Airserv

looks like I have no choice now. We're in the mix. Gonna have to get a job at Airserv for the time being until CBP gives me a call. I REALLY want to get into there. I can't understand why they're taking so long to contact me. It makes NO fucking sense whatsoever...

There's some speculation about the incident at TSA in Alabama. I get the feeling that they set me up. They knew I worked for tsa before. They knew HOW I left the organization, they knew that it wasn't a very friendly departure, and most likely they set a trap for me down there. String me along, then very slickly make me fuck up my own potential for employment. I kinda actually admire their skill in crafting such an elaborate scam. IF that's what they did. It was kinda suspect how the guy prettymuch told me to hang out next to this group of old grey haired white people OBVIOUSLY way beyond working at TSA. No doubt those guys are government agents. But FUCK ME, they spun me around in a loop. I don't understand how to get through life when I have to be concerned with being juggled around now vs as a kid where I was just going to school and not having goddamn gov agents on my ass....

Maybe they wanted me to learn that I should actually read the shit before I sign it. I don't know. Are they that diplomatic. Are they that interested in me becoming a better person some way some how. I don't know. I don't believe I'm on their good side. But they themselves declare that no matter WHO you fucking are, they'll train you. yunno.. It's the military, they'll take ANYONE and turn them into what they need for the fight. It's that simple. And I hope they want me to get a girlfriend fuck her and not all that bullshit about being a bad parent or whatever. Because it's not beneficial in any sense to tear someone down in that regard, I'd say. Just my opinion.

Shit, don't matter. Going to get my shit together. Going to slim down. I'm at 183 fucking pounds now. I NEVER knew how to shed pounds. I love that when you lose fat, you look fucking 5 years younger. It's so cool. I always knew I had very sharp facial features, but now that the fat is gone, boy oh boy do I look like a catch. Yeah baby....

I feel terrible right now. I gotta say. I put so much effort into disciplining myself and not going NUTS on 2 cramped flights down to alabama, then I waited hours upon hours to get through the night, ALL THE WHILE, I'M ON THE WATER DIET. Yep, I still am chugging along with the water thing. And I did the hard road. I wanted to eat so bad, but I told myself, we can't lose this fight, not this time. And I beat it. I didn't eat. Fucking lost 3 pounds just in those 2 days of not eating. And that's the beauty of it... So it truly hurts deep down to have lost out on getting back in TSA. I can apply again after 6 months... Maybe I will. They say now that I've got the whole thing on my record and when I apply next time, it'll be there. It's just such a fuck in the ass to have had the shit right there in front of your eyes and then, BOOM it's gone.

No big deal. I'll just hop on over to CBP. I always considered that to be where I should honestly be considering my level of intelligence, and physical ability. Problem is... they're seemingly not pursuing applicants as vigorously as last time... and that's the biggest problem I'm having is that. They were adamantly pursuing me while I was working at TSA. Then I tell them, I'm hestitant having secong thoughts, and then we end the whole thing. I kinda want to get in contact with them and find out if they're still looking for new hires or not... we'll see.... Nah, not going to bother...

You know what I really want.... NOT being followed by a bunch of Gov agents. I've lived my whole life not having that be a concern. And now it's becoming quite annoying to have a bunch of jackasses following me around and shit. That's making YOU look stupid. I'm ME I'm a nerdy black guy. I'm like the LAST person you should be worrying about in this fucking terrible world. Yanno... I've always been like this. And I always will be. It's very comfortable existence for me. I know WHO I am and that's not a bad thing. So why am I being followed? WTF am I going to do, go to your house and start shit with your family? I want everybody to have a goddamn good life, yanno... that's me personally. We have all this shit going on, guy shooting up people in a theater, phillipenes is a mess, death every fucking day in this world. And why would I want to make things harder and worse for others. I honestly don't. That's all I got to say on that.