What I'm doing now

I'm getting pathetic aren't I.... used to have a life, get up, go to school, so much shit going on... now I'm like one of those goddamn youtube jackasses that sits and vomits some asinine crap out his mouth to the world for no goddamn reason other than he's a sad loser douche bag... I am not that at all... I just am and have never really had the circumstances to go out and just live a normal life. Sad to say I always knew my life would be a lot harder than other people's and my prediction came perfectly true... I'm barely able to keep my sanity these days... I'm not gonna lie, why lie. It's just here I sit, got nothing, nobody, no money, and technically I'm supposed to just go running around begging for money from employers left and right, that's all I'm supposed to be, or go to jail. Half of me suspects young black guys are in jail not because they were doing bad stuff, just need food and shelter... It's the reality I'm forced to see and deal with, there's like no safety net for blacks in society. Either be somebody's prison bitch at work or nothing... that's the hard cold truth... and it doesn't register to me. I'm not this little pee wee of a person who's deserving this situation, it's not making sense to me...

Getting aggravating this whole job hunt nonsense... It's hilarious really. Go to a job website and all they got is a laundry list of things you were never taught in school or worst of all they ask if you have years of experience doing the job itself. I have no choice but to conclude the people running job recruitment are absolute idiots...

So yunno, I don't mind where I am at if it means I'm not playing that whole run around in a circle after your own tail game the jobs like to play with people... DERP DERP DERP If you ain't never dun dis jERB you don't get ta doo dis JERB derp!. Let them get the work done themselves or make the requirements actually realistic....

I have applied again to ramp at delta and to amc theaters. One hopes the people who are trying to stick it to me in this world and prevent me from getting a job are either dead or have gotten something else to do with their damn lives....

That's what's going on and I'm fully aware of it. A bunch of butthurt little girls that I personally kinda ticked off are trying to dick around with my attempts to legitimately get a job and possibly kill me off by making it impossible for me to do so... Wow, I thought this was supposed to be a civilized nation...oh, yeah forgot... no it never has been....

I just don't understand it. I'm well aware that if I was white, there'd be people who have it in for me, but I'd fuckin still get paid well and have a glorious life... so that's the difference.

I guess it is because I'm black... there's no gold for any of us, good ones or bad ones. We're all lumped in the same pot. It honest to GOD sucks to have to be like living life now and get the picture that there's a giant disadvantage to being black that you knew was there but it didn't seem real.

I mean let me be clear... I'm not saying I'm a saint, but every fault black people have will be magnified ten fold vs any other race. So I've always had to feel that sense of extra scrutiny on me all my life.

Well I was going to go on an even more in depth tirade but that's the problem with the goddamn net these days. Too many people having hissy fits on youtube and twitter.... just, I remember coming home, sitting down and waiting for pages to load on dial up, not instantly seeing someone losing their shit in my face online because they're bored today.

We're all bored today. Nobody cares.

I should think in those terms... I may have some weird issues with people in this life I'm sadly forced to deal with, but one comforting truth remains. Nobody cares for shit about it.... eventually I'll get another job...

My hopes, to be honest...

Get a girlfriend. Get a good looking big tittied girl friend..... I used to work up in niagara falls as a TSO there... Man, some fine women working up there. Fine....

I mean that's kinda all I'm wanting for now, but you got to kinda deal with a lot of attitudes and stereotypes and stigmas... sadly the black thing gets in the way of a lot of just normal relationship goals, indeed... A lot of people have met the gangstalicious black people and because of that I get immediately f'n stuck in their zone... It's probably the most aggravating thing about being black, having to climb over that little stereotype continually promoted by the gangsta culture and all that... I sit and type and type and type and find myself sounding like one of those black guys in prison who's feeling betrayed by society even though he's guilty of serious crimes....

Yeah it hurts me to feel like I'm one of those black guys. An asshole who goes and starts shit, then pulls out the race card....

It hurts me because I'm not. I'm a loving, nerdy, artistic individual and to have to be EXTRA super duper nice and cheerful to get people to look at me as more than typical angsty black guy is what is honestly the most frustrating, stressing and difficult thing about it all...

Make no mistake, you're guilty of a crime just by walking out your door when your black... But I try not to worry about it.... I like to actually have fun and be cool with people and just be ME, not some fake plastic version who's mr. perfect.

I'm flawed. I've done some bad things I wish I could take back. I remembered a thing I did as a child that brought back a lot of painful regret. I honestly forgot it until a video on twitter triggered the memory of what I did as a kid, and it depressed the crap out of me.

I reasoned that that's life and that's particularly childhood. Although I pride myself on my intellect, in that instance I was not smart enough to know what I did was going to result in such a tragedy...

I'm not fucking perfect. But I'm not a monster. I've met monsters in my childhood. I've met straight horrible terrible human beings in my life and HELL NO I am not one of them. I'm a HERO. I'M STATIC SHOCK.

Anyway.. sorry for going ballistic and just bringing on such depressing subject matter... that's my cross to bare.

What AM I doing now? I'm working on the flying scenes today.

I need to list out what's hardest to do and then tackle the hard stuff:

Roto Scoping the flying shots...

Joker and Batman scene... Why is this scene hard? Probably my fault, I didn't plan it well and gonna have to create it in editing.

Static and Shannon scene after.... this one too not planned well but it will be the most hilarious scene in the film and most embarrassing for me.... But I think I've well enough crossed that boundary and have embarrassed my ass enough anyway...

What else.... just I don't even know. I've literally gone blank on what the f I'm doing with the project right now....

It SHOULD work, yeah I figured it out.... there's a scene where static loses his first costume and has to get a new one. I still haven't figured out how he loses it, or what makes him get injured so badly....

But stay tuned.... will have to iron all this crap out and make it smooth and function in the final big ass rough cut I'll be having cooked up by the end of the month...