Pain

Getting over addiction is nothing but pain. My head aches me, my body's weak from all the strenuous exercise I've put it through in the last few days, I'm not in a good place right now. I'm out and about more these days just checking out the neighborhood and stuff, like going by my old high school, its still the same hell hole it used to be, yet somehow I feel homesick away from it. I lived there for so long after all and I remember how life just made so much more sense when I knew where I was going day by day. Now I don't really know. I'm just drifting through life without much of a plan and I don't know whether I have what it takes to seriously be an airman. My father tells me that I'm not like him because he came from much tougher times and a much tougher upbringing. I disagree. The struggles i've gone through in my short ass 23 years of life, have been a lot more than a lot of folks can say they have and it's still going on to this day as I struggle to overcome porn addiction.

I have to comment on the amount of overweight people out there though. I've always been lean and muscular since I was inspired by rocky balboa, arnold, and later goku to get buff and because it's good to be healthy. Too bad I didn't know what I was doing earlier in life or I'd be a ripped up kind of guy right now. seriously stop drinking soda and don't over-exercise. I'm having to undo a lot of old habits now that have caused me to be all shitty at exercise. But damnit if I'm not kind of annoyed how I'm killing myself to get in better shape yet there's women walking around with what seems to be sacks of potatoes stuffed in their pants. Who could live like that? Exercise is not that hard especially these days now that we learned that rest is as important as hard work. used to be, people killed themselves working out and couldn't figure out why they weren't getting stronger while the guys who worked out less but chilled on the sofa more were getting bigger faster. sure it's still hard but not as hard as it used to be. That's progress for you.

I take the subway frequently. And because of that I notice the various gaps in social status between people of all backgrounds and it's somewhat a concern to me how blacks aren't typically the top business guy on the subway wearing his suit and such. Why is that, I wonder to myself. then I see as I ride the bus today just how many kids are into gangster culture, don't read, could care a fuck less about proving racists wrong. Sigh... So I'm thinking to myself why this is and a light bulb goes on in my mind. WOMEN.

Us men have only one goal in mind. Get that pussy.

If we have to, we'll do anything for it. If we have to become a top business man, we'll do it, if we have to become a dumbass gangster, we'll do it. If we have to become steve urkel, we'll do it.

I dare posit that if young black males were rewarded in any way for cracking a book open they'd all do it. But unfortunately if they do, most black girls will look the other way. Look at me. i read, I read and i read, and now I'm a 23 year old virgin so yeah, there ya go.