What is Adulthood?

I'm already aware of how the world works. It's a place where people form clubs, gangs, clans, and social groups then basically go to war with each other over pointless crap. Some argue it's in our nature to do so, some say it's not. Such is life.

But what is adulthood. Is it being alone? Is it being part of an orginization? So many conflicting definitions are bieng tossed at me, it's just pissing me off more than helping me make sense of it. I know that when I'm in the airforce I'll be put through a system of behavioral modification, similar to how a dog would be trained to do something for a treat. But ya know, that's life here in America ANYWAY. Work life is just that, the more you prove you're a good employee the better the treat. We profess freedom, then somebody somewhere WILL tell you who your supposed to be and how to live every subsequent year of your life, when to do this, when to do that. This civilization IS a prison. We just don't want to believe that... the main difference being that we can supposedly have sex with opposite sex out here, but good luck getting that going at my age.

At the parade I saw a lot of hot young women, tight bodies, ready for sexual exploitation or whatever, right, and I think wouldn't it be great if I could live that side of life. But the powers that be want people my age to keep it in our pants and just sit and study instead for hours a day, THEN we'll get to have fun at some point I guess..truth be told though, the younger you are, the harder you're expected to work even though you don't have the mental clarity from a good solid sexual relationship to feel like working hard. It's just sad but they don't care, they just want to have someone there to pick up stuff and do this etc.

If you're smart you'll get a brainy job. My job in the airforce will be same as this shit I'm doing now, sitting at a computer. That's what you want. I hated cleaning and lifting things at work. Sitting on my ass pushing paper is what I want baby. I'll die for that opportunity. Truth is, If I don't make in the airforce, I WILL kill myself. Judith wants me to believe that I should become a teacher or something for kids and dedicate my life to them and all that, because that's like some unwritten law, once you're a certain age, you have to sacrifice your happiness to help kids, but I can't do that. If I'm not happy, when are THEY going to ever be? Shouldn't I be rewarded for abstaining from sex all these years? What the hell?

It makes me angry to think that what you do for people will never be enough, but it's the truth. Like that dude at work, I could have agreed with every point he brought up but he'd never be satisfied, he's a sociopath, gets his jollies from arguing, period, doesn't want to find agreement or make sense of things, just wants to argue and argue some more. Some people will do anythingn to make a sale really, once you get down to it. Thank GOD I'm going to be amongst some decent people who have people's best interests in mind when I'm in the airforce. I personally want to help people since no one helped me, but the more I get to know people the less inclined I feel to put my ass on the line to help them. But that's the truth ya know. I want to be a hero not a villain. Hopefully being of that mindset will matter to the airforce.