the guy who's going to decide who deserves to live or die. I'm just a dorky nerd trying to get laid at this point in my life. And yeah I know that it's been said to me for whatever reason that my kids will fucking hate me. Let's put that on the table for a second. Ok, you sat there mr. Fucking Airforce guy and played hard ball. Instead of shooting me dead which is likely what you wanted to do, you made it so I'd get to live and of course not live the dream that men typically want in their life, good life with their wife and children.

BUT I'M STILL A VIRGIN. You can't POSSIBLY put that much shit on my  plate yet. Goddamn. I'll take the hit. I'll submit that maybe you're right. Maybe yeah, I'm already somehow having the spirit of my kids in my balls or something and their whole personality is already decided inside my nuts, but I don't know ANYTHING about sex, and all that shit. I don't.... Haven't even gotten to the point of understanding what a female's body feels like and shit. So that's truly awkward to have gone through your teen years jacking off and still jacking off really, and being told some shit about not having a good life with the kids or some shit. If that's how sex education works in this world. FUCK.

And more to the point. Why would anyone want to have kids these days. Can't even watch batman peacefully. Some asshole will come in and shoot you. Hell, I love going to the movies still. I see parents bringing their kids to the movies all the time, just like my dad brought me to the movies and it's awesome see that tradition being handed off to the next gen. I hope these kids are really going to be as happy with the world of film as I was. Sucks that people want to politicize movies and shit these days, But movies are really at their core fodder for stupid kids to enjoy.

You as a grown mother fucker may not like that, but you're a grown mother fucker, You SHOULD have other obligations...

 Anyway. I don't know, you beat me down. You really beat me down. You told a guy who's NEVER touched a girl's pussy or even put his finger in her butt hole, that one day, ONE MIGHTY DAY, he'll get laid and it won't turn out too good for him. You fucking basically shot a fish in a barrel.

Doesn't bother me. Why? Because despite all the attempts being made to shit on my good feelings, and my good nature. I believe that there's still some good things in life. I don't even think it's about the evils of corrupt powerful men at the top of the world. It's just something I hold on to. Why is star wars such a magnificent, well made film that pure at its heart, the way it is. It's pretty great film. Ultimately nowadays it's basically a joke. Like how jar jar represents Lucas' feelings towards blacks. Etc. Very clever. I never really would have seen that coming. Is that how white people roll. Be racist undercover. That's damn good. Because I just thought oh, fuck, jar jar's an annoying fucker ruining star wars. But NO he's lucas' opinion of black people. Here I am biggest star wars fan in the world, and I'm being blasted with 2 hours of an old white man taking a dump on black people. So it kinda is a little disappointing to look back on that whole thing... I mean wow. What am I supposed to do, stop loving star wars. I wish lucas had more class than that. That's really low. To sell this racist caricature to millions of kids and everyone and no one called him out on it. Very very few news sites were talking about jar jar being a racial thing. It was pretty much I think a running gag to the people who are actually in the KKK back then. And it's interesting, like for me to have been into star wars and online and every part of my childhood dedicated to it, and yet here I stand getting the full brunt of the racism straight to my face...

How does a black guy feel being not shitted on by powerful white people as a kid and then suddenly being shitted on later in life. It's like, to me, I don't really know what to do. It's like, I didn't have any kind of like fucking instruction manual on how to be a black dude in a white society.

You can't know... I don't know now, didn't know as a kid, and I honestly don't know what the fuck is supposed to be my feelings on things. It's just really the real problem is that white people isolate themselves from everyone. I don't really know a damn thing about white culture, white life, because everyone in my neighborhood is black and I grew up going to black schools. So I'm guessing all that anti segregation shit was just a lie.

Honestly, I'm not giving a shit about racism. Cuz that's not what I'm concerned with. I wanna jump onto a hot naked oiled up Asian girl and just fuck her silly. That's prettymuch my thought process.

Honestly, I like girls of all races. I grew up with black girls. They are something else. Ass like a motherfucker. Titties generally in fine form. Yunno. Didn't really get a taste of other females until high school. But I don't hate on any ass. I'll fuck any bitch, if I can ever get to that point.... And I think a lot of people generally think that way. If you like ass and pussy, that's all that needs to be said. Fuck race...

Motherfucking faggots ruining everything these days. I mean, shit. I think honestly they're worse than blacks. Sure black people are like not the most liked people. But at least there's some good to be had from us black people. Halle Berry for one thing...

That a fucking WOMAN goddamn. And because of her blackness she's going to look good for quite some time. Whereas a white girl would never last as long. Just saying, not trying start shit, but because she has built in sun screen, she won't age as fast.

But faggots, sorry. I don't want to be a guy who's looking to step on someone else to make himself look good. Not at all. But I don't want anything to do with those people at all. And yunno, it's just maybe a huge part of my childhood being the whole gay insult, that's still a part of me today. But yeah, not interested in getting to understand the complexities of man on man fucking. I just never thought as a kid I'd want to make sense of two men fucking each other..

It's not even my fault. Despite the media's attempts especially nowadays to include gays in the media and expose them to children. It just isn't going to happen. You're not going to convince me, nor any body else that that life is the way to go. 

Every single thing I ever watched on tv, or at the movies, was generally about a guy trying to bone a girl. EVERY FUCKING THING.

I don't care what degree you got from Ivy league level. You can't possibly spin and twist and contort logic and reason enough to make sliding a dick in another man's asshole seem like a good idea.

 Heh, whatever. Just hope that JJ makes star wars fun again and I don't think he likes blacks very much either, but certainly it'd be nice if his personal feelings weren't too much a focal point in the movie.

This is it, curtain call. I think my life will truly be complete after I see the final star wars trilogy...

considerations on levels of professionalism

Something that interests me as an artistic person. I mean It's hard to simply denominate myself as an artist. I take umbrage to that honestly because it doesn't really make much sense to me. If I'm an artist, why aren't I doing it as a career. Why am I just simply an artist because I have artistic capability? Why not actually make money off of it. How does one truly define artist, really? Is it about simply having the skills or is it because it's an actual job.

I mean is it about having the potential to be an artist and that's all it is. I mean it's like sure, I've been into the art stuff all my life. And I'm still into it even post puberty. I'm more and more fascinated by the world of art. Some people dedicate their lives to it. And some even say there's nothing else.

I mean despite all our various racial differences. Very smart people tend to show an appreciation for other smart people. I mean not even smart in the sense that you did very well in school. I mean the mensa people.

It's them who are really the movers and shakers in this world. And they don't care about race. Race is not important to them. To them it's all about passing an advanced physics course without even trying. And it doesn't matter if you're black as shit, if you can do that, they'll give a shit about you.

Brain power is one of the most well appreciated and valued assets to the corporate world. Nothing and I mean NOTHING is more valuable to them than intellect.

 Which makes the world seem strange to me. Sure enough this world is full of crazy. But damn. It's like I watch porn and I see a bitch eating 50 dicks and acting a fool and I wonder why was there ever a sense of like actual civility displayed on tv back in the old days if indeed life is just all about having a massive fuck party.

It doesn't make sense...........

I mean why do we supposedly value people of high levels of class and professionalism if EVERYBODY strips naked and fucks and shoots semen all over each other, making EVERYBODY on the same level in the end.

That's the hardest thing for me personally to make an lick of sense of. I suppose there is no making sense of it. It's just like, one of those things in life that are just stupid yet we don't try to make sense of it. It's like how we have a bunch of laws that don't make any sense and benefit no one. Wait until marriage. This whole gay pride thing. Does that shit make sense? Or is it just insanity being allowed to run rampant.

I don't know. I just don't know...

no strike

looks like I'm not going to be earning diddly squat at this new job. Whatever strike they were hiring for isn't going to happen. They've reached a tentative deal that benefits everyone who was complaining about low wages. Amazing, a doorman can make more money than a police officer. How does that make sense? I guess their job is really tough?

Hey if you can get away with making a shit ton of money, DO IT.

Got nothing to do now until CBP comes a knocking. I didn't want to have everything pin on getting into the CBP, but there's nothing left. I don't have delta, don't have fucking security job or nothing right now. Just have to squeeze my ass into the CBP and stick that shit like fucking super glue...

Goddamn, I pray I get in. I also hope that there's not going to be any hoopla or whatever. I don't like the way there seems to be some spotlight on me for whatever reason as if I'm somebody special. I guess it's a black thing. When you're black, you're the outside element in this world. You'll be watched the moment you come into a white guy's store or whatever. I mean, it struck me when I was going to stores in the mall that I worked in. I had white guys following me around even though I'm clearly a guy who works at target in that mall. Fucking they still followed me around and it was really like just to me awkward as hell.

Am I going to steal something? Then go back to my job a few stores away and shit? Certainly it'd make sense if I stole something and bolted out the fucking mall and never came back. But I work there... It would make 0.00 sense to steal a damn thing in that place.

I don't know. Gotta walk on egg shells around very rich, very powerful white people.

I mean I'm already on their hitlist, yunno. It's like, wow, they've got nothing else to do all day but figure out how to shit on my life. Fair enough. But let me get laid first before you pull out a gun and shoot me dead, how about that....

I'm not yunno oblivious to how the white man's world works. You piss them off. You get on their bad side, you're gone. You'll end up very very dead.

 It's like they don't even look at black people as human beings. We're things. Meat. Useful tools for their big industries.

Can't fly a plane without a bunch of blacks to fill it up with bags. I realize that's what's going on. Whites love black people. Because we are good for business. If there a day to come where a bunch of white guys are lifting bags, they'd NEVER settle for fuckin 11 dollars an hour. They'd ask for 25, plus better equipment, working conditions, all that shit.

But blacks don't fight. Corps love that. They hire a piss poor shit head black guy to lift bags for no money. And he does it, day in, day out, without complaint.

so much ass

so much titties

we are now in spring time here in new york. You all know what that means. We will be seeing girls putting on quite the show these days.

One thing I must say is quite a positive aspect of life is the abundance of hot bitches that are always around in this world.


and of course we males are supposed to just go get em... they're not going to do shit. It's all on us to go fucking get some ass.

That's why girls are always with complete douche bags, because those are the guys who go after them. It's not complicated to understand.

One thing I wonder these days is how am I supposed to jump the hurdle from being completely stagnant sexually to have gotten to the point where you're not still wishing you got pussy.

I don't fucking know. And maybe I'll never know... It's just seeming like my prophecy as a kid was more than true, that I'd go all the way to my grave never getting some ass.

I didn't want to believe it, but there's nothing I can really do to change the inevitability of it.

Problem is, that that's ALL there is left to do in life. We all come into this world and then the last thing left to do before you leave is fuck some bitch.

That's the last thing left in life that we are supposed to do...

Yunno. I guess that's correct. :And I'm not against it. It's something I'd more than be willing to give a shot...

But damn, is it hard to get to that point.

No pain no gain

Certainly something I've become immaculately familiar with throughout my life. I'm no stranger to pain. Some people enjoy it, some people don't even feel it. I certainly wish I was one of those... But no. I'm no badass military guy who feels no pain. I feel it up my ass all day when it occurs...

I do have a high tolerance for pain. But when it gets to that beast level, it's like, you have to be ready for it or its really fucking hard to deal with...

So I bought an epilator.

Like I said. I'm black. I can't imagine why there's a small minority of white people in this world determined to become black in the future. Like, right now, I'm still figuring out how to shave...

Black hair is a fucking goddamn bitch to deal with. It doesn't grow normally, it grows in every direction... So what I've been trying to do lately is barbarically just rip it out of the root and apply a special lotion that inhibits hair growth, permanently. I do indeed wish I could simply stop my beard from growing forever...

And it was bad. I mean. I'm a tough guy, I gotta give myself that. You know I'm not a little shit of a guy, I'm pretty tough. I've always been a rough and tumble guy since I was a kid. I got my knee busted, I had to deal with so many injuries and shit as I grew up in this really fucking hazardous envirionment. You learn to grow a thick hide and grit your teath and deal with tough shit as you go along in life...

This is no less a tough thing to deal with. How epilators work is prettymuch they grab a few hairs and fucking rip them right out of your skin.

No nice easy way to say it or express it, it's exactly as bad as it sounds. You only do it hoping that the area you're epilating isn't going to feel as bad... Some parts of my face felt worse, others felt not so bad, it was a up and down situation, but I'm very happy to finally have figure out a method now to relieve me of this problem I've lived with for years now.

Soon enough hopefully get some pain killing ointment and rub it on before I epilate and it won't sting as badly. We'll fucking see man...

just saw winter soldier

legit. Could have bootlegged it, but I ain't against the theatrical experience.

Gotta say this one is indeed better than the first movie.

It's not the BEST action movie to date like the internet is hyperbolic about. That's what the internet does, takes a mole hill and makes it into a fucking mountain.

It's certainly a very good one. It's just confusing as fuck. Don't even try to make sense of the plot, it's one of those bourne supremacy type of films. Where everyone is a spy and shit.

Nah, didn't even try to figure out all that shit. I just was really enjoying the performance by Evans this time. He's won me over. I hated him in the first movie. But it appears he actually took the time to read a cap comic or something and decided to actually play cap this time. It was damn near almost like I was watching the real cap in this movie, almost...

He's just not that great an actor in the end. He can't completely transform himself into any role no matter how hard he tries...

But this has got to be the best cap america performance in live action we've gotten. And the movie is fantastic. It's fun, it's better than avengers by a mile imo...

It's not just a movie full of stupid explosions, and that's what makes it good. It's got some kind of intelligence in there somewhere knocking around. And ass and titties. Like I say, if you cast a hot white girl in your movie, you better put ass on screen and that's what you'll get. That girl playing black widow shows ass and titties every chance she gets. Not bad at all...

That's what I like about movies these days, at least ones directed by men. They have no shame. If there's a hot bitch in the movie, you bet your ass you're going to see some booty...

And there's this one shot where GODDAMN. The way they frame her ass in the shot, it's so fucking hot...

Alrighty then. What else they got in the movies these days. I know they got that noah movie. Fuck. I was actually thinking about spending money to watch robocop in theaters, but that movie bombed like a fucking fart in a library. Just up and came and went, didn't it. Kinda sad...

go peds

Just wonderful things gopeds. I just now got mine working and drove it all over the place today. Not so sure if I got the oil/gas mix right. I need to get that precise, can't fuck that up... They say online if you fuck up the gas/oil mix you'll ruin the engine.

But overall I have to say I made a good choice. It's not a free device. It's not like an electric scooter. It's always going to need gasoline to run. But It's better in the end because it eats through hills, can go for a nice long trip without issue. Has much much farther range than an electric scooter...

Going to truly get more of these kinds of things in the future to get me to work ultimately...

Can't stand taking buses and trains. Provided I get into the CBP I will be heavily investing in Gas powered scooters to make my trips to work down there in hawaii.

Life is goddamn glorious at times. Like, I think to myself a lot, I dread this world. But there are moments like this when I discover such excellent products as the go ped, which make life seem magnificent. And it is at times.

This is a wonderful gadget. I suggest parents get it for their kids so they can have an awesome summer and go flying all over the place. Becuase at least this model is designed for kids. I'm using it and it's good but it's really not made for me and the things I want to do. I can't even stop the thing. The egine is designed to cut off the moment the scooter stops moving. So I have to constantly be moving which is impossible in New York. The traffic is always getting in the way. I wish I was still living in florida because down there is just nothing but long stretches of road to easily fly through on a gas scooter.

Honestly, this go ped is designed for blond surfer kids living in cali. Not me...

Getting a new job

Not bad not bad. This place pays 12 dollars an hour, so I'm getting slight upgrade in employment. They're hiring because some rich white people are going on strike and they'll need negros to open doors for them or some shit.

This is awesome. If I don't get into the CBP, no harm no foul. I'll just fucking stick to this company for a long while and hopefully not get laid off like crazy again.

I just want to save up maybe 2000 dollars right now and just not be concerned with feeling like OMG I've got nothing....

thoughts on the past, the future, and the final shot in static

I mean, shit. I'm getting older now. 28, not feeling as young anymore. Getting to the point where, yeah I still am a goofy guy but you get mature a bit more with age. I just wish I wasn't so shackled by this whole sex ordeal. It's just been a hell of a burden to try to say no to drugs.

Ultimately yeah, I could go to the doctor and they'll give you some pills so your black ass isn't  horny all day. I remember that's exactly the shit they pulled back in high school days. All I wanted to do was fuck every bitch in that place, and they drugged me out to make me not focus on getting some ass for whatever reason. And now I'm being told, nah, we human beings are just here to pound ass, really. Everything you've been told about doing more than that stuff was just a lie. Wow. thanks...

Makes me wish I never got sent to that shitty school as a kid. My life would have been twice as much more fun if I didn't have to deal with the shit fucks in that school half of my time as a child. I mean. Just being able to hang out in your own room and play with toys and be a kid, why does society strip that away from millions of kids, I can't imagine why... But that's what they did to me and that whole thing is still going on to this day.

You can't do that.

You can't force kids into a little box and say do this big text book full of math and shit... You just stealing their childhood away and shitting all over their little tiny lives. 

That's why I don't step on kids toes at all. I don't even get involved with them. I just sit back and not give a damn about whatever adventure they're having or doing. They're fine. That moment as a kid where you're just alone and dreaming about endless possibilities with your life, is irreplaceable.

And of course I'm not concerrned with kids and their bullshit. I'm thinking about getting some pussy half the damn day...

Yunno. You don't get it. I'm just looking to strap on a rubber and have a good fucking night of real warm sweaty bubbly sex with a girl. That's all I want. And even though I don't particularly wish the best for the assholes I knew back in grade school. I do indeed want EVERYBODY to get a good fuck with whoever they partner with in this life.

I don't care. It's all good in the hood. Cuz. I worship ass and titties. I don't hate on anybody who has my perspective of appreciation for a beautiful piece of ass.  I mean, it's just goddamn the most amazing thing I have ever seen or discovered back in 8th grade, the body of a sexy little woman.

Hell, I can't even explain the shit. I'm a scientific, logical, kind of guy. I don't like simply accepting things on face value or anecdotal evidence etc. It has to be real. It has to be confirm-able through tests and data.

But there is no making sense of it. It's just pure animal instinct. I see titties, I see ass, I want to grab that bitch strip her clothes off and ram my dick deep into her body... PERIOD.

Makes the world I've been handed as an adult all too uneventful. People generally are transfixed on sex 24/7. I don't know how anyone honestly gets through school unless they're getting laid regularly. I mean it's like a basic need. If you don't blow your load off every so often, it's going to bother you all day. I mean, getting that O is important to people. It's like the ultimate drug to relax you and make you not lose your mind and it's a peaceful thing. It makes life good. That's what probably is the only thing left that you can rely on as being a good thing in life, that explosion of sexual ecstasy.

As for the final shot of the static trailer. I'm going to play it very emotionally. It's going to evoke a quality of morbidity and even melancholy quality. It's a way of sending a message. I am done. This is going to represent and signify the true end of my time here on this planet. 

I have been well aware of where I was gonna go in this life. I'm an artist. We belong to a separte class of people. We don't do well fitting in to little cubicles. If we don't have freedom to dream, to create, to make and break the world around us. We might as well be dead. 

In fact I will die. The end of the trailer will be quite a big ambiguous ending. It'll be kinda like the crucifixion of jesus, sure... that quality will be there. But I'll be honest. It will be all about death. The sadness, the joy, the celebration, and the finality...

It will be a tough shot to get. But I want to truly evoke a quality of loss, and decline, and after static stands up, he's on his last like bit of power in his system, and he's about to die. The final shot will be of static as a ghost. But he won't look like a ghost, he'll just look normal. But he's not really alive anymore. I think I'll trick things a bit. I'll have his dead body in the back ground somewhere. And I'll be of course just doing the shot normally. But if you look closely you'll see the whole picture....

yeah.

new static trailer preview image

It's me doing a fireball type shit. It's going to hopefully work. The point is that I'm trying to do what DBE didn't bother doing, street fighter didn't bother doing, and so on and so forth. It's really so simple to do a fire ball in after fx, why a big million dollar studio can't figure it out, is beyond me.


So I'll teach them how it's done. This is nothing but a preview of what's to come. Gotta find some of the videos I've made recently and get them all prepared for the final edit.

Exercise plan

Here's what I'm going to be doing for the next couple of months while I wait for the CBP to finally finish their bullshit background investigation. I mean really, what the hell is there to investigate? What kind of porn I watch all day? I know, they want to find out if I have ties to the taliban or alkaida or some shit... I can imagine it'd be a big stick in their ass if they hire you and you're the right hand man of fucking saddam or some shit.

First of all, I'm black.

There's no black people in those countries.

I grew up here in America. I don't know a damn thing about terrorist organizations whatsoever...

I watch porn all day. Been doing it since I grew a dick at the age of 13.

That's prettymuch all there is to me. I know, it's not much, but I've always thought of myself as being quite insignificant a person. And that's truly how I believe I'll go down in this world. Except for the hope that I go out on top of a pile of money as a CBP officer. I LOVE money. I love the way you can walk the streets feeling free to do whatever the fuck you want because you have a couple hundred bucks in your wallet.

I hope to some day feel like I'm good with money. Back at TSA, I was over the moon. I felt like I did it. I scratched and clawed my way through high school and that got me a 15.75 an hour job that gave me more than enough money to survive on.

The feeling of success was unbeatable.

Problem is, things went south there, and life is hard for me because I'm still trying to figure out the whole sex thing and you got politics getting in the way of that. I don't give damn about gay people, so stop talking to me about it...

 I didn't go through my childhood just to end up being constantly harassed by people over the right or wrong of ass fucking...

Anyway, I try my best to keep some kind of optimism. And one thing I pride myself on is my phsyciallity. I'm no slouch in that department. And I've always wanted to be like Arnold and get massive. And I'm still hoping to get there.

I HAVE TO. I'm a warrior class human being.  I can't possibly just sit around eating bon bons. I have to FIGHT I have to build muscle and do something HARD.

Can't live life without getting dirty. It's sexual to me, honestly. Working hard and getting strong. It's like when I jack off. I like it HARD. I can't jack off pussy style. I can imagine getting with a girl who likes it ROUGH. Because I jack off HARD. And if she's like ME. She'll like nothing less than hard deep fucking. And ultimately hard child birth. Yeah man... some girls are tough as bricks, sexually, and in other ways. You'll find out...

static shock trailer final shots and reason behind the madness

Well here I stand, I have just completed a new fx shot for the static trailer...

I'm getting better with after effects, although there's still a lot I don't know how to do. But one thing I'm quite happy to have learned is how to use the particular fx. That is one of the most popular little fx in the program because it's so versatile. You can create snow, fire works, sparks, and even fire with it because it's basically like this constant flow of particles and you can shape it into whatever you want it to look like and it goes and flies all over the place like real particles.

Turned out great.

After that, I want to get a new shot of me doing a lightning hadouken and shooting a bang baby with it.... that will be awesome.

I mean, really I enjoy creating little things like this, been doing it since I was a kid, so I'm not new to it. But the tools have changed now. Instead of just doing shit on basic programs like gif animator or some shit, I'm working in after effects now like the big bosses. And it's tough, I guarantee you that you'll sweat trying to learn this program, but after the sweat you'll master this bitch.

The real question is WHY? why am I making this shit. Because I think I'm supposed to. I think that there's a reason I was into static on saturdays when it aired. I think there's a reason that I'm a person who's totally like into comics and geeky stuff all my life. I think that in life, you have to do what you like to do. I don't like going to work and a bunch of people treat me like I'm some complete retard who can't even fucking spell or do basic math... but that's how people love to treat you. So doing something like this which is mentally engaging is right up my alley. I'm never more satisfied than when I'm doing something that requires mental strength. It's like I hunger for it.

It's an unbelievably hard life now. The reason I lost my job was simply because there's apparently a group of knuckleheads hanging out in this world who have a grudge against me and they got nothing better to do all day than to fiddle around with my simple little intention to go make some fucking money at some meaningless job.

It's like, the most unbelievable thing to come down the pipe in someone's life. You go around being a kid, watching cartoons, and movies, and power rangers, and ninja turtles, and emulating their moves and teaching yourself gymnastics and marshal arts, and then you wake up and you're 28 and you got a group of psychos running around trying to shit all over your life. It's just WOW. I find it hilarious honestly. It's no joke, these guys are going for blood, it's OJ simpsons type shit, but honestly I look at myself as this little fucking ant. I am nobody. There's nothing I can personally do or say that would make a dent in the big dogs in this world. Why the hell are they tossing the atomic bomb at me, I'd love to know.... Yunno, who am I? Yeah I'm a virgin trying to get laid, is that something of note?

It's not about just fucking a girl. Yeah you want that, but you want to fall in love and all that shit too, right? IS that not a part of it or are we just animals who fuck and poop out children and that's it...

It's a strange weird and just bizarre thing to suddenly get over the hump of 18 years old and have a bunch of psychos running around trying to shit all over you...

They wonder why I'm not trying to go to the gym and build massive muscle and fight their efforts to kick my ass. It's because I'm still ME. I've ALWAYS been a chilled out kinda guy. I don't like drama. I don't like fighting... and getting into shit with anybody. That's IT. I just want to get with a sweet little female and fuck her and not give a damn about anybody else. Sucks that everyone wants things their little way though....

 Well whatever. Just got to finish this fucking trailer. Uh, then we'll hopefully be a little further along in the CBP application. There should be nothing dramatic found in the background investigation. If this works out like the TSA background investigation, it'll basically be like military style. Right way, wrong way, military way. Really how I got into the TSA was because they know me. I'm well familiar to the gov after having experienced BMT. I do and I don't hope that the CBP knows about it. It's been 5 years since then, whether they do or they don't, I can't say. I just don't have a clue in fuck about what's going on with gov affairs. I just want to really get a fucking HUGE ridiculous paycheck. And I think honestly, I belong in the CBP more than TSA. You can clearly see I meet the fitness requirements in spades. Not so sure if they're willing to give me a gun, but I've worked in jobs that are critical jobs where you have a lot of responsibility and nothing huge happened there so I don't think they'd have a problem with me, my level of maturity, handling a firearm. It's scary for me too. I don't want to have dropped my gun and it went off and blew a kids head off and that's on my shoulders....

But I'm a man. So I think deep down in my blood is the capacity to deal with heavy weaponry.

honestly, yeah, I feel like that's the basic requirement for handling a gun. Be a fucking male, that's all....

Loud and scary fucking things guns. Yunno. TV is a lie. You see a cop popping off shots and not flinching or getting aggitated by it, but when you really SHOOT a fucking gun, it's like you have a grenade going off in your hands constantly. Who would invent something like that... It's motherfucking loud man...

So we'll finish thei static trailer and maybe nobody will watch it. I don't bank on it getting a lot of views. But it's something I want to do to pay tribute to a cool character that I like and we never probably will get a good live action version of. Yunno. we got 2 different live action fucking spiderman movies now. Isn't that something? If they fuck up the first live action version, to hell with it, just make another. And if this next one doesn't work, fuck it, make a nother one, right? Keep making them until you get it right...

Got 2 shots left.

Hadouken shot.

And the final shit where I'm all muscled up rocky balboa style. This will be the toughest thing to get. I'll have to go train my body and work out a lot and basically get fit as hell for this shot. I want to make every hot girl's nipples hard as FUCK when they see me in the end. I'm not all that right now, so when I get shredded, oh yeah... it's on....

Plan, man

Bought a Goped on ebay.

Looking to use that to get around town, movies, supermarket, whatever.

Should be getting one last check from this security job. Should be maybe 250 dollars or some shit.

So far so good with the CBP application. The ball's really getting rolling. I swear to Jesus, going to make this job last a long fucking time. Hopefully...

I mean I do indeed want to get my pilot license and shit and become a pilot, but LOL, is that going to be a hard thing to get going.

It's just so strange. You got a guy who's fucking 28 years old, perfect for the academy and shit you want to put someone through before they join the CBP and you're going to go nuts over him not having enough work experience or some shit?

Really? What the hell. Just give me the fucking job and shut up...

That's just retarded beyond retarded. No shit, I haven't been working a long time. I'm 28 you idiot.

Gotta love these jobs. They want you to have fought 10 wars, know EVERYTHING in the encyclopedia, be able to shit roses before you can get a job sweeping the floor...

TMNT and Me

I'm about to be 28 years old. Whoda thunk I'd get there. But whatever. I don't really hold on to age as a defining characteristic.

Getting Ass is a defining characteristic...

So we're reaaaaaaally finally getting a new reboot of the tmnt in live action. This is going to be huge to me.

Back in high school days, I was all about the 2k3 show, bought all the toys, downloaded every episode until they fucked up the show and put the turtles in the future or some bullshit like that. I guess they figured kids liked batman beyond, so let's do it with the turtles or something. I have yet to fully watch those seasons because I just don't see much value in them.

It's amazing though, the way they can still create stories for the show even though the big corporate heads made them put the turtles in the future. Some how some way, they kept making more stories and kept it somewhata in continuity. I know the biggest part of the future saga was that they were still fighting the bishop character from the past in the future. So that kinda tied it in with the original stories. But still, it just to me back then as a teen watching tmnt, it just look so horrible how they fucked up and changed the entire show's format for no fucking reason that I could figure out. I can't imagine the kids watching it, what they felt. I know I've been around the block in that regard. I was into spiderman for a long time, watched the show religiously, then suddenly he gets warped into the future and has a whole new world full of shit that has nothing to do with the previous series. It was strange to be a kid watching and loving spiderman tas, then suddenly they pull out a dick and fuck all of us kids in the ass with Spiderman Unlimited.

That's the name of game with Tv cartoons. Whatever new toy they come out with, they'll center the show around and especially during the 90s, they'd constantly change the shows to suit whatever toy was out at the time...

I know being a power rangers fan was always tough for me. I really left the show behind the moment David Yost left the show to go be gay or whatever shit he's smoking...

Once they changed EVERYTHING and it truly had NOTHING to do with the original power rangers, it simply ceased being a show I had any connection to... Yet some motherfucker watched it. I know there's little fucking kids today who watch the new power rangers. I could never go back to watching the new power rangers. First of all, I'd never get my eyes off the girl ranger's ass the whole time. Second, these new power ranger shows can't possibly top the original show or the movie. So there's nothing they can do. And I mean, I was actually kinda enjoying SPD for a while but ultimately even that show is nothing compared to the original. The original lasted for 3 seasons before they changed shit. Ultimately they decided that power rangers is like a police force. They have various districts and departments and new rangers all across the galaxy. That's great I guess....

But you lose that sense of family that the original series developed when you constantly have a revolving door of rangers like we have now.

When people think about power rangers, they think, the originals. I don't know anything about the ninja storm rangers, or the mystic force ranger, or whatever shit they have on now. An maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the new shows i 10 times better than the original. but who knows.... I can't really say because I'm not going to give a shit about it. I'm going to give a shit about sliding my dick in some bitches booty....

So anyway what is this posting about. I have a very strange lifetime connection to the ninja turtles. You have to understand who I am. I am a person who embodies everything about cartoons, comics, and generally very abstract works of art. I grew up watching tmnt vhs. I definitely watched the concert fucking stupid as shit, horrible tmnt concert show. Yunno though when I watched it, I alway thought about how it could potentially fit in with the films. Makes no sense but I struggled as a kid to squeeze it in somewhere between maybe movei 2 and 3. The turtles in the concert looked like the 3 turtles anyway. It was interesting. I really think they made the most of the idea of a ninja turtles concert. It was badass. Or maybe everyone involved with that thing was on drugs, I'll never know...

But I am intimately connected to the Ninja Turtle Brand. I played with all the toy I could find back in my day. I mean I loved the fact that our basement looked exactly like the ninja turtles sewer and my little kid brain was just overjoyed by the idea of having a play session with the turtles in a realistic turtles environment. Ugh, to be a kid again.... no fucking hard dick all the time...

It was sweet. I mean the most vivid memory I have is of the time we were at westchester county fair and we went on the ninja turtles ride. THAT SHIT IS CRAZY. Nothing and I mean NOTHING will scare me more than the day I saw a ninja turtle come at me all crazy in the that ride. You don't get on the ninja fucking turtle ride and expect it to be a house of horrors, but they tricked my little kid ass. And it's just forever deeply ingrained in my skull the day I saw a ninja turtle and it sent a shock through my body.

But anyway, ninja turtles is always going to be fun. Even the 3rd film, which is the worst, is fun. It's alway fun to have a bunch of muscled up mutan turtles running around kicking ass. And I can't fucking wait to see them re-emerge in theaters. Sadly I lost my job today due to circumstances that I know are specious and unfounded in any kind of legitimacy, but that doesn't mean my life is over. I still have a mission. I still want to go forward and enjoy ninja turtles, and New batman, and all these things. Life has its downside, but the world of film has always been something that I've enjoyed from the day I was born.