Shooting the Swing

Trying to. Goddamn, I finally get up early in the morning to go do some photography for the static shock movie and all I see is kids and school buses. Mind you, I saw that when I was doing my newspaper route, but to actually get out and see gaggles of kids waiting for the school bus, so frustrating and awkward. I haven't lived that life of being a school kid for sooooo long, I feel so alien to it now. I feel like an outsider looking in and wish I could tell these kids to not waste their time on the shitty school system. Learn the things you actually can use when you get older, how about that... but I can't fight the system. It's gonna go crashing off a cliff no matter what I say or do. Especially here in black land that I live in. Stupidity is celebrated, expected, honored. It's sad but the reality. Blacks don't value civility, intelligence, open minds, not at all.

It's a miracle I've actually gotten this far with the static shock project to be honest. So many people hanging out who want to see me fail and I know it... whether it's the standard issue jock bully punk, bunch of politically correct people trying to kick my ass for not conforming to society's expectations, whatever those are... or just idiotic impulsive kids being idiotic impulsive kids.... it's been a battle to get this far here having so much people with a paranoid mindset these days. Everything you do or say around another person, guaranteed they're ready to call the cops on you.

I've experienced this when I was a "kid" let me tell you this. You think I'm just blowing smoke, nope. I was in high school years suffering that nonsense. Then I go to the park to just stare at the sky and I relax on a bench and look up at the clouds thinking about wtf I'm doing and how I'm going to escape high school. Suddenly some dumbass white kids come over to me and say "do you need to use our cell phone to call your parents to pick you up?" I'm like, the FUCK? I quickly realized, Oh I'm black and I'm near them immediately I'm this guy who's up to no good and gonna be in their space.... So I politely say no thanks, I'm fine and they fuck off out of my face, but it was sad. I was like, really these numbskulls are that stupid? Any black person in their community is just lost to them and not in the right place? But yeah, there it is, America.

Ain't just whites though. I mean it's kinda the most ridiculous thing I've ever witnessed, but you can't be black and walk around black neighborhoods either... People gonna look at you with the evil eye and THEY are black too... and that's just wow to me. But yeah, I've lived here all my life. One day just walking to blockbuster, got jumped by wacko blacko. I don't know what the point was, I don't have money, but it was weird, I got jumped, the guy screwed around trying to find my wallet or something, but I don't know what the goal was, I don't think I even had one or any money more than a few quarters and then he just left... Yeah it was traumatic as shit.

Just a wake up call to me about who black people are really. Flawed broken fucked up people to have to live with. It was quick little fight. I didn't just lay there taking his shit. I fought back, maybe that scared his fucked up ass...

I'm actually not someone to fuck with, which is what a lot of guys don't get about me. So many times I've wanted to just kill the bullies in school but I decided not to, might as well have, send a message... don't know.... I'm not this tiny guy. I'm actually pretty sizable and athletic. WHY am I always targeted as if I'm this tiny little peanut who can't put up a fight for shit? What's up with that? People are dumb...

Anyway besides my emo rant, just got to say it's been interesting trying to film a shot where static flies into the woods. I want it to look 100% authentic, no blue screen shit. So I actually rigged up wires in the woods to do it. I did a few practice takes. It looks ok. You'd buy it...

Problem is, I just know some dumb shit community watch retard is going to be up my ass about filming my movie. I just know it... I certainly hope not. I hope that they realize that this is just something I personally want to do and it has no impact on you and your life, but I don't have the luxury of feeling that way, I'm not white. I'll likely have some interference from some group of noble community saviors protecting the youths. I hate that about living around here. These people around here HATE young black males. They've had too many cases of young black males fucking things up around here. They even see you step a toe out of line, they're on you like you got the blood on your hands right there and then, not trial, not jury, no shit, they're gonna kick your ass. It's like living in a town surrounded by white people. Imagine that shit. Imagine if my black ass was living in a white community. I'd be enemy number one right? Well I'm enemy number one here just for being a young black guy, period. It's pretty damn awful.

I roll with it... I mean I try to just stay low, don't get nobody's attention, but yeah good luck with that. You black, you're gonna get attention for being black prettymuch...

Gonna try to get a lot done today, take a break from worrying about getting a job, then go work on getting a job tomorrow if I can... that's all for now...