the error in judgement

Live and learn, the hard way. Hate the fact that every job is like your last job. Because if they write you up or give you a serious termination, it could eventually jeopardize future employment.

Here I stand ready to get let go from this sweet gig. I don't know what to think. It kinda makes me scared to join the CBP because if this little fucking security firm can huff and puff and threaten to fire you and shit over little insignificant crap, what's going to happen at big ass Federal job like CBP. I mean, goddamn, I do indeed want to be a good officer and just live clean and make mucho dinero and of course fuck every girl I can get my dick into with any level of consistency.

But I think this job is going south because these guys know I don't need it. I told some guy at work that I passed the customs exam. The biggest mistake I could possibly have made. I thought nothing of it, the other guy was also looking to get a gov job as a US Marshal and he's on his way out of the company too... what's the harm. LOTS OF HARM.

No doubt he spilled the beans to everybody. So now they all know I'm working on getting a much bigger job and are going to fucking crucify me since I'm not going to need to work for them.

I was hopeful that this place didn't have any kind of herd mentality to it. But it does indeed. Every job has a herd mentality. Every forum has a herd mentality. Every community has a herd mentality. You don't contribute and be loyal to them, they will cast you out.

Every single time...

Everywhere you go, no matter where in this world, there is an US VS THEM situation.

No man is an island as they say...

So it is what it is. Although I feel comfortable as a black person getting a job in the government. They are the LEAST racist organization on earth. You don't exist to them beyond your ID number. Literally... Skin color is not the most important thing to the government. They're all about numbers, data, systems. It's almost completely color blind environment.

So when I get in there, just like all these tests I'm taking, they'll be concerned with the paper work getting done. Even if I've raped a child or some shit like that, they'd not give a damn as long as I kept working hard for them. So I'm very eager tob get back into the gov jos and figure out where to go from there. It's been a long journey and I was always hopeful that I'd be smart enough from childhood to get a job above all the bullies in school. And I'm still hopeful that that is exactly how my life will end up. I'll be making money because I'm intelligent and the system caters to brain power and you get rewarded for having done the right thing and studied in school.

We'll see...