I'm black yall

I nearly sinned today. I was just sitting here, then booted up youtube, almost involuntarily searched for bikini contests, and started pumping my penis into my mattress to two beautiful jiggling tits. I think to myself while I'm doing it, there's nothing wrong with this, it's just natural bodily function like breathing, like eating, like pooping, like peeing, but I stopped myself anyway. I thought about what kind of logical explanation I could think of that would counter those points. Well we constantly create saliva but we don't spit all the time. Because we produce blood doesn't mean we need to bleed. There are things we can control about our body if we want to. But if I were to say try to stop urinating forever, I couldn't do it. Is it possible to stop masturbating. I fear that I'll live with this problem for the rest of my days. I feel like it's causing me to get mentally drained as if it really is an addiction similar to cigarrettes, so that when you quit, you have nothing left to think about but that craving. I'm young. I'm sexy. I should be having fun, but I'm not. All I can think about is sex.

And I'm thinking girls think about sex too but then I don't see any who want to actually do anything about it except put some cleavage out and hope the boys come to them. Damn, I'm wishing I was just a kid again, no puberty nonsense to worry about. Kids just don't know how good they have it do they? My sis tells me that I'll have kids. What the hell? With whom? And who says I want any? They're horrible. Really, look at me. I'm in a lot of ways a typical male growing up. I loved digging through the dirt to find buried treasures and playing with worms and burning ants with a magnifying glass. I loved electronics and figuring out how they worked and creating super cool scifi gadgets from my toys. I still love that stuff and will once I'm in the airforce give it my all when I'm inside to master my craft, whatever it may be. Wow I'm getting excited just thinking about the possibilities. Me, a PHD in physics and astronomy? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! YESSSSS YESSS YESSSSS!!! Oh yesss.

But I'm black yall.

Racism's going to no doubt be an obstacle. Hell I was just working this dinky job and a few white dudes decided to joke around with me by assuming I'm into street thug life style. Why do that to me, black people? I'm a nerd, always have been always will be and I'm proud of it. Why give white people the impression that all of us are from that side of life? They control the world, so yall can't be messing things up for the rest of us now...

Don't get me wrong though, I love white people. Like I said long ago, I had white neighbors, made friends with white kids and classmates and no doubt will find common ground with a white airman when we both go through basic training. Don't even get me started on white girls.... Jesus, oh man. It's hard enough talking to black girls. Oh let me tell you. there was this white girl at target who was flirting with me and I was just losing my shit... I couldn't do it, I know I'm handsome, but I don't know I just don't feel worthy of being so close with something so damn hot... Alright, whatever, time to man up now. I'm the MAN now, I'm supposed to be the catch, not them. they should be desperate for me to come and talk to them.