Abstain Pain

I've quit masturbating. It's like a drug, like cigarrettes. Fucking joke, cigs. They sell that shit to people because they know it's addicting, sad but true, then they have a whole industry now based on quitting it. Why not just make it illegal? Oh yeah, cuz it's a billion dollar industry.

Anyway I'm extremely fucked up.

You know what's funny about this world? People really do wish DEATH to each other. I grew up full of hope and love and peace messages, about there being a bright side to life. But I've discovered it's very grim. White people will hate me till my dying day because they're scared I'll rape their daughters. I mean, yeah they're gorgeous, but I respect women too much to even go that far and I don't want children, so don't worry about it.

There are so many kinds of people in this world, I can't get my head around them all... Some people can't do what I can do. Some people are superior to me. Where to draw the line in the sand with this, I do not know... I just know that they don't want a wacky black dude running his mouth as they deal with the world's many issues. Back in high school a white woman recommended black colleges to me, full on racism to my 17 year old ass. I realize now that she just didn't want me getting near white girls... It's legal segregation I guess. Not allowed on hs level but at college it's fair game. Then in the mil, they have black people on staff but they're most likely bought, the white elite does this "head negro" thing where they train up a black guy to a certain level and use him as their affirmative action hire. That was suppooooosed to be me too but I didn't want to get married to one of their black airforce girls so they couldn't give me or her some kind of treat for playing their game.

Then there's colleges. I'm tired of school, I'd like to work at retail or whatever instead, but it seems like no matter where I go the whole virgin thing comes up as a problem. You have to pick a side gay or straight and women who are young and all that will ruthlessly label you a fag if you're not raping them like they want. Oh you think I'm joking? Girls are worse than men when it comes to wanting sex. Look on dailymotion, that's right, that's your sweet innocent daughter showing every random pedophile online her 16 year old tits. I mean, it's natural for women to seek attention, so whatever, but I'm just lost on what to do when I'm at an age where i SHOULD be having some great sex, but society is telling me to wait until i'm married, but that's just the marriage business talking...

EVERYTHING is business and politics. If i didn't have SOME college in me, I'd never be able to spot when people were trying to manipulate me psychologically. But that's what they teach you at college, how to scramble a niggas brain with words. Too bad they missed the part where women would fuck the college system from the inside out and turn it against males. But who cares right? Men are supposed to take a bullet for females. That's equal...

I'm being pulled in every direction. Turn gay. Get married. Get married or we'll call you gay. Go to school, you're just a kid for now, enjoy being young. Go get a job, you're a grown man already, grow up and work hard for a living.

That's why I know now more than every why there are people in this world who don't give a fuck about anyone around them. EVERYBODY wants you to fit their perfect vision of life.

That's the real world.