The Hard Way

Just jacked off 2 times.

To this girl:



I love her, she's exactly who I'd like to bone at some point. I like a girl who looks like she's strong. And she's basically Me but female.

Too bad huh. I'll be honest as much as I want to pounce on every hot girl in this world I won't.

I decided waaaaaaaay back in grade school that I was going to be DIFFERENT.

I was going to do things HARD. I was going to become STRONG.

problem is like I said before, my sex drive is BIGGER than me. I can hope and pray and battle it till I'm completely spent. I will STILL jack off.

Doesn't mean I won't try though. I'm going to go on a month long water fast. Consider it a religious thing.

No food and no jacking off to big tittied white girls for a whole month.


A whole month.

I'm going to want to quit but If I get through this, I'll feel like I've achieved godhood.

I mean nothing will bother me after this.

I'm bothered by everything. The inability to quit jacking off. The world, politics, living as a black in a white world. And yeah white people generally wouldn't bat an eye if I fell off the face of the planet.

That's the thing. What are YOU here for anymore now that your childhood is over. I'm still trying to figure that out honestly.

I think I'm here in this world to be like NOTHING. I don't understand why everybody is thinking you have to become the next black leader or some shit. I've always thought, I'd do NOTHING. And yeah I feel bad about maybe the fact being that I'll not accomplish great things. But That doesn't bother me. I always said to myself, I'll do NOTHING. I'll just do NOTHING. Not going to go be no hero or nothing.

..... it's ok with me. Yeah I always wanted to join the military become a pilot all that stuff. But fuck. All the shit I've gotten into. It's over...

But I'd feel bad about it if I was white. A white guy failing to achieve greatness with his life is some kind of tragedy. A black guy failing to reach the top of the mountain in this world is just another day...