can't be hawkin

Just thinking about what I've been doing recently. I tend to be going to the ball park to check out all the ass and titties over there. Surprisingly due to the good weather, they're always throwing down some basketball game for the kids to play. And I like to watch and see the kids having fun. Really I'm a huge basketball nut. And love to watch basketball. One of the girls there is really cute as hell and she's good at basketball. In a perfect world, I'd fuck the shit out of her with a basketball in my hand.


But no, I'm too old now. And one thing I notice is that I'm being followed by fucking cops and shit. Yeah so I went down to Texas and hung out at a military base surrounded by angry crazy white people for a while. Does that suddenly mean I deserve some kind of attention? I'm still trying to get my head around why I deserve all this fucking goddamn attention. I'm normal regular black kid who grew up in the bronx. That's all. I'm a nerdy one, as they say. Most people don't give a shit about the majority of black people, except when they possess urkel tendancies.

I'm an urkel through and through. I'm very much a nerdy fucking urkel black guy. Which is truly suicide if you're black and a nerdy black guy. You basically have cut off your own dick.

I mean, say what you want as a white guy. I can imagine a white guy looks at a fucking big muscular douche bag black guy and thinks "oh he's got it bad" probably never gets laid. WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG.  Every fucking girl out there dreams of that son of a bitch fucking them. EVERY ONE.

Yunno. That shit you see in porn. A gorgeous sexy white girl, perfect looks, getting hammered by a jungle monkey looking black guy. TRUTH.

 I mean damn, it's just silly and offputting overall. To be constantly watched like I'm going to go spread my blackness to a white guy's daughter or some shit. I wish I was not black, eh, I didn't ask for this shit. Don't blame me for being whatever the fuck I was born as.

Not that it bothers me. IT kinda bothers me now because I realize how screwed I am in terms of getting laid. But I've always been black, it's nothing new. I grew up watching blacks on tv and didn't think anything bad was going on in the world concerning being black. But now that I am actually tackling this racist world, I'm having to accept the truth which is that blacks are like these fucking low level human beings. Now, and forever... which is yunno, sucks. Life comes down to a roll of the dice. Being born fucking not black, that's all life comes down to.

Life ain't fair man. And I think to myself, what can i do to survive in this world. Dunno. Hope that some kind of angel is looking out for ya, that's all ya can do. I'm a man of GOD. And too bad we're descending into this fucking hell hole of a world where everything the bible warned us against is actually taking place. Yunno, the rampat wild sexual craziness going on these days. The lack of civility, discipline, fucking actual respect for your fellow man, this is exactly what we were taught woulc happen if we abandoned the teachings of jesus.

Yunno, I feel SICK. It hurts me. To look at the world and realize it's not the place I came from as a kid, not anymore. It's HELL.

This world is HELL. What can a mother fucker do to make this place like God wanted it to be is the question.

Lord know....