Work Schedule

Going to attempt to plan my next few weeks of work on the project.

Been watching all the renders of scenes I've done... eh, they're ok, nothing too amazing... But yeah, it's gonna work if it all gets done and kinda fits properly once completed. Lots of work left to be done although the heavy duty editing was the final battle. Getting that out of the way really opened up my mind to focusing on the middle portions much more clearly.

I mean it's been tough. I worked extremely hard on the delorean fly by scene yesterday and that was murder. Rendered like a long clip of tough fx work that demanded hours of  pain staking masking and guesss what, only used maybe 4 seconds of the clip in the final movie. Such a sad waste film making can be at times.

Yunno how I'm feeling right now, freakin drained... all the effort I put into making that scene rock and it does, it's awesome, but now I'm like my brain is fried right now... can't think of what I was going to edit next and work on etc... brain is screwed up...

Not to mention the negative attitude I got about the project. All this thoughts of Who Cares about it...

Yeah well, I agree. Nobody should care. I'm the only one who does....

Interesting to see how the web is kinda changing now.... I notice the whole e-celeb thing is kinda fading away as it will.... I've been on the internet for a long time. I've seen EVERYTHING... It's never truly fortuitous to seek fame online, and those that do, well, what goes up must come down...

But yeah, like, I'm kinda down myself. I mean my enthusiasm is only for that day when it's over and it's finished and I can sit and watch my movie... that's all that's propelling me at all. I don't want to scrounge for bits of footage, work on this work on that... keep plugging away at this damn thing...

It's draining... But I want to watch it when it's all done, that's all I hope for right now... seeing it put together, all my story boarding and sequences, edits, dialogue, all some how making sense instead of being in this disjointed mess...

I think about what will happen after all the dust settles and I'm free and can be myself again and not worry about this movie... what next? I don't f'n know. I want to kinda find myself truth be told. I've always been a kid. I have no clue what being a man is, and especially a black man. It's all happy fun times as a kid, but then as a grown up it's insta fear insta stigmatization insta condemnation. And it's sad, it's outright childish idiotic stupid crap to look at the black dude in the room as the boogey man, but that's the hand you get dealt and have to struggle with on the daily. I mean, its not something I give a crap about but I have no choice, always got to be thinking about how I'm being perceived in public.

Anyway, I guess it's my lack of jacking off that's leading to this state. I'm still trying to just quit my habit, but I suppose it's goddamn impossible...

I just like, I hate the cycle. I mean I'd blow a load every chance I could get if it didn't have this low withdrawl after effect to it. Sucks to bust a nut and then it's like, hell yeah, then you lose the feeling and return to reality.... I'd rather just be in reality yunno... But I can't do that either... Gotta kinda just bust it, then live in la la land until the next time I can get the high again.... such stupid shit.

I will do footage scrounging today....

Relax and play battlefront all day tomorrow

Then I want to kick my ass in gear and truly knock out the hard editing I need to get the middle montage flying crap done and the shadowman scene done...

Once that's all locked up, break for a day, then will get back to hard core editing the frieda static scenes which will fx heavy so yeah gonna be a load of ass there.

So yeah, that's the game plan...