thoughts on things

Just thinking about the complexity of life. I don't know. i walk the streets these days and see the vast spectrum of humanity a lot more. I see how strange it is to get older in life. never really thought about it, or what it would be like to be near 30 and still hanging out in the world. Well I still have my interest in girls, still. I was on the train and there was this fucking sexy as fuck bitch just on the train and she looked so good. Wanted to say what's up, but lord knows what age these girls are. Whole damn world of bullshit will come crashing down on me if I get my dick into a teenage bitch.

Thinking about life, all the things i wish I did as a child, and now getting older can't fucking change it, can't do nothing to make myself into the inhuman GOD that I was training myself to be as a teen. I worked out so hard for NOTHING. tOO MUCH sugar in my diet.

Now I am indeed getting older. Fucking everything on my body starting to age and look less youthful.

Sad end to my life I have to say. One thing you start thinking about as you get older is that YEP you're going to fucking DIE one day.  Who knows how, or when, maybe in some nursing home, or like I saw in the hospital, just hooked up to a respirator... FUCK, that must be the pits, to go out o f this world completely fucking dependent on a machine, sucks....

So yeah nobody cares about me no more, I'm not a kid. It's the kids who matter. Was on the train and there were kids all over the place. I felt so OLD. Like fuck, never really felt old, but being around a little girl and a couple of teens, you feel it for REAL.

I fucking thought about what to do or say or whatever. Couldn't really make sense of what to do. Haven't really hung out with children for years, not sure how to behave or act. Shit, and that's the true failing of the education system I must say, the simple fact that they don't give you one lesson on one day being a parent. So YEAH I don't have a fucking clue about being a father or whatever to some little kid. Don't know a damn thing about it...

Yeah it's a damn shame this society seems to be fucking not concerned with blacks maturing sexually but I'll be damned, that's EXACTLY what is going on. I was brought into this world only to slowly fall into a pit of lava.

 I mean I just never knew what the fuck kind of world this was as a kid. Just never had a CLUE. They did a damn good job hiding the truth from us. I walk around the street and see how this world really works. Black guy hanging out homeless, being complete shit in this world, and everyone else happily going about their lives not giving a flying fuck about him. HOLY CRAP. Wow, you're so fucked if you're born black as HELL. So fucked... I mean there's homeless people of all colors, and crazy people, etc, there's all kinds out there, but yeah you'll always find homeless fucking black guys who no one gives a damn about. And I was just in awe of it, truly to see how truly screwed you are if you're born black.

And I wonder to myself, am I DONE? Am I done now 28 years old? Can't possibly improve myself or better myself? Learn a language, instrument? Get any kind of new skills? YEAH, some people would definitely say that I'm done, no forward advancement for me. It's what they want truth be told, who the hell gives a damn if blacks DO anything of merit or memorability at all?

I'll be damned, how did I not see how this world worked all these years? Just the sheer, sweeping, and ceaseless hatred towards the black race? But it's there, it's really fucking there and none of the black kids I hang with see it yet. But the day will come when they too are in their 20s and getting the full brunt of the racist white world crashing down on them. What the blue hell ya gonna do when that time comes? Literally there are girls who are trying to avoid getting pregnant by a black guy.... sure ya got all this fucking interracial porn but that's porn, it's always about going against convention. In reality, most girls are really dodging black dicks out there as much as possible... wow, what a damn shame and a curse it is to be born black. holy fuck.

What can I do or what should I do? Lord knows... Give it to God, that's all. But this world is very very cruel business. So ultimately your life comes down to getting LUCKY and being born white or asian or spanish? THAT's how it works? Mind you, that's immaterial these days. Very very smart people are looking for smart people of all colors to contribute to the corporate world.

But the truth about life is that we're only here to procreate and care for the children, and who the hell gives a damn about blacks. WHO? What benefit is there to be had from the continued inclusion of blacks in this world? Intelligence? Well maybe, but ask anyone in the academic world and they'll tell you they won't bet on blacks getting through the school system.

Why does it matter what I think? Much much much smarter people than me are at work struggling to keep this world in some kind of uniformity and civility.

It's just a strange thing to wake up to after all these years. I suppose efforts are being made to hide the truth about this world from everyone. Should I care? What can I do? Honestly I don't want to get involved. I want to be pounding some girl's ass hole and not giving a damn about race relations.

 Really that's all I care about right now. It's like, that's the way it is. Can't fucking just forget I have a dick.

And if someone wants to tell me "oh well, go to college and do homework all day instead of looking at a girl's titties and little sexy face." Yeah, you can go fuck yourself asshole.