Nation at War

Talkin to my sister today about my current mental state. Shiiiit. One minute she's all gung-ho about me dying in iraq, then the next she's like you're crazy because you don't have any friends and no girlfriend or anything going on.

That's ok with me. Shit, I was raised to be me, a tough motherfucker who doesn't need people. I'm a tool of the government. Born for war. I wake up every day thinking about challenging myself. Gov's been watching me since i was in diapers. I'm part of an affirmative action program I guess... Kids, school's meaningless once you get out into the real world. No one cares. Someone will tell you how to live your life and that'll be the end of it.

About life... I was so close to dying in the military it really woke me up to how short our time here on earth is and the reasons why we have an american caste system and the chain of command, we just don't have the time to deal with each other.

And it's why we're at war right now. America pissed somebody off, they hit us back, and now we're putting their asses in place I guess.

This is stupid though. While in bmt I questioned the war, and no one down there would listen to me. Sad but true, i was just a number, an 'it' as they called me. War is all a numbers game to these assholes. And who am I to go up against very powerful white folk? Huh? A Nobody... I don't know what to feel really as I grow older and realize I'm at a dissadvantage because of my african origin.

I do this thing where I try to plan out EVERYTHING I do before doing it, so I don't make any rash decision. Like honestly, what girl am I going to impregnate as velequette said? That was a shock to me because I never thought about actually making a kid, I just thought about having a pleasurable sexual encounter, nothing more, but yeah, sex is for IMMORTALITY. Ain't no way people going to take thaaaat lightly. So young women are losing their minds as they get older realizing the end is near and they have no way back once they hit a certain age. The question to me is whether I want to just live a ho-hum life then poof die, or have children and become one of those guys who has to deal with their bullshit.

Messes me up thinking about it.