Girls

Being told by a girl that you suck and shit doesn't feel good at all. I don't know what to do with them. They say they want respect, then they do everything possible to make you not to want to respect them. Oh well... At least I'll have money and a secure job. I'm not looking to impress anybody. I shouldn't even be alive right now. Once i saw episode 3, I said I'd just kill myself, but then batman and superman came along and I had to stay alive for that.

I'm starting to think I'm being watched too which is freaking me out... something my sister said, but she's not some kind of spy or anything... I hate being alone but i have no choice, people will abuse me if I give them the chance. And sometimes I'll abuse them involuntarily. If I can avoid it, I'll try my best though. I read all the time about marriage being very hard to maintain and demands work. Interesting...

Lonliness is so maddening though. Still I feel it's justified for being such a fuckup all these years. I'm thinking right now about whether to watch porn or not too. On one hand, it's good to release the sexual tention, but on the other I have to save up sperm so I can shoot my load harder in the future and create a greater sensation. I wonder what sex is like. I watch it all the time but to do it, that would be something amazing. I can't understand why gay people like gay sex. It's still sticking your penis into something warm and tight fitting so that you can stroke it long enough to ejaculate. And there's no resulting fertilization from the action either so what's the point of doing it in a man's butt? So silly...

ok well that's all I have to say.