What doesn't kill you

This is really my final post. As an airman, I have to take life seriously now, begin training my body for combat, and all that shit. No doubt when I get inside, I'll find out how it really is in there, like how there are several vids on youtube about airforce life that expose its rather ordinary boring everyday kind of life style. Whatever, I'll take that over being a luggage monkey for the rest of my life. I have to remember though that this journey I'm about to take isn't all about me. I have to look after my ass, that's for sure, since nobody else will... but I didn't do this because Oh I want to wear a neato riffic uniform and get the ladies. I'm seriously wanting to give back to this GREAT nation. I love the USA above all and am absolutely willing to die for it.

I've been through a lot these past 3 years since I left college. I'm not the same guy I used to be, no sir. I've been tested it seems, by some power out there, maybe as a way of seeing how much I really can take. I don't know. I've read books and watched movies about people who've been through hell and find some way of fighting back to a good decent life. I'm so exausted though, all the battling, it's drained me, having to struggle with my family, with the internet, with people, damn and after all the dust clears away I'm standing alone, feeling worn out but at peace with myself for I know I'm better for having survived those trials.

Yet there's still more to come. I dunno, I've never really dealt with racism face to face before. My father has and he's like, whatever, just going to live and let live, not going to go doing anything to stir the pot. My family's really well off tho. My mother and father both worked for the government when they were younger, so I guess they've been given some assistance over other blacks. On that subject, I'm at a crossroad. The thing about white kids is that they're a bit egocentric in that they sometimes assume blacks who are well spoken, read, study, have a brain in any way are just "posers" not acting the way they're expected to behave. So what happens if I put my ass to work and actually push myself to achieve, what is that going to do but give off the impression that I'm just trying to act white? What kind of world are we becoming now anyway? Are black kids going to wake up to the reality that they're only hurting themselves by not using all the educational resources that are wide open to them? Hell I'm guilty of this myself in that I assumed stupidly that I didn't belong to the same world as my white classmates and therefore didn't think I could actually compete with them. I was dumb and I have to accept that. I was a racist.

Kids, there's no great secret the white people have. They're people. They work hard in school and get good jobs. It's not a big secret how that happens. All blacks have to do is work for what they want and stop buying into a big conspiracy that the white race wants to somehow hurt you by teaching you stuff that'll make you a smarter person. Truth is, they're stupid too and are constantly trying to teach each other things. really, we're all human no matter what our appearance is all I'm saying.

A'ight then, Peace out internet. Gotta go.