This is war

I wrote in my big project that was inspired by God that Life is War. And I had no idea at the time just how true that was... yeah, having grown up in New York, you learn that every day whether it be getting mugged, beaten, insulted, whatever, but now I'm learning about more subtle stuff, like ways people can mess with each other's heads. I guess that's the "real world" everyone tells kids they'll soon face and struggle to survive in. You'd think at a young age that it meant something like living in a jungle with nothing but a pocket knife, but nope, it's just meaning dealing with people and their many MANY flaws and piles of shit they bring with them.

That buttercup at work's still a moron who thinks he's smarter than everyone, yet doesn't know he's a big fat loser... Ah, I wish I could just let it go and not let this stuff get to me, but that's me, the thinker. I get to a point where if I can't figure out something almost perfectly, I feel like crap all over for a while. Anyway, this cupcake of a guy has no clue how stupid he is and yet wants to convince me that his world view is THE GREATEST WORLD VIEW EVER. OMG. Like Dude, I was online playing haloooowww and I was discussing politicz and religion is wack and I know about doublespeak so I don't like authority! WHO CARES! You're not at college, you're not going to change the world by telling me this nonsense. And he's so darn full of himself, he's completely unaware of anyone else around him. I can't BELIEVE how sad a person this guy is... especially considering he's black. When you're black, you have to always watch your behavior because people will be come threatened by 'typical blackness' yet this fool's pretending he's perfectly equal to all people just as he's been told from childhood. For the love of jesus, mate...

He'll get the shit knocked out of him one day by someone who won't stand for his stupidity... That's all there is to it. I won't do it since I don't care about him that much to set him straight, but there will come a time when someone will show him a mirror and make him realize he needs to calm the hell down and stop acting like he's some kind of ignored genius.

On to another thing. I'm seriously dissapointed by what happened today with my Airforce enlistment. Everything's on hold now since they discovered I'd applied for the airforce back in 04, but was rejected due to being "allergic to fish" which I believed I was at the time, but being a 17 year old punk in highschool I didn't really think about defining all the terms before making a decision on these kinds of document, so I thought allergic just meant not liking something. Ooops. Hopefully I can just give them a doctors note showing I'm not really allergic and everything works out. This is it, the last obstacle in my way to getting my life together, and if this impedes me, I'm done... 22, a complete loser, no nothing...

It's not like I expected to do anything great in life anyway. Most people don't think pass highschool since it's just "get a job and die doing it" And race has nothing to do with how unnappealing the future is for blacks... This airforce thing's an actual adventure, a challenge, something remarkable... I don't know... I just think it's better for me personally. I don't like the easy path, except today. Today, I wish was easy.