Intelligence

How strange, I must say to be smart but never smart enough. It's true, man. People have devised ways of identifying who is smart vs who is dumb etc. More so who is capable of what jobs really. People in the A range in school will go on to work highly intellectual jobs, people in the b's will be their employees, and people in the c's will be average folks, bus drivers, ramp agents, presidents (lol), well, you understand.

You get what you earn is the way the system works. The harder you work, the better the pay-off, or at least that's how it's supposed to be. Let me tell you what I was thinking about before I left college in 2006... my future, simply that really. I saw myself in a cubicle, maybe eating a sandwich I bought at mcdonalds, maybe typing on the computer or talking on the phone. I'd then leave work and drive my delorean home... maybe masturbate to some porn after dinner and do it all again the next day. I'm 23 now. I know 23's not THAT old, I know that there are people my age who own their own house, work corporate, have kids maybe, and so on etc. I also know there are people much older than me who are still working on a bachelors degree, but it's no excuse for me. I should have finished and just made money and lived an easier life than the guy who's just a diploma guy.

It was a haaaaaaaaaaaarrrd decision to leave college. I knew that with a degree I'd have a chance to be set for life. It's kind of like a easy way to identify who's worthy of a certain job and who isn't, really... You can't just hire any fool off the street. But the question remained to me, would that make me happy? Being in debt and paying it off perhaps, would that make me happy? Is anyone happy in this world after college? Once you DO get into the real world, outside of school you find out that the world's a big joke really. We're all actors pretending to like each other while if we had hte chance, we'd step on each other to get some fancy new trincet, we're bad.

Anyway I don't regret leaving anyway. I learned a lot about life by leaving, probably more than I would have staying. We pretend we're equal when truthfully we're not. How do I put this, NOTHING CHANGES. We can argue politics back and forth but we don't change our basic biology because of it. Blacks are still slaves in the sense that many whites wish to tame them and teach them to be obedient, act more white, but then you have whites who are at war with each other over what's "normal" behavior, and everyone hates Gays, and athiests cry about not being taken seriously... but at the end of the day, we all agree to cater to the children and it's a constant cycle of grown ass people trying to control each other.

I don't want any part of it. I'm sick of it. I want to live a peaceful humble life away from all these strange folks and their yack yack yacking on about what's right and wrong. And on to my original point, philosophically i've become aware of what people are REALLY afraid of, geniuses. Geniuses are people who are exceptionally gifted in some intellectual capabilities. Art, Music, poetry, math, whoever can do it better than the rest, rather easily, is considered genius. I'm a fast learner, always have been. I can grasp math concepts with ease, learn technical skills quickly, and apply them too to make things happen, create shit. My mother says whites are afraid of me, my sister says I'm a genius, but I don't feel like one.

Politics, man ruins everybody. I never got taught about sex. So I'm STILL struggling with it at my age, trying to figure it out and all that. When DO you get laid? It's SUPPOSED to be in college, I know that. That's the alloted time when you're supposed to finally grow up and start learning adult life, but not everyone does, and so they say "sink or swim" and those who can't fit in get the boot....

About sex, I stayed off the masturbation for 2 days straight and things went swell. What happened was that I started feeling cranky and shitty though just a few hours ago and so I just rubbed my penis into my bed sheet and I squirted out a decent amount of semen that gave me a more relaxing feeling. I imagined what it would be like to squirt it on a girl's face. I must say whenever I'm around girls, they make me feel good, but they're so weird. I don't know what to do witht them I tell you. I hate being a virgin. I'd like to get it over with before going to basic so I don't have to feel like I'm this outsider. That's all they'll be talking about in there, tits and ass this tits and ass that, and I'll be like the 40 virgin guy saying tits feel like bags of sand. Actually I have to say they feel like little water balloons. I'm telling you interent, my dep commander's a little crazy, rubbing her tits on my arm to get me to lower my guard. WORKED. And I stupidly confided in her that I was lonely and shit, which she quickly snapped up and fucked me over with like they do in the military. Sigh.... I don't care about girls anyway, fuck them. I wish...