Street Fighter

Yep, not the new joint with Kristen Kreuk, truly a beautiful girl, wish I could get with her. She's like me, funny, sexy, grew up in the 90s. So she's got that 90s vibe to her, I can sense which girls grew up in my day. They've got a toughness, and a bit of humor because life was fucking AWESOME in the 90s. Shit changed...

But I want to talk about this movie. The 1994 Street Fighter film.

It was a strange fucking thing to discover as a kid. I was a born in 86. The movie came out while I was just too little to know it existed. But I had a SNES and I played street fighter and loved the game so immediately I felt like the movie was going to be the SHIT. I mean, how could you fuck up street fighter.

Don't know, but they found a way.

If there's ONE movie that completely embodies the spirit of the 90s, it's fucking Street Fighter. You kids today have no fucking clue what kind of life we had back in the 90s. Life was very cooky, and awkward, but that was the point. It was about embracing weirdness I suppose. Like a show like pete and pete. I guess it's a reaction to life being so boring, people find ways to make it interesting. And so we got movies like street fighter, mortal kombat, ninja turtles, power rangers, all these things were made because we COULD. Not that we should, not that they'd be good films or advance cinema etc. In fact that's what the old time critics were afraid of, the decline of intelligent films in exchange for the next big blockbuster. And all their fears have been perfectly realized unfortunately. We don't make films to are about little artistic flourishes anymore or a study of the human condition etc. We don't. We make big crazy over the top stupid as hell action movie and that's all she wrote. It's become a running gag these days, when's the next ridiculously over cgi'd blockbuster going to come along.

So here we have it, some how some way, the people involved with this movie decide, yanno, let's ignore the game and just make a run of the mil action movie with the street fighter characters. And it was played up back then as if it was actually fucking good and accurate. Van Damme starred in a music video for the movie. There actually was a game based on the movie that ripped off mortal kombat. Uh, the director himself in his commentary acts like the movie is the most absolutely perfect well made street fighter movie it could possibly be. I was floored by that. It's horrible, yet he waxes poetic about the technical excellence of the story, which is admits he wrote in one fucking day. YEAH WE CAN TELL.

Anyway,, I put the movie int the vcr, and NEVER have I been more dissapointed in a film. It completely shitted on everything about Street fighter. And now it's like, it's cursed. They make another street fighter and yeah it's got a more serious tone to it, but it's barely any better than the 94 one. At least the 94 one was fun and somewhat embraced the super powers of the fighters. That's the biggest crime of the film. I wouldn't have minded as much if the movie was as shitty as it was if at some point they used their powers. Not once does chun li do a lightning kick, her signiture movie. And by golly they did it again, in the new one. Yeah she does the spinning kick, but her main move the lightning kick is left out and it makes no sense. She's known for that as the main move. And yet she's throwing fireballs left and right and doing spinning kicks, yet not o nce is it shown that she has the strongest legs on earth. stupid.

Now granted, Ryu in the film does a hadouken, but it's a gay hadouken. It's fucking not really a hadouken it's just a punch with two hands and a little shitty flash of light and sound effect. You can tell the editors wanted to put a hadouken so fucking bad that they asked the actors to sneak the move in there and they tried to fit a hadouken-ish thing in the movie. But it's just not enough. Mind you, I still have a lot of nostalgia for street fighter. Why? Because it reminds me of when life was pretty darn cool. No horny gotta fuck a bitch attitude, just watching street fighter, power rangers movie, casper movie, etc and on and on....

Now life SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS....

How the hell did that happen. But thank you street fighter for reminding me that life didn't always suck dick, it had guilty pleasures like street fighter, warts and all, I  just hold on to that memory of going to the movie rental sore and just discovering something like mario bros movie and street fighter and after seeing them, it was a cool feeling. Having somehow witnessed my heros in live action no matter how bad it was. I was just overjoyed that they fucking upgraded my heros to live aciton and I thought it was fucking awesome that it existed.

I look at the movie now and the thing I think about it is who was fucking who on that set. There's no doubt that Van Damme was fucking Kyle Minoge, Ming Na was probably getting it on with both honda and black dude. The things you realize about what grown people typically do. And you look back on the shit you used to watch and yeah, prettymuch what you were seeing wasn't what you thought it was. Those actors did their job, acted, then after work, pounded ass.

I feel like watching it again, because it's a huge part of my personality, the way I grew up watching just weird shit.

You can't fault me for being a "humorous" person when I grew up being bombarded with a lot of comedic stuff, so that's who I am now and I don't think it's a bad thing really... I can be serious, but if I have it my way, I'll fuck my girlfriend in her ass, play videogames afterwards.... I'm not looking to have a big crazy existence here, keep it simple yunno...

Well I'm going to try to fix the street fighter movie using After effects. I'm going to do what I can... and may release it onto fanedit .org. No frills, no hoopla, no big thing. I'm hoping someone else who grew up in my time and watched the movie and though it sucked ass compared to the mortal kombat movie, they'll get a little kick out of it. Because I can fix this shit. Add an actual hadouken. Um... Maybe put in some kind of fx for the flash kick. Can't make chun li do the fast kicking, but maybe I can help make the movie less gay.

Also Dragon ball Evolution. That's the movie I grew up watching, a fucked up, completely non-respectful to the source material shit. And I can't believe they fucked up dragonball. Which everyone knows how it should be done. It seems to me hollywood doesn't give a damn, they make whater shit comes out their ass and to hell with the fan base.... I'll do my best. Because the fx ind DBE are horrendous. The fireballs are supposed to be fire, not this weird smokey shit. I know they're saying it's air being bent, but what is fire except hot air. So just make it a fire ball... It's not that hard....

Alright here we go.